Every Breaking Wave (4 page)

Four

We’d been in Travers Cove for a week and I told myself every time my eyes drifted out the window to the house next door that I was simply admiring the scenery, not that I was hoping to catch a glimpse of my new neighbor.  Yes, I was divorced, and yes, I was a mother of a son turning four in a few weeks, but I was a woman nonetheless and a woman would have to be blind or a lesbian to not notice Jeremy.  His subtle flirting didn’t help the situation either.  I’d gone on a few dates since the split from Darren, but that had been at the insistence of my sister.  Her motto was to jump right back on the horse.  She’d obviously forgotten I’d forgotten how to ride long before.  All of those were first dates though because none of them led to a second.  I didn’t know how to date, and truthfully, I didn’t want to date.  I didn’t have time for that.  I had a job and a son and I was trying to figure my life out, which was enough for me.  I don’t think I’d broken any of my dates’ hearts though.  I was in no place for a relationship.  I was still trying to deal with Darren and how his decision had completely rewritten the book on my life.  Despite this, I told myself it wouldn’t do any harm to sneak a peek every now and then.  It was safer that way.  I got to escape from my real life while getting an occasional glance at the eye candy next door. Look, but don’t touch and everything would be fine. 

Unfortunately, I hadn’t seen much of Jeremy.  I’d see the lights in the house on at night, but other than a few glimpses of him walking from his door to the carport to leave, he’d kept a low profile. 

Just as I’d promised Noah, he and I spent time on the beach. I had to admit, my sandcastle building had improved drastically and Noah made friends easily with whatever kids were there too.  He seemed happy and that was all I wanted for him.  That was the whole purpose of this summer in Travers Cove, for Noah to be a kid with no worries and for me to find some peace.

Noah tired out right before lunch and we’d go back to the house, have lunch and he would zonk out.  I’d use that time to do laundry or just sit and read.  I’d finished the book I’d been working on for two months and had already read another.  I never made time to read back in Providence when real life got in the way, but here in Maine, all I had was time and I couldn’t deny how good it felt.  We’d make dinner and then watch some TV before going to bed and doing the same thing all over again the next day.

At the end of what was becoming one of our increasingly routine days, I was getting ready to start dinner and Noah was on the couch watching cartoons.  I wasn’t going to make anything grand for dinner.  BLTs were on the menu and I reached for the bacon in the fridge just as my phone rang.  I tried to stifle the cringe I felt creeping through my body when I realized it was Darren.  I had to be mature.  Darren and I were adults.  No matter my feelings about him, he was still Noah’s father and I had to dial in the crazy I sometimes felt wanting to explode at him and be a mature co-parent.

“Hello?” I said calmly as I answered the phone.

“Hi, Beth.  How are you?”

“I’m fine, Darren.  How are you?”

“Good.  How’s Maine?”

“It’s nice,” I answered, not in any mood to engage in small talk with my ex.

“I can’t talk long.  I’m just getting out of work, but I wanted to call and say hi to Noah.  Is he there?”

I wanted to say, “Of course he’s here, idiot.  He’s not even four-years-old yet.  Where else would he be?”  I didn’t say that though.  I had to pretend to be an adult.

“He’s just watching some TV.  I’ll get him,” I said instead and made my way to the living room where Noah was sprawled on the couch, eyes glued to
Caillou
, or a reason to dislike Canada, as I liked to refer to the whiney, balding cartoon character. “Noah.  Daddy’s on the phone.”

Noah bolted up, a huge grin on his face as he jumped off the couch, reaching for the phone.

“Hi, Daddy!” he said excitedly and Noah continued to smile as Darren spoke to him. 

I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I stood behind the wall separating the kitchen and the living room, listening to the conversation.  I knew Darren was asking him questions because the only words that seemed to leave Noah’s mouth were yes, no, uh-huh and I don’t know.  Noah hadn’t quite mastered the art of talking on the telephone and I couldn’t help but smile when he finally started telling Darren about our day at the beach.  When he got excited, his words jumbled together and he sounded as if he had a thick Rhode Island accent, making him nearly impossible to understand.  My smile soon faded though.

“Can you come play with me on the beach, Daddy?” There was a pause before Noah spoke again. “But why?”  Another pause. “Please.” One more pause before the tears came.  I heard him sniffle and I peeked around the corner, watching as his little lip trembled. “Okay.” His voice sounded so sad and defeated and it was breaking my heart. “I love you too, Daddy.”

I didn’t hide anymore.  I left my hideout and went to Noah.  He wasn’t sobbing.  He was just standing there, holding the phone, quiet tears running down his cheeks. 

“Are you okay, buddy?” I asked, sitting down on the couch, taking the phone from him and pulling him onto my lap.

“I miss Daddy,” he said as I wiped his tears with the pad of my thumb.

“I know you do, Noah.  He misses you too.”

I kissed him, but he just threw his arms around my neck and held onto me tightly as if he was afraid to let go.  I wrapped my arms around him too, just holding him until he was ready to let go, which seemed like a very long time. When he pulled back, his face was red and splotchy.  He looked pathetic and my heart broke even more.

“Are you hungry?” I asked him and he nodded. “C’mon.  Come help me make dinner.”

I smiled at him, kissing him on the cheek before standing up, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen.  I went to the fridge to get the bacon I’d been getting when Darren called and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Noah sneak a cookie off the counter.  I didn’t say anything.  With the way he was feeling, I could care less if he spoiled his appetite. 

I grabbed a pan and watched as Noah made his way to the window, staring out.

“Jeremy’s out there,” he said and I peeked out as discreetly as I could. 

Sure enough he was on the deck, standing in front of the grill.  It was only six o’clock, so it was still light out and would be for at least another hour.  I watched for a few more seconds, but then I felt like a stalker and turned away.

“I’ll be right back, Noah.  I need to go pee.”

Ever since Noah’s potty training relapse, I made it a habit of announcing I was using the bathroom as if it was some incredibly exciting adventure I was going on in an attempt to pique his interest.

“Okay,” he said and I walked away.  I wasn’t gone long and when I returned, the kitchen was empty.

“Noah?” I asked, looking around again before checking the living room.  It was empty too.  I moved quickly through the rest of the small house, even looking in the closets and my heart started to beat a little faster each time I couldn’t find him. “Noah!” I kept calling, each time more frantically. 

I practically ran from the back of the house when I realized there was no way he could be inside.  I’d checked every square inch.  There was only one place he could’ve gone: outside.

I swung the back door open, yelling his name as I was greeted instantly with the unmistakable smell of a charcoal grill.

“Noah!  Noah!”

“He’s over here.”

The voice was coming from next door and my head whipped around to the deck I’d been stalking only minutes before.  Jeremy was standing by the grill and Noah had made himself comfortable in one of the deck chairs, swinging his legs nonchalantly, completely unaware that his little venture to the neighbor’s house had nearly given me a heart attack. 

Even though I knew Noah was safe and hadn’t wandered across the street to the ocean, but rather to our neighbor’s house, my heart was still pounding in my chest.  I was crashing from the adrenaline high that had consumed my body when I couldn’t find Noah and I hoped I didn’t look like the wreck I felt. 

“I’m so sorry, Jeremy,” I said when I was on the deck. “Did he just wander over here?”

“He did.  He must’ve smelled the bratwurst and couldn’t resist.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again, but before he could say anything, I was kneeling in front of Noah who had no clue the worry he’d caused me. “Noah,” I said, staring into his eyes and taking his hands. “You
cannot
leave the house like that.  You
cannot
just wander off.”

“I wanted to say hi to Jeremy.”

I thought I heard Jeremy laugh quietly behind me, but I didn’t turn to see if he was amused by this little situation.  I stayed focused on Noah.

“I know you did.  But you have to ask.  You can’t just leave.  It’s dangerous.  I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”

I didn’t want to shrug it off as if it wasn’t a big deal, but I didn’t want him to think I was angry either.  Noah was in a fragile state after the conversation with his father and I knew if I didn’t handle it right, he’d turn into a weepy mess. 

“I’m sorry,” he said and I could tell he was on the verge of tears.  Noah hated to get in trouble.  Even if he wasn’t in trouble, but thought he was in trouble, he’d cry and sometimes go hide in a corner.  It’d only gotten worse since Darren left.

“I’m just glad you’re safe.  Now, c’mon,” I said, taking his hand, encouraging him to stand up. “We need to get home and make dinner.  I’m sorry about this, Jeremy.”

“Don’t apologize.  I enjoyed the company,” he said as he moved the bratwurst around on the grill and then turned to look at Noah and I. “Would you guys like to stay for dinner?  The Red Sox game starts in a half-hour.  We could eat and then catch some of the game.”

“That’s very kind of you and thank you for the offer, but I was just about to make BLTs.”

“You’re turning down my world famous, beer battered bratwurst for BLTs?”

“I don’t want to put you out.  Noah and I don’t make it a habit of inviting ourselves over for dinner,” I said and he grinned at me.

“Actually, I had thought about asking you guys over, but I figured you’d say no since you’ve been avoiding me all week.”

The teasing in his voice only made me smile.

“I’ve not been avoiding you.”

“Seems like it.  I haven’t spoken to you since Noah invited me to breakfast.  I’m beginning to think you don’t like me.”

I shook my head, laughing lightly as I brushed a piece of hair behind my ear, trying not to meet his eyes with mine. 

“That is not the case at all,” I said.

“Then have dinner with me.  I’ve got plenty of food. I always cook extra for leftovers and I know Noah wants to watch the ball game with me.  Don’t you, Noah?” Jeremy asked, looking over to Noah who nodded eagerly.

“I do!” he said and I glanced down to my son, who looked happy, a far cry from how he’d looked after talking to his father.

“I take it you’re staying then?”

His cocky, playful grin was hard to ignore and I found myself smiling back at him.

“Fine, we’ll stay,” I said.

“Excellent.  Now, how many brats do you want?”

~~~

Jeremy finished grilling and we made our way inside. The humidity made the bugs almost unbearable outside, even with the citronella candle burning on the deck, plus the TV was in the living room and Jeremy had invited us for dinner and the Red Sox.  The game was now in the fourth inning and Noah was asleep on the couch. Jeremy and I hadn’t had much conversation that didn’t revolve around Noah.  Noah seemed to ask Jeremy a million questions, but Jeremy didn’t seem to mind.  His patience was impressive, but now that Noah had crashed, his constant barrage of questions left a huge void in the room. 

Jeremy’s eyes were focused on the game and I was discreetly looking around the house.  It was surprisingly clean for a bachelor.  I suppose I assumed every man was pig.  I wasn’t exactly known for my housekeeping skills, but for some reason, I hadn’t expected the tidiness that had greeted me when we walked into Jeremy’s house.  It was definitely a bachelor pad, without any hint of a woman’s touch though.  The walls were stark white and the furniture was plain, black leather, but it was clean, there was no doubt about that. 

“How were the bratwursts?” he asked quietly so as not to wake Noah when the game had gone to a commercial. 

“They were great.  I haven’t had one in ages.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  I’m glad Noah wandered over.”

I carefully lifted Noah’s head from my lap and rested it on a pillow when I stood up.  He didn’t even flinch and continued to sleep as I went over to the TV tray Jeremy had used for dinner and picked up his plate.

“You don’t need to clean up my plate, Beth.”

“You cooked, so I clean up.”

I wasn’t going to let him argue with me.  The least I could do was clean up.  He’d made dinner after all.  I picked up mine and Noah’s plates as well and then went into the kitchen, setting them on the counter and then turning to get our cups.  I stopped though when I saw Jeremy walking toward me, cups in hand.