Every Breaking Wave (18 page)

Twenty

I let Jeremy drive home. He held my hand the whole way. When I told him about his sister’s offer to keep Noah overnight, I’d seen the excitement in his eyes and I found it cute that he tried to contain it with a simple nod and a nonchalant, “Sure. If you’re okay with that.”

Noah had been excited too, especially at the fact that I told him he could sleep in his clothes since we hadn’t brought his pajamas. He and Sophie were settled in front of the TV watching the old Disney cartoon version of
Robin Hood
when Jeremy and I decided to leave. I hugged and kissed Noah and told Aubrey I’d be back in the late morning to get him. She could tell I was nervous leaving him, but assured me he’d be fine and that she’d call if there were any issues.

“Mind if I run next door real quick?” Jeremy asked when we pulled into the driveway.

“Go ahead. Come over when you’re ready.”

He leaned over, kissing me on the cheek and I walked inside as he turned to go to his house.

I’d slowly prepared for our departure over the last week. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed with trying to get everything together. I’d done the laundry and cleaned the house, but I still needed to pack our clothes and get all of Noah’s toys together.

I decided to freshen up first since Jeremy had gone next door. I’d had way too many onions on my hamburger and if the amount of kissing I predicted would happen later actually panned out, a visit with my toothbrush and mouthwash was in order.

I scrubbed my mouth, sprayed on some body spray and glanced in the mirror. I didn’t want to do too much. I didn’t want to make it look obvious that I’d preened myself in hopes of hooking up tonight.

I did change out of my dress though and into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. He’d expect that. That was my evening attire.

I decided to get started because I didn’t know how long it would be until he returned. I started in Noah’s room. I was half-way through packing his suitcase when I heard a knock on the door and then Jeremy walked inside before I could tell him to come in.

“Beth?” he called.

“In here!”

I heard his footsteps approach and he was in the doorway a moment later. He was still in the same clothes: long khaki shorts and a faded maroon t-shirt. I could smell the fresh scent of his cologne though and I had a sneaking suspicion he had the same idea as me in regards to freshening up.

“Can I give you a hand?” he asked, stepping into the room.

“Sure. I’m just trying to get all of Noah’s things together,” I said and he started picking up the toys and putting them into Noah’s backpack. We didn’t talk much, but I could feel the sexual tension. I was overly aware that he was there and my heart was beating faster the whole time even though we were doing nothing that should cause that reaction. It was strictly because he was there and Noah wasn’t. We were alone and instead of jumping his bones like I wanted, we were packing up my son’s bedroom.

“I think that’s everything,” Jeremy said a few minutes later as I finished putting his folded bed linen in the closet. “What else do you have to do?”

“Pack my clothes, but I can do it tomorrow,” I said, our eyes locking and my heart hadn’t slowed a beat since he’d walked in.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. It won’t take that long and…” I said, moving slowly to him. “We’ve only got tonight.”

I was in front of him now. I reached up and rested my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating on my palm and he placed his hand on top of mine for a moment.

“I brought some wine over. Ballet of Angels.” He stroked my cheek with his fingertips.

“I don’t want any wine right now,” I said softly and his hands fell to his sides before sliding around my waist and pulling me to him.

“What do you want, Beth?”

“Exactly what you want,” I answered and he smiled before brushing his lips over mine and then pulling back, the want in his eyes matching my own.

He took my hand and we made our way slowly down the hall until we were in my bedroom. We stood at the foot of the bed and I could feel my breath quickening in anticipation. He reached up, removing the clip from my hair so it fell onto my shoulders. He ran his fingers through it for a moment before taking my face with his hands and began placing gentle, almost innocent kisses on my mouth. I could only take it for so long before I pulled him to me, kissing him deeply, tasting everything about him as our tongues moved over each other.

I felt his hands on my hips, carefully inching under my shirt, his hands resting on my skin. His touch was warm and when his fingers inched up my sides, I didn’t protest. I encouraged it and soon my tank top was gone. My bra was too a second later and I moaned when he touched me, gently leaning me back until I was lying on the bed. He quickly removed his own shirt and I couldn’t take my eyes off his hard stomach until he was hovering over me, brushing my hair off my forehead and then kissing me again, his hands still teasing my breasts as I ran my hands over his back, the muscles bending and flexing beneath my touch.

His kiss moved from my mouth to my neck. His hands slid into my pants and I arched and squirmed beneath him. He only seemed to get more pleasure the more I moved and moaned.

“I’ve been waiting to touch you like this again,” he whispered as he inched my pants off, tossing them to the floor so I was naked before him. I felt sexy the way his eyes moved over my body, almost like an animal ready to attack its prey. I loved when he looked at me because I hadn’t truly felt beautiful until him. He thought I was beautiful even though I no longer had the body of a childless twenty-year-old. He looked past the stretch marks on my stomach, my thighs that touched and my not so perky breasts and he thought I was beautiful anyway.

I wanted to show him what he meant to me and I sat up, grabbing the waist band of his shorts and pulling him to me, unbuttoning them and tugging them off along with his boxer shorts until he was as naked as I was.

He didn’t say anything, but he pushed me down until I was on my back again and he was crawling over me. Our faces were only inches apart as he panted above me. His dark hair hung on his forehead enticingly and I reached up, running my hand through it. He leaned down, planting a wet kiss on my lips and then abruptly got up, reaching into the pocket of his shorts on the floor. I heard the familiar sound of a foil packet being opened and he turned away from me as he put the condom on, turning back to me a moment later, crawling back on top of me, my breathing even heavier now as I anticipated what was about to happen.

“You’re a remarkable woman, Beth,” he whispered. “And tonight you’re mine. Tomorrow may change everything, but for now, you’re mine.” 

His knee edged my legs apart and his eyes locked on mine as my legs wrapped around him.

“I’m yours,” I whispered softly and I finally closed my eyes as I lost myself in him.

~~~

“Can I be honest, Beth?”

I was lying in his arms, resting my head on his chest, the sheet pulled to our waists as he stroked my arm with his fingertips. His breathing had finally calmed as had his heartbeat. It’d taken a while for both of us to calm ourselves after what we’d just done. Neither of us had wanted it to end, but it had and now I was trying to enjoy these last moments with Jeremy before I had to put the idealistic summer behind me and get back to real life.

“After what we just did, I’d hope you’d be honest with me,” I said, propping myself up on my elbows so I was looking at him. “You’re not gonna tell me I was bad in bed, are you?” I giggled when I saw the surprise on his face.

“That is the furthest thing from my mind, Beth. The absolute furthest thing.”

He pulled me to him, kissing me deeply, before pulling back and encouraging me to rest on his chest again.

“What did you want to tell me then?” I started moving my fingers over his smooth chest, watching the goosebumps pop up under my touch.

“That I don’t want tomorrow to come. I don’t want you to leave.” His voice was low and sincere and I felt a pain in my heart because I felt the same way.

“I know,” I whispered, not knowing what else I could say. Neither of us wanted this to end.

“I have to tell you,” he said, his chest bouncing a little and I knew he was laughing. “That day you came storming out, ready to kill me for nearly waking up Noah, I thought…”

“That I was a total bitch,” I interrupted and we both laughed.

“Not the words I would’ve chosen, but yeah…on the same lines as that.”

“I’m not offended, Jeremy. I was a bitch that day. I’ve been a bitch for the last year.”

“Don’t say that. Where you see bitchy, I see strong and resilient because that’s what you’ve had to become. The heart only grows stronger once it’s been broken and you’ve proven that. You’ve had to be tough. You’ve had to put up a wall, but you’ve changed. You let me in. I didn’t expect this,” he said and then paused for a moment. I could tell he was hesitant to continue, but he did. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, Beth.”

I felt my body stiffen, his words echoing in my ears:
I didn’t expect to fall in love with you.
I continued to lie on his chest, wondering what I should do. How should I reply? Did I love Jeremy? I didn’t know. He’d made me feel again when I didn’t think I could. He made me feel beautiful, but did that mean it was love? It’d only been a couple of months. Could you fall in love in that short of a time? Did I want to be in love? Was I ready to be in love? Could I survive another broken heart if he hurt me?

I must’ve been quiet too long because I felt him stirring under me and a moment later, we were sitting face to face.

“You don’t have to say anything, Beth. I don’t expect you to say it back, but I couldn’t make the same mistake twice,” he said and I could feel the confusion on my face. I knew he saw it too. “All those years ago, when you’d come into the store, I wanted to talk to you. Every time you’d come in, I’d tell myself the next time you came in, I’d talk to you, that I’d finally have the courage to walk up to you and say hi, but I never did and then you never came back and I lost my chance. I couldn’t do that again.” He ran his fingertips over my cheek and along my jawbone, his eyes moving over my face slowly as if he was trying to remember it. “But, I don’t expect you to say it back, but you have to know how I feel…that I’ve fallen in love with you. That I do love you, Beth.”

He kissed me then, cradling my face and placing his lips on mine with gentle sincerity and I could feel the love he’d just professed. He loved me and no matter what happened when I left Travers Cove, I’d always take that with me.

Twenty-One

I knew leaving Travers Cove wouldn’t be easy and when I woke up in the morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed because that would mean my time here was over and I wasn’t ready for that. Jeremy was already awake when I opened my eyes. I blushed when I realized he’d been watching me sleep. With my luck I’d been snoring or lying in a huge puddle of drool. By the smile on his face though, I didn’t think he minded if either of those scenarios was true.

“Good morning,” he said as my head rested on the pillow, gazing over to him.

“Morning,” I said and he leaned in, kissing me gently on the lips.

“How ‘bout I make you breakfast over at my place since your fridge is bare.”

“I’d like that.”

“Come over when you’re ready,” he said, kissing me again and then he pulled the sheet back, standing up to get dressed. I didn’t try to pretend I wasn’t watching. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he slid on his clothes from the night before. “See you in a bit.”

I waved to him as he walked away, lying there for a moment until I heard the front door close and I knew he was gone. I went to the shower first thing, almost afraid to step in because it would wash the smell of him from me.

I didn’t stay in long because I didn’t want to waste any time away from Jeremy. I quickly dried my hair, applied my make-up and slid on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and then headed next door.

I didn’t knock and I walked in to find him standing in front of the stove and cooking eggs and bacon. I could tell he’d showered too by his still damp hair.

“Perfect timing,” he said, setting the plate of eggs on the table.

“Can I help?”

“Nope. Just sit down and eat.” He kissed me quickly and turned back to the bacon.

“Thanks for breakfast,” I told him a few minutes later as we sat across from each other eating.

“You’re welcome. I had to send you on your way with a full stomach.”

I reached across the table, taking his hand.

“I’m going to miss you, Jeremy.”

“Me too,” he said and we didn’t speak of my leaving the rest of breakfast.

We finished up and then headed back to my house to finish putting everything in the car. When the house was empty, I grabbed my pocketbook and we walked outside. I stood in the doorway a moment longer, staring at the empty house. I’d always loved this place. It’d always been the one place with nothing but good memories and I couldn’t believe how many more I’d added this summer. I’d come here to move past my year from hell. I figured I might leave feeling refreshed. I thought I might leave this place with a new outlook on my life and while I did have a new outlook, I didn’t expect to leave with my heart aching because of the man who had helped me come to these realizations.

I glanced in the house one more time and then quickly shut the door, joining Jeremy in the car, holding back the tears that were on the verge of pouring out.

~~~

Aubrey had Noah ready to go when we arrived. Apparently the sleepover went great because the moment we walked in, both he and Sophie blabbered on and on about how much fun they’d had. When I told Noah it was time to go, I could tell he didn’t want to. His big brown eyes welled with tears and his bottom lip stuck out as he hugged Sophie goodbye.

“I hope you come back soon,” Aubrey said as we hugged.

“Me too,” I answered. “And if you ever want to come to Providence, you’re always welcome.”

“I’m sure my brother will take advantage of that,” Aubrey said and both of our eyes drifted to Jeremy who was talking to Noah. I could tell Noah was having a hard time saying goodbye to him, even more so than Sophie.

“I hope so,” I said and then walked over to them. “It’s time to go, Noah.”

He held his arms up to Jeremy who scooped him up and we made our way outside to the car.

“You be good on the drive home for your mom, okay?” Jeremy said and Noah nodded. “You’re a big boy, Noah. It’s your job to take care of her.”

I thought I heard his voice crack, but I wasn’t sure. It was probably just my emotions kicking in.

“Okay,” Noah said softly and then threw his arms around Jeremy’s neck, hugging him tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you, kid,” Jeremy said and I was certain this time that his voice cracked as he hugged Noah back.

I felt a lump burning in my throat as I watched them saying goodbye. I hated separating them. Noah had grown to love Jeremy and I knew Jeremy felt the same way.

“Here,” Noah said suddenly when Jeremy put him down. I looked down and saw him holding up his binky to Jeremy. “I don’t need this anymore.”

“Yeah, you’re too big for that. I’m proud of you, Noah!” Jeremy took the binky, putting it in his pocket and then held up his hand to give him a high five and the sadness on Noah’s face from earlier was gone.

“Bye, Jeremy!” he said, climbing into his seat and I buckled him in.

I shut the back door and then walked slowly to where Jeremy was standing at the front of the car. He slid his arms around my waist and I didn’t care that Noah could see us. This was our goodbye and I needed to feel him once more before I left.

“Drive safely and call me when you get home so I know you’re okay.”

“I will,” I said, fighting the tears. This was already going to be hard enough. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

“You might want this too, just in case,” he said, leaning in and whispering in my ear as he stuffed Noah’s binky in my pocket.

“Thank you,” I said, laughing as much as I could.

“We’ll see each other soon,” he said and I nodded, wanting to believe him when the truth was I had no idea when we’d be together again or if we’d survive this separation. This could very well be the last time I ever felt Jeremy next to me.

I rested my head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me and even though I was determined not to, I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

“I should get going,” I whispered, but we held onto each other for a few more moments before pulling back. I looked up, meeting his eyes and I could see they were moist too, but he didn’t cry. Instead, he brushed his lips against mine and I closed my eyes, trying to remember how he felt, how he smelled, how he tasted. I wanted to remember everything about him in case this was our last time together.

Too soon, he pulled away, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and smiling at me.

“I’m glad you came back to Travers Cove.”

“Me too,” I said, trying to smile, but I knew if I looked at him much longer, I was going to lose it. “I’ll call you when I get home.”

I reluctantly left his embrace and opened the driver’s side door.

“Goodbye, Beth,” he said and I could hear his voice quivering.

I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but I couldn’t get the words out. Instead, I smiled as best I could and got in the car, pulling out of the driveway, watching Jeremy the whole way until I couldn’t see him anymore. I put the car in drive and the tears I’d been fighting so hard, started spilling down my cheeks.