Every Shattered Thing (Come Alive) (33 page)
Read Every Shattered Thing (Come Alive) Online
Authors: Elora Ramirez
I shake my head, unwilling to accept what he’s saying. “Kevin...you aren’t making any sense.”
“Jude works for an agency that studies patterns in human trafficking. The past few years he’s been studying your father, not knowing you were involved in the ring he created. He knew the abuse but didn’t know the roots.”
I pull my hand away from his.
“All this time...they...
knew?
”
His eyes move to my clinched fist.
“Kevin...”
“Yes...and..so did I. But I didn’t know for sure how deep
you
were involved until you told me.
That’s when things got serious. When we started moving fast to get you out of there.”
I can’t...I can’t breathe.
I take to studying my hands and forcing myself to breathe deep, long breaths.
He leans forward and slowly pulls some hair away from my face. I wipe the tears falling.
“So...all this was a ruse? You really weren’t my boyfriend?”
He gently cups his hand underneath my chin and lifts my face so I see him.
“Stephanie...
absolutely not.
I was—and hopefully still am—your boyfriend. I didn’t set out to fall in love with you. I set out to protect you. Watch you. When we ran into each other in the coffee shop something changed. Everything since then? It’s all real. I was just more involved than you realized.”
“You protected me.”
“Yes. That was my job. Watch out for you at school. Follow you home. Keep an eye on the house at night. I was always somewhere nearby. I didn’t think I’d fall in love with you. You just made my job easier when we started dating.”
He said I was his job.
I see spots. My hands are clinched tight, bunched underneath the covers. I pull my legs up against my chest and wrap my arms around them.
“Kevin, I think you should go.”
“Steph...”
“LEAVE!” I scream, years of pent-up frustration and anxiety and hurt all rolled into words I’ve kept hidden for far too long. “
Fuck
, Kevin. What do you expect?! You lied to me!” My voice breaks and I breathe in, begging for some type of strength. “You
used
me. I’m not some
job.
Don’t you get it?! God.
You
bastard.
I trusted you!” He leans forward again, trying to wrap his arms around me. I resist, pushing against him and shoving him so hard my IV’s start coming undone. The alarm sounds and I know it’s only a matter of time before a nurse walks in the door.
“Stephanie, you have to understand. I didn’t sign up for this...” He’s crying now. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I did! And I do! I love you. You-you mean everything to me. You’re not a job.”
I place my hand on my chest and push in, hoping that the pressure will calm my heart. I can’t break. Not here. Not now. Not after everything. My body tenses and I look away. “I think...” I clear my throat and wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “I think you just need to leave.”
A nurse walks in and Kevin jerks away, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. She takes one look at us and she grabs Kevin by the arms. “Miss, is he bothering you?”
I hesitate.
“Steph...” Kevin whispers.
I sniff, glancing at the nurse from the top of my eyes. “I’m just really tired.”
She watches me and turns, pulling Kevin with her toward the door.
“Sir, you need to leave. Now.”
“Ma’am, I’m her contact person. I’m on her list as a...”
“I don’t care what you are. Right now, you’re gone.” She escorts him out of my room and shuts the door behind her, radioing for backup and for someone to come fix the IV’s, strewn all over my bed like wire snakes.
It takes me two seconds to decide what I’m going to do.
It takes me two minutes to find the pile of clothes Emma brought me.
And it takes ten minutes to change, walk out of the room and down the hall, jerking around the corner as I see Jude walking away from me.
Last time I was in the hospital I almost ran away and I didn’t because of fear. This time, I’m not letting anything—or anyone—get in the way. My breathing is erratic. My steps are slow, the pain still very present.
But I know my next move, and that’s more than I’ve ever known before.
There’s a stash of emergency cash back at the house. It’s enough to get me a bus ride to California plus a decent place to stay. My mom’s been saving for years.
I walk through the double doors and into the chilly night air. Thankfully, Emma’s clothes cover my hospital bracelets and bandages and it’s a short walk to the bus stop. I finger the dollar bill I found in my jeans pocket—just enough to get me home. I wipe the tears and square my shoulders, betraying the fear pulsing just beneath the surface.
***
I find the cash stashed between my mom’s jewelry box and the bed in a rusted coffee can. It’s not the best hiding place, but it’s worked because I now have enough to last me a few months in California.
I walk to my room and start shoving things in a bag, including the make-up and clothes Emma bought me just a few weeks ago. I almost forget my journal and stuff that in between my shoes and underwear. I grab my favorite copy of
East of Eden
and maneuver it to fit as well. Once finished, I find some paper in my dad’s office. Sitting at his desk, I write letters to Pacey and Emma and Jude. Asking them to let Kevin know that I’m safe.
Please don’t come looking for me...
I say.
I seal the envelopes and drop them in the mailbox before walking back inside.
I begin to question my decision to run when I walk through the hallway to bathroom and stub my toe on one of Pacey’s toys.
Oh Pacey. You know I’m not leaving you, right? You know you’re in such a better place now with
Emma and Jude...
My breath catches and I steel myself against the warring emotions. As much as I feel like I’m running away, I know in my heart I’m running toward a new beginning.
Epilogue
Jude left me a voicemail the day she left.
“Kevin. Hey man. We need to talk. Call me?”
I waited until the next day to call him back.
By then, it was too late. Stephanie caught a bus to California and I missed saying goodbye.
I went over to Emma and Jude’s house and they had these notes she wrote before she skipped town. I looked over them, my heart dropping at the realization that she didn’t bother writing me one.
Please don’t come looking for me,
it said.
But obviously, she doesn't know me.
“Do you have your ticket and identification, sir?”
I smile at the TSA agent and hand over my information.
“Ah. Los Angeles. I hear it’s beautiful this time of year...”
I tune out the rest of the conversation, my mind too focused for pleasantries. Jude already has people on the ground in LA trailing Stephanie. I took the test to graduate high school a semester early and booked the first flight out of town. I know where she is; I just have to
get there.
I beat my fingers impatiently and wait for my bag to pass through security.
I only have one bag, and I only got one ticket.
Hold on, Stephanie.
I think to myself.
I’m coming.
Acknowledgements
I started this book four and a half years ago and since then, Stephanie has edged her way into my heart in a way I never anticipated. I’ve been fiercely protective over her and this story, and there were moments where I didn’t think it would see the light of day. These people made it happen.
Russ, thank you for understanding the thousands of hours I put into this manuscript. I love you.
You really are my light in a dark place. Christina and Blanche, you two were the first to fall in love with Kevin. And Christina, thank you for telling the train story during your rehearsal dinner.
Lindsey, thank you for calling a stranger and begging me to finish this story—reminding me of how art imitates life more often than we care to admit. And to my students who read and cried and freaked and pleaded for more, thank you. Also? Thank you for showing me how resilient teenagers can be
—I still believe in every single one of you. I will say it forever: your story is important. Your story is important. Now go write.
Thank you Erin for all of those coffee dates when we were just distant-twitter-friends and I was babbling about this manuscript I was writing and you pushed me. You helped me understand. Because of you, this story is better.
And to my Lightning Cats, who held my hand the first time around and yelled and got angry on my behalf when things went crazy, thank you for believing. Thank you Lee for telling me this story really fucked you up.
Prudy, you were my sanity during this whole thing. You know this, right? You’ve seen this manuscript from start to finish and so many of these words are because of you. I love you.
Mama-T, you make me brave. Thank you for showing me how to roar.
Heather, thanks for letting me borrow
The Emotional Thesaurus
and answering all of my questions and putting up with the crazy stories of these past few months. Oh and
obviously
for connecting me with Kelly. Kelly, thanks for being such an incredible publicist but also a pretty awesome friend.
Hännah, I don’t know how I would have gotten through those first few weeks of edits without your snark and Buffy references. And Tamara, your attention to detail saved my ass from embarrassment.
I want to keep both of you in my back pocket because you make my words better.
Sarah and Ritz, I seriously don’t know what I would have done without you two. Thank you Ritz for talking me through the nuances of these characters and for loving and understanding Kevin. Sarah, your stalwart belief in me and my words makes me want to write more. I love you guys.
And to my Story Session ladies, you breathe courage into me. Thank you for standing behind me, for pushing me in these edits, for reminding me it’s all a broken hallelujah.
Finally, to the One who whispered these words in the beginning, thank you for giving me life.
Thank you for showing me rescue is possible.
*For more info on organizations mentioned in this book visit
www.love146.com and
www.shedances.com
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