Everyone's Dirty Little Secrets (7 page)

“Can I do the honors?” she asks.

Finally, Dodge
laugh
s, seeing
her joy at finally g
etting to him. 

“Tear away,” he
tell
s
her, and she snaps a piece of it
in two, opening a section
of the merry-go-round
for them
to sit on.

She beckons
him over
like
a game
show hostess
with a wave of her arms, plopping him
onto the sagging wood of the forbidden
park ride
.  She drops her
self gracefully into his lap after him
, the section between the railings not
really large enough for two. 

His heart is the wrong place, he
remind
s him
self, but she sits
lightly on the thick part of his
thigh, leans against the rail
, putting some small distance bet
ween them, which he
need
s.  He
do
esn’t trust him
self.

“Tell me what it is about t
he caution tape again,” she asks,
twist
ing
her torso to look back at him.

Some of that distance disappears.

“Look at the pe
ople walking around the park,” Dodge
tell
s
her, nodding toward
the lawn spreading away from them
, where people
are bustling about.  some stroll, some rush
from one plac
e to another, some barely move at all – everyone
crisscrossing in different directions, cutting through the park for different reasons.

She looks away, leans back against the rail again. 

“Yeah?” she asks.

“Now look at the paths - the sidewalks and the walkways,”
he
tell
s
her.  “There are people walking all over the park, and there are paths
there for them, but look how many people aren’t using them at all.”

“Only a couple are even on the paths
,” she notices.

“Exactly,” he
explain
s
.  “See, society
is like an
organism
all itself, taking
on a life bigger than any of the individuals who make it up. 
And it
impose
s an order on itself
that doesn’t necessarily exist naturally. 
It’s just kind of arbitrary
.”

“Okay, yeah,” Jaime says, indulging him, her sarcasm creeping out anyway, though.  “We call that
civilization
.”

“Okay, alright.  Fine – fair enough.  Get this, though.  W
hoever designed this park thought they could
predict, or pre-determine
,
where people should or would walk.
But t
hat would be like knowing the mind and soul of every individual who might come through here
.
 
Which no arbitrary order can control
.
”

“I get tha
t,” she says, looking back at him
again, smiling, “but I still don’t get why you like to steal cautio
n tape
–
it’s there for a reason
, you know.
”

“I
just like to break the rules
,” he tells her with a grin
.

“
It’s funny, I get it,” she tells him.  “But it’s dangerous, too.”

“I won’t take it today,” he promises, sighing.
 
“
Since t
his is
to keep children
off, after all.”

“Thank you,” she says, leaning her back against his chest and giving him
a kiss on the cheek.  “My knight in shining armor.”

Now - with her body resting against
his
,
her
lips still near his face - it’s
not just his
heart
that is in the wrong place. He is
silent, tr
ying not to move,
to keep what distance he can
.

She turns her head, dropping it
on his shoulder,
looking up
toward him.  He
can feel her breath on
his
neck when she speaks.

“Dodge
,” she says,
her voice turned tender, but he
sense
s
a note of distress too.

“Yeah?” he
ask
s
, trying to sound cool, calm.

“Do you remember when we …” she starts to ask.

But he
cut
s her off, his
body tensing
, before she can say it. 

“
We need to forget about that,” he
remind
s
her, his voice growing stern.

“I know,” she s
ays, her voice going soft. 

He h
ear
s
the
hint of regret
he’s come to expect, that
makes him lose his breath, afraid of what might come out.

“It’s just that …”

“It’s just that what?
” he
demand
s
, a mix of panic and anger
seizing him.

H
e does
n’t
want to deal with
this.  He doesn’t want
to have this conversation
.

The pause is gigantic.  He’s ready to toss her off of him.

She opens her mouth, but doesn’t quite say anything, until finally, she just utters it.

“She knows,” Jaime says. 

Panic gives way to terror.

“What do you mean, she knows?”
he
ask
s
, pulling away from h
er to look into her eyes. 

But he
know
s
what she means.

“She knows, she knows,” Jaime explains.

But she doesn’t have to explain.

Dodge
groan
s
.

“She could only
know if you told her, Jaime,” he
snap
s
.

“Well, not exactly,” she offers.

“What do you mean, not exactly?
” 

He’s tired of pulling teeth, w
ant
s
her to say what she has to say.

“
I think Dressler might have told her,”
she tells him
, her voice cracking
with guilt.

“Might have?” he asks, tryin
g to digest this.

Though the question should be how Dressler knows.

But he doesn’
t want to ask that, doesn’t need to hear the answer, doesn’t like the jealous rage simmering in
him
.

This is about him and his wife, not about Jaime and whatever she does.

Jaime
sense
s
this, though.  She swivels on his leg to face him, her own legs dropping between his, draping her arms around his shoulders, insisting, in her own way,
that
this is about her.

She makes it hard to think about anything else.

“Is there any chance s
he might not know?” Dodge forces himself to ask, despite Jaime’s efforts to distract him, maintaining hope.

“It’s possible he hasn’t told her,” Jaime concedes.  “Yet.”

“Ah
,
Christ
,” Dodge curses.

“Dodge,” Jaime says, insisting on his attention.  “He didn’t find out the way you think.  He’s
just
a very manipulative
man - very dangerous.  I
t’s how he got to Siobhan
, too
.”

“What t
he hell am I supposed to do now?
” Dodge asks, groaning.

“You’ve got to look out for yourself, Dodge,” Jaime instructs him, hugging
him
, comforting him.  “Take care of your own needs.”