Everything Carries Me to You (Axton and Leander Book 3) (25 page)

"Uh huh," Dana said. "Yeah."

"Distracted and angry like you are any time you're around Dru," Axton sighed. "No, I remember. Way back when, you used to be a little sweeter. When did Dru take over?"

"When do you think?" Dana shot back.

"Why don't you tell me, since it's so fucking important to you?" Axton snarked. "I'm not the one who started this."

"I ain't drunk enough to have that conversation with you yet," Dana said airily.

"Well then get fucking drinking," Axton growled. "We talk about this
tonight
and then you fucking stop it, all right?"

"Why do you always wanna hear promises I can't keep?" Dana asked sadly. "You done me wrong, sugar."

"I
loved
you, Dana," Axton said, voice strained in the dark. "I fucking, fucking loved you. But that was then, and this is now, and you wouldn't give me what I needed then and you can't give it to me late. So just stop. Please. We don't even have the
time
to be distracted by this."

"What did you need?" Dana asked quietly. "What didn't I do for you that Leander did? Because he did do it for you, right? What's he got that I don't?"

"He loved me more than a lie," Axton said. "He accepted me and he--maybe he didn't identify as gay, either, but he was willing to label as bisexual, which is a fucking start, and he just...he didn't think there was anything wrong with me and he didn't want me to
hide
and he could see how it fucking hurts me to pretend."

"It's
easy
for him, you asshole," Dana hissed. "He don't fucking live how we do, where we do. Fucking human, in a fucking city, where you can do anything--"

"He kissed me in the street and didn't give a fuck about who was watching," Axton said, and his chest was starting to rise and fall rapidly.

"That's what it fucking takes?" Dana asked, voice rising. "That fucking all? Kissing you in the street? 'Cause if I'd fucking known it was cheap as all that--"

"It's not just that!" Axton shouted, standing up. "And it's
everything
about that! He gave me what I needed it before I could even say with words how much I fucking wanted it! He was the only person to ever fucking understand how much it
hurts
me to fucking lie all the goddamn time!" Fuck, he was going to cry. He could feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, stinging.

"It's
different
for us--" Dana started, but Axton shouted him down.

"He was patient, he was kind, he wanted me to be
happy
, Dana."

"I want you to be--"

"No!" Axton yelled. "You want me to be yours! It's not actually the same
fucking
thing!"

His chest was heaving and the tears had come, trickling down his face as he screamed, picking up and throwing back the fire light. Somehow, the flicker of hope that had ignited in Axton earlier made everything worse.

Before there had been no hope. He had tried to forget a little. Now Axton had reminded himself of everything he'd had with Leander, and it was like losing it all over again. It might kill him. It might kill him before he had a chance to put any plans into motion.

"I miss him," he said quietly, and Axton sat back down suddenly, brought his legs up and hung his head between his knees. "Dana. I miss him so fucking much."

The fire popped, the crickets chorused, and it was all drowned out by the ragged sound of Axton's breathing.

"I'm sorry, sugar," Dana said softly. "I'm surprised as hell to hear myself say it, but I actually am sorry."

"I believe you," Axton said, not looking up.

"I was jealous, I was angry. I was stupid and I rushed. But I really thought that you were gonna get caught, and--"

"No, I know," Axton said, head heavy with unshed tears and snot. "I mean, I'd always heard the stories. I just never cared. Never thought it would come up."

"But you're right, I coulda--told you, showed you, I guess..."

"No," Axton said, hugging his legs in closer. "If it hadn't been you, it would've been someone else, someone meaner. I'm not meant--just some people aren't meant to be happy."

"I still want you to be happy," Dana whispered.

"Then we're in the wrong fucking woods for it, friend," Axton said, looking up and swiping his arm across his eyes. "No happiness here for you
or
me."

"Then let's
go
," Dana said. "Let's run."

"Great fucking kidnapper you are," Axton sniffed. "Taking me away from my boyfriend and locking me in a basement and dragging me here and then--and he's probably fallen in love with Sarah by now so I probably can't even go back if you let me. God."

"So is that a yes?" Dana asked.

"No," Axton said.

"Yeah," Dana said. "I figured."

"Where would we even go, if I said yes?" Axton sighed, still wiping at his eyes as if that would prevent future tears.

"I talk a big game," Dana said quietly. "I can't actually leave."

"Helen?" Axton asked.

"Yeah." Dana winced, and then Dana drank.

"You're sweeter when you're drunk," Axton said, somewhere between old bitterness and older fondness.

"Traditionally, yeah," Dana agreed. "Let's be real, baby. In the cold sober light of mornin'? I'd stop you from leaving here and running back to your pretty Latin boy. Easy now to tell you I'm sorry, in the dark, when you're safe here next to me. When you're where I can see."

"Jealousy," Axton said promptly. "Hell of a thing."

"Jealous, me, yeah," Dana drawled. "Jealous. Confused. Afraid. Scared. Panicked."

"At least two of those are the same thing," Axton pointed out. "Arguably, confused and panicked are also the same thing and the only difference is magnitude."

"Scared for
you
, dumbass," Dana said. "Shit. You ain't ever seen what it's like."

"What's what like?"

"Wolf honor killings down there," Dana said. "Like I always told you, living outta the woods makes a wolf
crazy
. And there's generations, generations of crazy. They'll keep you alive for weeks and then rip you apart. Spray your insides all over the walls."

"Rumors," Axton said. "I believe there's some truth to it, somewhere--hell, maybe even in LA. But--"

"I've seen it," Dana interrupted.

"Sure," Axton said, and his skepticism rang clear as church bells in the night air.

A low, hard sound bubbled out from Dana's chest. It took Axton a minute to identify it as laughter.

"You think I'm afraid of boogeymen, Ax? You think I risked you hating me forever for rumors?"

"Yeah," Axton said. "Actually. I mean, rumors plus extreme prejudice and jealousy."

Dana spoke slowly.

"I knew a guy, this tracker from the East Coast, up in Maine. Good at what he did. Lanky, skinny, fast--built kinda like you."

"Hooray," Axton said. Fuck it: he picked up the bottle he'd been ignoring.

"Good looking like you," Dana added. "Or close to, anyway. Maybe not too close, though. You're fine as hell."

"Whatever that means," Axton said. "Did you fuck him like me, too?"

"Might have done," Dana allowed, but then: "Dark hair. Cheekbones. You know."

"Are you saying you have a
type
?" Axton asked, incredulous.

"And what, you don't, sugar?" Dana mocked. "You shacking up with a built up blond again just one big coincidence?"

"You and Leander don't actually look alike," Axton said, "but..."

"Oh, come
on
."

"He's not even really that blond," Axton said, which was as good as conceding the point.

"There's a template you go for," Dana said smugly. "Admit it."

Axton shrugged--he wouldn't deny it. That was about as far as he was willing to go.

"Blond isn't a requirement, just a mild preference. Muscles probably required. Your guy from Maine," Axton said. "Go on."

"So yeah, we hooked up once or twice, when we were passing through the same town."

"Like us, back in the day," Axton said.

"
Nothing
like us," Dana said, fierce and sudden. He cleared his throat, seemingly surprised by his outburst as Axton was, and then went on. "But we knew each other pretty well, sure. He was...a hard son of a bitch, lotta ways. I respected the hell out of him. Went up to Maine to stay with him a spell. And then one day he was just...gone."

"A lot of people are suddenly just gone," Axton said. "Sometimes they tell you. Sometimes they don't."

"Nic wasn't like that," Dana said, "and his blood was all over the hotel room, anyway. It's not like he packed his bags and cancelled our rendezvous, sug. It wasn't subtle."

"So your friend with benefits got hurt," Axton said. "That sucks and I'm sorry, but that's not proof that wolves are going around executing people for infractions."

"Nic had a human friend," Dana went on, ignoring Axton. "Known each other since they were kids. Sweet girl. Never talked to her much, but a sweet girl. Nic changed in front of her by mistake when they were seven, and she'd known about werewolves since then. Never breathed a word to no one, far as I can tell. So I book it to her place, to see if she's got any leads. I figure Nic's just been jumped by a rival pack, something, getting beat up and let go. Maybe she knows something I don't; maybe he mentioned tussling with someone a while back. She knew me well enough; she'd probably talk."

Dana fell silent.

"And?" Axton prompted.

"And she was dead," Dana said. "She was dead, her husband was dead, their ten year old son was dead, their pet cat was dead. Everyone was dead. I shoulda stayed out, not gone in--I could smell the blood a block away. But I had to check..."

"Jesus," Axton said.

Dana flexed his free hand, studying it in the light of the fire.

"I was stupid," he said. "Stumbled in, almost puked, got fingerprints everywhere. Clean up was a mess."

"You took care of the bodies?" Axton asked, voice held carefully free of emotion.

"No," Dana said shortly. "Couldn't. I just mean wiping my prints off. It wasn't obviously wolves, either--I mean, it was to one of us. But not to the cops that showed up when I called. Just looked like standard serial killer shit. So I just--I left them."

"Okay," Axton said cautiously. "That's horrible. But how do we get from family slaying to werewolf honor killing cult?"

"Consistent MO," Dana said, putting his long empty bottle down finally. "I'd heard of it, seen pictures. They
want
other wolves to know."

"Copycats," Axton said. "Copycats are a thing."

Dana smiled, lips curling up, shadows playing over his face.

"I found them," he said. "It took me months. But I found them."

Axton felt a shudder creep up his spine, and he tried to suppress it.

"You're sure it was them?" Axton asked.

"Oh
yeah
," Dana said. "No doubt."

"How did you know?" Axton whispered. "How could you be sure?"

"They had Nic's head," Dana said lightly, "on a pike. His body was--well, missing pieces, is what it was. But he was only recently dead. Days. They kept him alive for a while."

"And what did you do?" Axton asked, hushed.

"I'm not a subtle man, Ax," Dana said. "I rushed."

"All of them?" Axton asked past a lump in his throat. "Did you kill all of them?"

"No," Dana said, "I didn't go alone. Knew better than that. I had a crew with me, all with vendettas like mine or worse." He was quiet for a moment longer. "I killed the one that bragged about doing it. That was my due. But if you're asking if we left any of them alive--we didn't."

"Fuck," Axton said. "Dana..."

"It hasn't been a fun few years, Ax," Dana said.

"I'm sorry," Axton said.

"You holed up somewhere
nice
," Dana said, icily faux-impressed. "Nothing like that ever happened to you."

"I went where there were no wolves around," Axton said. "Good or bad. Crazy or sane. I wanted to be alone."

"Where'd you go?" Dana asked.

Axton sighed, closed his eyes. No point in secrecy, not anymore.

"Montana," he said. "Middle of fucking nowhere, even for Montana."

Dana hummed in soft surprise.

"Nice," he said again, but with less venom.

"No one murders anyone where I'm from," Axton blurted out.

Dana shrugged.

"Until Daddy died, no one murdered anyone 'round here, neither," he said. "It really only happens with wolves in certain places."

"California isn't Maine," Axton pointed out. "You may have overreacted. Just a little."

Dana scratched at his collarbone. The scars were fading readily, already fainter than when he first came out.

"We haven't found the group in the desert yet," he admitted.

"We," Axton echoed. "You and your crew?"

"No, that was just--that wasn't my regular crew. They've all...
we've
all...dispersed. All we had in common was an enemy."

"So you and who?" Axton asked.

Dana rubbed the back of his neck.

"Me and Maria," he said.

Axton wondered why in fuck Dana looked so goddamn uncomfortable about naming an accomplice, and then it dawned on him.

"The hunter," he said. "The human that's a werewolf hunter?"

"Well, you know," Dana hedged. "That's what we're doing. We're hunting wolves. We just...agree on which wolves to hunt."

"I'm not even going to touch that," Axton said. "I'm not even going to try and--no, man, fuck you. You locked me in a basement for being a human loving embarrassment to our species--"

"Which you
are
," Dana said.

"--and meanwhile you're drooling over not just a
human
, but a werewolf
hunter
, and planning on going on a vengeance killing spree with her."

"That's different," Dana said. "We have a professional, working relationship."

"I am going to backhand you across the face," Axton said, "if you try to justify the difference one more time."

"I'm not saying I'm not attracted to--"

Axton raised his hand either in warning or in jest, and either way, Dana stopped talking.