Everything Carries Me to You (Axton and Leander Book 3) (11 page)

"Clear, clear, goddamn," Dana muttered. "Crazy bastard. Fine."

Axton huffed out a last disdainful breath and then let his human shape fall off him like he was a statue being unveiled. Once he stood there as a wolf, he looked at Dana for a moment longer and then deliberately turned his back in a clear dismissal. Axton trotted a few steps away and lay down by the fire. He licked at his still wounded paw.

"I should go get some fucking tweezers, fucking hell," Dana muttered, picking glass shards out of his face. Axton suspected that only the initial blow had really hurt. Even though Dana's face looked like a horror show right now, most of that would heal up quick enough.

It was a pity. Axton wished he could have left scars.

So they settled into a rhythm, then, and the differences were small but significant. Anger lurked inside Axton, so he fought readily if Dana provoked him. There was a new viciousness to the way Axton fought, and so Dana did not often provoke him. Running almost free under the light of the moon, Axton would howl his song of apology to the sky. He had been through a lot and it had changed him--he had changed--and his awareness of the fact made him pensive in a detached sort of way. Did he want to be this person?

Did it matter? So many things Axton wanted didn't matter, so why should this one?

The summer was turning out to be long and hot. Axton wouldn't have been able to appreciate it if Dana hadn't started trusting him enough to roam around during the day, but they had finally gotten to that point. Axton supposed he'd finally gone long enough without snapping and punching Dana in the mouth OR quietly but obviously crying himself to sleep at night, so. Maybe the more frequent beat downs had helped more than the passage of time or the building of trust, but whatever.

Good enough, probably.

There was just nowhere interesting to run. All places he could go were equally Leander-less, so there was no point. He might as well avoid the hassle and energy of going anywhere else, because the only place he wanted to be was forbidden. And it wasn't just about keeping his promises--Axton had no doubt that Dana would keep
his
promise, too, and hurt Leander more if Axton got near him.

So sunning himself on some rocks in the middle of nowhere was probably as good as it was going to get, really.

He had finally persuaded Dana that he wasn't going to end up stuck in his werewolf body forever, so Axton could shift during daylight hours again--which he did, every day, for as long as he could get away with--without getting a safety lecture.

If Axton was lucky, and this was an easy day, he could manage to just sun himself on the rocks and be relatively content. If it was a bad day, then he'd melancholy his unconscious way right out of his wolf shape and be a naked man on a rock with a half boner because he'd been busy remembering Leander's stupid coffee breath and his tendency to scale small walls and handy trees.

So far, it was an all right day. Still wolf shaped--

Axton's ears twitched and he lifted his head. There was a familiar scent just on the edge of awareness, and the crunch of a twig bending but not breaking--

Dana. Yes.

He stepped into the sunlight, and his blue eyes looked troubled in spite of his elaborately casual stance.

"It's time," he announced. "We gotta go. Pack your things. We leave at sundown."

Axton cocked his head to the side.

"Yeah," Dana said. "We're going home."

Axton huffed, to make it clear that he was doing no such thing--sure, he was following Dana to wherever, but that didn't mean he was going
home
.

Dana didn't bother to respond, which made Axton understand:
neither
of them was going home.

It was easy to forget, but Dana was so loyal in his way, even when he didn't want to be.

For their second road trip, Axton stayed human shaped. He even made occasional conversation to make sure Dana was awake. He offered to drive. He passed over bottles of water when Dana asked politely. At least: he did for a first few hours.

As the trip wore on, Axton was increasingly silent. The drove through the night, kissed the dawn, and Axton put on a pair of sunglasses that hid his eyes. He looked stoic. He felt like a wreck.

"You don't wanna be caught at a disadvantage, do you?" Dana asked sometime around noon.

"What?" Axton asked.

"You're human when you don't gotta be. You're paying attention to where we are. You even made an effort to be a little friendly with me."

"Maybe I'm just being polite," Axton said.

"Maybe you're counting on how fast you can go wolf, if there's trouble," Dana said archly. "Easier for you than the other way around."

"It's not like you've told me what to expect," Axton muttered, turning away.

"It's not like I can trust how you're gonna react," Dana countered, but it sounded a little sad. Axton had expected anger.

"It does me no good to rat you out," Axton said softly. "Dana. Don't you see?"

"Maybe it wouldn't be good for you," Dana said evenly, staring straight ahead at the road probably more strictly than he needed to, "but it would be bad for me. That might be enough."

Axton sighed.

"I don't care," he said. "I couldn't give less of a fuck. Seeing your own pack turn on you out of bigotry isn't going to make me feel better."

"Why not?" Dana asked.

"Because it's still wrong of them, that's fucking why not," Axton muttered. "I mean, so they find out you're my ex, or that you have a thing for some human, and they--I don't know, punish you? There's no glory in that for me, no satisfaction. I don't want that to happen to anyone. Even you." Axton paused. "If I could make life hell for you some other way, then maybe--but no one should be punished for love, especially for loving someone who loves them back. No one."

Dana blinked and rubbed a hand across his face, and Axton looked away politely.

"You really believe that, don't you?" Dana's voice was quiet.

"I do," Axton said.

"And your belief trumps your anger at me," Dana went on.

Axton felt around himself carefully just to double check, but he knew what the answer was.

"Yes," he said. "Absolutely. Every time."

"But you're still angry with me, right?"

"Oh yeah," Axton said. "I'm probably going to punch you in the mouth as soon as tomorrow, once the new reality really sinks in."

"Well, at least you can always count on some things in life," Dana sighed.

The werewolves had stopped in a fast food joint's parking lot, and they were stalling. The drive was almost over.

"At least give me a run-down of the pack structure," Axton said. "I know you've got to have a strict one."

"Do I," Dana muttered sulkily, sucking on the straw stuck in his Big Gulp.

"That or you're an asshole for no reason," Axton said.

Dana bared his teeth, but it was halfhearted. His sunglasses hid his eyes, but he still looked unhappy.

"You believe in succession," Axton pointed out. "You think I should lead my father's pack. That's strict. And traditional. And strict."

Dana stayed silent. Axton ate some fries while he waited, but the quiet was unnerving.

"Come
on
," Axton complained. "You really want me walking in blind? Tell me who's in charge, at least."

Dana's snarl turned into a scowl, and he remained silent--but it didn't seem to be because he wanted to be difficult. Instead, Dana seemed like he was struggling to find words--he would take a breath, open his mouth, and then seem to think better of it.

I am so fucked
, Axton thought. He was walking into a politically unstable pack situation.

"Drusus is in charge," Dana said finally.

Axton waited for elaboration.

"All right," Axton said finally, when it became clear that Dana wasn't going to offer details. "How long has he been the alpha?"

"Since my dad died," Dana said.

"Oh, so you lost your dad when you were young?" Axton said.

The sudden silence in the truck's cabin could have sunk the Titanic, it was so cold and jagged.

"No," Dana said.

Axton cleared his throat and then, tentatively, asked: "So then why aren't you the--"

"Don't fucking say it," Dana warned.

"Ah," Axton said.

"'Ah,'" Dana repeated. "'Ah.' Go fuck yourself, Axton."

"This explains a lot," Axton said.

Dana grunted.

"No, I'm sorry," Axton said, and he
was
. In a pack that did believe in succession, that was an upset.

"Whatever," Dana snapped. "I have more freedom this way. The roaming around, the chance to disappear for months at a time, the...lack of accountability..."

"You're going to challenge him for it, aren't you?" Axton said. "You're just biding your time."

"'Fraid not, sugar," Dana muttered. "If the idea of me being king gets you hot, I'm sorry, but challenge by combat ain't an option here, and it's not like we hold fucking elections, neither."

"How is it not on option?" Axton asked, incredulous. "I mean, look at you. You're huge, you're strong, you're fast--not as fast as
me
, sure, but fast--"

"It's not that I wouldn't fucking win, you asshole!" Dana shouted.

"You? You're holding fucking back from takeover by combat?" Axton said. "Seriously? That's not the Dana I know at all."

"Oh, fucking wow," Dana said, slamming his drink down into a cup holder. "
Wow
." He started the truck up and threw it into reverse, apparently intent on getting back on the road. "Thanks for that, you incredible fucking asshole."

"Don't you fucking drive angry with me in the car," Axton said. "Calm the fuck down."

"No!" Dana yelled. "I am not going to calm down while you--you fucking emasculate me. You think I'm some kind of pussy? You think I'm
afraid
to fight him? I'm not."

"Then what the fuck is it?" Axton yelled. "I don't want to walk into the middle of a fucking coup d'état!"

"It doesn't fucking matter!"

"Yes it does!"

They were back on the road now, and Dana was gunning the truck fast and hard.

"It couldn't matter any fucking
less
," Dana hissed.

"You don't even fucking know, do you?" Axton muttered. "You're too scared to try, so--"

"That ain't it," Dana growled.

"This is clearly a sore spot for you," Axton went on, "so there's no good reason not to--"

"Plenty of good reason!"

"Doesn't fucking sound like it--"

"Well you sound like a fucking bitch--"

"Can't even give me a goddamn hint--"

They were yelling over each other and no one was actually listening to anyone, and their voices climbed in volume and venom--

Dana slammed the brakes and pulled them over onto the side of the road. The truck swayed with the suddenness of the motion and briefly threatened to tip over.

"--won't even explain why you won't fight the bastard--" Axton continued, refusing to be interrupted by the possibility of injury.

"Because it would break my mother's fucking
heart
," Dana shouted finally, raw and furious.

The only sound now was the pattern of their combined, uneven breaths.

"I don't have a mother," Axton said finally. "So I'm sorry I don't know how these things work."

"You're an asshole," Dana said faintly, but the fight had gone out of him and he looked deflated, slumped over the steering wheel.

"But why wouldn't your mother want you to be--"

"Because she's
with
him," Dana said. "She mated Dru after dad died."

"Oh," Axton said. "So she's the alpha female. Well." He tried to marshal his sense together to say something at least vaguely sympathetic. "That's complicated."

Dana rubbed a hand over his tired face.

"It gets worse," he said.

"I doubt it," Axton said.

Dana sighed, quiet and defeated, and let his shoulders sag for a moment. Axton watched him carefully, quick gold eyes flickering up and down Dana's frame.

"You roam because you can't go home," Axton said quietly.

"Fuck off," Dana said, but it was small and soft and sounded like:
please stop
.

"I'm sorry," Axton said, and he paused, surprised--he realized that he really did feel sorry for Dana. He was still angry--he missed Leander no less. But he felt sorry for Dana, all the same. All those offers, back when they'd been dating, to run off and join a random pack together--all those offers made so much more sense now. Of course Dana had wanted a new life somewhere.

"Yeah, well," Dana said, and he straightened up, squared his shoulders. "Some things you just gotta live with."

"Like being torn away from the love of your life," Axton said, because,
yeah
, he was still upset about Leander.

"Exactly like," Dana said blankly, resuming their drive. "Exactly like."

The road was long and winding and dusty. The small town they eventually drove through was dusty, too. They went a little further, driving into the woods, eventually to where there weren't real roads any more. The roar of Dana's truck was loud to a wolf's ears, and by the time they pulled up in front of an old and rambling house, there was a small crowd gathered.

There were several wolves--no, they were
all
werewolves, Axton knew, but some were still in their wolf shapes, most of them standing close to a werewolf that looked human, clinging like shadows.

Or like dogs, Axton supposed, if the stranger in the truck turned out to be human and they needed some kind of plausible deniability.

Dana parked, exiting the car and walking up the driveway. Axton followed a few steps behind.

The door to the house opened, and out stepped a man with a familiar jaw line. He was tall and broad, and the path from him to Dana was suddenly very clear of other wolves. Drusus--Axton was positive--descended the porch steps and stopped, assuring that Dana would have to be the one to walk up and close the distance.