Everything Changes (20 page)

Jase reached Danny’s position and ran his hands over the other man’s body, looking for wounds. He pulled the blood-soaked collar of his BDU blouse aside, and his stomach dropped to his toes. Danny’s body armor had stopped the bullet from entering his heart, but it hadn’t stopped it from nicking major blood vessels before entering Danny’s lungs. He was bleeding sluggishly from the wound, blood trickling from his mouth, so Jase knew his heart still beat. He pressed his fingers to the other man’s neck, feeling a weak and thready pulse, so weak it wasn’t enough to sustain oxygen flow to his brain. For all intents and purposes, he was dead, even if his body hadn’t fully caught on to that fact.

“Doc?” Ali called out from the path above, his accented voice strained with pain. “Bleeding is getting worse. Help me.” Just as the words left his mouth, Jase could see a small contingent of insurgents rushing toward Ali from where they’d been hidden in various cracks and crevices of the ridge.

“No!” Jase screamed, raising his weapon. The hostiles fired first, forcing Jase to take cover as best he could, flattening himself on the hillside. For some reason they weren’t intent on killing Jase; they were focused on dragging Ali away, and they did so, yanking him up from the ground and rushing him back the way they’d come. Jase rose and fired, but it was too late. As he knelt in helpless horror, blood-curdling screams came from somewhere off in the distance, interspersed with the sounds of Ali begging for his life. The screams were cut off by the most awful gurgling sound Jase had ever heard, and rage and horror swept through him as he realized he was listening to a man being beheaded.

Jase shut his eyes tightly, his mouth open in a silent scream of helpless anguish, tears running down his face as he listened to a brave, honorable man being butchered in one of the most awful ways Jase could think of, his head being sawed off by a machete. If only he’d gone to help him first as battlefield rules had dictated. He would have helped Ali to cover, would have been able to defend him with his weapon, would have called for backup from the team. Instead he’d thought with his heart, going first to help a friend who had been all but dead before his body had rolled to a stop.

The gurgles and screams ceased, and there was only an awful silence. Jase’s comm crackled to life.

“Medic One, Rogue Actual! Sit rep!” Vince demanded. “Doc, report status! Over!”

Jase’s voice didn’t even sound like his own as he said hoarsely, “Rogue Actual, this is Medic One. American KIA. ANA captured and executed. Over.”

Silence. “Medic One, come again? Over.”

“Rogue Actual, Medic One. Petty Officer Allen is dead,” Jase said bluntly. “Commander Ali was captured by hostiles and—” He couldn’t finish.

“Medic One, Rogue Actual. Solid copy” came the dispassionate response, though Jase knew Vince’s heart had to be breaking over the loss of his teammate. “Birds en route to your location. Over.” The attack helicopters had been recalled at the first sign of Jase’s gunfire.

“Rogue Actual, Medic One. Copy that,” Jase said. “Cleared hot. Over.”

He covered Danny’s body with his own as the birds roared overhead, unleashing hell on the ridge and annihilating those sick motherfucking assholes and their barbaric machetes—Jase watched with grim satisfaction as the ridge once again exploded in flames no one could possibly survive. He raised his head from Danny’s neck to see SEAL team members rushing up the path toward where the two of them lay on the hillside. Jase gently passed his hand over Danny’s sightless, staring eyes and closed them forever.

C
AREY
KNEW
his face had to be white as a sheet as he listened to Jase’s words. He had never once given thought to what Jase had been through after Carey had been evac’d out of Afghanistan, never. He smoothed his shaking hand up and down Jase’s back as he murmured, “Oh fuck, Jase. Oh fuck.”

“And when I dream about it, Carey, it’s you the insurgents are taking away. It’s you I didn’t save, who I watch being dragged—that I hear—” Jase choked.

“Shh, Jase, I’m here,” Carey soothed. “I’m here.” All he could think to do was pull Jase down and hold him close, press his head into his chest so he could hear Carey’s strong, reassuring heartbeat. He knew there were no words he could say to make anything better. Jase had to live with the decisions he’d made and what had happened to him.

Still. “You did the best you could, Jase,” Carey said fiercely. “You did the best you could. It was war. Horrible, awful things happen in war. You did the best you could.”

Jase took a shuddering breath, clutching Carey tightly, snuggling up to him. They lay there quietly for a few minutes before Jase cupped Carey’s face in his hand and sought his lips with his own, kissing him slowly and deeply. Carey linked his arms around Jase’s neck and opened for his tongue, knowing Jase now needed the ease and comfort of Carey’s body.

“Mmm,” he hummed encouragingly, his hand sweeping down Jase’s back to cup his ass, one finger drifting deep into Jase’s cleft to rub and tease, stimulating him the way Jase liked it.

“Make love to me, Carey,” Jase whispered. “I need you.”

Carey gasped and kissed him, thrusting up against Jase’s hip, letting him feel how hard he was, how much he wanted it… and then he realized he didn’t feel an answering hardness along his own hip. Tentatively he moved his hand down between their bodies and cupped Jase’s cock, fondling him carefully, feeling no response at all.

“Carey—” Jase moaned, covering Carey’s hand on his cock with his own and almost frantically stroking. “I’ll get there. I’m sorry—”

Carey tugged his hand away gently, pushing up on his elbow and cupping Jase’s face in his hand, his thumb caressing Jase’s cheekbone.

“It’s just the anxiety attack, Jase. It happens sometimes, you know. I hear about this all the time in my work. It’s okay.”

Jase looked anguished. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Carey. Please don’t think that I don’t want you.”

“Jase, I know you want me. Your body just hasn’t caught up to your brain yet. Come here.” He pulled Jase down against him again, wrapping his leg around Jase’s thigh, anchoring him and holding him close. He suppressed a wince as his erection throbbed, excited as he was by having Jase naked and near.

“Carey, let me suck you off,” Jase’s voice held a wealth of distress. “Let me give you some relief here.”

“Nope,” Carey said firmly. “I won’t die from an unused boner, Jase. I want to save it for you, for later.” Carey grabbed Jase’s ass lewdly, hoping to distract him. “Gonna give it to you good. I’ll make you scream,” he breathed hotly in Jase’s ear.

Jase groaned, and Carey kissed him gently. “Go to sleep, Jase. I’ve got you.”

C
HAPTER
11

J
ASE
SAT
on his tiny porch with a cup of coffee, watching the busy world go by a few feet from where he sat. His condo in Coronado was small, but it was perfectly situated, off the main drag and still with a view of the ocean. He could walk to his favorite pub and the beach. Quinn’s house, where they always rehearsed, was an easy freeway drive away. The weather was perfect all year round. He had a large circle of friends and his band was on the verge of breaking out of the local scene.

Jase had it all, and he’d give it all up in a fucking heartbeat if Carey asked him to. He knew Carey wouldn’t give up his counseling work at the ranch, and Jase figured if they were going to be together, then he’d have to be the one to make the sacrifices. He’d thought more and more about going back to school to get his RN or even applying for PA school. Combat medics were very competitive for acceptance into tightly regulated PA programs, and he had no doubt he’d eventually get in.

There was no hurry to talk about their future, Jase decided; he didn’t want to push Carey for any sort of decision too soon and fuck things up when they were so new and fragile. At least his johnson had worked fine this morning, he thought contentedly, giving the body part in question a discreet pat as it reacted to the memory of Carey taking him hot, hard and fast a short while ago. Carey had done his best to eradicate the humiliating memory of Jase’s failure to respond the night before. Even though Jase could accept the physiology behind it, as a man in his sexual prime, it was still goddamn hard to take.

Jase could hear Carey banging around in the bathroom as he did his best to give himself a sponge bath and freshen up. He knew Carey couldn’t fully shower if he wanted to put his prosthetic on immediately, since bathing temporarily changed the size and shape of his stump and his prosthetic wouldn’t fit right.

Jase considered going in there and offering to help, heat washing through him as he thought of Carey, naked and soapy as he washed himself with a cloth, between his legs, between those luscious cheeks…. Jase could picture crowding into the tiny bathroom and dropping to his knees for him, but he suppressed that idea, deciding to give Carey a little alone time and privacy after how much the other man had given of himself during the night.

Jase winced as he thought of his nightmare and subsequent breakdown. Two in one week. It hadn’t ever been this bad before, and Jase was coming to the conclusion he needed help. Earlier, while they still lay in bed, Carey had brought it up gently, saying suffering in silence and smoking joints weren’t helping Jase heal.

“What if you have an attack in public, Jase?” he’d said. “You never know when something might trigger you. You just gonna whip out a doobie in front of a mall full of kids, or at a concert with an off-duty cop in attendance? Live in fear every time the ambulance service wants you to take a piss test? You need a legal prescription of an antianxiety med, Jase, that you can carry with you at all times.”

Jase had nodded.

“And you need professional counseling, someone with a combat background to help you process your dreams and the issues that are causing them.”

Jase wasn’t going to argue that, wasn’t one of those guys who thought medication and shrinks were for pussies. Some things were beyond a person’s ability to cope with, and Jase wanted to be whole for Carey. He couldn’t look at how far Carey had come in his own recovery and not have the desire, or the courage, to help himself too
.

The sliding glass door opened, and Carey came out onto the tiny patio, wearing his usual outfit of loose cargo shorts and a tight T-shirt. He glanced around briefly to see if anyone was watching before bending down and placing a gentle kiss on Jase’s lips, stroking his hand over Jase’s cheek.

“Feeling okay?” he asked. When Jase nodded, Carey straightened and leaned against the railing, his bare foot rubbing teasingly back and forth over the top of Jase’s. Jase was warmed by the gentle affection, and love for Carey surged up again, threatening to choke him. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“Anything in particular you want to do today?”

Carey continued to play with Jase’s foot, sliding his toes up and down Jase’s calf.

“You have rehearsal or anything? Or do we have the whole day?”

“Nope, no rehearsal,” Jase said with a pleased grin. “I told Quinn I was taking the entire day off, so I’m all yours.”

Carey bit his lip. “This is probably gonna sound weird, but as much time as I’ve spent here, we’ve never been to the zoo, and that’s something that I’ve always wanted to do.”

Jase lifted his eyebrows, knowing Carey was suggesting the zoo as a way of keeping things light, something Jase desperately needed as he shook off the lingering horror of the dream and subsequent breakdown.

“Fuck, you’re right. Balboa Park and the world-famous San Diego Zoo are something every visitor should see. Where are my manners?” His lips quirked as he said in mock sorrow, “I’ve been a terrible host, haven’t I?”

To his delight, Carey leaned down and caged him against the chair with his arms as he growled huskily, “You’ve been the perfect host. I haven’t been—hosted better in my entire life.”

“Yeah?” Jase breathed. “You enjoying my—hospitality?”

“I think I’d have to give this establishment five stars,” Carey said wickedly, leaning so close that his lips feathered over Jase’s. “And your apartment is nice too.” Jase barely had time to gasp out a laugh before Carey took his mouth, the kiss hot, wet, and deep.

A horn honked somewhere on the street below and they broke apart, both of them breathing hard, arousal thrumming between them. Carey ran his thumb briefly over Jase’s lips, pulling down on the full lower one before letting it go.

“Let’s get outta here before I start something I can’t finish if we want to get to the zoo today.”

“Fuck the zoo” was on the tip of Jase’s tongue, but he bit it back. As much as he would love to drag Carey back to bed, Jase was looking forward to spending some quality time with him out of bed too, some time to bask in the change in their relationship, to talk to him, to
be
with him. To Jase, Carey would never be just a fuck buddy. He was a vital, necessary part of Jase’s life; sex was just the icing on the cake.

Jase slipped on some comfortable tennis shoes, and they left the apartment and ambled down the sidewalk to where Jase’s Jeep was parked at the curb. After a brief stop for more coffee and a bagel, they wended their way through town until they were on the huge Coronado Bay Bridge, heading toward the freeway and the zoo. As they crested the top of the bridge, two hundred feet over the water, Jase soaked in the view as he always did, then glanced over at Carey.

He had his head tilted back against the seat, sunglasses hiding his eyes, the wind blowing through his silky black hair. Carey’s full lips were slightly parted, his face lifted into the breeze and up toward the sun, and as if Carey had spoken aloud, Jase knew without a shadow of a doubt what was running through his mind at that very moment: gratitude he was alive and well and able to enjoy such a beautiful, peaceful day, those feelings overlaid with resolve to never take such simple pleasures for granted again.

On impulse Jase reached over and laid his hand on Carey’s hair-dusted thigh, his fingertips stroking lightly. Carey didn’t flinch or even look in Jase’s direction, just covered Jase’s hand with his, twining their fingers together. Jase didn’t think he’d ever been happier in his entire fucking life as he drove down a San Diego freeway, holding hands with the man he loved.