Everything Changes (21 page)

T
HIS
HAD
been one of the best days he could remember, Jase reflected several hours later. Any time spent with Carey was special, but Jase had reveled in Carey’s quiet pleasure in the huge, sprawling zoo. Carey had wanted to see everything, and it occurred to Jase that because of Carey’s upbringing, there was a chance he’d never actually been to a zoo before. From the little Carey had said about his experiences with his various foster families, it was apparent excursions such as these would have been given little to no priority.

The memory of a conversation they’d had several years ago suddenly resurfaced, and Jase could still feel the biting cold of that night spent outdoors in Afghanistan, huddling with Carey for warmth in that foxhole. They hadn’t been able to sleep due to the frigid temperature, and Carey, spooned behind Jase in a desperate attempt to share body heat, had suddenly spoken.

“This reminds me of high school.”

Jase chuckled incredulously. “Jesus, how? You spent the night outside in the fucking cold in high school?”

There was no answering laugh, and Jase twisted his head around to look at his friend.
“What the fuck, Carey?”

There was another long silence before Carey said, “The family I was living with, the dad was an over-the-road truck driver, so he was hardly ever there. My foster mom had to be at work herself at 5:00 a.m., so she used to drop me off at school at four thirty.”

“Why couldn’t you walk to school by yourself at a decent time?”

“It was too far to walk, and the school district we were in charged for bus service. My foster parents didn’t want to pay it, so she dropped me off on the way to the daycare where she left the other kids. I was the oldest.”

“Jesus, Carey, how long did you have to wait for the school to open?” Jase was appalled, thinking of his own high school years, laughing with his buddies, cramming into someone’s car and driving to school with music blasting out of the open windows, thinking themselves oh so cool.

Jase could feel Carey shrug.
“It opened around seven or so for breakfast. There was a little doorway that I used to sit in that kept me out of the wind, and sometimes when the heater came on in the school, I could feel a little bit of heat coming out the cracks between the door and the wall.”

“Fuck
,”
Jase whispered
.

“
It wasn’t all bad, Jase. There were lights on the outside of the building that always stayed on, so I could read or draw, whatever. Sometimes I dozed. It was nice enough in the spring and fall. It was just the winters that sucked.”

Jase knew Carey had spent most of his childhood in Arizona, so there wouldn’t have been the threat of snow, but in the heart of winter, even the desert could be miserably cold.

“There was this old dude that ran a café a few blocks away, and every now and then he would bring a stack of updated menus and leave them by the door for the school staff. One morning he noticed me sitting there and asked me if I wanted to come wait at the café until school opened, even though the café itself didn’t open until six thirty. I said no.

With every fiber of his being, Jase wanted to ask, “Why the fuck not?” but in the next instant knew Carey’s pride and sense of independence would have rebelled at ever accepting a stranger’s help.

“I saw him probably every couple weeks,” Carey continued, “and he always asked and I always said no. But I remember one morning I was sick with a cold and just felt fucking miserable, so I said okay.”

Jase could feel Carey take a deep breath, his chest expanding against Jase’s back.

“The café was so warm, and he fixed me a cup of hot tea with lemon and gave me a bowl of oatmeal. I didn’t have any money to pay, so he said I could empty the trash and sweep the front walk every morning if I wanted, and in exchange I could wait there and have something to eat. I didn’t care about the food so much, but just having a safe, warm place to wait—” Carey’s voice trailed off, and Jase’s heart ached for the lonely, neglected boy he had been.

“I did that for a year and a half, I think. My foster mom would drop me off at the school and I’d walk to the café, do my chores, and wait for school to start. Mr. Carter had been in Vietnam, so he used to talk to me about his time in the Marines.”

“Is that how you ended up enlisting?”

“Shit, no.” Carey snorted.
“He encouraged me to enlist, but all I could think about was having someone tell me what to fucking do for the rest of my life. No way. The minute I graduated high school and aged out of the foster care system, I was outta there.”

Carey was silent for a minute.

“I never even said good-bye to Mr. Carter,” he said quietly.
“School was over and I just stopped showing up. I’ve always felt bad about that, and I hope he knows how grateful I’ll always be for what he did for me.”

“I’m sure he does, Carey,” Jase murmured. “People like that don’t do good deeds in order to be thanked. He just wanted to help. He got you through high school, which gave you a head start in life, man. You wouldn’t have gotten into the military or even had the hope of a decent job without that high school diploma. He knows, dude.”

“If I make it out of here, Jase, I swear I’m gonna go see him.”

“You do that, Carey,” Jase said, a huge lump in his throat. “’Cause you’re gonna make it out of here.”

Both of them fell silent after that, Jase blinking back tears, moved almost unbearably by Carey’s story of neglect and the kindness of a random stranger, kindness that had given Carey the best start into adulthood he could possibly get.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. “So how did you end up in the Marines, then?”

Carey laughed mirthlessly. “I fell in with a couple of guys that I knew that had aged out of the system too, and we got a piece of shit apartment together and worked these crappy dead-end jobs. There was never enough money for anything, it was either pay rent or eat, and we got evicted. One of the dudes had an old car, so we got the brilliant idea to drive to Denver to look for work, thinking the grass would be greener in another city. Of course the car took a dump a little outside Pueblo, and we had no money for repairs or a place to stay, nothing.

“After a week in a fucking homeless shelter, sleeping with my back against a wall so no one could sneak up on me in my sleep, my bag of stuff under my pillow so no one could steal it, I decided there was no other choice, and I went to a recruiter. It still took two months before I actually was accepted and shipped off to boot camp.”

Carey was silent again, and Jase had just opened his mouth to say something when he spoke again.

“In boot camp all the other guys were bitching about everything, and all I could think was how happy I was to have a decent roof over my head and enough to eat for the first time in a couple of years.”

Jase didn’t say anything more, just reached back and patted Carey’s hip, knowing that if they hadn’t been in the dark, a long way from home and basically scared shitless, Carey would never have shared so much of himself. Jase knew Carey would reject any sort of pity, but Jase didn’t feel pity anyway, only awe at his friend’s courage and fortitude and the way he had made something of himself out of nothing. Neither of them had said anything else, just dozed in and out fitfully the rest of the night.

Now Jase glanced over at Carey ambling beside him, close enough that their shoulders brushed every few steps. He wondered if Carey had ever done what he’d wanted to do, if he had gone to see Mr. Carter at that old café to thank him. It wasn’t the time to bring it up, but somehow Jase knew Carey had; it wasn’t like him to leave anything important to him undone, especially after all he’d been through.

Jase’s heart ached anew with love and pride, and oh, how he longed to push Carey into the nearest wall and kiss him senseless. During the course of the day, Jase had refrained from any sort of PDA, no matter how much he yearned to slip his arm around Carey’s waist or take his hand. He was unsure what, if anything, Carey would allow, so Jase had played it safe and crammed his hands in his pockets to keep himself from touching.

Now as they waited in line for the popular panda viewing, Jase stood in front of Carey, leaning back as far as he dared into him, close enough that Carey’s chest occasionally brushed against his shoulder blades. Suddenly the crowd was jostled as a little boy tripped and fell, and Carey put his hands on Jase’s hips to steady them both. Jase felt a quiet thrill run through him as Carey left his hands in place, even threading his fingers through the belt loops of Jase’s shorts, holding on as they shuffled forward in line.

Jase never wanted the line to end, but all too soon, they reached the end of the exhibit and Carey dropped his hands, careful to place a small distance between them once again.

The rest of the day continued in the same vein; hidden, furtive touches, a brush of fingers against the small of a back, a hip, a brief hand clasp. They enjoyed each other’s company, soaking in the beautiful day and the almost festive family atmosphere of the zoo. Jase noticed Carey smiled often at the children, especially the ones who stared with wide eyes at his prosthetic, plainly visible since he was wearing shorts. He sometimes, under their parents’ watchful eyes, let them touch it with shy fingers, explaining in brief, simple terms what it was. Jase got the feeling Carey did this often, and he was good at it, patient and gracious.

He’d be such a good father,
Jase thought as he watched Carey smiling that devastating smile at a little girl and her mom, and suddenly the desire to see that someday was so strong his knees weakened and he actually staggered a little.

In that instant Jase wanted—no,
needed
—to hold and kiss the man he loved so desperately, and when Carey waggled his fingers in good-bye at the cute little girl, Jase strode over and took Carey’s hand firmly in his, pulling him toward a roped-off staff-only area and a little utility shed.

“Jase, what—” Carey said breathlessly as Jase boldly went around the rope and pushed Carey behind the shed, out of sight of the crowds on the zoo path.

“Shhh,” Jase said, bringing one arm around Carey’s waist to pull him flush against Jase’s body, pushing Carey’s sunglasses up on top of his head with the other hand, then drifting down to cup his cheek.

Their gazes met, and Jase felt lost in the depths of Carey’s incredible blue eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jase breathed, and Carey opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Jase covered his lips with his, stopping his words.

Mindful of where they were, Jase kept the kiss fairly chaste, just brushing their parted lips together, sipping at Carey’s mouth, feeling the heat and moistness, giving him a hint of tongue. After a moment of surprise, Carey wrapped his arms around Jase’s neck so they were plastered together from chest to hip as they kissed lazily, the heat banked and just under the surface, both of them enjoying the closeness and gentle affection.

Jase finally pulled back, his fingertips passing over Carey’s full lips once and then twice.

“Let’s go home, baby, okay?” At Carey’s nod, Jase leaned in and gave him one final peck before taking his hand again and pulling him back out onto the zoo path. This time there was no pulling away, Carey twining his fingers firmly with Jase’s as they ambled along, oblivious to anything but each other.

J
ASE
AND
Carey stumbled inside Jase’s apartment, keys and wallets and sunglasses dropping haphazardly to the floor as they clutched each other, straining to get closer. Jase thrust his hands down the back of Carey’s shorts and gripped his ass, fingers digging into the muscular cheeks as he pulled Carey’s groin against his, their steel-hard cocks grinding against each other. Carey moaned, gripping the back of Jase’s neck as they devoured each other’s mouths. Jase slipped his finger into Carey’s crease and rubbed teasingly around his entrance.

“Please, Carey,” Jase gasped. “Let me—please? I need you, need to be inside you.” He pushed his fingertip insistently at the stubborn muscles of Carey’s hole, pressing and retreating. “I’ll be slow and gentle. Please.” Jase could hear the desperation in his own voice, but the urge to
claim
Carey, to make him his, to be where no one had ever been, was so strong Jase felt choked with it.

Jase could feel how tense Carey was, and he stopped what he was doing, taking Carey’s hand and leading him to the couch, pushing him down and then straddling his lap.

He put his lips to Carey’s ear, his tongue tracing the shell before he asked hotly, “How does it feel when you’re deep inside me? Tell me.” As he spoke, Jase started a slow undulation of his hips, and he felt Carey reach up and grab his ass, directing Jase’s movements as they ground together. “Tell me, Carey,” Jase groaned.

Carey looked up at Jase, his blue eyes molten with heat and desire. “Like hot silk, Jase. Hot and so, so tight, squeezing my dick like nothing I’ve ever felt. I love fucking your ass, feeling it ripple around me. You make me so big and hard, Jase, and when I come, I feel like I’m gonna pass out.”

Jase panted at the visual, and he clawed at the fly of his shorts and Carey’s, desperate to feel his cock against his own. They both caught their breaths sharply as the swollen, wet heads slipped and slid against each other, rutting together.

“You know how it feels to have you inside me, how it feels to be spread beneath you, knowing you’re so deep, filling me up with every inch of you? I feel like you’re a part of me, that you’re touching my soul, giving me everything.” Their movements slowed and gentled as they gazed into each other’s eyes. “I want you to feel that too, Carey,” Jase whispered. “I want you to feel me deep inside your body. I want to know that you trust me. I want to know that we’re as close as two people can possibly ever be. Please.”