Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (45 page)

Sighing, I relax beside Wyatt, who's stretched out next to me on my bed. He automatically wraps an arm around my shoulders to pull me closer, glaring at Liv the whole time. Peyton's still at her parents for a few more weeks, and with Livvie and Emmett on yet another "break", not to mention all my drama, Wyatt hasn't left to go back home. "No, I haven't forgiven him, I haven't
given up
. I'm not that much of a doormat. But, Liv, you
know
it's more complicated than that! I have to give him a chance, I have to let him try to make things right...if not for me, then for our baby. And, for all I know, that text is just his mom trying to cause problems...it could be anyone, even a wrong number!" Shaking my head at the look she's giving me, the one that says she thinks I'm full of shit, I try to explain, even though I shouldn't have to. "Look, I'm just glad I know it wasn't because he didn't want me or was fed up with me. Trust me, I'm not forgiving or forgetting anytime soon. But, you know I love him, that I want to be with him. If he wants to grovel? I'm damn sure going to let him."

Livvie opens her mouth to argue, but Wyatt cuts her off, glaring at her hard enough that she cringes. Whatever happened this time between her and Emmett has made her Wyatt's least favorite person. "Even if she did forgive him, is that any of your business? Isn't your own drama enough for you? Do you really need to butt in on anyone else's?"

They continue arguing, both sure they're right and the other is wrong, until I finally sit up and put myself between them. "Thank you both for caring, but please, stop arguing. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime."

Liv & Wyatt both look properly chastised, but neither one apologizes. Taking the silence as a win, I let Wyatt pull me back to his side as we start to talk about other things; how classes are going, what his plans are when Peyton gets here. Wyatt is planning to take her back to his mom's house, but first they are going to be here in Nashville for about a week, re-acquainting...,which we all know is code for screwing like bunnies. Wyatt's really close to his mom, but I know he's not looking forward to spending all his nights sleeping on his mom's couch while Peyton sleeps in his bedroom.

"So, Peyton's coming back before the fourth of July?" I ask, glad for the subject change and wanting to get the attention off me for even five minutes.

Wyatt nods, exhaling loudly. "That was the plan, but her parents are driving her crazy because they want her to change her major, so she may come back sooner." He smiles when he says this, happy he might get to see her sooner. I wish I could be as confident in my relationship as he is in his.

"That sucks. She should get to major in whatever she wants!" I really didn't like his girlfriend at first; she came off as a huge bitch. Peyton's mellowed out a lot though since they got together, she smiles more and is just more friendly in general. Their relationship isn't perfect, I mean, they almost broke up not long after spring break because she was embarrassed to take Wyatt home to meet her parents and he thought it was because of his background. Turned out, it was because of her crazy family. I thought Jeremy's relatives were bad, but Peyton's make his look normal...that's saying something.

His mouth twists into a grimace, but all he says is, "Yeah, I know." Wyatt finally met her parents when he helped her take her stuff home for the summer, and even though he never told me, I know things didn't go well. They're rich and snobby, so the boy from the trailer park is not good enough for their daughter. 

Why is uncomfortable talking about Peyton when she's not around so we talk about his other friends instead, both he and Liv are careful not to mention Emmett, until Wyatt's phone dings. Reading the text that just came through, his smirk turns evil as he tells Livvie, "Emmett has a date tonight, guess he's finally over your shit." He enjoys telling her that way too much. When her face crumples and she looks away from us, her lower lip quivering, Wyatt looks over at me, obviously conflicted. Her reaction doesn't make sense if
she
was the one who called the break.

Getting up, I go over to her, sit beside her on the floor and pull her into a hug. She lays her head on my shoulder, sniffling while a few tears fall down her cheeks then she angrily brushes them away. Abruptly she sits up, glares at Wyatt and says, "Good for him. I hope he gets crotch rot from the skank he screws tonight." I stare first at her, then at Wyatt, who looks as shocked as I do. Livvie snorts angrily, gathers her things and heads for my bedroom door. "Sorry SB...I just, I need to go. I can't deal with this shit." She waves her hand in Wyatt's direction as our eyes meet. There's sadness in hers, but also hurt and anger. I want to help her, but she isn't talking about what her deal is, and until she's willing to open up to me, there's nothing I can do. "I really don't need Emmett's friends looking at me like
I'm
the bad guy." She slams my door behind her, causing both Wyatt and I to jump, and then she's gone.

"They're both idiots," Wyatt mutters, shaking his head.

"Do you know what's going on? She hasn't said anything to me." I'm worried about my friend; she's never acted this way after a fight or breakup with Emmett. She's always the happy one, quick to move on, blunt almost to the point of being mean, and not letting anything faze her. The way she just acted over Emmett having a date is not her at all.

Wyatt only shrugs; as he looks away, and says, "I never know what's going on with them. I just know something happened the other night when Emmett took her to dinner, he came home pissed as all hell. We're guys SarahBeth, we don't talk about our feelings and shit. We aren't that close." He smirks, prompting me to punch him lightly in the arm, knowing full well I won't do any damage.

"You're a jerk. Guys talk about their crap too." I stick my tongue out at him, feeling better than I have in awhile and just enjoying spending time with someone who doesn't ask me how I am or what I want every minute and a half. Before he can say anything else, my phone rings. Looking down, I see Jeremy's name on the screen, looking up at Wyatt sheepishly as my finger hovers over the answer button.

He laughs, "And on that note, I need to get going." He stands, walks over to me and kisses the top of my head before he tells me, "Don't give in too soon, but don't listen to Liv either and wait too long. He needs to work to get you back, but if he loves you as much as I think he does, he deserves a second chance. I can't fault the guy for wanting to protect you." He closes the door behind him, leaving me staring down at my phone and debating on whether or not I should actually answer.

Finally, I take a deep breath and hit the button right before it would have been sent to voicemail. "Hello?"

"Hey Little Bit." Hearing his voice in my ear makes me tremble, and really, I'm a little shocked he actually called me. Unsure what to say to him, I don't respond at first, not until he says, "Are you still there?" 

His own voice is unsure now, which gives me the confidence to answer, "Yes, I'm still here. Sorry, I'm a little surprised you actually called." It's pretty late in the evening; when he said he'd call, I thought he meant he'd call early, maybe want to see me. Instead, he waited so late he has has my mind flying a mile a minute. Did he have a date? Has he decided that he doesn't want me after all?

"I can almost hear you thinking, Sarah. What's going on in that head of yours?" He chuckles softly, but his voice is serious. I'm glad he can't see the blush that heats my cheeks.

I don't trust him enough to tell him my fears so I say, "Nothing, just tired. Why'd you call so late?"

"Mmm," he mumbles, "so that's what it is." Crap. He knows me too well. "I wanted to give you a bit to process everything that happened last night, baby. I said a lot of things to you, and I knew you needed some time to figure out what you want." He's silent for a minute, waiting for me to respond, but the sudden lump in my throat has rendered me mute. I have no idea how to answer him. I understand why he did the things he did, sort of, but I'm not ready to forgive him for
hurting
me so deeply.

Jeremy sighs, "I told you I'd give you some time, but not too much. We've wasted so much of it already. My feelings for you haven't changed, SarahBeth. I still love you, I never stopped." My breath catches at his words, and I can feel the tears building behind my eyes. I squeeze them shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. He said those words last night, but hearing them when we aren't in the middle of a heated fight like last night, is different. He's not saying them in desperation; he's saying them because he wants to....because he wants
me
.

My confession is on the tip of my tongue, I almost blurt it out, but I
can't
. I can't tell him I'm pregnant with his baby over the phone. It needs to be in person, it needs to be the right time. Tonight? This moment? It's just not the right time. When Jeremy realizes I'm not going to say anything, he says, "I swear, baby, I'll prove it." His words start coming faster, "I'll do
whatever
you need me to. Just please don't shut me out. I know I have no right to ask that of you, not after the past few weeks, but I'm asking anyway. Just
talk
to me...even if it's just as friends. I need you in my life."

"Okay," I choke out, my voice thick with unshed tears. "
Okay
. I won't shut you out, but I'm not ready to move on. I'm sorry, I know that probably upsets you, but that's not what I'm not trying to do. I just...I need more time, Jeremy."

He's silent at first, finally asking quietly, "Do you still love me or did I kill that too?"

"Oh Jeremy,
of course
I still love you." My heart breaks at the pain in his voice when he asks me that. I hate that he's wondering, but at the same time, I'm a little glad he has to go through it. He's having to feel what I felt, wondering if I'd done something to make him hate me, to stop him from loving me. But, I love him too much to let him wonder. "I will always love you...I just need some time. I need to learn to trust you again, because right now, I don't trust you at all."

He sucks in a breath, and I imagine him closing his eyes as he absorbs my words. He clears his throat, but his voice is still rough when he says, "I'll earn your trust baby, I swear I'll make things right again."

"I know," I whisper. I really don't know, but I hope he does. I
really
hope he does.

This time he does laugh. "No you don't, Sarah - but you will." His voice is confident, his defenses back in place. For a split second, I wish he'd remained the vulnerable Jeremy who wasn't sure he'd ever get me back. Confident, self-assured Jeremy terrifies me. I have a hard time saying no to that guy. "All right baby, I'm going to let you get some sleep. What are you doing tomorrow? Can I pick you up?"

I want nothing more than to see him tomorrow, but I already promised David I'd help him do something for Lyric. He won't tell me what it is, but I said I'd help him with whatever it is. We're just getting our relationship back, so I can't tell him no. I tell Jeremy, expecting he'll be upset, but he isn't. "Have fun with your brother, I just wanted to see you. I have a business thing Monday night, but maybe we can get together Tuesday?"

I don't even pretend to think about it. I just immediately respond with, "Yes. Tuesday is fine!"

"Goodnight sweet girl. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you."

Melting, I tell him, "Sweet dreams. I love you too." Then, he's gone. I lay back on the floor, clutching the phone to my chest and smiling like an idiot. Now, I'm just hoping that tomorrow goes quickly so I can talk to him again. I don't move from that spot until the hard floor makes my back hurt, and I'm in danger of falling asleep down here. My last thoughts as I crawl into bed are that maybe, just maybe things will work out, and that Jeremy and I will end up together, that we'll be a family. I need to tell him, and I need to do it soon.

Jeremy

I
feel pretty good about the way things are going with SarahBeth. It's been over a week since she let me take her to dinner, we've talked every day and I've seen her three times. I can tell she's slowly beginning to trust me, and tonight I'm going to bring her back to my apartment. Not that I'm planning for anything to happen, but I'm hoping she will at least allow me to hold her while we watch a movie.

Wanting to be at her house when she gets home from school, I've made sure that there are no meetings on my agenda for the afternoon, telling Tonya that I had things to do offsite, but to please take messages for me. I also want to talk to David before she gets here, so pulling into the driveway I sit for a moment to organize what I want to say. I not only owe SarahBeth apologies for the way I treated her and the things I said, I also need to apologize to my friend. Not just for the things that have happened since everything came out, but for lying to him and sneaking around behind his back. I've never said the words to him, and I'm going to correct today. I can't move forward with Sarah with this hanging over both our heads. I know she and David are getting along better, but it's not hard to see that the fact that he and I are still not talking is taking its toll on her.