Everything You Want (18 page)

“Yeah, sort of.  I mean, I’ve
thought that for a while now, and I just ignored it.  Lately, it’s gotten
a lot harder.  You’re all she talks about.  And she hates your new
girl.  I should’ve called her out on it, I just…didn’t want to, you know?”

“I had no idea.  Still, you have
nothing to be sorry about.  I just thought you should know.”

It was silent on the other end for what
seemed like a long time, but I knew he was still there.

“Yeah.  Thanks, man,” he said,
finally.  “Can I—is it okay if I ask what happened?”

“Yeah, if you want to know.”

“Yeah.”

“She kissed me.  Marissa saw it.”

I heard him suck in a breath.  “She
mad?”

“I don’t know.  She’s not talking to
me, so I’m thinking yes, she is.”

“I’m sorry…that sucks.”

“It’ll be okay.  I keep telling myself
that, anyway.”

“It will.  Listen, Marissa’s the
real thing.  It’s going to be okay with you two.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, trying to feel some of
his confidence.

“So, I’ve got to go.  Figure out
what to do, you know?” he said.

“Yeah.  You’re not going to marry
her, are you?” I asked, not being able to help myself.

“No.”

“Good.”

He mumbled something I couldn’t make out
and then hung up.

I felt like crap for telling him, but
keeping it from him wasn’t an option.  I sank onto the couch, but jumped
back up when I heard the door next door open.

Marissa was finally home. 

I waited for a while, listening to the
soft sounds of her moving around in her apartment.  When it stopped I went
to the bedroom, knowing that she was on the opposite side of the wall.

I knocked on the wall twice and waited.

Silence.

I should’ve expected it, but I
didn’t.  I slid under the covers, trying to feel comforted by the fact
that she was so close, only a few feet away, but feeling devastated because I
knew she was so far away from me.

A tear slid down my cheek and then
another, and I found myself doing something I’d promised myself I’d never do
again.  But it was impossible not to cry over this girl.

Marissa

I stared at the clear vase of pink lilies
sitting on the edge of my desk.  The note, which I had stuffed into my
desk, read, “Please talk to me.”

I’d thought about it.  I wanted to
talk to him, so bad.  But Alisha’s words still sounded in my head. 
He’s
not who you think he is.
  She had that right.  The image of them
kissing was still something I couldn’t shake.

And I’d seen this kind of thing before,
too many times.  Before my mom met Danny, things like this were always
happening to her.  She’d catch her boyfriend red-handed, then they’d talk,
and she’d be right back with him, and then it would happen again and again
until she finally wised up.  I had grown so tired of that cycle.  I was
so relieved when she married Danny.  I knew he was for keeps.  But I’d
thought Kieran was, too…  

I blew out a sigh and turned away from
the flowers.  The thing about it, though, was that I had been
warned.  No one had ever tried to tell my mom to back off, but Alisha had told
me, more than once, and I just blew it off every time.  Seeing it made me
believe it, though, and I wasn’t like my mom.  I knew what I saw, and I
couldn’t be won back so easily.

“Marissa,” I heard someone speak my name
from the front of the bank.

I looked up to see Antonia summoning me.

I took a deep breath, wondering what I
had messed up.  Kieran was on my mind, so there was no telling.

I followed her to her office, almost not
caring if I was in trouble or not.  I couldn’t be bothered with anything
like that.  I was already dealing with too much
disappointment.   I sat down in one of the chairs across from her
desk and was somewhat surprised when she sat down and smiled at me.

“A position has come open and I wanted to
see if you might be interested in it.”

“Oh, has Kori decided not to come back to
work?” I asked.  I wouldn’t mind it.  I liked what I was doing.

“Um, no, I haven’t heard from Kori on
whether or not she’ll be rejoining us.  This is another position.”

“Oh?”  My curiosity was sufficiently
piqued.

“As you’ve probably heard, we had to let
go one of the loan officers yesterday evening.”

I shook my head.  “I haven’t heard
anything.”

Antonia glanced at her computer
screen.  “Well, we did, and one of the tellers as well.”

There was a sinking feeling in my
stomach.  Oh, I hoped it wasn’t Greta.  I’d felt so bad for yelling
at her.  It hadn’t been my place to reprimand her like that, especially
when she wasn’t the one I was upset with.  I should’ve gone and found
Alisha and yelled at her.  I probably wouldn’t have had to go too far. 
There was a good chance she’d be at the apartment next door.

My mind flashed back to the fired
teller.  Greta.  But it wasn’t her.  I knew it wasn’t, because
I’d seen her out there today.  Who was missing?

My eyes widened and I had to bite back a
gasp.  Teena!  It was Teena.  And Brian was the loan
officer.  Oh, wow.  I wondered what they’d been caught doing.  I
knew Greta would know, but I’d be surprised if she ever spoke to me again.

From the look in her eyes, I could see
Antonia knew I’d figured it out.  “So the position is available immediately. 
I’ve made it no secret that I like you, Marissa.  You’re smart, good with
customers, you meet all of the qualifications, and I think you’ll do a good job
at whatever position you’re in.  So are you interested?”

I nodded.  “Yes, of course.”

“Okay, that’s all I needed to know. 
I’ll get some paperwork ready.  Come talk to me after lunch and we’ll get
you set up in your new office.  I’ll talk to our other loan officer about
a little on-the-job training.”

“You want me to start today?”

“I want you to start getting settled
today.  You won’t have to deal with any customers just yet, but soon.”

“What about accounts?  Kori won’t be
back for weeks.”

“Camden can handle it, and if it gets to
where he can’t, I’ll put Greta or one of the other tellers out there.  I need
you in loans, now.”

“Okay.”

“Great,” Antonia said.  “See you in
a bit.”  She grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair.  “I’m
getting out of here.  I’ve got to meet someone for lunch.”

We walked out of her office together and
back to the front.  She walked out the front doors as I made my way back
to my desk.  I paused halfway, and looked back.  Greta was standing
up at the counter, alone.  There were no customers around, so I turned and
rounded the counter.

Greta looked at me cautiously as I approached.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” she said back, flatly.

“Greta, I’m sorry,” I began.  “I had
no right to say those things to you.  I wasn’t even upset with you. 
You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, it’s okay.  You didn’t say
anything that wasn’t true.”  She looked down at her feet.  “So, I
took your advice.”

“What advice?”

“I took the ring off.”  She held up
her empty ring finger.

“Oh, Greta.  So, it’s over?”

“Yeah, well.  I’m kind of in love
with Camden, you know.”

“Seriously?”  I shook my head. 
“I thought you hated him.”

She waved a hand.  “Yeah, I
do.  It’s a love/hate kind of thing.”

I gave a little laugh.  “I see.”

She nodded towards my desk.  “So
those are some pretty nice flowers on your desk.”

“Yes, they are.  But they’re
groveling flowers.  The worst kind.”

“Huh?  Are they from Kieran?”

“Yeah.  I walked up on him kissing
this other girl.”

“Oh.”  She frowned.  “Did you
break up with him?”

“Sort of.  I haven’t talked to
him.  I ran off, and then I ran into you and yelled at you instead of him. 
Again, sorry about that.”

“It’s cool, don’t worry about it. 
So don’t you think you should confront him?”

“I can’t.  I’m weak.  I still
love him.  I’ll forget all about the other girl and he’ll have me right
back where he wants me in a second.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

I stared at her blankly.  “Yes.”

She shrugged.  “It looks like he’s
sorry.”

“So?”

“You think he’s serious about the other
girl?”

“Well, yeah.  I mean, she’d hinted
at it before.  I just didn’t listen.”

“Yeah, but he sent flowers for you.”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t want me, but I
prefer my boyfriend to be dating only me.”

“Are you sure he hasn’t broke it off with
her?”

“No, but even if he has, so what? 
He was with another girl.  I won’t deal with that.”

“Okay.  I still think you should
talk to him.  Those flowers are really nice.”

“I can’t.  I…” I trailed off. 
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Okay.”  Greta gave me a sad smile
as she squeezed my shoulder.

“So, I was just offered a promotion,” I
said.

“Oh, yeah?”  Greta perked up. 
“What position?”

“Loan officer.”

“What?  But we don’t have any
openings, do we?”

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head
towards Teena’s usual station.

Greta clapped a hand over her
mouth.  “No!”  She gasped.  “Brian got canned?”

I nodded.  “Teena, too.”

“Oh, wow.  I figured Teena was just
faking sick.  What happened?”

“I was hoping you’d know.”

“No!  Stupid Camden’s distracting me
too much.  I’m missing out on all the office gossip.”

I laughed.  “Yeah, that’ll do
it.  Hey, you want to go to lunch?” I asked.

Greta smiled.  “Sure.”

Kieran

A week had gone by.  I waited by the
stairs for her everyday and she still wouldn’t talk to me.  She just
walked right past me into her apartment without a word.  After she slammed
her door, I walked back into my apartment, fell down on the couch.  It had
become routine.  I’d lay on the couch until I could force myself to grade
a few papers, drink a little coffee, maybe eat something, shower, and then fall
into bed.  Then I’d knock on the wall three times, but she never responded. 
I wasn’t giving up, though, and I wanted her to know that.

There had to be something I could do, but
it was a little hard to explain yourself to someone who wouldn’t talk to you. 
I wrote her a letter, but she wouldn’t take it.  It had sat outside her
apartment, wedged under her welcome mat for five days. 

I’m sure it looked bad when she walked up
on Alisha kissing me, but she had to know I’d never do that to her, or Shannon,
for that matter.  It occurred to me that Alisha had said something to her that
night we all went out together to make her think that we had been together for
awhile.  I’d seen them talking in that booth in the coffeehouse while the
rest of us were ordering.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but
I’d had a lot of time to think since then.  I would call Alisha and ask
her what she said, but that would mean talking to Alisha and that was not
something I was willing to do.  Though she’d tried to talk to me.  I
had about forty missed calls from her over the past week.  I didn’t know
when she was finally going to get the picture that I wasn’t going to pick up,
ever.  I was freezing her out. 

Just like Marissa was doing to me.

I couldn’t listen to my iPod
anymore.  The music didn’t make me feel better like I thought it would.  It
made me sick to my stomach.  When I told Kiera what had happened, she
drove up the next day with a giant vat of Mom’s chicken salad, which I had been
eating straight from the Tupperware with a spoon.  I didn’t want to see
anyone, but I’d gone over to Shannon’s a few times because I knew he was
miserable, too.  I couldn’t sleep, but that may have been because of the
massive amounts of coffee I’d been drinking.  I listened for her, but it
was like she was trying not to make a sound.  So when I finished my work,
I just laid there, on my couch.  I kept the TV on, but I couldn’t
concentrate on anything.  Without her, everything hurt.

I knew it could end badly and I’d pursued
her anyway.  I knew I could end up like this, a lifeless blob on the
couch, eating my mom’s chicken salad, and I had done it anyway.  This time
it was different, though.  It wasn’t like with Becca, where I regretted
ever asking her out, ever being with her.  This time I wasn’t sorry. 
I just had to get Marissa back, and if I couldn’t, well, I still wasn’t sorry.