Ex-girl to the Next Girl (10 page)

V
alentine's Day was here, and I didn't know what to buy Malik. He had a lot of cologne and shoes. I didn't want to get him a robe or watch. I was clueless. I knew what he was going to get me, and that was an engagement ring. He has been hinting around it. He told me this morning that tonight was going to be special, so wear something nice. I decided to get Malik a gift card to Macy's—that way he could choose whatever he wanted himself.

I shaved every inch of my body that had hair. I put on my new sixteen-inch wig—I felt like a stripper. I already had on my black dress with a silver-sequined collar. My nails were already done. I just had to repolish my toes. I then painted every toe hot pink. Bright colors always make my feet look good. Everything was ready. Malik came home.

“Hey, baby, you ready?” he asked.

“Yes, where we going?” I asked.

“You'll see.”

We got in his car. I loved riding shotgun in his new car. I felt like his Mrs. Moore already. This is how we will be growing old, taking trips. Malik will do all the driving and I will sit back and enjoy the scenery.

We arrived at a sushi restaurant on the waterfront by the Delaware River. I looked at the menu. I tried to concentrate on what I wanted. But my mind kept wandering and thinking about Malik's proposal. I could not wait to see my ring.

“Close your eyes,” Malik said. When he told me to open them, I opened them and saw an envelope. I opened the envelope and it was a cruise to the Bahamas.

“Oh, this is nice, Malik,” I said, confused.

“I know you said you wanted to go away. So I wanted to take you away.”

Still hopeful—maybe he wants to get married while we are there
, I thought. I gave him a hug and said, “Thank you, baby.” I ate a little and then said, “What else do you want to do while we are there?”

“We're going to be on vacation. What else is there to do?” he asked, smiling.

“Nothing,” I said as I put my head down.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine,” I said, holding my tears in.

“You sure?”

I held my tears back and ate the rest of my dinner in silence. Malik didn't say much. So many thoughts went through my head. Why was he waiting? Or maybe Malik didn't have any intention of proposing. I didn't know. I got up from the table and went to the bathroom. When I returned, there was a white square box on my chair. I smiled at Malik and began opening it up. It was a goddamn heart diamond pendant necklace.
How nice.

“What's wrong—you don't like it?” Malik asked as a tear escaped my eye.

“No, I love it,” I said as I tried to keep my face from falling apart. Then he pulled out another box here.
Wow—nice! The fucking bracelet to match
. “Thank you, baby, I love it.” Okay, a vacation, a necklace, and bracelet—yeah, this was nice and over the top, but I thought Malik was going to say
I want you to be my wife
. The tears started flowing down my face. I went into the bathroom and began to cry uncontrollably. People were walking in and out of the bathroom. I was in front of the mirror, just crying, wiping a tear as another one ran down my face. I soaked the first towel completely, so I grabbed another one. Then I picked up my cell phone and called Tae.

“What's up, Shonda?” Tae said.

“Tae, I thought Malik was going to propose to me but instead he gave me jewelry and a vacation.”

“It's okay—he might not be ready just yet. That doesn't mean he isn't going to marry you at all.”

“Well, tell you one thing. I'm not sitting around getting old waiting for him.”

“Malik is a good dude, and you're a good person. Malik will see the light eventually.”

“I hope so. I have to go,” I said to Tae. Talking to her did not really make me feel any better. I walked back to the table, still wiping away my tears.

“What's wrong? You okay?” Malik asked.

I couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. I spoke slowly and said, “I thought you were going to propose to me.”

“What, Shonda? I'm not ready for marriage right now. I have to get myself together.”

“But we have been living together and we have been playing house.”

“Baby, in due time we will get there. I'm not trying to rush into marriage. If I wanted to rush and get married, I would have married Kim.”

“Huh, what do you mean, if you would have married anyone it would have been Kim?”

“I didn't say that,” Malik said.

“You might as well have,” I shouted.

“Shonda, I love you. If I didn't I wouldn't be with you. Now, sit down,” he ordered me as he grabbed my arms. People began to look from other tables.

“Get the fuck off me. If you should have married her, then go marry her. Go be a daddy to your son and be a happy little family.”

“Shonda, people are looking. Please sit down.”

“No, I'm not sitting down. I don't give a fuck who is looking at me,” I said as I turned around to see who was looking at me. I got angrier and angrier and shouted, “Well, then go marry that bitch. Fuck you, Malik,” I said as I stormed out of the restaurant. I threw the necklace and tickets at him. I was fuming—how dare that niggah! I left the restaurant. Shit, I'm not going to be dumb-ass Kim and stay with him all those years and not get married. And I'm not buying my own ring. If Malik's not trying to marry me, and soon, I'm out. No—better yet, he is out!

 

 

I wasn't hardly speaking to Malik since Valentine's Day. I wanted to kick his ass out that night. But I sat down that night and figured out all the bills. I couldn't afford our house, electric, cable, food, gas, and all the extras on my own. Not yet, anyway—maybe after I start the academy, I will. I'll only be in training for six weeks. Then after that I'll be getting a regular paycheck. That's when Malik is going to be out of here. Get rid of his ass.

Today I'm going to tell my job to kiss my ass and I'm giving them a verbal two weeks' notice. I went in and saw Joe in his office. He was such a pervert—I could already feel his eyes on my breasts when I walked in the room.

“Joe, I found another job. I wanted to give you my two weeks' notice,” I said seriously while laughing on the inside.

“Really? Where you have a job at?” he said, looking up at me.

“Prison guard for the city.”

“Well, to be honest, you don't have to wait two weeks—you can leave now,” he said as he took his glasses off and wiped his eyes.

I needed the next two weeks' paycheck, but instead of saying no, I would like to stay the next two weeks, I said, “You know what? You're right—I'll clean out my cubicle now. You enjoy the rest of your day.” I was happy to clean my cubicle and go. I threw all my old documents in a shredder, then took the picture of me and Malik and Brianna's picture off my desk. Then I emptied my accumulated change into my purse. I found a box in the coffee room and packed everything else up. Once in my car, I became a little scared. I had really left my job.

 

 

Brianna was home with me, getting on my nerves. I told her to clean up her room and she was upset about it.

“Mom, can I get new sneakers? Look at all these scuff marks on my sneakers. I had them for over a month, and I want a cell phone.”

“What? You can't have a cell phone.”

“You don't have to get me a plan. I can get, like, a prepaid or Boost Mobile. I can get money from my dad to buy cards. All my friends have one.”

I looked at her sneakers—she did need a new pair. And she wasn't getting another pair of white sneaks to dog. I told her if she cleaned her room I would take her to get new sneakers.

We went to the store and I spent my last hundred dollars buying Brianna black-and-pink Reeboks and a cell phone. I guess I was going to have to be Malik's friend for the next week. Then, once I get my first paycheck . . . he is out.

 

 

We laid our bags down and were exhausted. Bree went and took a shower and got ready for bed. I came into my bedroom and smelled Curve cologne. I wondered where he took his ass to. I called his cell phone and got his voice mail.

 

 

Fuck him,
I thought. If Malik is not worried about me enough to marry me, then why should I worry about him? I lay in my bed, snuggling under the sheet. My movie
Crash
was on. I hit the MENU button on the remote to see the time. It was 9:48. Where did Malik go? I began wondering. So I called his cell phone—he picked up and said he would be home shortly. Satisfied that he was on his way home, I went to sleep. Malik woke me by rubbing his rock-hard friend on my butt. I wanted Malik bad, but I had to teach him a lesson. So I acted like I was still asleep.

“It's been two weeks, Shonda—when you going to give me some?” he whispered. I continued to ignore him.

“I know you hear me, Shonda,” he said.

I closed my eyes. I could hear very well, but he wasn't my husband so I'm not his wife and I don't owe him shit. No dinner, no money, no sex. He can go to hell. Then Malik took off his clothes and attempted to pleasure himself. It was a lot of smacking and slapping going on. Then it stopped. Thank you—now I could go to sleep. As far as I was concerned, he could do that for the rest of his life.

 

 

I dropped Brianna off at school, and I had to get my uniform together. I needed black shoes. I didn't have any money. I had to break down and speak to Malik. I called him at his job.

“Baby, I need some money.”

“How much you need?”

“Like a hundred and fifty.”

“Come and get the money.”

I went to his office. Technically, I wasn't allowed in the building, because I was fired. My old co-worker Monique was so excited to see me.

We had lunch together at Ruby Tuesday and Monique was the same old crazy chick. She was still the office gossip, happy about other people's misery, wearing a lot of makeup.

“All this time, and y'all still together—that is so nice.” If she only knew.

“I know his baby mom is mad. Remember when she came up here and was ready to kick your ass?” She began laughing.
It wasn't that funny
, I thought.

“Yeah, I remember. She is crazy. I don't know what's up with her. She doesn't even let him see the baby. I can count on one hand how many times she let him see him.”

“She is going to pay for that in the end.”

“I know.”

 

 

After lunch I went to a uniform store nearby. I tried my uniform pants on. They were too long. I took them to the cleaners to be hemmed. I then went to the grocery store and began to make dinner for myself. I didn't care that Malik had given me money. He was still on my list, so he would have to find his own dinner.

I went to pick up my daughter. I hate Brian's wife. I tell my daughter one thing, she tells her another. She thinks she is better than me because she is married to Brian—big fucking deal. He is no prize. He will cheat on her like he cheated on me. I turned my back to her and told Brianna, “Come on.” We got in the car.

“Your hair looks nice, Bree,” I said.

“Thank you, Mommy. Andrea took me to the hairdresser.”

“Whoever did it did a great job.”

“I like it, Mom. Look, it bounces when I walk. Andrea said she had to do something with my hair, 'cause it was nappy and you never do it.” I looked at Brianna. And then I began coaching her for more information. “What else did Andrea say about me?”

“Nothing.”

“Mom, they put some white stuff that burned in my hair. Then it got straight.”

I stopped my car, got out and examined Bree's hair. “Bree, did they call it a perm?”

“Yes, Just for Me,” she said while smiling, excited that she had remembered the name of the perm.

I couldn't keep my anger in. I was steaming—she gave my daughter a fucking perm. Who the hell is she? Give yourself a perm, do your own damn hair, bitch. I didn't care if Bree was in the car, I was about to cuss Andrea's ass out.

“Hello, can I speak to Andrea?”

“Yes, this is she.”

“Yeah, this is Shonda—you know, Brianna's real mother.”

“Did she leave something?” she asked.

“No, she didn't leave anything. Who the fuck do you think you are, giving my daughter a fucking perm without my permission?” I screamed.

“She needed her hair done,” she yelled back.

“I don't give a fuck—you are not her mother! And then you talking about me to my daughter like she is not going to come back and tell me.”

“I didn't say anything to her about you. How old are you, ten?” she asked in a nasty tone. “She needed her head done. Listen, I'm a grown woman—I'm married to Brianna's dad. You both will have to accept that. Okay? She needed her hair done—you should have done it, and maybe I wouldn't have to.” She disconnected the call.

I called right back and Brian picked up. “Brian, you better tell your wife something.”

“Tell her what, Shonda? Grow up. I saw Brianna's hair—it looks nice. You are reaching, Shonda.” Then he hung up.

That was it—Bree wasn't going over there anymore, at least for a month. I was going to prove to him you don't fuck with me.

I
started the academy today. It was a lot of people at training—they said to look around, because everybody wasn't going to make it. Our training uniform was black dickeys, black rubber-sole shoes, and a uniform shirt. We had our training in a building directly across from the prison. The county prison was for inmates waiting to go to trial or get sentenced. We had so much to learn and master in a few short weeks. Intro to Governing Jails, Fingerprinting and Photographing Arrestees, Contraband Searches.

 

 

They gave us this big binder with all these codes—ethics, policy and regulations, and report writing—that we had to learn. We were going to have a test every week and one big test at the end. There also were surprise quizzes. They were really trying to act like we were in real school. We had to visit a jail once a week to get OJT—on-the-job training. A few people were trying to be nice and smile and talk about studying together. I wasn't with it. I don't need any more friends. Our instructor was Officer Parham—he told us that we had to keep our hair above our collars, not be late, that we were on probation, and not to think that we were hired just because we had made it this far.

 

 

Malik was still trying to be my friend—I was holding out good. He has been tippy-toeing around the house. Being extra pleasant. I have decided I'm not going to get rid of Malik right away. I just know that I have to do me. Since I see that we are only going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I think I'm going to start going out and meeting people. When somebody asks me for my phone number, I'm going to give it to them. I stopped being mean to him, but I still got my plan ready. I'm going to kick him out, and if he don't leave, I'm leaving. I'll have my first month and security to find my new place.

“How is training going?” he asked.

“It's okay,” I said as I underlined a paragraph in my textbook.

“I wanted to tell you I'm real proud of you,” he said.

“Thank you,” I said, without looking up. Malik was talking, but I wasn't listening.

“Did you hear me, Shonda?”

“No, sorry, I didn't,” I said as I got off the sofa and went upstairs to the bedroom. Malik followed me up the stairs. He didn't get it that I didn't want to be bothered.

I had training tomorrow, but I didn't feel like staying in the house with his ass.
Fuck out of here,
I thought.

 

 

I wasn't about to stay in this house with Malik. So I called Tae and told her I was about to come over her house, in like, twenty minutes.

“What, you going out?” Malik asked as I began to dress.

“Yeah.”

“Where are you going?” he asked, stepping into the cramped bathroom.

“Out,” I said, annoyed while plugging in my curling iron.

“What, I can't ask you any questions?”

“Does it really matter what I do?” I said as I looked at him in the mirror.

Malik gripped my arms and said, “Yes, it does. I don't want you going out.”

“Malik, maybe if you was my husband, then maybe I would consider listening to you. But since I'm not your wife, you can get off my arm and out of my face.” That shut him right up. I showered and came out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around my body. I sprayed perfume all over my body. I opened my legs and sprayed some in the middle of my thigh. I looked at him through the mirror, trying to see his reaction. He pretended to be watching television. I bent my wet ass in front of his face and dug around in my armoire to find something to wear. I greased my legs up and down with lotion and I put on my tightest, hip-hugging jeans. He watched my every move. I put on jade-green earrings and a necklace.

 

 

I made it to my car and looked up at the window to see if Malik was peeking out, and he was. I started the ignition, turned my radio on, and by the time I pulled out of my parking space, Malik started calling my phone. I repeatedly sent him to voice mail. Malik called, like, twenty times. I didn't have a whole lot to say. Niggah, don't try to trap me now that I'm going out.

I arrived at Tae's—she was watching
The Apprentice
.

“What's going on?” Tae asked.

“Nothing, Malik just getting on my nerves and I wanted to get out of the house.” We went to the bar around Tae's mom's way. As soon as we sat at the bar, Malik started calling every ten seconds.

“Why he keep calling like that?” Tae asked with her mouth screwed up.

“I don't know.”

“Won't you just answer it?” she said as she blew smoke out of the side of her mouth.

“No.”

“He is going to keep calling you.” She was right, so I answered. “Yeah, Malik, what's up?” I said with an attitude.

“Come home—I don't want you out in the streets.”

“Why should I come home? I'm not your wife.” I really didn't want Tae to hear my desperateness, but if she didn't hear it now, she would hear it later.

“Shonda.”

“Yeah, Malik?”

“Baby, please come home.”

“No, for what? You ain't wife me yet. I might as well meet somebody else and stop wasting time with you.”

“Shonda, just come home so we can talk.”

“Ain't shit to talk about, Malik. Unless you putting a ring on my finger, you can get the fuck out of my life.”

“Well, come home, I got that.”

“You got what, Malik?”

“We going to get married. Okay?”

“Malik, don't play with me.”

“I'm not playing—just bring your ass home.” I went and sat back down.

“So what happened?” Tae asked.

“Nothing—he trying to get me to come home, but I told him to get out of my face.” I wanted to run home, but I had to talk tough in front of Tae. I sat and drank with her until she was ready to leave, then I dropped her off and sped home. When I walked in the house, Malik was sitting on the sofa.

“Baby, you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't want to lose you. What I'm saying is, I want you to be my wife.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, I just want to make you happy. I just want to be all you ever need. And I hope being your husband will make you happy. He pulled out the same necklace he had in the restaurant and a thick gold band—it was plain but pretty. I stared at the ring and burst into tears as I cried, “Oh, Malik—this is beautiful!”

“I love you, girl.”

“Malik, you sure?” I gazed up at him. “Are you serious?” I asked him again. I was just ready to leave him. Damn him—I was just looking in the paper to see if I could find another place. I do love him and I don't want to leave him. He is my baby. I just wanted him to marry me.

“Yes, I'm very sure. I called the justice of the peace at city hall. We can go and start our paperwork tomorrow. If you okay with us having a small wedding and saving our money to buy a house.”

I was speechless—get married, buy a house! I had a new job—life was going too good. “I love you, Malik,” I said.

We had to get a marriage license by going to court and filling out an application. It was a three day waiting period. Malik took a vacation day and we went to city hall and were married. We went before the judge and repeated after him. Malik snatched my hand and said, “You happy now.” I laughed and said, “Yes,” as he slid the ring on my finger. Malik had the same matching band with chips of diamonds in his. I bought it from a jewelry store on jewelers' row. I wore a cream dress and Malik wore a suit. It was plain and simple, just me and him. I didn't need all the fuss. I didn't even tell my dad or grandmom. We went to my dad's house—his girlfriend Marjorie was there, playing house. I never liked her because she told my dad some shit about Malik last year.

“Frank, come down—Shonda's here,” she said. I walked in without speaking to her. Malik spoke, and I yelled up the steps. “Daddy,” I said, walking around her.

“Where y'all going, all dressed up?”

“Daddy, we got married today.”

“What! You took my only daughter off and married her without asking me?” my dad said as he looked at Malik. I stepped in between them and said, “Daddy, we didn't plan it. It was just something we decided to do.”

“What do you want me to say? Welcome to the family, son?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, Malik,” he said as he shook his hand. “Congratulations—you could have told somebody. Well, now I don't have to give y'all that ten thousand I was saving for Shonda's wedding,” he said, laughing. He gave Malik a little man-hug.

“Daddy, you can still give us that money.”

“No, I think I'll use that money for a nice vacation.”

Marjorie smiled. I guess she thought my dad should be marrying her ass soon, but that's not going down as long as I'm breathing.

I called Tae and Brianna and my grandmother. Malik called Jarrod, who said he was happy for us and him and Heather would take us out.

“Well, Mrs. Moore, we told everybody about our nuptials—now it is time to go home and consummate.”

“We didn't tell everybody—we didn't tell your mother. You never even introduced me to her. It is like you are ashamed of me, Malik.”

“Baby, I know you want to meet my mom and sister, but they real funny-acting.”

“Well, they got to accept me now I'm your wife.”

“If it means that much to you.” He paused and said, “Look we'll go past there right now. I don't know why you care about my family. You know they're on Kim's side. You met my sister. I don't have no father, my brother's in jail.”

We pulled up to an apartment building. “Hey, Mom,” Malik said as his mother came down the steps in a loose, teal color silk shirt.

“How you doing?”

“Mom, this is Shonda, my wife.”

“Your wife?” she said with her eyebrow raised. She put her eyeglasses on to get a good look at me.

“Yes, my wife.”

“Nice to meet you. Malik didn't say he was getting married. But my son never ever tells me anything, anyway.” Then she said, “Malik, why didn't you tell me you were getting married? I would have come and I would have bought you something,” she said as we followed her up the steps.

“Ma, it was spur-of-the-moment.”

“We just went and did it,” I added.

“Well, congratulations. I'm happy for you. I got some good news for you, too. Omar is coming home.”

“How?”

“Well, all I know is somebody was planting narcotics and guns on people, and even though he was one of them, they got to let him out because his case might have been tampered with.”

“That's great. When can we go get him?”

“Well, they have to sign some paperwork and he will give me the call. I'm so glad my baby boy coming home.” she said as the phone rang. “Hey, baby—well, one of your brothers will be home in two weeks and the other just got married. Yup, Malik is married. Here—your sister want to talk to you,” she said as she gave the phone to Malik.

He grabbed it, got on the phone, and said “Hello.” In less than sixty seconds he gave the phone back. “Tell her I don't have time for that—bye, Mom—I love you,” he said as we walked toward the door. I stood up and said it was nice meeting her.

“What happened?” I asked, once we were out of the apartment.

“Nothing—my sister is just a trip.”

“What she say?”

“Nothing, really—just something I didn't want to hear. It don't even matter. You are my wife! Let's go home, he said as he grabbed my hand and we walked out of the apartment building.

 

 

Training wasn't that bad. I wasn't trying to make any friends or be cool with anyone. I was just trying to pass all three of my quizzes and the test. So far, so good—it has been cool. Already three people have dropped out. Two got fired. The two that got fired were smoking a blunt outside the building during our break. These young girls have formed their little group. They order lunch and don't ask if anybody wants to place their order with them. They are very cliquish. I don't care. I take them in doses. Just enough friendly chitchat to get through the day—after training, all of these people will be in different prisons and I'll never see them again. After training I went home and tried to study some of my notes. I called Malik to check on him to see how his day was going.

“Hey, baby,” I said.

“Hi, Mrs. Moore—how are you?”