Ex-girl to the Next Girl (13 page)

T
onight I will go in the house, turn on the E Channel, and call it a night. A rerun of
E! True Hollywood Story
was on. Between VH-1 and E Channel, I has my dose of celebrity news. I knew who was too thin and whose marriage was about to end. I don't care about them, but when you don't have a life, hearing about somebody else's drama is comforting.

 

 

I thought about trying to call somebody, but then I would have to ask them what they are doing in the house or alone on a Saturday night. Then they would wonder the same thing about me. This is so, so sad—I wish I could call Erick. I dialed his number, and before the call connected I closed my phone. I want my baby back. It hurts so bad—
I shouldn't have never left him.
I want to call him. I know he got to feel the same way—he couldn't have turned his feelings off just like that. He was just leaving me messages, telling me he loved me. I know I did tell him I didn't want to be with him. And when he did try to get with me I did ignore him, but so what? I made a mistake. My baby got the right to be mad at me for leaving him. But I got the right to try to get back with him. I miss my man—I miss him so much. I want to call Erick and tell him that I was wrong. But I was upset with him. Who was in his house that he couldn't let me in? Who is in my baby's ear, turning him against me? Somebody is making him into a monster. Somebody must have told him he was a good catch or cute, because he sure is fronting. Who is this bitch that can garner so much respect that he could tell me, his woman, that he was asleep? My missing him and loving him turned to anger. I was not going to plead my case to him, I was just going to let him know what he was missing. I was going to ruin his Saturday night. I called his voice mail and purposely put the phone away from my mouth and began to speak to my imaginary boyfriend. “Yes, I'm dressed. No, baby, I'm waiting on you. As soon as you get here, we can be out. Don't worry about what I have on—hurry up, okay? I miss you.” My conversation was getting so good, I was starting to believe I was really on the phone with someone and that I had a date. I made noises like I was walking around in the house—I turned the television on, and then the water in the sink.

“Hold on, okay? Hey, girl—u-huh, me and Tyreek—yup, him—we are going out for dinner. Plus, I bought a bottle of champagne—we going to pop that. Erick? Please, nobody ain't thinking about him. I know, that's right—fuck him. All right—well, hold on. Matter of fact, let me call you back before he hang up. Hello? Yeah, um, sorry about that—that was my cousin, Toya. I'll see you when you get here.” I then walked around a little, made some noise, and then hung up the phone. I know Erick nosey-ass would listen to it all. Well, at least he won't think I'm home all by myself on a Saturday night, depressed about him. Even though I am.

 

 

Right now I needed to speak to somebody that knew about relationships. Somebody that has been through all of this and has seen the light. I called my Aunt Connie.

“Aunt Connie, what you think I should do? I miss him. I told him I love him and he told me to take my drunk ass back to sleep. Then he didn't let me in when I showed up at his house. He acted like I was somebody off the street.”

“Didn't I tell you not to let go of that good man?”

“Yes, I know.”

“Well, now you're going to have to wait. Nobody wants a crying pathetic telling them they love them. You have to be strong and wait for him to come back to you. Time will tell.”

Okay, I thought my aunt would give me an inspirational, motivational speech. That mess she was talking might have worked back in the day, but it doesn't work now. I have to take matters into my own hands. I have to go claim my man one way or the other. I'm going to track his ass down. I dialed Toya.

“Toya, you think you can go with me to Roy's Lounge?”

“For what? Isn't that the bar where your ex hangs out at?”

“Yeah.”

“So why are you trying to go there?”

“I just want to see if he is with anyone else.”

“Didn't you go to his door and he wouldn't let you in?”

“Yeah. I just want to see if... she looks better than me and see if he's happy.”

“No, girl, you are crazy. Plus I got the kids.”

“I'll pay you. Ask your mom can she watch the kids and ask her can we hold her car, too!”

“You ask her for the car, and I'll just meet you over there.”

I arrived in all black to my aunt's house. Toya and the girls were watching TV and Ariel was on her cell phone. I walked in the kitchen and took a seat. I was trying to think of a reason to ask for her car. I didn't have one, so I just asked.

“Aunt Connie, can I hold your car?” I pleaded with my hands held together.

“Why do you need my car?” she asked.

“Because we are about to go stalk Erick, and he knows what Nadine looks like,” Toya butted in.

“I wouldn't even bother if I was you. But if you feel like you have to chase after a man, you can hold my car.” Aunt Connie grabbed her bag and said, “Here are my keys. Fill my tank up, too.” I went to grab them from her when she said, “Slow down—I'm trying to get the key off this ring. Don't get my windows broke out, 'cause if you do, you're paying for them.”

 

 

We rode up to Roy's Lounge, and just as I suspected, his car was out there.That meant he was inside. I didn't know if that meant his new girl was with him. I didn't really care. I wanted to go in and confront him, but I didn't have the heart. We waited in the car.

“So, are you going to go in there?”

“No.”

“We just going to wait here?” Toya asked.

“Yeah,” I said as I pulled out binoculars. Toya snatched them out of my hand and said, “Where did you get that spy night-vision thing from?”

“One of the kids at my school.”

“You are crazy, Nae. I can't believe you got me out here like this,” she said, pulling out a cigarette.

“I know you not about to smoke.”

“I smoked with the other two and they came out fine.”

I didn't say anything. I just wanted her to stay with me.

One hour into our stakeout, my partner decided she was hungry. I took her to the drive-thru at McDonald's as fast as I could and she was happy. Then her man called and she had to explain our mission to him. All I heard was Nate screaming at Toya to put on the speakerphone. She did.

“Yo Nadine!” Nate yelled.

“Yeah?”

“You can't be having my woman out in the street chasing after your man.”

Sighing, I said, “Nate, we will be there.” Toya giggled and hung up the call as I peeped back in my binoculars. “Oh my God, oh my God. There he goes,” I said as I ducked down and continued to peep in my binoculars.

He looked over at the car—he wasn't with a girl, he was with his cousin Tommy. He looked so nice. Damn—I wanted to get out and say, “Hey baby, I miss you,” but he might diss me in front of my cousin, and I'm a grown woman and I can't have that happen. He got in his car and left.

“So, you not going to say anything to him?”

“No.”

“You mean to tell me we sat here for all this time and you are not going to say anything?”

“No.”

“You are going crazy, Nadine. Take me home.”

“I'm about to,” I said as I pulled out of the parking space. I couldn't wait for Toya to get out of my car so I could call Erick and try to talk to him.

I switched cars and dropped off Toya. I decided to try my luck again with Erick. Maybe he was ready to talk to me. I drove to his house to make sure he was alone. I wondered if his new woman might have went out with her friends and was meeting him at his house. Or was he meeting her at her house.

I parked down the street from his house. Lights from cars riding past kept me from nodding off. He wasn't home yet. He had to drop Tommy off. Then I saw him pull up—he was alone and went into the house. I started to get out and tell him how much I loved him and missed him, but I couldn't. I would look like a stalker. I stayed until 5:47. I was then convinced that the booty call-time limit was over. It was early Sunday morning. It was time for me to go home, go to sleep, and sulk. Lights out.

I got to get over Erick—I have been thinking about him. I need to see him while I'm sober. With a clear head. That would make him remember how good we are together. So, the next morning, I knew Erick was home alone so I decided to go and spill my heart out to him. I dressed, then dialed his number as quickly as I could. He didn't answer. My stomach filled with anxiety. I have to talk to my baby. I'm going to tell him how I feel. I was going over what I was going to say in my head. I called him again—he didn't pick up. I went to his house and knocked on the door, then rang the bell. I didn't know how he was going to react to me. Here it was—we had been broke up all of this time.

“Good morning.” I said, with Krispy Kremes in my hand and a smile on my face.

I tried to walk around him but he stopped me. “I brought you breakfast,” I said.

“I have breakfast,” he said as I noticed the plate in his hand.

“What, do you have company?” I said, noticing that something wasn't right.

“Yes, I do,” he said.

“This early? What?” I said in disbelief. I know there wasn't anyone there when I left here a few hours ago.

“We are single, right?”

I didn't care if he had company or not, I had to tell him how I feel. “Baby, I miss you so much. I need you. I don't care who is here with you. I need you to tell them to leave. We need to talk—I want to get you back, baby. I miss you. We shouldn't have broke up,” I cried.

“That's not going to happen, Nadine.”

“Why not? I want you to talk to me now. We need to talk, Erick.”

“Listen, Nadine. We can't have this conversation right now.”

“Why not, Erick? Why can't you talk to me now? Who is more important than me, Erick? Huh? Who?” I yelled.

“Because I can't,” he said, attempting to close the door.

“You're going to talk to me right now,” I said, blocking the door with my foot.

“It's not a good time. I'll talk to you later.”

“No—now, Erick, now. Talk to me about it now.”

“No, Nadine, I have company.”

“How could you do this to me?” I said, backing away from the door. I wanted to speak, but the tears that were forming in my eyes didn't let me. I didn't care if his visitor heard my cries—I wanted her to hear it. I wanted her to know who I was.

“Do what? We broke up. Nadine, I have to talk to you later.”

“You're wrong. Erick, you're wrong,” I said, shaking my head and crying.

“I'm wrong, Nadine? Please. Shit does not happen when you say so, Nadine. You just can't clap your hands and our relationship is back on. I have to go.” Erick closed the door right in my face. After he did that I realized two things. One, Erick was over me, and two, I had to get over him.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
—who said that dumb shit? Whatever, because Erick is not thinking about me. He is thinking, out of sight, out of mind, and whoever he has in his house is probably sleeping in my space on my side of the bed. Hugged up under my man, watching one of my DVDs that I bought, eating Sunday breakfast.

Chapter
22

A
ndrew said he wasn't going to call me anymore because I didn't return his calls. He said he wasn't, but he called and called. He is very persistent. I have to give him credit for that. Actually, I'm rewarding him with a date. I'm going out with him tonight—it was either go out with him or change my phone number. He left me a cute message every morning, telling me why I should date him. If I didn't think he was a little cute, it would have been creepy.

We were going to meet in Manayunk on Main Street at 9:00. My sister Karen had the boys. Everybody has still been helping me out with them, and it feels good to have time alone to myself.

Main Street was a narrow, hilly street with restaurants, clothing boutiques, and night life. I drove around the block and finally found a parking space. My Altima was crammed into a compact-only parking space. The owner I parked next to is going to curse me out when they see how close my bumper is to theirs. I set the alarm and walked down the dark street. The air and wind was tapering off. People were bustling up and down the street. I looked for the restaurant, Lagos. I went in and had a seat. The restaurant was very small—little candles sat on each table. I was about to take a seat at the bar when I saw a man wearing an oxford-blue, button-down shirt. He held a Yuengling beer in one hand.

“Hey, beautiful—you made it,” he said as he directed me to our table.

“You thought I wasn't going to show up?”

“It was a possibility,” he said as he pulled my chair out for me. I sat and took off my coat. The waitress came over and asked me what I was having. I looked at the menu, and she said she would give me a few moments and went to service another table.

“What are you having?”

“I don't know yet.”

“How was your friends' wedding?” I asked.

“It was good. Remember—he was so upset at his brother for getting married that he decided to protest and they had to escort him out of the wedding.”

“That is funny. So, what do you like to do?”

“I try to get my daughter, Cianni, on the weekends. Her mother keeps her so busy with soccer and her tap class, she barely has time for me. But for the most part, me and her hang out. I take her on little day dates. I try to show her how a man is supposed to treat her. So when a little boy comes up and he doesn't have himself together, my daughter will laugh at him.”

“That's cute—I want my boys to grow up to be good guys,” I said, looking around and out the window.

“Kimberly, you look nervous—are you waiting for someone to walk through the door?” he asked.

“No.” I was mad at myself for him being able to read me.

“Well, why do you keep staring at the door and the window?” he asked. “Are you expecting someone?”

“No. So have you always dated black women?” I asked, changing the subject.

“No, I have always dated all women. I went to a mixed school—growing up I was attracted to all women. I like who I like.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Why do you say
really
like that?”

“I don't know—white guys don't usually approach me.”

“So you never dated outside of your race?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I didn't really have an opportunity. I was in college with my first son, and I had him and I didn't really date. Then I met my second son's father, and we were together for five years. We were at our wedding when he decided he wasn't ready.”

“I thought you were divorced.”

“No, I have never been married.”

“It must have hurt you when he left the wedding.”

“Yeah, it did, but I'm over it now. I just hate being stereotyped, like, in that single-mom category that the media sends out.”

“My mother and stepfather raised me. My mother is a very strong woman. What about your parents?”

“They are still together.”

“You seem pretty strong—two children, and boys at that.”

“Yeah, they keep me going,” I said, looking for the waitress. I was ready to order. He was getting too intrusive.

“So where do you go to school?”

“I originally went to Lincoln University, then I transferred to Community and finished up at Drexel.”

“My sister went to Drexel. I did my ungrad at Indiana University of Pennsylvania and got my MBA from U Penn.”

“That's great.”

“I want to go back and get my master's one day.”

“What's stopping you?”

“Timing—I would have to make arrangements for my children, and then I haven't even looked into any programs yet. But I definitely want to do it. I was looking online at Holy Family College. They have a pretty good accelerated program.”

“So how old are you?”

“Twenty-eight and you?”

“I'll be thirty-two in April,” he said as the waitress came over and took our order. I ordered a seafood gumbo and Andrew had a turkey club sandwich. The rest of dinner went well. I was impressed with Andrew—he had a great personality. We talked a little more and the waitress came over and gave us our bill. Andrew pulled out his wallet and then said, “Kimberly, where's your half?” I looked up at him. I couldn't believe that he was asking me to pay for my half. I pulled out a credit card—I didn't have any cash on me. I placed my card on the table.

“Kim, I was only playing with you,” he said as he handed the waitress the bill.

“Oh,” I said, relieved. He put his brown leather jacket on and pushed his chair in.

“Where are you parked?”

“Around the corner.”

“I'll walk you to your car.”

“Okay,” I said as I looked around the table to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. Andrew held the door open for me and we walked toward my car. The wind began to whip hard, almost knocking me down. I tried to walk sideways to avoid it. When we reached my car, I hit my car remote and said good night. I took my coat off and set it in the passenger seat. Andrew was still standing there as I rolled my window down.

“Are you going to go out with me again?” Andrew asked.

“Yes. I'll call you.”

He said good night again and then left. Our date was not different—it was the same as any guy I ever dated. He was just a regular guy and really sweet.

Andrew e-mailed me a few times throughout the week. He asked me what I was doing after work, and did I have time to meet up with him briefly. I told him I would, and he asked me to meet him at a coffeehouse on Walnut Street. I entered the coffeehouse and saw Andrew sitting at a table, typing something on his laptop and talking into his cell phone earpiece. He saw me, smiled, and motioned for me to have a seat. Andrew ended his conversation and we exchanged a brief hug.

“Do you want some coffee?” he asked.

“Sure, I'll have an espresso.”

Andrew walked to the counter and ordered me a large espresso and brought it over to me and said, “So what's going on?”

“Not much,” I said, sprinkling sugar into my drink.

“I wanted to see you again, Kim, before I went out of town. I'm flying out tonight.”

“Where are you going?”

“I have a meeting with a prospective client in Minneapolis, but I wanted to see you, plus I wanted to give you this,” he said as he pulled a large white envelope out of his bag. He handed it to me. I opened the envelope and it was an application for the master's program at Holy Family College.

“Thank you,” I said, surprised.

“I wanted to get you an application because the deadline to apply is in a few weeks.”

“I'm going to fill this out tonight,” I said as a call came in for Andrew. I looked at my watch—it was getting late, and I had to pick up the boys from Karen's house. I told Andrew to have a safe trip and that I would see him when he got back.

Andrew was nice. He would be perfect if he was a few shades darker. Damn. I knew we could not take it any further. He is a nice person, but I need a black man. I don't want to give up on the hope of finding my black king. I don't care what Nicole said, there isn't a shortage of them. I turned the radio on in my car, I inserted my earpiece in my ear, and dialed Karen.

“I'll be right there—have them ready, please.”

“All right.”

I beeped the horn outside Karen's house. I told her to have them ready—of course, they weren't. I got out of the car and walked inside Karen's house. She had just bought the house less than six months ago and was still making repairs. There were sheets draped over everything to cover her furniture. She kept the kids upstairs so they wouldn't get in the way. Lonnie, Karen's husband, comes home every day after work and tries to make repairs.

I yelled up the steps, “Karen I'm here!”

“Hey—I'm about to tear your nephew up.”

“Why, what's wrong?”

“Ryan's teacher just called my damn cell phone, saying he was acting up.” As she was talking to me, she caught Ryan off guard and popped him right in his face. Kevin jumped and Kayden started crying.

“Karen” I said as I grabbed Ryan. He was crying and his lip was bleeding.

“Ryan, I told you not to let that teacher call my damn phone again—she is not my damn friend using my damn minutes. I don't want to hear her mouth telling me why my child can't control himself. Do you hear me?”

“Yes,” he stuttered.

“Damn, Karen, did you have to hit him like that?”

“You don't even know what he did.”

“I don't care, Karen, you don't have to hit him. Get him some tissue, Kevin.” Kevin ran to the bathroom.

Karen tried to see Ryan, to see how hard her blow was. Then she said, “His teacher was talking to him, and he said ‘Get out of my face—your breath stink,' and the whole class laughed at her. Now, is that right?”

“Well, it probably did smell,” I said, taking up for my nephew. Karen looked at me and began to laugh. She tried to hide her smile from Ryan.

“You can't talk to your teacher like that. You can come home with us. Okay?” I said.

“Okay,” he said.

“Go get your stuff,” I told him.

“Thanks for taking him. It's just, I'm under a lot of stress right now.”

“You should have told me—I would have let Mommy watch the boys.”

“No, they were fine. I just have to get some things in order.”

“Get your clothes, Ryan, and come on.” I put Kayden and Kevin in the car and waited for Ryan. Ryan ran out of the house with his clothes in a plastic bag like he was escaping a madhouse. He was breathing heavy and got in the car. I turned the radio on loud so they couldn't hear my conversation. I called Karen, “Karen, what's going on?”

“Nothing—everything is okay.”

“You said you had to get things in order—what is that all about?”

“Okay, okay. You know we have been in this house not even six months, and we are about to lose it.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.

“Kim, people are riding past my house, knocking on my door, asking me to take a look in my house.”

“I don't understand,” I said.

“My house is in the newspaper, up for sheriff sale.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Lonnie hasn't paid the mortgage. He was waiting on hurrying making the improvements and refinancing. It's just been so hard.”

“Why didn't you tell anyone?” I asked.

“You have been going through your thing, and I didn't want to worry Mommy. I thought I could catch up.”

“What are the people saying?”

“That my house is going to be sold on Tuesday, March ninth.”

“That's less than two weeks away. We have to do something.”

“I mean, who do you call for this type of thing? It might be too late, and I can't afford an attorney.”

“It's never too late. I'll call Malik—he has to know somebody.”

“No, you hate him.”

“I do hate him, but he will be able to tell us something.”

 

 

Kevin, Ryan, and Kayden ran all over the house. I loved my nephew, but when he was over he brought out the devilish side of Kevin. If they weren't busy breaking something like a glass or a plate, they were arguing over who is the fastest or tallest. They ran in my bedroom, Kayden trailing behind them. Kevin yelled, “Mom, tell Ryan I'm taller than him.” He stood his shoulders up as high as he could.

“No, you not—your head come to my neck. I'm the tallest—right, Aunt Kim?” I had to disappoint Kevin and tell him he was the shortest. Ryan said
Told you
, and they both ran back into Kevin's room.