Exposing ELE (ELE Series #3) (22 page)

He looks at me in confusion so I continue. “I watched Zack inject you with something before you woke up. I would have stopped him but I couldn't. I didn't want to lose the chance of getting you free and I... I should have stopped him. I didn't know at first what it was or that it was you behind the curtain... Either way, I should have saved you!” Tears blur my vision. I know what I'm saying makes no sense, but I don't know how to tell him this.

Tony's hands go up to my shoulders and he looks at me strongly. “What do you mean, Willow? What did he inject me with?”

I shake my head, my words are lost, and the tears fall down my cheeks.
A few land on my bare legs.

“Look, no matter what it's not your fault. You couldn't have taken Zack on, not with that army backing him. But you need to tell me, what did he inject me with?”

“The red shot,” I barely manage to tell him with my mind.

At first he looks confused, then his look turns to pure horror. He jumps out of the porch swing so quickly that it sends it and me rocking fast. He runs his hands through his copper hair and pulls at the ends. He takes a few steps and whispers, “No...”

I jump out of the swing and put my hand on his back. I can't imagine what he's feeling. “I shouldn't have told you. I'm so sorry.”

He turns on me so quickly that I nearly fall back. I right myself and accept the stare down that he's aiming my way. “How could you keep this from me?” His voice is filled with so much hurt that I don't know what to say.

I shake my head and stammer, “I... I don't know. I thought it was best. I thought I could heal you. I tried so many times...”

His eyes harden. “What do you mean, you tried so many times?”

I cringe and step back. My stomach feels like lead. I'm filled with so much dread that I can barely stand underneath its weight. “There have been some incidents. But, I was able to heal you and it was okay. You came back to me.”

He looks horrified and disgusted. “There were incidents?” He runs his hand through his hair again and doubles over, looking at the ground. I can't imagine the inner turmoil he's struggling with right now. He stands back up and looks at me. “What kind of incidents? Did I hurt you?”

I can't go over them. No, he would surely send me away or he would leave me himself. He needs these last few days of humanity... I need these last few days with him. I shake my head. “It was okay. You were okay after I healed you. Please don't hate me. I just wanted to see if I could help you. Even though I haven't been able to stop it, I wanted you to have these last days. I didn't want you to be like this, to know what would eventually happen. It's not fair.” I wipe away at the tears.

He looks away from me. I feel then that he will just walk away. He will leave me standing in the dust. I didn't tell him something he had every right to know. I kept it from him, even if I thought I was doing the right thing. He turns back and looks at me with his bright yellow eyes. The only eye color I want to remember him having. “I need to leave. I need to get you back to the safe house and leave.” Realization creeps across his expression with those words. “Is that why you wanted me to come here with you?”

I stare at him, not knowing how to answer that question. I feel like someone has pulled the foundation away from my house of cards and they are toppling inward, slowly onto me. “I wanted to have these last few days with you.” Be honest, Willow, I tell myself. “And I wanted to protect the others in case... or when the time comes for the change to take its full effect.”

Tony's expression is so conflicted and wounded that it breaks me. I feel like I’ve caused this even though in all actuality Zack caused these events to be set in motion. I've only been treading water trying to stay afloat in the aftermath. Tony doesn't say anything more. He turns from me and walks away. He leaves me standing on his porch as I watch him disappear into the woods.

I am not sure if Tony will return. I wait though. I don't leave the porch. Not when the sun meets the highest point in the sky and not when it begins its decent over the horizon. I sit on the porch swing, staring off at the lake and the mountains in the distance. The water looks ablaze with the yellows and oranges reflecting wildly against its surface. The mountains have the smallest peaks of white at their tips. The weather has turned cooler and the fact that snow has hit their tops, tells me that we may see a change in seasons coming soon, despite Project ELE.

I hug my legs into my body, trying to make myself smaller. My insides feel broken. I realize Tony isn't coming back. I don't know if I would either, if the roles were reversed. My foot has fallen asleep so I shuffle to a new position on the porch swing. The sound of rustling paper calls my attention. I reach into my back pocket and pull out the envelope with my mother's letter in it. It's crinkled and worn from my travels over the past few days.

I wish you were here, Mom. I don't stop the tear from falling down my cheek. I know it's probably a mind trick but I feel the paper warm in my hands as if my mother is telling me, “I am here, honey.”

I look around. The wind rustles the leaves on the trees and somewhere in the distance I can hear the sound of birds chirping. I look back down at the letter in my hand. I close my eyes and try to feel my mom's spirit, her presence. I need her. I open my eyes and slowly work on the seal of the envelope with my fingers. When I've opened it, I pull out the sheets of paper. Time stops the moment I unfold it. All noise is silenced, and the world around me pauses, as I read my mother's final words to me.

My Dearest Willow,

If you are reading this, then I am gone. I didn't mean to leave you, my love, but I had no choice. Your life is far more valuable than mine. I don't know if you will ever truly understand that conviction until you lay eyes on your first child. Then it will click. You will fully understand why I did all that I've done. Until then, I can only attempt to explain my choice.

When your Father told me his vision, I knew I couldn't allow it to happen. I would lay my life down a million times before I would allow any of my children to die. You know very well from the testing back before the shelter, that I could never stand to outlive any of my children. You see, my dearest Willow, if I hadn't sacrificed my life, your father's vision would have become a reality.

He had seen us standing outside of prison walls, surrounded by a crowd of people we've never seen before. Dr. Hastings and his son were trying to get you to reveal yourself by using us as bait.

I know you love us and there has never been any doubt of that love. If there had ever been an inkling, it would have been wiped away with that vision. I know how completely that love flows from you because of what your father saw. I only tell you this next part because I feel as if you need to fully understand all of the circumstances.

You accepted the bait and came forward. In that instant, Tony dashed out before you and shot Dr. Hastings dead. Another soldier shot Tony from behind. Your father told me how bravely you turned and lifted the pistol in your hands to take out the soldier behind you, but it wasn't quick enough. He shot you point blank in the forehead before you could pull the trigger.

Your father watched you die in that vision. I've never seen your father lose it like that before. I didn't think he would ever be right again. He could barely breathe; barely function with the knowledge of the future. After he told me the truth of what he saw, I felt the same way. That is why we both wrote you a letter. We did not know who would have the opportunity to save your life and give their life in return for so great a cause. I gave your father this letter and if you are reading this today, I am probably buried with the letter he wrote.

I don't know how I died, nor is that the point. I want you to know though, that there was a purpose in my death. That purpose is you. I've always known that you will accomplish great things, my child. I have no doubt that nothing will hold you back, not even the loss of your mother. I urge you to find a way to let me go, to know that I am in a better place. I want you to have the life your father and I have always dreamt of you having. A life after the virus, after these wars. A life that is filled with love and hope.

Willow, I know that you will find these things. You have already grown into a young woman whom I am so proud to call my daughter. You are strong, you are loving, and you are loyal, beautiful, caring and smart. You are going to make a great leader in my absence. Please don't freak out, but I told Mr. Leroy a while ago that you are the one who should take my place if anything were to happen to me. I don't know if he will accept my recommendation, but I know in my heart he would be stupid not to. If you are asked, be courageous, as I know you will be. You may think you are too young, too inexperienced, too weak, but you are none of those things. You are my daughter and age and experience are nothing except something you will grow into. You will be a fine leader; I have no doubt of that.

I love you so very much, my darling. When you miss me, look to the sky and know that I am watching you and that I love you and that I am so very proud of you. Please take care of your father and take care of Sebastian. He looks up to you so much and he is blessed to have such a great sister in you.

I love you with all of my heart and soul forever and ever. Death cannot take that away. Don't ever give up and always love, no matter what.

Love,

Mom

I stare at the last two words for what seems like hours. The sun has gone and the stars have taken its place.

Love,

Mom

My tears fall onto the paper, marking it with dark, wet circles. I can't bring myself to look away from the paper even though I can barely see it now in the moonlight. My mom gave her life for me. She knew it was going to happen in advance. She knew that either she or my dad would be taking my place.

My heart feels exposed and my chest feels heavy. I had not known how to completely process the fact that my mom had injected herself with that poison. I always wondered, what if... What if she had just waited? Maybe I could have saved her. What if I stepped forward and just gave them what they wanted, would she have survived?

Those questions are laid to rest with the words in this letter. My mom gave her life for me because if she had not, I would be gone. I look at the words, my mother's handwriting. I pull the letter against my chest and that's when it happens. I break down so completely that I crumple into the porch swing. I cry so hard that my sobs make it sway. The tears flow so freely that with every breath I feel as if a thousand weights are laid against my chest.

“Willow!” I hear my name called from afar.

Then a moment later, I'm pulled from the swing and I'm curled in his arms. He holds me tightly against him while he moves to sit with me in his lap. My mother's letter is crumpled between us. I duck my head into his chest and allow myself to lose it, to let it all out. He rubs my back and holds me securely against him. We stay like that for I don't know how long.

When the tears stop, I sit up and look at Tony. In his eyes, I see how he feels. I know that I have his heart; he's given it to me for safekeeping. I think perhaps, he may have mine too.

He pulls me into a hug and then he helps me to my feet. Without a word, he grabs my hand and takes me into the cabin.

He has me sit on the couch. Then, he lights a few lamps and begins working on making me something to eat. When he returns a little while later, he has two bowls of hot Ramen in his hands. He hands me one and then takes a seat next to me.

We eat in silence. After we finish, he puts the dishes away and lights a fire. We don't say anything to each other that night. He knows I read my mom's letter. He doesn't ask me what it said. I know he must still be hurt that I kept the facts about the shot away from him, but I don't ask him how he feels. I lie on the couch in his arms and watch the flames of the fire devour the wood until eventually my eyelids become heavy and I fall asleep.

I awake sometime after the sun has risen. The embers are still glowing in the fireplace. Tony is already awake and making something that smells wonderful. I sit up and brush at my wild curls. My mother's letter is sitting on the floor beside the sofa. I gently pick it up and fold it neatly, then stick it back in my pocket.

“Good morning,” Tony calls to me from the kitchen.

I stand up and walk over to him. He's changed into a tank top and sport shorts. He hands me a cup of tea. “Morning,” I say groggily. My eyes feel heavy from all of the crying yesterday.

We sit down and eat a quiet breakfast made up of corn beef hash and canned potatoes. I've never had it before and while it looks unappetizingly disgusting, it tastes wonderful.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Tony asks me.

I nod my head. “Yes, I'd like that very much.” I'm still not sure where we stand. I know yesterday that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but did the fact that I kept the truth from him change the way he feels?

We clean up our breakfast dishes, and then we leave the cabin. We walk down the steps and towards the lake. The sun is making its way above the mountain peaks to the east of the lake.