Exposure (20 page)

“You hole yourself up in that darkroom,” he said. “Hiding in there, hiding behind your camera — ” How dare
he
accuse
me
of using avoidance tactics!

“Well,
you've
spent the last three years hiding any trace of our friendship!” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. He leaned back in his chair but said nothing. “I totally predicted it, too. I knew it would happen as soon as school started sophomore year.”

“Go on.”

“You pretended we were great friends for a few weeks, only to develop convenient memory loss when Beth came into the picture! If you had any idea what I've done for you — ”

“I didn't pretend anything.” Craig shook his head. “The way I remember it, you pulled a vanishing act, leaving me to fend for myself when school started. Do you know how hard it was for me to show up on the first day of school a few thousand miles away from my home and try to blend in? I felt like I had just landed on Mars. And where was my
only
friend — Skye — who I'd hoped would invite me to sit with her in the cafeteria or wait for me after school or swing by my locker to say ‘hi'? Where was the
one person
I knew in a sea full of strangers? She was nowhere, and I mean
nowhere
to be found.”

No. He was flipping this all around now. This wasn't how it happened. I thought back to my self-conscious sophomore self, avoiding eye contact with him, too shy to shout out to him when he was walking twenty paces ahead of me in the hallway … too sure he'd already have better plans if I asked him to a Friday night football game. Too intimidated by how cute he was, and too hard on myself to imagine his interest in me wouldn't wane. Was it really possible that my actions had played some role in the chasm that stretched out between us? Did my assumptions that he'd pull a “Skye who?” turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy?

“Here's a newsflash for you: in Illinois, I was a total reject,” he continued. “I'm talking junior high bottomfeeder, the butt of everyone's jokes.”

“
You?
”

“I was a scrawny piece of work, back then, and it was miserable. I wanted to die.”

Craig? The official State Dork of Illinois? I didn't believe it.

“But then you moved here.”

“Yeah, and met you, and things seemed to be looking up.” There was a ringing sound behind us, and the elevator doors slid open to let out an older woman with a rolling suitcase.

“But those first few days of school, it was happening all over again,” he said. “Ostracized by everyone, including you, for some reason. Not a soul to talk to. The Untouchable.”

“But I didn't — ” Before I could complete my thought, he interrupted.

“Then a miracle happened: Beth. A few weeks into the school year, it's like she adopted me or something. Next thing I know, all the sort of kids who had tortured me at my last school were slapping me on the back and laughing at my jokes, acting like I was God's gift. So hell yeah, I went with it, and I didn't look back. Maybe it turned out to be the wrong move, but I can't change it now. What's done is done.”

I wanted to argue that Beth Morgan was hardly heaven-sent, or ask why he didn't just reach out to me when he thought I was ignoring him, but I didn't have a chance. Brett Sanders came running down the hall motioning for us.

“MacKenzie, get your ass in here. They're announcing Prom King!”

Brett hurried back to Ballroom C while Craig calmly extricated himself from his chair.

“Don't you get what I'm saying?” He turned and looked down at me. “It's all arbitrary. None of this means anything. One school's king is another school's target practice.” He headed down the hall and left me sitting there, shell-shocked.

BY THE TIME I'D RETURNED FROM THE BATHROOM again where I had attended to my tear-stained face, our senior class president, Selena Alvaro, was on stage with a microphone, holding an index card and looking authoritative. Everyone was gathered in a cluster around the dance floor, and I wormed my way through to where the girls were.

“Damn, I can't see anything,” Kaya said, grumbling. “Why do I have to spend my life staring at people's shoulder blades?” In the middle of her fidgeting, her corsage dropped to the floor. She stooped down to pick it up. “Ow, dammit!”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just pricked my thumb on the pin,” she said.

“Well don't get blood on your dress.”

“Right.” She popped her thumb in her mouth.

On a table next to Selena were a silver crown and a glittery tiara, as well as a pile of long-stemmed roses to be handed to the female members of the court. Near the dance floor, a quartet of cheerleaders huddled around Kristy, prepping her for what she hoped would be her big moment. If not for her sequined gown, and, well, the fact that she was a girl, she could have been a prizefighter about to enter the ring. I glanced around to find Beth. She was adjusting the rose in her hair, as if readying her coif for her coronation. Classmates of middling social status — a few of the usual suck-ups — hovered near her. Beth turned to make sure that Craig was ready to roll. He was behind her, and oh god, he was staring at me again. What was with him? I quickly turned back around for some small talk with Cat to avoid his penetrating gaze.

“Did you ever see that movie,
Carrie
?” I said. “Maybe we should blow this joint.”

“Oh, you're bad.” She gave me a devilish grin. “But who needs a bucket of blood? Dump some water on Beth and it would do the trick. ‘I'm melting! Melting!'” she screeched
à la
the Wicked Witch of the West. “
Oh, what a world!
”

“Hey, spread the word: afterparty at the Hurlyburly,” Tess said, interrupting us.

“Oh great,” mumbled Kaya, her thumb still in her mouth. “As if these people needed any more booze tonight.”

With way more gravitas than was merited, Selena began calling up the members of the prom court. It was the typical beautiful-people brigade, although a popular indie hipster couple in moth-eaten vintage threads had broken into the ranks. Beth and Craig were finally called up to join the court, along with Kristy and Duff, who elicited a rousing cheer from the crowd. Kristy brightened at the warm reception for her boyfriend, assuming it augured well for her chances.

“And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for,” Selena said. “It was a nailbiter, but we have a definitive winner for King and Queen. Drumroll, please.” There were no drums to be found, so we all beat the palms of our hands on our thighs or stomped our feet for dramatic effect. “This year's Prom King and Queen of East Anchorage High … are….” Wow, this girl was milking it. “Craig MacKenzie and Beth Morgan!”

Cheers erupted from the crowd, along with a few unmistakable boos. Beth tipped her head gracefully to receive the tiara and silently mouthed “Thank you,” while gesturing to her fellow classmates like she was Eva Peron about to break into a rousing rendition of “Don't Cry For Me Argentina.” Puh-leaze. Duff shrugged his shoulders good-naturedly and wrapped Kristy up in a comforting hug. Craig gave a weak smile and stumbled over to Selena to accept his crown.

“He looks trashed,” said Cat.

“Mmm … I don't think so. I was just talking to him five minutes ago. But yeah, he does look kind of out of it.”

“
SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH
….” the crowd demanded. Selena shoved the microphone into Craig's hand. At the same time, Nick tossed a balled-up piece of fabric in Craig's direction. He caught and unfurled it, revealing Duncan's team jersey. His face went as white as his dress shirt.

“Dude, he looks like he's seen a ghost,” Cat said. The crowd was still yelling for a speech, and Beth gave Craig an imploring look. “Say something!” her face all but screamed at him.

“Um, hey there,” he said into the microphone. His deep voice seemed a little shaky. “What a night, huh?” A smattering of whoops and applause. “Wow, this is really an odd place to be standing right now. And why? Why am I up here? Because I score a lot of goals? Because I'm dating ‘Sexy Sadie' over here?” he gestured to Beth, who looked confused and uncertain. Craig raised the fist holding Duncan's jersey. “Why am
I
still here and he's not?” Beth reached for the microphone in Craig's hand, but he yanked it back and took two steps away from her.

“Quit,” he said. “You can't do that to me anymore. You're not going to silence me, you lying….” Craig didn't finish the sentence, but I could hear gasps all around me. Beth looked around, a little panicked now, and the members of the prom court stood glancing at each other disconcertingly on the stage.

“What's he doing?” Kaya asked Tess.

“He's self-destructing.”

“Or maybe he's finally taking control,” I said. Craig was pacing the stage now, like a man possessed.

“I've been too silent for too long,” he said, still hanging onto Duncan's jersey. Oh god, no. He wasn't going to spill his guts about Duncan's death right here and now? This was bad. This was looking
very
bad. “I want to thank all of you who voted for Beth and me. And yet it feels kind of ironic that I just won this popularity contest, because ask yourselves this: What kind of friend have I really been to you?” He paused, as if considering what to say next.

“You see,” he said, “I've had only a couple of what I'd call ‘true friends' at this school over the last three years, and I couldn't manage to hang onto either of them. I need to beg forgiveness from them both. One can't answer, unfortunately.” He stared down at Duncan's jersey. “And I just hope it's not too late to let the other person know how I really feel.”

At that moment, I wasn't aware of Cat or Tess or fury-faced Beth or anyone else in the room for that matter. It was just between Craig and me now. It was easy for him to lock eyes on me, because I stood taller than any of the other girls in the room. Whether anyone else realized that he was directing his comments to me was uncertain. “I sometimes think you understand me better than I understand myself. We wasted so much stupid time. Time I can never get back with you. Maybe I let my ambitions get the better of me. Maybe we both let our insecurities paralyze us. God knows I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately…. All I can say is, you've got to believe it when I say it was only ever you.” Beth was in tears by now, humiliated. She stormed off the stage and headed for the lobby. Craig jumped down off the back of the stage and pushed his way through an exit door that led to the hotel kitchen.

“What was that all about!” Cat said, turning to me. “Was he talking to
you
!?!”

“I've got to go find him,” I said.

“Oh no, we're not going to let you roam the hotel innards,” Cat said. “Not without us, I mean.” I rather wished my friends would let me handle this by myself, but I guess that was part of the tradeoff in having a posse: they actually looked out for you. The four of us headed off in the direction that Craig had gone. Since prom wasn't a catered event, the kitchen off the ballroom was not in use. Everything was neat, orderly, and quiet. No hotel employees were anywhere in sight. But neither was Craig. An unlit stairwell led off the kitchen.

“Could he have gone down here?” Kaya wondered.

“It's worth a try.” In her flapper-era getup, Tess looked like she was venturing into a secret speakeasy as she led us down the flight of stairs. We made our way through a maze of dim hallways, past the laundry room, the cleaning crew's station, and then down another flight of stairs.

“I wish we had a flashlight,” said Cat. At the end of a long dark hallway, I finally saw something reflect what little ambient light was available. Craig was sitting, back to the wall, dangling the crown from his fingers between his bent knees. We must have been somewhere directly under the ballroom, because I could hear the faint sound of music again from up above.

“It's okay, girls, you can leave us,” I said, squatting to be on Craig's level.

“No, they should stay,” Craig said. The girls stood there looking awkward, as if they'd really rather give us our privacy. Craig held up the crown and glanced at it from underneath, as if it were a scientific specimen. “Isn't it funny, how you guys called it from the beginning?”

“I don't follow,” said Kaya.

“You said I'd be king. Or I guess it was that mask you had me try on. ‘A warrior king,' isn't that what you said, Cat?” Nobody responded. “But you also warned me it could mean death. That part ended up being true, too.”

“Craig, really … I mean, I don't think,” Cat said, trailing off.

“Oh believe me, I'm not one to buy into all that witchcraft nonsense,” he hastened to add.