Exposure (16 page)

He nodded. "The FBI couldn't link their
accident to Rizzoli, but we suspected." Grabbing her wrists, he
held them tightly. "You have to understand, I'd never put you at
risk. From the moment we met, I've had a guard following you at a
distance, just in case. I've had a private investigator gathering
evidence, but Rizzoli was slippery. It took this long to get a good
amount so he couldn't wiggle out of charges. The FBI has enough to
lock the bastard away for good." He shook her. "That's why I made a
move with you. It was supposed to be over."

"Okay," she said immediately, wrapping her
arms around him, her scent of rain calming his erratic heartbeat.
"I believe you." She rubbed his back in slow methodical circles.
"But what about the truck who followed us tonight?"

It seemed so long ago, but it had been
tonight. He hated this fucking holiday, not that it had anything to
do with his past. "A week after you and I…" He waved his hand,
unable to put words to what was between them. Sex wasn't the label
to slap on it anymore. "McCannon, my FBI contact, called to tell me
there was a hit out on me. Rizzoli's funds are inaccessible, but he
got around that somehow, had money hidden somewhere."

Her gaze grew distant. "That's what that
call was about at your condo. The day you got upset and we wound up
in the shower."

His teeth gnashed. "Yes." She'd shocked him
that day, taking his punishing thrusts and endless supply of rage.
There was something utterly healing about being with her, sinking
into her soft, supple flesh and letting the world fall away. Though
he didn't think sex would fix his riotous emotions tonight, his
erection thickened, needing her. Always needing her.

He sighed. "Rizzoli never had any interest
in me. Moving to Alaska was more precaution than anything, but then
Aubrey happened…" He shook his head. "I wanted justice, so I
pushed. Got evidence. Rizzoli found out about my involvement the
same night I told you the truth." He grabbed her shoulders. "I
won't let him hurt you. The trial will be over soon. The contract
out on me is a last ditch attempt at revenge. I'm all that's left
of my family. He doesn't know Aubrey exists."

She blew out a breath. Her gaze swept over
him, the moonlight at her back and heart in her eyes. No one else
ever got to see this side of her. The yielding, vulnerable person
she hid under all that control.

Threading her fingers in his hair, she
tugged his head down to hers. "None of this is your fault. None of
it."

He suspected she knew a thing or two about
irrational guilt. No, he wasn't responsible for this clusterfuck
any more than she was for her own parents' deaths. Still, the
thought of that bastard taking her from him gave fear a whole new
name, made wrath bounce around inside his skull until thinking was
a pipe dream.

Hell, he was teetering between pushing her
away to keep her safe and drawing her closer for the same reasons.
Tonight, they'd found her. And it scared him so damn bad he hadn't
drawn in air since. There were two people in this world he'd die
for, and tonight, both were under the same roof.

Sensing the shift in him, or maybe she just
knew what he needed, she brought her mouth to his and kissed logic
out of his head. Her tongue danced with his, her arms banding
around him like she was just as fucking lost.

Clothing flew across the room. But always,
his mouth came back to her kiss. To heaven. Naked, shaking, he
laced their fingers and pinned her hands above her head to the cool
glass wall. She brought one leg up, then the other to wrap around
his hips, arching her back and forcing her pebbled nipples to rub
against his chest.

Reality eked in and he tore his mouth away.
"Is this okay? Your hands…" Restraint and her weren't friends, but
they were vertical and he was throbbing to the point of pain.
Tonight, he needed to dominate. To feel like he had some measure of
control again. But not at the risk of her mental well-being.

"Yes," she breathed, rolling her hips to rub
him between her folds. "Now, Noah."

God help him. She was so wet. Ready. With a
slight shift, he aligned their bodies and, with her hands still
gripped in his, he locked his gaze to hers and thrust deep. Soft,
wet flesh enveloped him, accepted and welcomed him into her body.
There was nothing else like it, nothing like being inside her.

Absolutely nothing.

Her pupils blew as she let out a needy
whimper, and he was reminded how much he fucking loved that noise.
Her eyes drifted shut. She ground against him when he stilled,
seeking more. But he had to watch her, just for a moment. He
couldn't take his eyes off her. Her black hair, damp with sweat,
her soft porcelain skin, midnight lashes fanning her cheeks,
flushed face, lips parted in desire, and breasts rising and falling
with rapid breaths.

Perfection.
His.

"Noah…"

"Right here, baby." He took a step forward,
so there wasn't a breath between them, wedging her between the
glass and his body. He was close to snapping, and he shook with the
need to let go. She'd handled it once before, but he was in a much
darker place this time. As if he needed the reminder.

The bastard had found her. Anything could've
happened. If they got their hands on her… Fuck. Image after gory
image filtered through his mind, closing his throat. His eyes
burned.

He growled. Thrust.
Yes
. She was
here. He was inside her.

She begged for more.

He gave it to her. Rearing back, he drove
right back in. A string of unintelligible curses followed,
because... She. Felt. So. Damn. Good.

His fingers squeezed hers, while her walls
clenched him. Her cries blended with his grunts. His muscles
strained to keep them upright, to keep up with the brutal pace.
Burying his face in her neck, he opened his mouth wide to have a
muffle for the frenzied, animalistic sounds escaping. Their skin
was slick with sweat. He pistoned faster, feeling the pull all the
way to the muscles in his back, his ass.

He punished himself. He punished her.

Just as his balls tightened and he knew he
couldn't hold out much longer, she shook with an orgasm, clamping
inner muscles around his shaft and wrenching a scream from him. He
came so damn hard, falling to his knees, still buried inside her
with her back pressed to the glass. He forced his thrusts to
shallow, gliding slowly to ride out the last of their quaking.

Scared to open his eyes, to move, he fought
for air and released her hands. She immediately wrapped her arms
around him, breath hot in his ear. His chest ached, his throat
beyond ravaged.

What in the hell was happening to him? To
take her like that was…reprehensible.

Fumbling, he sat back on his haunches and
pulled her to him as if she wasn't already molded like second skin.
It wasn't enough. Twisting, he fell on his ass to lean against the
glass with her in his lap. Not enough. He drew his knees up,
cinching her higher. His arms banded around her back, up to her
shoulders. Frustration ripped through him.

Not…fucking…close…enough.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

***

N
ot knowing what
else to do, Raven encouraged, and then forced, Noah into the
bathroom. He preferred to shower at night and, after such a long,
stressful day, a bath was a decent way to unwind before
crashing.

The room was just as generous as the one in
his condo, but the color tones were dark blues and grays instead of
mossy green. The shower wasn't as luxurious, but the tub was big.
The room smelled like him, like spice and comfort, even though
they'd just arrived, and she realized, after a moment, that it was
from oils he'd dripped into the water.

He climbed in and she followed, sitting
behind him and urging him to lean against her. Since making love,
he'd been silent, and she suspected the guilt was eating away at
him. The desperation, the sheer frustration rolling off him
afterward, was heart-wrenching.

Tears threatened when she thought about
everything he'd been through, been forced to endure by no fault of
his own. Lesser men would have let his parents take the girl or had
the FBI put her into witness protection.

The love he had for Aubrey was undeniable.
At eighteen, he'd given up his freedom to raise her, without any
support system other than a bank account. Had it been her, Raven
didn't know what she would've done. He'd always been kind,
thoughtful. But who he was? Deep down? She hadn't even scratched
the surface until tonight.

Trying to fight back tears, she took a
washcloth from a ledge and dipped it in the water before running it
over his shoulders. His head fell back against her, the fight
leaving him as his muscles relaxed. With an arm over his chest, she
squeezed water over his pecs, his stomach.

He sighed, as if enjoying her taking care of
him for a change. Running his hands down her calves, he grabbed her
ankles and crossed her legs, caging him in her hold. She followed
his lead and wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed both hands
on her arms, as if worried she'd let go.

She kissed his shoulder and rested her cheek
there. "I'm going to smell like you after this bath."

He made a noise of agreement in his throat.
"I like it when you smell like me." He caressed her arm, staring at
the water. "You smell like rain. Your shampoo or soap. I can't
tell. As much as the scent turns me on, there's nothing sexier than
you smelling like me. I notice it most after making love."

She smiled. "You smell like Christmas
cookies. Cinnamon."

Breathing out a laugh, he dropped his hand
to her leg and stroked. After a moment, he stilled. "I didn't hurt
you, did I? Please tell me you don't have bruises from--"

"Hey." She kissed his temple, letting her
lips linger. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with a little rough
sex. In case you didn't notice, I enjoyed it." She paused, trying
to conjure a way to lighten his mood. "Although, I was a little
worried we'd fall through the window."

"Bullet-proof glass. No chance." His voice
was flat, making her worry ebb higher.

"In that case, we should do it again."

"I'm serious, Raven. I couldn't take it if I
hurt you. When I'm like that, I--"

"Shh," she cooed in his ear. "You'd never
hurt me. And I have a safeword, remember? I didn't invoke it." She
didn't know what to do with him like this. It was as if he'd given
up. Slipped into some form of depression where guilt had the
reins.

He pressed his palms to his eyes and shook
his head. "I made a mistake." Her stomach cramped when he sat up
and slipped out of her arms. "I never should've gotten you involved
in my mess. I should've stayed away from you. It was selfish."

Hugging her arms to her chest, she studied
his shoulders and back. Sinew and bone and muscle in perfect
symmetry. A chill crept up her spine. Not twelve hours ago, he'd
tossed out the safeword when they were supposed to be ending it. It
was
him
who'd asked her to stay. It would've been hard, but
they would've gone back to their friendship, stronger for having
experienced what they had together. But no. He got her hopes up,
stood in her living room, and pleaded for more.

She wiped angrily at her tears, hating them.
Not one to cry, as it only stripped control, she straightened and
swallowed past the worst of it. "You regret it." Stupid, weak
voice. How could that be hers?

He turned his head and regarded her over his
shoulder. How dare he look tormented. "Of course I don't regret
it."

"I'm not daft, Noah.
A mistake
is a
pretty obvious remark." She'd been a lot of things in her life.
Invisible, controlling, cowardly. But never a mistake. The sharp
stab in her gut twisted.

She rose from the tub and reached for a
towel. He made no attempt to follow, just hung his head and viewed
the water. Not waiting around to dry off, she wrapped the towel
around her middle and headed for the door.

"I'd never regret a single second with
you."

She turned, heart pounding, vision
graying.

He still didn't look her in the eye, but his
gaze landed on the ruby heart necklace she wore. "I made the
mistake of not waiting until things were completely neutralized
before engaging you. After a decade, I guess I was just sick of not
having something for myself. You have no idea what it's been
like--" Abruptly cutting himself off, he shook his head and rubbed
his neck. "It was selfish. And now you're in danger."

Taking a step forward, she opened her mouth
to speak, but he interrupted anything she might've said.

"Go to bed, Raven. I'll be in soon."

Angry, hurt, and--damn it, moved--she backed
into the bedroom. Rooting through her suitcase, she found her
pajamas and stepped into them. She lifted her head and her gaze
landed on a picture on the wall she hadn't noticed before. Between
him telling her about Aubrey and everything after, she hadn't paid
much attention to the suite.

Stepping closer, she realized it was a black
and white photo of her on the couch in her apartment, knees drawn
to her chest, a glass of wine in her hand and head thrown back
laughing. It must've been from her surprise party a few years ago,
because that was the last time she remembered him with a camera.
There was another next to it of her from college, wearing a red
coat and beret, standing near a snow bank on campus. Another of her
sitting on a kitchen stool in his condo, looking over her shoulder
at him with a wry grin. That had to have been his housewarming.

Pressing her fingertips to her lips, she
started to shake. There were no other pictures in his bedroom.
Just…her. His condo in Anchorage had photos he'd taken of
Gallivanting Adventures, but here…here was
personal
.