Facing Fear (16 page)

He sighed inwardly. He had lost that ability to even relax with anyone. Nikki. His gut tightened at the memory of her last kiss. He glanced at the chocolate cake on the snack table. She wanted strawberry. There were many ways to feed strawberries to a woman.

He glanced up again and realized the other two were still staring at him. He cocked his head. “Something the matter?”

Cam coughed. “No. Ummm. Right. Sorry about joking around, sir. We know how serious the situation is.”

Rick loosened his tie and sat down on the sofa. “It’s serious, but if they happen to nix Task Force Two, most of you will get transferred to other departments without any problems. I’ll make sure of it. TIARA will have something for you, I’m sure.”

“What about you, sir?” Cam asked, serious now.

Rick leaned back and looked around the room. “They’re after me, you know,” he told them quietly. “Gorman’s list
must have some big names for them to need a scapegoat in exchange. Since Denise is part of Intel as well as EYES, you know someone in EYES is involved up to their eyebrows. This person doesn’t want Gorman’s list found.”

“This someone ordered Agent Lorens to plant the evidence,” Patty said, her brow furrowing as she tried to analyze the mystery, “and when you’re charged and arrested, Gorman gets his deal and EYES gets to keep the list quiet. Whether or not the real list is found, it doesn’t matter, does it? All Gorman wants is his deal.”

“Gorman is too big to get a deal for freedom, but he could avoid the death penalty for treason,” Cam added. He rubbed his chin. “So we have to get to the real file with the names. Finding the doctored ones won’t help you at all, sir.”

“Denise knows where they are and told me last night that they are encrypted in a secured file,” Rick said. “It’s like finding a needle in a haystack and I don’t hold out much hope for it, given the time we have, but it would at least be good to find the fake ones she planted. That might yield a clue to the man directing Denise. It might buy me some time.”

“Us, sir,” Cam corrected soberly. “Buy us some time. This is about us, Task Force Two. They hang you, they will be pointing their fingers at us next.”

Rick met Cam’s brown eyes across the room. “It’s me they want,” he assured them. “Actually, it’s me Gorman wants.”

Cam looked at him sharply. “You know something. Why don’t you sink him, sir?”

Rick shook his head. “That’s it. I can’t.”

He couldn’t because his past was catching up with him. He couldn’t because if he did, the truth about Leah would come out. He studied the couple before him impassively. They were lucky. They didn’t have any past holding them back. He realized suddenly that he could never be like them with Nikki. He had too many secrets, and so did she. And if she ever found out the things that haunted him, she might not want him.

Nikki liked Admiral Jack Madison very much. He exuded authority and quiet strength, and despite his decorated uniform, he didn’t have the pompous style of some military brass. Most of all, she liked his eyes. Old soul. The kind that peered right into someone’s heart and saw the truth. Jack Madison was a natural leader—taller than most men, good-looking, with the bearing of a warlord. He had studied her as closely as she did him, and she hoped he saw something good. She had a feeling no one liked to cross swords with Admiral Madison. She had heard that they called him Mad Dog in his active SEAL days.

They were having a light lunch so they could meet and discuss informally. He had asked a few friendly questions at first, getting the feel for her. She didn’t mind. Technically, he was her boss, even though she came recommended by T. As if he read her mind, the admiral said, “I talked to T. yesterday.”

“How is she?” She was surprised that T. had contacted the admiral instead of her. Her chief had disappeared without a warning, and although most GEM operatives were used to T.’s sudden departures, Nikki had a feeling something was wrong the last time she talked to T. over the phone. Later, after she had arrived in D.C., there was a message for her not to discuss anything about T. with anyone except Admiral Madison. A strange order, but then, T.’s orders were always a bit cryptic.

“I can’t tell. You know how she is. But I’ve talked to my man Steve McMillan. If you remember, he’s the one I sent in to work in Task Force Two under Harden. He told me an agent from your side was looking for T., someone called Diamond—do you know him?”

Alex Diamond. He had been stubbornly “missing” when GEM had started working with his agency. Oh yes, Nikki had heard of the infamous COS commando who had been lured by T. to come back in from the cold. This explained quite a lot.

“I know about him,” Nikki said with care. “Did she tell you where she might be?”

T. was one of the most elusive women Nikki had ever
met, a mistress of disguises, with enough identities and accents to make up the United Nations, which, incidentally, was her base. If she didn’t want to be found, especially by Alex Diamond—well, Nikki couldn’t decide whether to call him a lucky man, or not. T. was going to run rings around the poor man.

“No, she was just her sardonic self.” Admiral Madison laughed. “Still as manipulative as ever.”

Nikki nodded. “She doesn’t make a move without a reason. Why did she call you, sir, besides catching up on what’s happening, of course.” The fact that T. hadn’t even contacted her was telling enough. She had a message for Nikki from the admiral.

“I thought we agreed to be informal. It’s Jack.” The admiral put down his cup of coffee, clasping it between his big hands. “Anyway, she already knew about Gorman’s dealings. I don’t know how, but she’s also up-to-date about Task Force Two and how Agent Ricardo Harden is going to have a tough time at the review board.”

“I understand she talked with Rick on the phone before, when Agent McMillan was being held at the hospital.”

“Yes, at that time Harden was playing hardball with McMillan. He never liked the fact that McMillan was reporting back to me, so he preferred to suspect my man of being a traitor.” Admiral Madison’s lips twisted humorlessly. “Never mind that McMillan was knocked senseless in the accident. Agent Harden was quite easily manipulated by Gorman. That’s why I need to know whether he can lead Task Force Two. I want to work with a man with whom I can trust my men’s lives. God forbid we have another Gorman. I won’t allow any more information leaks about my teams’ covert activities.”

The admiral led a special SEAL team, one of those black operations units that depended on good intelligence before going into terrorist strongholds. Nikki understood his concern. There were too many lives at stake to just let things go on the way they were. Men like Gorman had invaded the government Intel network, selling information to any buyers
without any qualms and ignoring the danger put on young fighting warriors. After one too many botched operations, the admiral had inserted one of his own, Steve McMillan, into Task Force Two for a year before discovering its deputy director, Gorman, had been the traitor all along.

T. had told this to Nikki when she presented her with this last contract. Of course, T. never did anything without a reason. She had known Nikki would be drawn to certain elements—the presence of a leader who would not let his men be sacrificed, as well as the chance to return to her past workplace to find her missing files. Lastly, she had dangled Rick Harden in front of her. Rick, she had said, would be the sacrifice to cover up other people’s mistakes and greed. Just as Nikki had been sacrificed, and left to die, because no one would do a thing about a few operatives who were betrayed.

Nikki had easily seen through T.—she was her student, after all—but she hadn’t been able to resist her manipulation. The idea of someone innocent being tossed to the wolves sickened her, and she had wanted to reach out to help.

“After what I’ve shown you, don’t you think you can trust Rick Harden?” she asked.

“I can only throw in my support, Nikki. The review board doesn’t have the evidence we have. I also have my ace, McMillan. He can testify, but I have a feeling some on the board will use his information against Harden, but we shall see how this thing proceeds. We have lots of avenues. You and I have agreed to hang on to this for a while longer.” Admiral Madison glanced at the package beside him. “We let this out of the bag now, the real rat will know we’re onto him, and will run.”

Nikki sighed. He was right. She could help Rick now, but then she wouldn’t be able to finish her contract, and without that, she wouldn’t be able to get what she wanted—to find out the reason she and a few others had been betrayed and abandoned so long ago. Her ghosts, she thought, closing her hand tightly around her glass of water. She needed the truth to lay her ghosts to rest.

“I suppose T. agreed, too,” she said, trying to stop the pain
spreading inside. She felt helpless, as if she was one of those betraying Rick.

Jack Madison reached over and startled Nikki by tapping her lightly on her hand. She looked up, meeting the piercing blue of his eyes. There was an open sincerity in them. “T. said to tell you that the past doesn’t go away, that everyone has a past that links them to answers today. She also added that saving Rick Harden is really in your hands. Now”—he smiled as he sat back in his seat—“knowing T. and her mind games, she had probably planted some seed in our very pliable heads. God, that woman is dangerous.”

Nikki stared back at the admiral, already turning T.’s words round and round in her head. She thought about Alex Diamond’s past affecting T. so much that she, the strongest woman Nikki knew, was actually on the run.
The past doesn’t go away
. Poor T. She had her own ghosts. Just like that, Nikki came to a decision.

“I have to save him,” she said. It was simple as that. She couldn’t abandon him.

“The review board isn’t going to like it if he refuses to answer certain questions. Is saving him important to you, Nikki?” Admiral Madison’s voice was unexpectedly gentle, as if her opinion mattered to him.

“He is important to me,” she admitted.

The admiral nodded thoughtfully. “Then we’ll do what we can. I have a feeling Harden has his own game plan, but he is one man. You have my full backing in however you want to present your evidence, Nikki. T. has given me the utmost confidence in your abilities.”

“Thank you, Jack.” Relief flowed through Nikki. She knew that giving up the evidence so soon might bring on new problems, but at least the main thing that mattered would be taken care of. She gave the admiral a grateful smile.

“What you have shown me will blow everything out in the open,” he warned. “After this, it’s up to you to persuade Harden to work with us, to tell us what he knows. He must know something we can use to trace Gorman’s network.”

“It has to do with his past. Something happened between
them.” She drew in a breath. She thought of Rick’s dead wife. Carefully, she added, “I’ll have to go back and reread their operations together.”

“Speaking of past, Nikki. Once your identity is revealed, there will be a big fight over reopening the files connected to you. There’s always resistance to more scandal in this town.” The admiral frowned. “I won’t let you down, I promise, but politics can get dirty.”

Nikki nodded. She was willing to sacrifice something important if it meant she would save Rick from a similar fate.

“I’m willing to compromise. Like you said, lots of avenues, Jack.”

Her past didn’t matter. Her future did. And she wanted Rick in it.

Closed Door Committee General Accounting Office (GAO)

N
ikki hadn’t moved from her seat in the waiting room since the proceedings began hours ago. There was a large screen set up in the front, and every eye in the room was fixed on the lone figure sitting behind a long table. Empty seats lined up in a row on each side of him.

She hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away. A review session was usually the most boring thing to watch, with its usual humdrum routine of one side answering the questions that showed the dire need for the department to have the funds for the subject at hand, and the other side hemming and hawing over the costs as well as the necessity.

However, this review session was far from normal. For one thing, the deputy director of Task Force Two was in prison for selling information, which meant that the whole team was also suspect. No one had suggested anything in that direction, but few review sessions included I.I. tearing up the task force’s offices. The other TIARA deputy directors were treating the matter like a lit stick of dynamite, keeping their operations separate, so they wouldn’t be pulled into the investigation.

It didn’t surprise Nikki that everyone just swept what they didn’t want to see under the carpet. After all, her files were among that dirt, she reflected with a trace of bitterness.
Everything appeared to be normal when it wasn’t. Task Force Two’s activities had been suspended. Most of the team had been given temporary reassignments. Yet, except for a few, none had really worked up a sweat about what was truly going on. No wonder it took an outsider, a SEAL operative chosen by the admiral, to expose the truth.

She watched as Rick took a sip from his glass before answering another question. As operations chief, he was the man immediately under Gorman, taking directives from the traitor for all these years. That fact alone could hang him. The questions were full of innuendoes. How could he be in Gorman’s confidence for so long and not be part of his schemes? And if he really hadn’t known, then what did that say about his effectiveness as an operative? How could he not even suspect when he was in charge of each assignment? It was a catch twenty-two. Either way condemned Rick Harden.

And there was nothing she could do to stop the direction of the questions. One by one they inched toward personal inquiry into Rick’s past. The representative from EYES was particularly aggressive, giving the impression that he had already decided Rick’s guilt.

Beware the center. Release the frozen heart. Feed the hungry ghosts
.

Her grandmother’s prophecies might as well have been for Rick. He was the man at the center of a controversy, and he had gone in front of the review board without legal counsel or any aide to help answer the questions thrown at him, hence the empty seats. Few men would have been so bold. Foolhardy, even. But Nikki understood him. She had done the same when she had been grilled. Never put oneself on the defensive before the eyes of the enemy. Afterward, her interrogators had to use…other ways to try to break her. She blinked away the memory, brushing it off before the pain and shame settled in.

Rick’s quiet voice helped to push it away. “I’m honored to be the sole person the review board is counting on to tighten
our national security, and as Director Gorman’s former operations chief, I can see how many hold the suspicion that I knew of his dealings. That is an assumption that I hope to dispel.” He was looking at the panel, his gaze sweeping from left to right, as he leaned forward, giving emphasis, as he added, “Without legal advice.”

Nikki’s grip on her pen tightened. He looked so alone out there. A jug of ice water and a glass to one side of him. A microphone in front. A small pile of files and a notepad. That was all he had as he faced a board that held the power to cut off Task Force Two from TIARA.

She supposed nobody understood how crucial support for the O.C. was. A review board came up once every few years anyway, but this one was different. There was the matter of Gorman, who had tainted the whole department. There was an inquiry for national security because of leakage. Yet Rick had weathered the whole investigation alone, using himself as the main target. She sighed. Gorman had picked his team very well. None had come forward or made any effort to understand the gravity of the situation.

The camera zoomed in on him whenever he gave an answer. He was remote, his voice calm, his green eyes cool. Nothing about him suggested the storm she knew was going on inside him. His integrity was being challenged. His capabilities as a leader put into question. Yet he hadn’t defended himself beyond a few sentences, words that told the review board nothing. And sitting here—watching, waiting, hoping—Nikki ached for him.

“My record as Task Force Two operations chief speaks for itself,” she heard him say. “Our operations deal with Intel, and Intel is passed on by the director to other directors at TIARA. Other than not sharing any classified data at all, which is not possible in our work, I don’t see how I could have known that what I reported to my superiors would be used against our own government.”

“In other words, you didn’t know Deputy Director Gorman was a traitor and you never saw anything suspicious in
your years at TIARA. Agent Harden, do you at least know what TIARA stands for and what your job entails?” The question was laced with heavy sarcasm.

Rick’s gaze was direct. “TIARA stands for Tactical Intelligence and Related Activities, sir. I wasn’t in any position to question the activities of my superiors unless there was direct proof. My job is to gather counterterrorist intel, especially to do with arms dealing, for Admiral Jack Madison’s teams.”

“If Task Force Two was so indispensable, why did the admiral send in his own man to find a rat in your department?”

The camera hadn’t shown the admiral before, since he hadn’t asked anything, but he interrupted now for the first time. “I believe that question should be given to me, Senator. The moment Task Force Two O.C. Rick Harden suspected something was wrong, he had sent in a team with my man. He had the foresight to wire one of his own so he could monitor and record any illegal activity. We managed to get Gorman talking and that tape Rick Harden made, Senator, is what put Gorman behind bars. Now, I think that would show a man capable of leading. As for Task Force Two and TIARA, I depend on good Intel to advise my covert teams. Without that, my teams operate without a safety net. If you want to discuss national security, please do not forget the young lives of our military men who depend on Intel. The system isn’t perfect—nothing is—but you can’t fight a war without good soldiers. We need good men, both in Intel and in the jungle, don’t you agree?”

Nikki had to smile. The admiral put a stop to that line of questioning quickly. No one would dare challenge Admiral Mad Dog, a war hero. He wasn’t just one of the most decorated veterans in the military; he also had the ear of the president. There were rumors he might be asked to take over as secretary of state. Things like that always silenced the bureaucrats.

“One more thing to consider then. Please take a look at Copy II Classified File B. If Agent Harden were to replace Gorman as deputy director, then we have to consider his past. I believe he should explain certain things in his files, things he had refused to reveal to his superiors. This ties in with his
inability to disseminate important data, and from his file, that had led to the death of his wife, Leah Harden, one of our best operatives.”

There was a flurry of movement as everyone sheaved through his folders and opened the relevant files. Even from where she was, Nikki could feel the gathering tension in Rick. He was pouring himself another glass of water as he waited. She watched him slowly drink half of it down, following the movement of his throat as he swallowed. His actions were measured as he opened his own notepad. Her heart bled for him when the camera panned back to show the panel, every member reading intently. She knew what was in those files. She had read them.

A fierce protectiveness grew inside her. He shouldn’t be out there alone. She thought of the package in her purse. That was the ace. She hadn’t planned to use it until necessary. It would just muddy everything if she stepped in there but she had to do something with this. She looked at the screen. There was a resignation Rick’s face as he sat there waiting, as if he knew I.I. was just starting.

T.’s message through the admiral whispered in her mind.
The past doesn’t go away…Everyone has a past that links them to answers today…Saving Rick Harden is really in your hands.
Nikki grimly opened her purse. If he wouldn’t defend himself, she would.

She reached for her cell phone and spoke quietly to the admiral’s aide to pass on a request. Then she punched in another number.

“Erik,” she said. “This is Nikki.”

Rick knew what hell was. Hell was where something he had become loomed clear and ugly in front of him to pass judgment. For ten years he had fashioned himself to be the perfect bureaucrat, the kind who peered from the safety of mountains of paper, the kind who pretended to understand the real world from mere words that gave accounts of other people’s actions. No one would see him behind all those papers, so he could safely, carefully dissect and document
every available source, hoping to see beyond the pain and get at the truth.

It was now ten years later and he understood every nuance of being a bureaucrat—how their minds worked and how they compartmentalized things. It was easy to ignore a lot when one kept churning papers and passing them to somebody else. He had the whole act down pat. Unfortunately, he had also been swallowed by the very same system he had abhorred, and now he could see them in his mirror every morning when he brushed his teeth.

He knew what was going on in their minds right now. How to extricate themselves from the problem of being exposed as incompetent. How to use this situation to bring the matter to a close as quickly as possible so no one dug any deeper. How to get Rick Harden out of their hair.

His file. His lips thinned out in self-disgust before he composed his expression again. Ten years hadn’t eliminated the wound in his heart. It was still raw, still fresh.

“I understand some events are still classified, but can you explain why you refused to answer questions ten years ago?”

Rick quietly replied “No, I cannot, sir.”

There was a shuffling of papers. “Well, Mr. Harden, without your cooperation, all I have is a file saying you were demoted after being given the harshest reprimand for unintentional release of information. Everything else had been redacted. The parts that aren’t inked out read really badly against you, Mr. Harden. The part that touches on the death of your wife, do you know how this departmental censure makes her demise sound?”

The coldness of spirit always returned when he thought of his wife’s death. He felt it spreading inside him, like a widening fog that blinded all other senses. He looked at the men on the panel, fingering his past and judging him between those blacked-out lines. He knew what the black marker covered up, and he would never tell.

“The fact that you acted alone then, and the fact that you sit alone today showed a certain inability to lead, in my opinion. You needed people speaking for you, and you brought
none. You need counsel, and you chose not to have any. Gorman had an agenda that you blindly followed. Who would then attest to your leadership?”

What was he to say? That he deliberately isolated himself for ten years so he could get close to Gorman? That he had been a bureaucrat so he could see what lay underneath all that scheming, so he could reach the level where he could make peace with his past? Who would believe him? Not the bureaucrats. Not the men he worked with.

Before he could answer, the seats to his left and right were taken up. He turned to find his men from Task Force Two. Somehow they had received clearance to join him. Cam sat on his right and gave him a nod. He wasn’t alone any longer.

Admiral Madison spoke from the end of the panel. “I gave permission for Task Force Two team members to enter. I believe these men will attest to their operation chief’s leadership and character.”

The EYES representative grunted. “Their backing is moot. They are part of the problem, part of the investigation. Of course they will say good things to keep their team going. Agent Harden won’t even defend himself. We need someone outside who can give fresh insight to the problem.”

“Ah. I’m glad you brought that up,” the admiral said softly, “since I.I. put up such a fight over my independent contractor. I believe now is the perfect time to call her up.”

Rick didn’t need to turn around to know Nikki had entered the room. He just knew. Everyone’s attention was on her approach. The hair at the back of his neck stood up when she passed behind him. She took a seat at the far end, five seats down from where he was. It took an effort not to turn to stare in her direction.

“We don’t need her up here yet. We’re not discussing her contract to outline the safety holes in our system. What’s more, she isn’t qualified to attest to Agent Harden’s character. She hasn’t known him long enough.” The last sentence was spoken with emphasis.

“Of course I can speak for Agent Harden’s character. He
is the most loyal of men, willing to sacrifice himself for those he cares about. He is qualified to lead Task Force Two or any team the government puts under him,” Nikki stated into the microphone. Rick couldn’t help it. He turned to look down the length of the table. This was the first time he had ever seen her profile, with her hair clipped up on the sides, revealing the slender curve of her neck.

“And how would you know that? Would you care to tell us how close you and Agent Harden are?” Rick heard the hint of a sneer behind the question.

There was a slight pause and Rick watched her lick her lips in that familiar nervous way of hers. His gut tightened.

“I know because I am Leah Harden, whose remains my husband has been trying to get the United States government to retrieve for ten years, and who had been abandoned by the same government during an undercover siege.” She paused again, then added, “And please call me Nikki. Leah Harden, according to the government, is dead, unexpectedly killed during an operation ten years ago. And for all purposes, that is true. You see, my jailors had very effective methods of persuasion; they destroyed Leah Harden’s mind as effectively as they’d destroyed her face. I am, in effect, no longer that woman.”