Facing Fear (18 page)

He caressed the backs of her knees and slid her panties lower, till they fell onto the floor. He was looking at her intimately, his eyes so intense that she quivered from the heated possessiveness reflected in them. She gripped his shoulders harder. His hands stroked the sensitive skin on the back of her calves and thighs as they traveled up, and then he cupped her buttocks and moved closer.

She closed her eyes. His kiss was soft, reverent. Then his tongue probed her gently. She gasped at the exquisite pleasure of his mouth, so hot and wet, his tongue a sliding sensation as he readied her. Oh, she had never felt like this with another man. He stopped at her soft moan, looking up at her in concern.

“I’m not hurting,” she assured him. “Surely you know I’m not hurting.”

She pushed his loose shirt off his shoulders and he shrugged out of it. The muscles on his arms and chest were pumped, betraying the control he was placing on himself. She had to smile a little. She couldn’t believe that she, Nikki Taylor, was the one trying to convince Rick Harden to take off his clothes and make love to her.

“Do you remember anything at all?” he asked, and his voice was edgy. “What we did, how we were, when we made love?”

She kneaded the tense muscles of his neck and his shoulders. “I have flashes of memory,” she admitted, “mostly scenes. I guess that’s why I write romance as a hobby in between assignments. I have these wonderful visions that come and go, and I try to capture them in my writing.”

She didn’t add that for a long time, a part of her hadn’t wanted to admit that they might be memory of her past. That would mean she had to go back and face things on which she had decided to turn her back. The moment she acknowledged them, she knew she couldn’t go on without finding out about the truth, without facing her fears. And then opportunity knocked in the guise of a contract…

Rick stood up. He looked incredibly masculine in just his pants, a thin sheen of sweat on his body. “But you don’t remember how we made love, do you? That’s why you’re always afraid. You can only remember—” He stopped, unable to go on. “Are you sure, Nikki? I don’t think I can stop once these pants come off, and your fear feeds my greed somehow, I don’t know why. I’m afraid you’ll be afraid, and I’ll ignore you.”

“Rick, you were going to seduce me the other night.”

“Yes.”

“And if I had said no, what would you have done?”

There was a pause. “I wouldn’t have paid attention. I would have just kept you coming till you gave yourself to me.”

She smiled and reached down to release the top button of his pants. She brushed the thick ridge. Understood why he didn’t want to continue until he was sure. “I want to see you,”
she said, pulling on the zipper. “And if I’m afraid, teach me not to be.”

His hot erection popped out and she stared down at it, mesmerized. How could she have forgotten
that
?

R
ick released a shuddering breath when her hands stroked the length of him. She was filled with a sense of wonder, and a little trepidation, as she gazed down at his arousal.

“I…you…” She licked her lips.

A frustrated sound came from Rick. Without letting him go, she looked up, and the blatant heat in his eyes made her blush again. His erection pushed against her hand—demanding her attention—hot and fierce, powerfully erotic. She was mesmerized by its smooth strength, the veins protruding slightly as they pumped up the already engorged penis. A tiny drop of moisture beaded on the top and she dabbed at it with her forefinger. Slowly, she brought her finger to her lips for a taste.

The last vestiges of Rick’s control broke into a million fragments. Her hands were soft as silk. The sight of her licking his seed brought out the primitive side in him. A strangled growl escaped his lips as he jerked her to him. She came willingly, her feminine curves melting against his roughhewn body. She was his dream, his eternal fantasy. Rick forgot himself. Forgot about being patient. Forgot about being gentle.

He just had to have her
now.
She was his wife, come home to him. He had been empty, filled with darkness, and he needed her as he needed no one else. He knew this as an absolute truth. For ten years he had searched for a substitute,
and had found no one. No one. She was his life. Without her, all he had become was a shell of himself.

The surroundings receded. It was just Nikki and Rick, and nothing else mattered at this moment. He stepped out of his pants impatiently. Kicked them somewhere. He lifted her small frame with fluid strength, using the tiled bathroom wall for balance as he nestled between her legs. She was eyelevel, her gaze widening as he prodded her soft entrance. One determined thrust up. She gasped his name and pushed against his shoulders as her supple flesh fought his invasion. He simply held her as she wriggled and jerked, his eyes staring deeply into hers. He thrust up one more time. She gasped his name again. Little by little she sank down, sliding against the wall, taking him inch by excruciating inch.

Sizzling bursts of pleasure ricocheted through Rick’s whole being. She was so hot. Tight. And more than anything, she was Nikki.

“All of me, baby. Take all of me,” he said—
begged
—grinding his hips harder, wanting in, in, in. Needing to feel all of her around him.

Nikki couldn’t reply, her breaths coming out in small pants as he stretched her, and
stretched
her. It had been so long and a part of her was fighting this assault on her body and senses. Her heart was beating so loudly she could barely hear his words. She arched away, straining against the cool wall and moaned softly as she inexorably sank lower still, impaling herself.

She trembled with his possession. He felt huge and hard, and just as she thought she couldn’t possibly stretch for him any more, his hand reached between their bodies and very, very gently, his thumb began another kind of assault. A sweet and incredibly effective sneak attack, the kind that melted every resisting muscle in her body. She cried out as waves of electric sensation bashed her consciousness. Her whole body exploded into action and, slippery wet, she slid all the way down.

She was impaled. There was nowhere else to go. Helpess, and feeling her femininity as never before, she laid her head
on Rick’s shoulder. She was his. And already his thumb was moving again, lazy circles waking every nerve, stimulating every drop of desire from her body, and suddenly sharp scenes floated in her pleasure-induced state even as her insides flexed and milked him, contracting in spasms as he strummed and stroked.

“Not fair! I can’t do anything in this position. I can’t move.” Her shrieks of protests were ignored as her husband pushed her higher. She giggled as she tried to picture the precarious position she was in.

“Baby,” Rick’s voice was deep and amused, “what do you mean you can’t do anything? You’re coming and coming in this position.”

As if to demonstrate the truth of it, he braced a muscular arm under one of her legs and shifted her position against the wall. With one leg wrapped around his waist and the other draped like that, she was wide open—helpless, totally unprotected from his sexual manipulation. A wicked quirk leaped to his lips as he cocked a brow at her. She pretended to glare at him, but couldn’t suppress a moan when the assault began. Slowly, deliberately, he began to grind his pelvic bone repeatedly against her clitoris.

“See?” he whispered in her ear, his breath hot and sexy, “You don’t have to move and don’t you know, you’re definitely doing something. I can feel you, you know.”

His tongue scalded her ear and she gurgled out a half groan as he teased the sensitive creases. Her whole being melted into a quivering mass of need and pleasure as his groin sharply imitated each plunge of his tongue. Her wet soapy behind was sliding down the tiled wall, and out of preservation, she blindly grabbed at the nearest thing. The showerhead fell off the hook and hit Rick’s head with a thud.

“Rick! Are you all right?”

“This damn room is too small.”

She giggled again at his grumbling tone. “It’s our shower stall, love. We’re supposed to shower in it, not do gymnastics.”

“I’m showering you with love and attention, aren’t I?”
He continued undulating against her, totally unconcerned that he might slip. “Must I do everything around here?”

“The soap, honey. We’re going to break our necks in a minute.”

Rick sighed exaggeratedly. He turned on the shower. “Well, we’d better wash off the soap then, hmm?”

She screamed as soon as she realized his intentions. “You wouldn’t. No, you wouldn’t!”

“We’re showering, baby,” he crooned, and turned the shower spray right where they were connected.

Hot water pressure thrummed against her clitoris. He pushed inside her all the way, and the fullness of him pushed her over the edge. She let go. She could fall and break her neck for all she cared.

“Tighter. Yeah, like that. Squeeze me, baby.”

Her pelvis gyrated mindlessly as he continued to use the showerhead, moving it higher and lower, up and down, building her tension to unbearable heights. Her orgasm was a crescendo of color and sound. All she could do was tumble through it, and all along, she knew she was safe in Rick’s arms.

“Ungh…” she finally moaned and flopped forward.

The sound of water turning off. Rick was still hard inside her, still owned her soul. “You moved. A lot. You happy now?”

“I want a bigger bathroom,” she moaned.

Nikki buried her face in Rick’s neck and kissed him. “This bathroom,” she said into his ear. “It’s for me, isn’t it?”

Immersed in the feel of her, Rick opened his eyes at her question, focusing outward with difficulty. She must be reading his mind. “You remembered?” he asked.

“Yes.” Her voice was muffled, her caressing lips giving little stings of heat. “I remember you promising me a new bathroom the next time we move. I like the way you taste.”

Those words sent him into overdrive. He arched up, pushing into her, pinning her against the wall again. “I like the way you feel,” he told her.

Bracing his feet, he cupped the underside of her thighs
and opened them wider. He withdrew, inhaling sharply, as her inner walls held on to him possessively. He closed his eyes, savoring her wet heat. Just before he was totally out, he pushed in again. Deep. He could barely breathe; she was clenching him, tight as a fist.

Not enough. He needed more of her. He withdrew, pushed in, using the combined strength of his calves and thighs. Her little throaty cries drove him to the edge. Her hands raked his hair restlessly. Flesh slapped into flesh, slick and sensuous, and still it wasn’t enough.

“I like the way you take me inside you so tightly,” he rasped out. “Take more of me, Nikki.”

He pushed her thighs even higher, farther apart. She moaned as the tip of his sex pressed into her womb. Not enough. Not enough. Perspiration beaded his brow as he hurried the tempo, gliding out, slamming in, sliding out, his intent at one with his desire. He would make her remember this. She couldn’t have forgotten this.

He gritted his teeth. Pulled out of her wet silkiness, and throwing back his head, thrust. Hard. Nikki gasped out his name, scratching his shoulders, her head lolling back and forth. He swiveled his hips upward, half closing his eyes in anticipation. A tiny resistance, like virgin lips puckered tightly for a kiss—he tilted her a certain angle, and he was in. Fierce joy forced his eyes closed as the feeling of completion overwhelmed everything. He held on to his control for one instant longer. Then he let go.

He poured everything he had into her—his lost dreams, his hopes, everything he had been keeping inside him all these years. His world exploded and reformed. He couldn’t stop coming, his release a long pulsing stream of heat until he thought he was going to die from the pleasure.

This was his place. This was home.

Nikki could only hang on. Emotion swelled in her heart as Rick gave a deep groan and started shuddering against her. He was buried deeply within her. Every time he flexed, she
felt him rubbing the very sensitive tip inside, like an internal kiss. It was a possessive kiss. A mark of ownership. And it felt so good.

How could she have forgotten this man? He was bigger than life, imprinted in her soul and very being. Yet her mind had refused to acknowledge his existence. Why? A twinge of guilt twisted her conscience. It seemed so impossible that she could remember some things, and not him. She had regained memory of her grandmother. Favorite foods, even. Why not Rick? Why did she need other people’s information to fill the gap? Something was wrong with her.

Her body knew his touch, though. And he certainly knew hers. Every intimate touch, every caress, pulled a response that was earth-shattering, taking her to heights that she never knew existed. Well, she did, she vaguely corrected, but she just couldn’t remember! It bothered her. Why couldn’t she remember such a glorious experience?

She wrapped her arms and legs around him, hugging him close, as he took her love and returned it in full measure. His breathing was still uneven as he rained kisses on her face. She made a sound of protest when he started to disengage their fused bodies, lowering her back onto the floor. She wanted to stay like that, with him inside her, forever.

“Did I hurt you?” He rubbed her back, a look of concern replacing the hard stamp of male satisfaction on his face.

She was a little sore but there was no pain. She shook her head. He was looking down, studying her body, and the intensity of his gaze made her suddenly aware of her nudity. Heat suffused her from head to toe. Self-consciousness returned, and she looked around for something to cover up.

“No.” He stopped her fidgeting, one finger under her chin. “Don’t hide from me, Nikki. Not anymore.”

She stood very still as he pulled her long braid to the front and started to loosen it, shivering a little as his knuckles caressed her breasts when he followed the length of the hair. “Remember the rules? I want your hair loose.” It fell like a heavy curtain, and he gathered a handful, lifting it to his face.

“I remember. You always loved my hair loose, wouldn’t let me tie it up at home.” Another flash in her mind. “Those rules. Rick, they have some connection with our past.”

His eyes were a brilliant green. “Yes.”

She tried to ignore his hands cupping her breasts, rubbing her nipples with his thumbs. “You…you knew?”

He shook his head. Then he nodded. “Something inside me knew you, but my mind refused to accept it. How could I?” He caressed her sensitive peaks till the now familiar heat began to build again. “I would have known, though, once I had you in bed with me. I would know your body, Nikki.”

She touched her cheek briefly. “My face…” she began.

He cupped her face, his hands tangled with her hair. He looked into her eyes, as if he could see something in them. “It’s still you.”

“But I’ve forgotten so much.”

He shocked her with a slow crooked smile. “You seem to remember more every time I touch you down there. Let’s make love about a dozen times, then we’ll talk about what you can remember.”

She laughed. Rick was teasing her. She looked down at the telltale sign. Was he? Surely he wasn’t serious? She glanced up at him, and the sexy quirk of his lips that told her that he wasn’t done with her yet.

“A dozen?” she echoed. She hadn’t allowed any man near her for years. A dozen times was unimaginable. She looked down at him again, so ready for
her.
She bit her lower lip nervously. “A dozen?”

There was so much to learn again about this man and she didn’t mean from the files. Her husband. Yet, from her flashbacks, he really wasn’t the same man of her memories. He was harder. In many ways, stronger. And, she suspected, infinitely patient. He was determined about something, and making love to her was part of it, but she couldn’t figure out what was going on in his head, not when he was already starting to explore her body again. Her legs parted without any urging. Again she was filled with a need beyond anything
she had ever experienced. She was half amazed, half shocked at how easily he aroused her.

“Tonight, let’s just continue where we left off last night. You were coming up to my apartment. You had questions for me. And…I had rules…remember?”

Of course she remembered. He had her half-conscious from wanting him, not unlike now. She could only nod as his hand coaxed between her legs. Part of her wanted to ask him what he was up to, but all of her just wanted him.

He turned her gently toward the big spa tub. Taking a bath used to be peaceful for her, a private sanctuary. She had a feeling that Rick was going to take over that place now.

Rick couldn’t tell her what this bathroom was to him. There were no words to explain how he felt whenever he sat alone in this tub. In the early days, in the darkest despair, this was the only place to escape his nightmares. As time went by, this was the one place where he felt a semblance of peace.