Fair Is the Rose (50 page)

Leana looked up, her blue eyes assessing Rose from beneath her wide-brimmed bonnet. “It calms the womb.”

Calms the womb
. Rose tried not to let her keen interest show. “What do you mean it ‘calms’ it?”

“Rose, I thought you knew.” Leana brushed the soil from her fingers. “Valerian root has been used to heal barren women since the Romans came to Scotland.”

“Truly?” Hope bloomed inside her. Could it be she’d found a cure in Auchengray’s own garden?

Leana raised a cautionary hand. “Of course, one can ne’er be certain—”

“Please, dearie!” Rose dropped to her knees, not caring if she soiled her gown. “You were there when Dr. Gilchrist told me the news. You heard him say I might never have children.”

“I did.” Leana tipped her bonnet down, concealing her face. “And I’m sorry, Rose.”

Was Leana genuinely sorry? Sorry enough to help her? Rose reached out, taking Leana’s hands in hers. “What must be done with this valerian? Do you grind the root? Are the leaves brewed in a tea? Is it meant to be rubbed into the skin or swallowed in a syrup?”

Leana’s straw brim did not move. Nor did she answer.

“
Please
, dearie. If valerian can heal my womb, won’t you prepare some for me? You ken how much I long for children of my own. I … I only want what … what you have.”

“Indeed, you want
all
that I have.” Leana withdrew her hands, refusing to look up, though Rose heard the tears in her voice. “Aren’t my husband and my son enough for you, Rose?”

“Oh, Leana. I didn’t mean …I shouldn’t have …”

“Nae,” she said, the word laced with pain. “You should not have. You want all that is mine, Rose. And yet you offer me nothing in return.
Nothing.
”

“But, Leana … whatever would I have that you might want?”

Fifty-Six

On me, on me
Time and change can heap no more!

R
ICHARD
H
ENGIST HORNE

J
amie. That is what I want
.

She could never tell Rose that. She could never tell Jamie. But Leana could not lie to herself. An hour alone with the man she loved—that was what she wanted. Wanted but could not have. To even imagine it was a sin.

Leana found a corner of her sleeve that wasn’t caked with dirt and wiped it across her cheeks. “There is nothing you can offer me, Rose. Nor should you need to, for I am your sister. I wronged you, without meaning to, as you wronged me. Let us speak no more of this.”

“Aye.” Rose looked relieved. “So … will you prepare the valerian for me?”

“I shall, Rose, but not this one.” Leana plucked the valerian from Ian’s grasp and replanted the uprooted stalk, patting the soil round it with her spade. “The dried valerian root I harvested last autumn is far more potent.” Standing to her feet, she tucked her basket of garden tools beneath one arm and gathered Ian onto her hip with the other. “Come with me to the stillroom.”

Neither sister spoke as they crossed the grass together and entered the house, though Rose’s eagerness hung about her like a perfume. Did the lass think of no one but herself?
And who were you thinking of a moment ago, Leana?
Perhaps the tension between them would ease once the wedding was over.
Or perhaps ’twill be much worse
. Leana was grateful when Eliza met them at the door, for a stillroom was no place for a curious bairn. “Take Ian for a few minutes, will you, while I prepare a tincture for Rose?”

“Aye, mem.” Eliza dipped her cap at Ian, who promptly yanked it
off, releasing a wave of sandy curls. “Och! And tae think I’d planned tae gie ye a sweetie, ye naughty boy.” The two went off in search of the hairpins that had gone flying, while Leana and Rose continued through the kitchen.

Leana stopped at the hearth long enough to light a taper, then led the way into the stillroom, where she’d spent many an autumn day processing her harvest from the physic garden. She settled onto a tall stool in front of her cabinet of tinctures, comforted by the familiar sight. Agrimony, lady’s mantle, plantain, wood betony, and two dozen more tinctures stood at attention. ’Twas a long process to make them, steeping the dried herbs in rum and water for a fortnight, then straining the liquid through cheesecloth, then a wine press, before storing the concoctions in slender brown bottles. Potent medicines, though none of them strong enough to heal her ravaged heart.

To work, Leana
. She soon located the valerian and added several drops of the tincture to a spoonful of water fresh from Auchengray’s well. “Swallow this without letting it sit on your tongue,” Leana instructed her sister. “The smell is most unpleasant.” Rose did as she was told, making a terrible face. “Now you see why the Greeks called valerian
phu.
”

“Aye.” Rose licked her lips, wrinkling her nose again. “Will I notice anything?”

“ ’Twill make you relax, even feel a bit sleepy. Why not stretch out on your bed for a quiet hour before dinner?” “But Jamie—”

“Will be tending his ewes until well past the gloaming. You’ll not be missed, Rose.”

“If you’re certain.” Her sister started for the kitchen, then turned back. Her cheeks were the very color of her rosy pink gown. “Leana, I am sorry to ask you this, but I … I have no mother and would be ashamed to ask Neda. ’Tis about … Jamie.”

Leana began straightening the bottles in her cabinet as if she had not heard her, though her hands shook with the effort.

“Might you tell me … what to expect, Leana? What to … do … with Jamie? I ken verra little of … such things.”

Leana shut the cabinet door so firmly the bottles tinkled against one another. “Are you asking me how to please my husband?”

“Nae,” Rose whispered, “I’m asking you how to please mine.”

The wooden stool wobbled behind her as Leana stood, gripping the table for support. “I taught you how to care for Ian. But I will not …” The words stuck in her throat. “I will not teach you … how to care for Jamie.”

“But how am I to learn?” Rose wailed.

“Oh,
Rose!
” Leana brushed past her, bound for the door. “How can you ask such a thing?”

“Wait!” Rose snagged her sleeve. “Please, Leana.”

She stopped but only because she feared where her legs might carry her.
To the hills. To Jamie
. Leana could not look at her sister as she spoke. “Let … me … go.” Each word was torn from her heart, like pages from a book. “Please. Do not ask this of me.”

“I’m sorry, Leana. I am just so … so
confused
. I ken not what to expect nor how to … prepare myself …”

“
Please
, Rose!” Freeing herself from her sister’s grasp, Leana took off through the kitchen, tears blinding her eyes. She had to get away, to get out of doors where she could breathe, where she could think. Away from Auchengray. Away from Rose. She flew across the threshold into the fading light of early evening. In the gloaming the cooling earth released its heat, creating a mist that swirled along the ground, invisible yet visible.

Disoriented, she ran headlong into Neda, almost sending them both sprawling across the lawn.

“Och, lass! Whaur are ye bound wi’ supper not an hour awa?”

Leana could hardly catch her breath. “Not hungry,” she managed to say, then stumbled forward into the mist. Where
was
she bound?
Jamie
. Aye, she must find him, for he alone would understand.
Please, Lord. Just to see his face. Just to hear his voice
.

“Jamie!” she cried out as the thickening mist enveloped her. Skirting the farm steading, Leana hastened toward Auchengray Hill, calling the name of the man she loved. By the time she reached the crest, she could barely stand, so violently were her legs shaking. The gloaming and
the mist conspired against her, for she could no longer see across the other hills nor down to the glens below.

“Jamieee!” She listened, breathing hard.

A voice floated up from the murk. “Leana?”

“Aye!” she cried out, plunging down the steep hillside, clutching her skirts with both hands as she made her frantic descent.
I’m coming, Jamie!
she wanted to shout, but her ragged breathing would not allow it. Surely he could hear her crashing past the gorse that tore at her petticoats. “Jamie!” she managed once more, and then she saw him emerging from the mist, climbing toward her, his eyes wide with concern.

“Leana, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“
Everything!
” She threw herself into his embrace, stifling her sobs against his chest.

Fifty-Seven

Love is the tyrant of the heart; it darkens
Reason, confounds discretion; deaf to Counsel
It runs a headlong course to desperate madness.

J
OHN
F
ORD

O
ch, my love.” His arms tightened round her, pulling her closer still. “I am so sorry. So verra sorry.”

Her hands clutched the back of his shirt. “Forgive me, Jamie. I … I should not … be here.”

“Wheesht,” he whispered, rubbing his beard against her hair, breathing in the heady scent of her. “ ’Tis the one place you should be, Leana.” He did not need to know what had brought her running down Auchengray Hill. She was where she belonged.
Here. With me
.

Jamie leaned toward the slope of the hill, jamming his boot heels harder into the soggy ground so they would not fall. He dared not move or let her go, for he knew Leana too well. Overcome with remorse, she would run from his side. He would lose her soon enough; he would not lose her now.

Though she tried to speak, her words were disjointed, nonsensical. She gasped for air between phrases. “In the garden … with Ian … nae, in the stillroom … Rose asked …”

Always Rose
. “We’ve no need to speak of your sister.”

“She wanted …” Leana pressed harder into his chest. “She wanted to know how to … how to … please you.”

Jamie bit back an oath.
The nerve of the girl!
“ ’Tis advice your sister will have no use for.” He thrust his hands through her hair and lifted her face to his. “You are the one who pleases me, Leana.” He brushed his lips across her forehead, feeling the heat from her skin. When her eyes drifted closed, he kissed each one in turn. Then her cheeks, wet with tears. And her chin with its faint cleft.

His mouth hesitated over hers.
You cannot kiss me again
. So she had begged him, and so he’d agreed.
’Tis a punishment too sweet to bear
.

“Can you bear it now, lass? May I kiss you?”

When she nodded ever so slightly, he had all the sanction he needed. The mist thickened, and the air grew darker as the gloaming faded into night. And still his mouth was fixed on hers, staking his claim.
You are mine, beloved. And I am yours
.

“Jamie.” She nuzzled her cheek against his neck, a bit unstable on her feet. “Jamie, please …”

“Come,” he murmured, “the bothy is not far down the hill.” He gripped her hand, lest she pull away, lest she try to run. “This way, Leana. Mind your step.” He led her toward the stone shelter, a mean refuge from ill weather, little more. There were no chairs, only a table and a stone bed built against the wall, where they sat down, both shivering though it was not especially cold.

“ ’Tis clean at least,” he said, wrapping his arm round her shoulders to draw her closer. “Alan Newall and I repaired the walls and straightened up the place last week. ’Twas a meikle mess.” Why was he mentioning such things? They hardly mattered now. All that mattered was Leana.

Jamie pulled her onto his lap, steadying his legs to balance her. “Come, my love. Let me kiss you again.”

Her mouth welcomed his as he slowly ran his hands over her hair, along her shoulders, down her back. “You are the woman I love,” he murmured between kisses.
My wife. My Leana
. “Never forget that. Only you.”

He held his breath, waiting for the words he longed to hear:
Love me, Jamie
. Her sweet invitation. Her gentle consent.

But those were not the words she spoke.

“Forgive me, Jamie.” Leana slowly straightened, leaning away from him. Even in the darkness of the bothy he could see the sorrow in her eyes. “This is not right. Nor is it fair to Rose. And we both ken it well.”

He groaned as his chin sank to his chest.
Too well
.

“ ’Tis my fault.” She slid to her feet, smoothing her skirts. “I should never have come looking for you.”

“But I was glad to see you.”
More than glad
. He stood, longing to embrace her, loath to let her go. “Do not punish yourself, beloved. It was only a kiss.”

“Nae, Jamie.” She stepped back, beyond his reach. “ ’Twas a temptation. Forgive me, my love.” Leana fled from the bothy, her blue gown disappearing into the mist.

His heart was still pounding hard against his chest as he walked toward the stables some minutes later.
Only a kiss
. Nae, Leana was right; ’Twas more than that. A word from her, and he would have ruined everything.
Love me, Jamie
. Thanks be to God, she’d found the strength not to say it.

Only now did the repercussions of their meeting—however brief, however chaste—rise up to greet him like the mist. Did Rose know where her sister was headed? Might someone have seen them? He cared nothing for his own reputation; Leana’s name alone mattered. She had paid dearly for this sin once. He would not watch her mount the repentance stool again, not for a kiss he never should have asked for.

The muffled sound of the front door opening and closing carried across the lawn as he drew near the steading.
Leana. Safely home
. Above him the doves cooed in their doocot, settling down for the night.
Forgive me, Lord. Forgive us both
. Slipping in the back door, he found the kitchen in its usual uproar, with pots clanging and Neda ordering the maids about. They curtsied politely, but no one looked at him twice as he passed through the room and into the hall.
Guid
. The sooner up the stair the better, before anyone asked too many questions.