Faith, Honor & Freedom (20 page)

He growls in approval, and seconds later, I’m coming again, and he’s shuddering as he pumps his hot liquid inside of me. I collapse against his chest, my pussy still clenching rhythmically on its own accord around his dick. I take a second to catch my breath, and then roll off him, wobbling on weak legs to the bathroom to clean up.

Did that really just happen? And without a condom? Talk about irresponsible—it’s not like I don’t know the repercussions … or how much of a man-whore Weston is. Thank God I’m on birth control!

I clean myself up, fix my make-up and my hair, and try and give myself a pep talk. Last time we had sex, it went terribly afterward, and I really just want him to hear me out. As much as I feel that we have more going on than just sex, I’d rather have him there as a friend, and a fuck buddy, then to lose him completely. But, what if this is all because he still wants to see other women? Can I be okay with that?

Fuck no!

I swallow the lump in my throat and exit the bathroom. Hoss isn’t in the bathroom so I get dressed quickly and make my way to the kitchen. He’s not there either. What the hell! I search around the apartment, but he’s gone. Did he seriously just leave?

Bastard!

I grab my cell phone and let it ring and ring until he finally answers.

“Lana,” he breathes.

“Please tell me you ran out to get food so we can stay in bed all day.”

“I can’t …” he starts again. Fuck him! Yeah, he technically didn’t use me since I basically begged for it both times, but hell if I don’t feel used right now.

“Let me guess, Hoss, you can’t do it, can you? I wasn’t asking you to settle down and have a family. Fuck! But I would at least like to be extended the same courtesy as your regular whores. Or do you play mind games with them and then sneak off, too?” I ask bitterly.

I can hear him sigh into the phone, and it pisses me off more. I want a straight answer from him! “You either want me, or you don’t.”

“It’s not that fucking simple, Lana.”

“It’s a yes or no answer, Hoss. Not sure how I can dumb it down for you any more. I end the call and throw it down on the counter. Fuck! How has he managed to now ruin the two best sex sessions of my life? That’s it. I’m done with Weston Hoss, and I mean it this time. Great sex isn’t worth being treated lower than a common whore.

I walk to the bathroom and take a mind numbingly hot bath, shave my legs, and slip into a little black dress. Maybe Alec isn’t the guy I’m going to marry, but at this point, I don’t give a shit. I need out of this condo, and he’s willing and waiting to be my friend, at the very least.

I walk through the doors to Paliko as Alec holds it open for me. “Thank you, that was delicious,” I say kindly. I am officially stuffed beyond belief after eating a lobster and steak dinner. If that’s not crazy enough, I also ate two desserts. Worth. Every. Calorie. I’ll burn it off at the gym tomorrow anyway.

“Would you like to come over?” he asks as he walks me to my car. I shudder at the thought. I just slept with Hoss before this date, and I already feel like a huge slut. I’m not even sure I should have come to supper, but it seemed rude to break plans again, plus it was nice getting out and forgetting everything for a little while. He’s been great company.

“I have an early morning,” I lie. “I’m going to have to say no for tonight. How long until you leave town?”

“It’s looking like I might get to stay a while yet,” he says, flashing his beautiful set of teeth my way.

“All right, well, we should do this again sometime.”

“Consider it done,” he says, leaning in for a kiss. I keep it swift and friendly.

“Thank you again,” I say, opening my door and slipping behind the wheel.

The next two weeks pass in a frenzied blur. My application was approved to be able to sit with Jade’s baby and be involved in her care, although all medical decisions are still left up to the state. She’s gained a whole pound in the last few weeks, and although she’s still not able to take a bottle, she’s been receiving formula through a nasogastric tube. She’s also had a blood transfusion, and that seems to have perked her up some. She’s awake more and more, and interacting with her has been the highlight of my days.

One of my doula clients delivered her baby at home, with the help of Sadie and me. I spent a few days after her birth assisting as she had some complications during delivery. During the nights I wasn’t working, or completely exhausted, I went out with Alec. Usually just to supper, dancing, or a movie. My heart was still confused, and I didn’t want to start something serious with him again. Plus, it just didn’t feel the same as it did before Hoss.

Alec was still an incredibly attractive man, but I had no desire to be with him sexually. I knew it just didn’t compare, and I also knew there was a reason Hoss left afterward … twice. Maybe I was bad in bed, and I didn’t want to be embarrassed again. I knew deep down that this wasn’t fair to Alec either, but he was patient.

So on Monday night, I find myself slipping on a strapless plum dress. I absolutely love the way the empire waist makes my boobs look, and the lace overlay just makes it even more feminine. I fix my makeup and hair and wait for the knock on the door signaling Alec’s arrival.

It felt bizarre at first, having him pick me up here, but God knows Hoss is probably screwing other women in
my
bed, and doesn’t that just piss me off enough to not care about Alec. At least the most that goes down here is a goodnight kiss. Not that Alec doesn’t whisper naughty things in my ear and try for a repeat of what happened our first night together, but it just doesn’t appeal to me, and he takes it in stride. My judgement is clouded, and Hoss has yet to speak to me since he snuck out of here.

I called Hoss twice, intending to ask if there were any updates on Jade, but he didn’t answer the phone. Clearly I wasn’t on his mind as much as he had been on mine. Marnie’s church contacts have yet to pan out, and aside from that and calling a few soup kitchens, I have nothing else to go on. I’m still kicking myself for not even offering to take a photo of her in labor or after delivery. And with no real name to go on, I’m sure Hoss hasn’t gotten anywhere either. That is, if he even remembered to try.

I hear a loud knock at the door, so I grab my purse and slip on some strappy silver sandals. “Coming,” I yell through the door. I figure if I’m completely ready when I open the door, it doesn’t seem as strange to not invite him in. He’s asked whose condo it is, but all I’ve managed to say is an old friend who is out of town. He and Hoss don’t seem to get along well, and I don’t want to stir the pot. With Violet preoccupied with Gavin, and Angela working as much as she does, Alec has been my only friend lately. Without him, I’d be stuck in this condo all the time, and well, look what happens when I get bored.

I open the door and find Alec with a bouquet of pink roses in hand. His thoughtfulness never ceases to amaze me, and I feel guilty for not being completely invested in this
relationship
. Maybe someday I’ll be able to give him my heart, but at the moment it’s still nursing some raw wounds.

“Thank you, they’re stunning,” I say, accepting the roses, and a chaste kiss.

I carry them into the kitchen as he steps inside the condo. I can’t help but feel like he’s invading something personal, which is absurd. I move swiftly, placing the flowers in water, before meeting him back by the door.

“Shall we go?” I ask, hopefully.

“We could …” he trails off, looking deeper into the apartment. “Or we could continue what we didn’t get to finish a few weeks ago,” he says, his voice low and seductive. He places his hands low on my hips and draws me in close, bringing his lips down on mine. I kiss him back, hoping to feel any sort of chemistry, but it’s just not there. He’s not a bad kisser, he just doesn’t compare to … I stop myself there and pull back from Alec.

“My friend should be home soon,” I lie convincingly. “We should get going, too; we don’t want to miss our reservations.”

“Of course,” he says, taking a step backward and opening the front door. “After you.” I walk through, grabbing the keys from my purse to lock up behind me. He places his hand on my lower back, and I can’t help but wish his hand belonged to someone else.

“I forgot to mention, but I think this will be my last night in town. We won the bid on a contract about four hours away.”

“Congratulations,” I say, feeling relief wash through me. As much as I’ll miss having someone to go out with at night, I feel relieved that I’ll be forced to stop pretending this is something that it’s not. Alex deserves more than what I have to offer him.

Chapter 14

Hoss

I search my office for the lab work on a case I’m working, but I can’t find it anywhere. All I can see is everything that Lana touched, moved, and cleaned. Not because I asked her to, but because that’s just what she does. I feel my pulse start racing as the memory of her screaming my name—her pussy dripping wet, stretched out across my bed—floods my mind.

“Fuck,” I mutter, adjusting myself for the millionth time these past two weeks. It was hard enough staying away after we had sex the first time, but to know how much she enjoyed it, that she fantasized about it after, was too much for me to handle.

Was it a bitch move that I left right after? Without a doubt. I was seconds away from telling her how much I loved her, and that’s not what she deserves. I was almost ready to say fuck you to Rhett’s rules.
Almost.
The guy would always be my best friend, and he’d made me promise more times than I can count to stay away from her. It clearly meant something to him, and I owe him that. I owe him
everything.

I turn back to my filing cabinet and begin rummaging when I hear my door swing open. I turn to yell something about knocking, but the look on Henry’s face tells me to shut my mouth and listen.

“He’s got another one, sir,” he says uneasily.

“Where?” I ask, feeling the dread build up inside of me. I don’t even need to ask who he’s talking about.

“I just overheard them say it was your building,” he says nervously.

Lana!

“What apartment number?” I ask, feeling the bile rise up in my throat.

“I … I don’t know sir.”

Fucking waste of time! I push past him and rush over to where a bunch of officers are assembling. “What apartment number?” I holler. They all turn to look at me, eyes wide.

“We don’t know. She called it in herself—didn’t sound good—and passed out while dispatch was talking to her,” Parker replies.

“Then what are you fucking doing standing around?” I yell as I rush past them.

“The ambulance is on the way, and a few officers are already on scene. We were heading out, too,” Parker calls back.

I rush to my truck and throw the siren on. I grab my phone and dial Lana’s cell phone number, but it goes straight to voicemail. I thank fuck it’s nighttime, and the traffic is light. Please Lana, just be okay. The last thing I said to her was fucking terrible, and I’ve ignored her last two phone calls. Were they a cry for help? Did she feel threatened? I feel like the biggest kind of dick. She needed me, and I wasn’t there, all because I was too fucking selfish. I wanted her too much, and it was too hard to be near her.

I’m so sorry, Rhett
.

I pull up to the front of the building where I see an ambulance and two police cars already assembled. I leave the truck running and hurry into the building faster than any comic book hero could. I take the stairs up to my floor four at a time, and throw open the tenth floor door, rushing down the hall. I turn the corner to where my condo is, expecting to see everyone assembled, but the hallway is eerily silent. I push the key into the lock and open the door.

“Lana! Lana!” I yell out, bolting through the apartment.

She’s not here.

Good sign or bad?
I see a bouquet of fresh flowers sitting on the counter. Fucking hell, she’s on a date. I lock up the apartment behind me and run back into the stairwell. I take a deep breath and try and calm the blood pounding in my eardrums. Finally, I can hear activity on the floor below mine. I practically jump down the stairwell before opening the door. I see a woman with black hair being wheeled in the opposite direction on a stretcher. “NO!” I cry out, running toward her. Why was she down here? Christ, it can’t be her, can it?

The closer I get, the more I can tell that this woman is not Lana Carter. She looks eerily similar, but it’s definitely not her. I feel relief sweep through me, and although I should feel guilt-ridden for feeling that, I can’t. Lana’s safe. This woman, though, is bruised, bloodied, and either unconscious or dead. Her neck is covered in black and blue bruises, and I can tell immediately she’s been strangled. I hope we can get some fucking prints. My mind is spinning too fast, and I’m scared to check for a pulse.

“Is she?” I ask the paramedic, who is staring back at me with curious eyes.

“She was unconscious when we arrived, her breathing is shallow, but she’s alive. Now, please, we need to get her to the hospital to keep her that way,” she says, and I jump back quickly, letting them continue on. I run my fingers through my hair, and take a deep breath.
She’s okay, they’re both okay.

I open the door to the apartment the woman was found in and find four officers huddled in the front entryway. “What happened?” I ask.

“It’s bad,” Lopez replies. “Is your truck out front?”

“Yeah.”

“Go move it. I just called back up to move ours to the parking garage down the street.”

“Shit,” I reply, running toward the stairwell. If the victim was found alive, he’s probably coming back to finish her off later, and I just left a flashing
do not enter
sign in front of the building.

I rush outside, keeping an eye out for anyone suspicious. I notice two officers in plain clothes warning all of the enquiring people in the lobby to get back into their apartments until someone comes to talk with them. I park the truck in the underground parking lot, turning off the lights, and make my way back up to her apartment, knocking on the door.