Faith Hope and Love (A Homespun Romance) (14 page)

"Luke?"  The excitement threaded with apprehension on her face heightened his awareness.  Her breath warm and sweet flirted with the muscles on his cheek.

"Thank you for helping me put things in perspective."  Odd he should sound so hoarse.  He didn't want to frighten her with the force of his feelings.  Maybe words would help him cool off.  "I had things under control till Dad called this morning.  He sounded so sad, so tired.  He said the greatest sorrow any man could face was to live long enough to see his children die.  Something snapped in me then, and I had to get away."

"I know."  One hand came up and for a fleeting moment her fingertips rested against his cheek.  The strongest always fell the hardest.  Luke had been so busy getting on with life he hadn't even realized he owed his mind time to grieve, to adjust. 

Luke tensed under her touch.  It was the first time Rachel had touched him like this.  He looked at her and suddenly he wanted her closer.  Much, much closer.  Lowering his lips he delved into the comfort she was offering so freely.

Rachel wasn't aware of threading her fingers through Luke's hair of urging him to increase the pressure of his mouth.  All she knew was every nerve in her body was straining towards him.  Their clothes seemed to be in the way.  She slid her hand into the neck of his shirt splayed her fingers against his skin exploring the satiny surface. 

Luke knew it wouldn't take much to make love to Rae here and now, but there were too many other things to consider.  Sympathy wasn't to be mistaken for love.  It was part of her giving nature that she wouldn't hold anything back, wouldn't regret anything.  But he would.  There was more at stake here than the need to lose oneself temporarily.  Rae deserved nothing less than the best. 

Gently he placed his hands on her upper arms, held her away.  When she came to him, it would have nothing to do with sympathy or compassion. 

Luke hugged her as he saw the embarrassment dawn on her face, claimed one last kiss and then put her on her feet.  "I think I hear Angela in the family room."

Rachel pressed her palms against her hot cheeks to cool them.  She had latched on to his change of mood.  She didn't need it spelled out to realize that she had been a hairsbreadth away from making an utter fool of herself.  "I have to check on Gordie." 

She was almost at the door when Luke stopped her.  Hand on the knob to keep it shut he lifted her chin with a finger, "Rae, don't misunderstand what just happened in here," he ordered sternly.  "I want you, but when we make love it will stem only from our feelings for each other: nothing else."  He watched the rich color flood her face before he said, "Loving is a celebration of a man and a woman's commitment to each other.  Nothing should be allowed to mar that celebration.  Not compassion, not doubts."

He opened the door for her and Rachel walked out on legs that had lost all sensation.  She didn't know what she said to Angela who fortunately was already immersed in her favorite television series. 

In her room Rachel leaned against the door, pressing a hand over her heart.  It was beating like a sledgehammer.  Fast, furious, excited. 

She had thought of love.  Of loving.  Often.  But never in her wildest dreams had she thought of it as a celebration.  She shivered thinking of Luke's dark eyes, the hands that were so clever.  Yes, the woman Luke loved wouldn't be in any doubt that she was taking part in a celebration. 

Luke watched her mount Sabrina from the office window.  She rode as she did everything else.  With quiet confidence. 

He thought of the way she had felt on his lap yesterday and his eyes narrowed.  If he had taken what she had offered so readily how would she be feeling today?  Or had she already decided to have an affair with him and then go back to Bangladesh, heart whole and fancy free, content with the knowledge she had loved a man? 

Juan was saying something about supplies.  Luke listened absent mindedly.

No, Rachel wasn't capable of a cold blooded decision like that.  The armor she had donned had more cracks now than the San Andreas Fault in California.  She cared about people deeply.  To her caring was synonymous with giving.  He thought of the way she was with Gordie, the look on her face when Hannah had said her back hurt, the way she had bullied Mojo into listening to her.  Rachel Carstairs was all woman.  A lifetime of loving her wouldn't be enough.  The problem was to convince her of it. 

"I know it's a large order," Juan said, "but at this price and if the quality is consistent with the samples we've been sent, we could be getting a real bargain."

"Um," said Luke.

Take yesterday for instance.  She had got through to him as no one had since the accident that had taken Rob and Chris.  But he couldn't delude himself into thinking it was because he was who he was.  Rae would have done the same for anyone in his place.  She had the magic of healing at her fingertips, an instinct that went beyond mere knowledge or experience.  Surely, he thought, that same instinct would let her acknowledge her true feelings.  Mentally she was stronger than anyone he knew, definitely stronger than him.  Would that same mental strength make her hold on to the thought she wasn't cut out for any other life except her work with MRA? 

Luke wondered what he would do if Rae decided that there was no place in her life for him.  For the first time in his life he was at a point where thinking things through didn't seem to serve any purpose.

"Rainbow's End died last night," Juan said quietly, a smile hovering at the corners of his mouth as he tested Luke's concentration.

"Um."

Rachel was saying something to Mojo who was riding beside her.  Incredibly enough it had been the Indian who had got her to start riding.  He had simply saddled Sabrina and brought the mare to the house one afternoon on a leading rein, informing Rachel the horses needed exercise and they were going for a ride. 

A surprised Rachel, Theresa had informed Luke later, had looked at the Indian silently for a minute and then nodded, "Wait a minute while I change into jeans." 

Friendship based on respect had taken root immediately between the pair.  They rode every day.  Mojo talked to Rachel, something he rarely did with anyone else, and she was perfectly at ease with him.  Her riding skills were improving and she didn't seem afraid of the horses any more.

"Two men broke into Stable A last night," Juan said his grin threatening to split his face.

"Good," said Luke.

He would send for that beautiful hand tooled saddle he'd seen in the catalog last week, maybe give it to her at Christmas. 

"Luke, shall we do this some other time?'  Juan asked patiently.

"What?'  Luke spun around.

"Your mind's not on horse feed at the moment," said Juan politely but the twinkle in his eyes said a lot more.  He glanced at the window.  "Maybe you should go for a ride too."

Luke grinned, not in the least embarrassed to have his thoughts guessed so accurately.  He had nothing to hide from the man who was like an uncle to him.  "I'm sorry Juan," he said unrepentantly.  "You have my full attention now." 

Pulling a chair up to the desk he straddled it and tried to shut out thoughts of the child-woman who robbed his nights of sleep.

"Now that Hannah plans on returning Friday morning, would you like to go to L.A. with me on Saturday?"  Luke asked Rachel on Thursday morning, "It will give you a chance to get some shopping done.  I have some business to take care of, that shouldn't take too long.  We can see a show at night if you like, stay overnight, and return in time for Sunday dinner."

Hannah had called last night to say her back was fine now.  Rachel smoothed Gordon's baby fine hair back.  Holding one of his hands she brushed his fingers against her lips reveling in the downy softness of his hand, taking her time about answering Luke. 

Ever since their last kiss he had been like this.  Not crowding her in any way, but letting her know he was waiting for her to come around to his way of thinking.  What he didn't know was she could be as stubborn as a gold miner's mule.  That she had no intention of giving in to her feelings.

"Let me call Dr. Smith and see if I can get an appointment with him Saturday." Rachel said quietly.  "I have to fix up details of my next assignment."

Black clouds moved across Luke's brow.  "Dr. Kenton hasn't given you an all clear yet," he pointed out.

"I'll have a blood test done at the MRA headquarters," Rachel replied.  "There's nothing wrong with me now.  I'm eating like a horse, I can walk for miles without tiring, I sleep like a log and am getting as fat as one of Theresa's cows."

The small dairy that supplied the Diamond Bar with milk was Theresa's domain. 

Luke wasn't the least bit amused but he didn't argue, simply said, "Let me know what you decide."  The banging of the study door was the only sign of his tension.

Rachel looked at Gordie sitting comfortably astride her hip and her chin wobbled.  He had become so much a part of her it was going to be hard to let go.  Not that she would have it any other way, now.  He turned to her for every little thing, as if he sensed her love for him went deeper than a woman's for just any baby. 

"It's for the best you know," she whispered to him.  One hand came up to gently finger his curls, file the memory of their silkiness for when she would be on the other side of the world.

Rachel leafed through the latest issue of Parents as she kept an eye on Gordie.  The sun room had been converted into his private domain when he had started crawling.  The only things in here were his toys, an enormous beanbag, a couple of soft armchairs and the rocking chair.  Watching him haul himself to his feet and look around at her triumphantly, Rachel said, "That's great, Gordie."

Her mind revolved around a remark Theresa had made a little while ago.  She had said something about how much Robbie and Chris had loved each other and then concluded with, "The wisest people are those who grab at love when it comes around.”

Was Theresa trying to get a message across?  That life was short, and people who didn't grab at happiness when they could, were fools?  Rachel bit her lip.  But foolish was also going into a contract as sacred as marriage without being sure of one's ability to deliver.

Gordie had crawled over to his walker and was banging on it.  Rachel put him into the red seat.  Propelling himself backwards across the room at his normal speed, Gordie came to a halt against the large cushions placed at the end of the room to stop him.  As always he looked amazed when something blocked his way.

Rachel frowned down at her hands.  Her body clamored for more of the feelings Luke roused in her, for the right to give those feelings rein.  The longer she stayed here the less will power she had.  But she mustn't weaken.  To grab what she wanted now, and find out later it wasn't enough to last a lifetime would be disastrous for all of them.  There had been enough grief on the Diamond Bar to last everyone a long time.

Gordie let out a wail and Rachel got up to turn the walker around, her decision already made.

As soon as Marie came out to watch Gordie, she would call Dr. Smith in L.A. and insist on being given her new assignment. 

CHAPTER
9

Saturday was picture postcard perfect.  The sky looked as if a blue sheet had been fitted over it.  There was not a single cloud in sight.  The temperature promised to go up to the seventies and even the usual early morning chill didn't seem quite as cold with the sun shining so brightly.

Luke had mentioned leaving early.  Rachel was up by four thirty, oddly restless.  By five she couldn't stay in bed any longer.  Hannah found her in the kitchen taking a pan of perfect muffins out of the oven when she came into the kitchen an hour later.

"Good morning!" Her raised eyebrows conveyed her surprise.  "You're an early bird today aren't you?  Those muffins look just about perfect."

"I found your
cookery book in the drawer and Theresa said you wouldn't mind if I used it."  Rae wondered if she should have gone for a walk instead.

"Of course I don't mind you using the cookery book," said Hannah briskly, "and the fact you've made those is going to give me time to finish my list.  Are you sure you don't mind doing some shopping in L.A. for me?  Don't worry if you can't get everything on the list.  Mid-week Betty and I are going to L.A. for the day."  Hannah looked at the list, then at the table searching for something.  "Oh dear.  I forgot the wool sample."

"Shall I get it for you?"  Rachel offered her eyes on her masterpiece.  The muffins really were perfect.  Now, if only her other attempts were as successful.  Yesterday her cheese sauce had had more lumps than an old pillow and the day before her cake had been trashed.

"Thanks but I'm not sure where I put it.  My memory's getting worse every day."  Muttering Hannah left the room.

The remark captured Rachel's attention.  It was the first she had heard of anything being wrong with Hannah's memory.  The housekeeper was the perfect historian.  She could remember things Grandpa Rob had said clearly.  Dates, times, even the season.  Listening to her talk about the early days on the ranch was better than reading a book.

Turning to the tiled counter
, Rachel made herself some tea.  Hannah had returned yesterday with a present for her.  A mug with her name on it.  Touched Rachel had hugged her and almost started crying. 

"Gaga."

"Good morning sweetheart."  She could barely finish the greeting.  The navy sweatpants Luke wore rode low on his hips.  Impervious to the cold, he hadn't stopped to pull on the top.  Water glistened like dewdrops on his chest and his hair wet and damp testified to the fact he had just got out of the shower.  The baby's softness against Luke's powerful muscled chest was incredibly provocative.  A pulse broke into a gallop in Rachel's throat.

"He's in a hurry for his bottle."  Luke reached out to the refrigerator.

"Here let me help."  Shrugging off her trance Rachel reached for a bottle and plugged in the warmer.  This close to Luke the scent of soap mingled with a citrusy aftershave was all around her.  Rachel shivered under the combined assault. 

"Want me to take him while you get ready?'

Luke skimmed her from head to toe and Rachel felt her color rise.  Dressed in jeans and sweater for comfort, she wished now she had something more elegant to wear.  But fine feathers stuck on a duck didn't change it into a swan.

"Sure."  Luke said easily.  "It looks like we're going to have a nice day but take your jacket anyway.  It will get cool at night."

"Okay."

Hannah came in as Rachel sat at the kitchen table with a diaper clad Gordie watching him tug at the bottle in his usual hurry.  "Let me take him so you can have a muffin while th
ey're still warm." she said.  "The list was in my pocket all along."

"No thanks Hannah," Rachel looked down at the navy blue eyes fixed on her face.  "I'll eat with you and Luke."

This was one of the few times in the day that Gordie allowed anyone to cuddle him.  He was growing so quickly and the fact she wouldn't be here to revel in the changes made her throat tighten.  Gordie smiled up at her and Rae knew at that moment she wouldn't have changed places with anyone in the world.  Maybe one day when she was very old she would come back and watch the pictures Luke was always taking with his digital camera, catch up on what she had missed.   Maybe Hannah would email her some each month.

Hannah paused a minute and looked at the picture they made before turning away with a
self-satisfied smile.  She had timed that little incident just right.  That man-eating fortune hunter who had visited them last year had done some good after all.  Remembering the way the woman had carried on about how the sight of Luke's bare chest turned her on, Hannah had thought of letting Rachel have a glimpse of it.  He usually came in like that first thing in the morning. 

Theresa had told her things had cooled off considerably since the tree cutting expedition.  It wasn't the way things were meant to be and Hannah intended to nudge them back on the right track.  A little `turning on' seemed to be in order. 

By the time Luke returned dressed in tan Levis and a red open necked shirt, Gordie was on his exercise mat in the sun room with Rachel, his needs temporarily satisfied.  Later Hannah would give him cereal and fruit. 

About to sit down at the table, Luke was arrested by Hannah's words.  "Never would have thought you were slow.  Stubborn, yes.  Slow, no."

Luke looked around.  He was the only one in the kitchen with her.  "I beg your pardon?"

Maybe Hannah was talking to herself.

"You."  Turning from the stove Hannah pointed a wooden spoon at him, clearing away all doubt whom she was addressing.  "Slow.  Stubborn.  Mulish."  Each word was emphasized by a wave of the spoon.  "Are you just going to let Rachel leave?  I thought you had more sense than that."

Luke's face closed up.  "The decision to stay has to be hers," he said stiffly.

"What's wrong with a little coaxing?” Hannah demanded,  "A little of, `I won't let you leave'?"

"No."  Luke mind was evidently made up.  "For a marriage to have a good chance, the decision has to be made by two people, not one."

That was it? 

"Hmph!"  She placed the teapot on the table but said nothing more as Rachel came in. 

All this modern psychology was so much nonsense.  Thank God, Carlos hadn't suffered from any of it.  He'd kissed her senseless, looked her straight in the eye and said, "We're getting married in the fall.  You're mine." 

Hannah decided to give Luke one more week to make his move.  If he hadn't cleaned up his act by then, a diet of boiled carrots might help clear his brain.

Breakfast was a quiet meal, each of them busy with their own thoughts.

"You two have a good time and don't worry about anything here," Hannah ordered, as she stood on the verandah to see them off.  "Jason's going to sleep in the house tonight.  As its Saturday
, Marie and Theresa won't come over, but Angela and I will manage just fine."

Rachel knew that was true and yet the thought of leaving Gordie, even for twenty four hours
, created an empty ache inside.  The memory of his scrunched up face went with them, and she turned in her seat to wave and catch a last glimpse.

"He'll be fine."  Luke said easily.  "Don't worry."

But she did.  What if he was cutting another tooth?  What if Hannah couldn't find the white cow he had become so attached to in the last few days?  What if...

"Rachel, you've got frown lines on your face," Luke chided gently.  "Gordie's going to be fine."

"I know.  It's just that..." her voice trailed away.

"I used to feel the same way in the beginning.  I'd call home half an hour after I left, to be told it had taken a second after my car disappeared for Gordie to be back to his normal cheery self." 

That sounded right.  Gordie was too happy a baby to fret for long.

After a moment's pause Luke said, "The drive shouldn't take more than two and a half to three hours.  Have a nap if you want to."

Instead of the pickup, Luke was behind the wheel of a white Mercedes today.  She hadn't seen it before but then she expected the six car garage to the left of the house had more than just the blue pickup in it.

The land changed as they neared Los Angeles.  Here mountains were shaved to make way for developments.  New and ugly, without the softness of trees to blend them into their natural background the houses looked like alien invaders making Rachel fiercely glad she didn't have to live in the city.

Luke dropped her off at MRA headquarters in the heart of downtown saying he'd pick her up at noon.  Rachel nodded.  Two hours would give her plenty of time to see Dr. Smith, have her blood tests, maybe even her other shots.

She had barely enough time.  Dr. Smith insisted on giving her a tour of headquarters, treating her like some sort of visiting dignitary, introducing her to MRA personnel as one of their most valuable field workers.  He showed her the video room and the new training wing, talking all the while about their need for a director for their volunteer education program.  Rachel began to feel slightly light headed.  Was there a reason behind the tour?  Dr. Smith seemed to be under the impression she had changed her mind about returning to Bangladesh.  She would have to set him straight on that.

"When do you think I can go back to Bangladesh?'  They were back in his office seated across from each other.  On the table between them rested a tray with two coffee mugs and a plate of cookies.

"Well," Dr. Smith pulled a file reluctantly towards him.  "
If that’s what you still want, how does the New Year sound?  We have a group going out the end of January."

"I'd like to go earlier
if possible, please."

Dr. Smith looked at her over his glasses.  The steadiness of her clear grey eyes seemed to bring him to a decision.  "Very well.  If you insist on returning earlier I can make arrangements for you to leave on the thirty first."

Start the New Year as she meant to go on.  Alone.

Ignoring the tremendous band of pressure around her heart, Rachel got to her feet, held her hand out.  "Thank you Dr. Smith.  I'll get my blood test done here today."  A glance at the clock over his head showed she was running out of time.  "I'm short on time, so I'll have Dr. Kenton give me the required physical and the necessary shots."

"Before I forget," Dr. Smith peered at her over the edge of his glasses again, "would you please thank Mr. Summers for his generous donation to MRA?'

"Donation?"  It was the first she had heard of it.

"Yes."  Taking off his glasses he wiped the lenses and replaced them on his nose, beaming at her over the top of them.  "He sent us a check for twenty five thousand dollars."

"I...I...see."  Thanking Dr. Smith for his time Rachel wished him goodbye.

The reminder to ask Dr. Kenton to bill MRA for his services ringing in her ears, Rachel hurried out of the office and to the medical wing. 

Luke was waiting for her when she came out of the blue and white building.  Rachel's heart gave a mighty bound at the sight of his lithe frame easing out from behind the wheel of the Mercedes to open the door for her.  Twenty five thousand dollars!  Why had Luke given such a large amount?

"How did it go?"  He didn't make any effort to start the car though it was in front of a No Parking sign.  Rachel's nerve endings quivered with awareness as she faced him.  It wasn't such a big car after all, and it seemed to shut out the rest of the world.

"Dr. Smith gave me two options to consider.  I need time to think about them.  The blood test delayed me.  I hope you didn't have to wait long?"  Her sentences came out the way she felt.  Unsettled, disturbed,
edgy.

With a shake of his head Luke negated the fifteen minutes he had waited.  He had picked up the nervous rasp in her voice.  "What are the options?"

"One, I stay here and oversee the volunteer training program.  Two, I go back to Bangladesh."

"Three, you marry me and live at the Diamond Bar."  Smoothly Luke turned the key in the ignition and merged into the downtown lunch hour traffic. 

Stunned Rachel looked at Luke.  He didn't look unduly disturbed... he had tossed the proposal out so casually.  As if it was just something to think about like which clothes to wear for a special occasion.

"I
b...beg your....."  Maybe he hadn't said it...maybe it was just the rush hour traffic whizzing past them in five parallel lanes that had made her imagine the words.

"You heard right," Luke threw her a quick glance.  "You have three options, not two."

So much for trying to get a message across, thought Rachel.  Why was he so stubborn?  Didn't he know there were much bigger, better fish in the ocean?  All ready to jump out to meet him? 

The ache within her intensified into a nagging pain at the thought.  Being a dog in the manger wasn't easy.
  If she didn’t want him, she had to let go.

Luke didn't seem to expect an answer right away and Rachel let the silence grow while she mulled over her options.  Her heart had chosen instantly but her head wouldn't agree.

Ten minutes later they were out of the traffic, sitting in a small, elegant restaurant.  Family owned, everyone knew Luke and came out to ask how Gordie was.  Informed she was Chris' cousin, Mama and Papa Patrini's beaming smiles intimated happily ever after was in sight after all.