Faithless (4 page)

I couldn't take my eyes off of Riley, as she stood
there staring at me. She was something special. I could feel it. Over the last
couple of days, her eyes had gone from a dull stormy blue to a bright, almost
glowing blue. She was absolutely beautiful, in the most simplistic way. I felt
myself needing her. She tugged at my heart in a way that I had never felt
before. She gave me hope, and made me have faith in something.

Riley turned away from me and made her way back
over to the edge. I struggled to stay where I stood. I didn't want to see
anything happen to her again, and I sure as hell wasn't about to lose someone,
who meant so much to me in such a short amount of time. I caught Mr. Rollins
out of the corner of my eye, looking at Riley in a way that only another man could
recognize. He liked her.

I took a few steps in Riley's direction to see how
he would react, and just as I thought, he stepped towards her also. I reached
for Riley's hand just as she looked over the edge. I must've startled her,
because she tried to jerk her hand away form mine. She almost instantly relaxed
when she realized it was my touch. The electricity that flowed through my veins
as her fingers wrapped around mine, sent shivers down my spine. All I could
hope for was that she could feel it too.

I stepped up next to her, still holding her hand
tightly, "Riley, are you okay?"

She gave a small nod before she turned to look at
me. "Thank you, Tristan. You being here means more to me than you will
ever understand."

"Can I hug you?" I knew she was timid with
people touching her, so I wanted to make her feel as comfortable as possible.
She nodded, and I tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. The wind
had picked up a bit and I didn't want anything obstructing my view of her
beautiful face. I gave her a full smile before I pulled her into my chest,
wrapping my arms around her tiny body. She was extremely tense at first, but
after a minute or two her body finally relaxed into mine. She fit perfectly
against my body, and I couldn't help but wonder, what it would feel like to lie
next to her. To feel her skin against my own, with no barriers between us and
nothing to break us apart. My eyes fluttered shut as the cool ocean breeze
passed through her hair and straight into my nose. Her smell mixed with the
smell of the ocean, was intoxicating. Before she had the chance to push me away
due to her own insecurities, I pulled back. As much as I didn't want to, I knew
I had to, if I wanted to get close to her.

The space she had been taking up against my chest
instantly went cold, and I regretted letting her go. I missed her warmth and I
really didn't want her to feel rejected. That was the last thing I wanted to
make her feel, but I could tell by the look on her face that, that was exactly
how she felt.

Luckily, before she could over think anything, Mr.
Rollins was saddling up to her side.

"Riley, I have to say, I think you've made
some great progress today. Not only did you face the last place you were before
you tried to end your life, but you also let almost a complete stranger touch
and hold you. I think that's amazing."

I could sense his condescending tone immediately,
but Riley either chose to ignore it or didn't notice, because she barely
reacted. This guy was really going to start getting on my goddamn nerves. For
fuck's sake, he was married, or at least appeared to be. His silver wedding
band glimmered in the sun and I swear I was so close to just pushing him over
the edge of this cliff, if he made another move towards Riley.

"Thank you, Mr. Rollins. I have to say, I feel
a little bit better after being here. I feel, calm. I guess that's the best way
to put it."

Mr. Rollins made his way over to Riley's side,
placing his hand gently on her shoulder. I could instantly see her stiffen
underneath his hand and a small smile played at my lips. "That's amazing,
Riley. And, you are very welcome. Anytime you need anything, please don't
hesitate to ask." His lips curled into a sly, menacing smile.

Not going to happen, man.

Riley moved away from his touch the minute my eyes
connected with hers. I knew she could sense the jealousy I was feeling, and I
was grateful that she could read me so well, so soon.

"Alright, we should probably be getting
back." Mr. Rollins started making his way back to the car, pretending as
though nothing had happened.

I reached for Riley's hand as she started to walk
past me, but she brushed me off and refused to even look at me. What the hell
had I done? I wasn't the douchebag trying to get at her without her permission.
I wasn't the one making unwanted advances towards her. As I took in a long deep
breath, I pushed my fingers back through my hair and then slowly drug them down
my face. The minute I met Riley, I knew it was going to be tough to get her to
trust me fully, or even at all, but damn it was frustrating.

I walked back to the car where Riley and Mr.
Rollins were waiting. I had my hand shoved into the front pocket of my jeans,
not wanting her to be afraid of me touching her again. I glanced up, just as
Mr. Rollins was helping Riley into the back seat. I breathed a little easier
knowing she wouldn't be riding up front with him. I wasn't sure whether or not
I should slide in next to her, or just take the front passenger seat.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to make that decision; she made it for me by
closing the door as she saw me approaching the vehicle. I let out a huff and
sat myself in the seat next to Mr. Rollins. I think he was just as shocked as I
was. I had the feeling he could see what was lingering between Riley, and
myself especially when he gave me a disgusted stare as I buckled my seat belt.

I opened my mouth at least ten times to say
something, anything to break the tension that now hung in the stifling air in
the car, but I didn't want Riley to feel uncomfortable. I hadn't lied to her
earlier when I told her I had faith in her. I did and I would continue to do
so, until she walked away from me. As much as I knew that I should probably
walk away from her, I just couldn't do it.

We pulled up to the front of the hospital and
apparently Mr. Rollins was walking us back inside. He put the car in park and
then turned to face me.

"Tristan, do you mind if I have a minute alone
with Riley?"

I hesitated with my answer. I looked back at Riley,
but her expression held no emotion. I couldn't tell whether or not she was okay
with this, so I just agreed. I exited the car and started making my way up the
half a dozen stairs leading to the main entrance. My hand grazed the hot brass
doorknob as I glanced back at the parked car below me. Riley was looking at me
through the back window. I gave her a quick smile and then proceeded inside. I
went straight up to the psychiatric ward and checked back in with the nurse
behind the counter. She gave me a flirtatious smile, but I easily ignored it
and went to find Crazy John. If I couldn't hang out with Riley any more today,
then I needed something to keep my mind busy, and off of her. Easier said than
done at this point.

I was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable
being alone in Mr. Rollins’ car. When he said he wanted to talk to me alone, I
could only imagine what he would say. As much as I didn't want Tristan to
leave, I knew it was the only way to find out what Mr. Rollins wanted. I had to
admit, he made me uncomfortable regardless of where we were. There was
something definitely off about him, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"Riley, I see the way you and Tristan are
together. Please don't take offense to this, but I don't think you should be
getting into a relationship right now."

I slowly let my arms fall to my sides, as I reached
for the door handle. "Honestly Mr. Rollins, I appreciate what you are
doing for me, but I really don't think it's any of your business. Tristan and I
are just friends. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go inside. Thanks
again." I started to exit the car when Mr. Rollins’ hand caught a hold of
mine. I tried to jerk it away, but he had a tight hold of it.

"Be careful Riley. Sometimes we end up in
situations that we know we could've avoided. I believe this may be one of
them."

"Please let go of me." I whispered.

Mr. Rollins bashfully pulled his arm back and
looked forward out the windshield. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to
say anything else, but I really didn't care. I closed the door and ran up the
steps. As much as I wanted to be alone for the time being, I couldn't help but
look around the common room for Tristan. When I couldn't find him, I headed
back to my room sulking. The day had been almost perfect up until twenty
minutes ago.

When I reached the doorway to my room, I heard a
small voice coming from inside the bathroom. I wasn't sure who it could be, but
I knew that I was the only person lucky enough to have their own room. The
bathroom door was closed, so I knocked lightly.

"Yes?"

I stood there speechless. What was I going to say
to this girl? I let my hand drop back down to my side and walked over to my
bed. There was another bed across from mine and I noticed a duffle bag sitting
in the middle of it. Apparently, I had a new roommate. Great!

A few minutes later, the bathroom door flung open
and a petite blonde girl came wandering out. I had pulled my journal out to
make myself look like I was busy, but the girl standing in front of me didn't
seem to care.

"Hi. I'm Blake."

I glanced up and gave her a half-hearted smile.
"Nice to meet you Blake. I'm Riley." After I introduced myself, I
went back to staring blankly at the empty page in front of me. I wanted to
write about today. I wanted to get all of my thoughts and emotions down on
paper before they started to fade. Unfortunately, Blake had a different idea.
She sat at the end of my bed and stared at me.

"You don't seem to like that I'm here."
It wasn't a question.

"It's not you. I just don't do the whole
friend thing. Sorry to disappoint you." I grabbed my journal and started
making my way out of our room.

"Hey Riley?"

I stopped, but didn't turn. "Yes?"

"I have a feeling, we'll be talking more than
you think."

"Don't hold your breath." I muttered
under my breath, knowing she couldn't have heard me.

I wasn't quite sure where I was going to write. The
common room was far too crowded and loud, I no longer had my room to myself,
and I really didn't feel like holing up in the bathroom. Just as I passed the
therapy room, it dawned on me that no one would be using it for the rest of the
day. I quickly ran inside, closing the door behind me and then took a seat in
my normal chair.

As I sat there in silence, the words came pouring
out of me. My hand was moving so fast across the paper that my wrist was
starting to cramp. Just as I was finishing up, I glanced down at my journal and
was amazed at how much I had actually put down on paper. Most days I wrote a
paragraph or two, but today there had to be at least five pages full of
thoughts, memories and feelings. I sat back admiring my work when I heard
someone run into one of the chairs across from me. I quickly shut my journal
and tucked it tightly to my chest, as I glanced up at the person sitting across
from me.

"Tristan? What are you doing in here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay
after your talk with Mr. Rollins." He pulled one of the chairs closer to
me and sat down.

"Um...it went okay." I really wasn't in
the mood to elaborate any further, so I tried to leave it at that.
Unfortunately, I wasn't going to get off that easy.

"Just okay? What did he say?"

I watched as Tristan made himself comfortable while
he waited on an answer from me. His eyes eventually came up and settled on
mine. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach take flight, but then I
remembered what Mr. Rollins had said. Though he made some valid points, I
couldn't help but feel like I should be the one to gauge whether or not I was
ready for a relationship. Tristan's eyes never left mine and I was starting to
feel scrutinized, so I figured I would placate him a bit.

"He basically said that I shouldn't be
thinking about getting into a relationship right now." I sat back waiting
for Tristan to respond, but when he did, it wasn't what I had been expecting.

"You told him we are just friends,
right?"

I sat back in shock. I didn't expect this to turn
into anything, but it was hard to ignore what was actually between us. At least
for me it was. "Yeah, yeah I did." I started fidgeting with my
notebook and then finally decided to leave. My hand was on the door handle when
Tristan finally spoke again.

"Is that all you see me as, Riley?"

I couldn't believe what he was asking me. Shouldn't
he be the one answering that question? I took a long strangled breath as I
turned to look at him. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Of course I consider you
somewhat a friend now, but...it..it doesn't matter." The entire
conversation had taken a turn for the worse, and I really wasn't ready to talk
about this with him. Not now at least.

I quickly exited the room and headed back to my
bedroom. I knew that there was a definite possibility that Blake would be there
and want to talk, but I would rather deal with her than Tristan at this moment.
I could hear Blake's voice coming from down the hall along with a male's voice,
but I wasn't sure who it could be. I was shocked when I walked in and found Mr.
Rollins, sitting on my bed chatting away with Blake.

My horror must've been quite apparent on my face,
because Mr. Rollins was quick to jump up and make his way over to me. I took
the opportunity to see how Blake was reacting to the whole situation. She
seemed calm and unfazed, but I didn't know her at all, so I suppose I wouldn't
have been able to tell anyway.

"Hi Riley. I was actually coming to speak with
you, but I caught your roommate instead. Guess it's my lucky day."

Had Mr. Rollins always been this creepy, or was I
just so hung up in my own misery to not notice until now? I tried to walk past
him, maybe thinking he would get the hint, but not so much. He seemed to be
completely oblivious to the fact that I really didn't want to talk to him.

I knew if I didn't answer him, that it would only
prolong his stay, so I quickly replied. "I guess so. What did you
need?" I tried to take the disgust out of my voice, but I wasn't sure I
achieved it.

"Do you have a second to talk in
private?"

I did not want to be alone with this man ever
again. "Sure, how about in the hallway?"

"I suppose that'll work. After you."

My nerves went into hyper drive as Mr. Rollins
ushered me out of the door. My body went rigid as his hand made contact with my
lower back. Once we were in the safety of the open hallway, I turned and made
eye contact with him.

"I feel like I need to apologize for what
happened a little while ago. It was very unprofessional of me to touch you or
even try to get involved in your personal issues. I don't want things to be
awkward between us, so I wanted to clear the air before tomorrows group
session."

What a load of shit, "Really it's not a big
deal Mr. Rollins. Let's just forget it ever happened."

Relief washed over his face, "Oh good. I just
want you to trust me, Riley."

"Thanks. I appreciate it and I will try. Are
we done now?"

"I suppose, yes." I could see the
confusion written all over his face, but I didn't care. I didn't need to answer
to him or anyone for that matter.

"Okay. I'll see you in the morning at
group."

"Sounds good. Have a good night, Riley."

I nodded my head and then turned to go back into my
room. As the door closed, I let my head fall back against it with a loud thud.

"That's probably going to hurt later, ya
know?"

I rolled my eyes before looking over at Blake,
"I'm sure." I walked over to my bed and instantly felt exhausted. I
guess it's true what they say; dealing with your emotions will definitely drain
you. Blake moved somewhere across the room, but I was too tired to care. My
eyes fluttered shut as I heard the door shut, and I was suddenly thankful that
she had finally gotten the hint. This whole roommate thing wasn't agreeing with
me and I suddenly couldn't wait to get out of this hellhole.