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But with Sebastian here the need to leave isn't quite as urgent as it was before.

The disappointment in her smile is another weight on my shoulders. Something else to make my brain crazy. I'm glad I didn't tell her that part of the reason I want to stay home today is my email to Dad. He probably won't reply today but if he does I want to be here.

Then there's Chay and what on earth happened to her last night.

But most of all it's about Sebastian. Did he get in trouble for taking me home? Will he come here or call to explain? Has he thought about our kiss the way I have? Constantly?

Mum isn't daunted by my lack of enthusiasm. ‘We could have something nice for dinner? Your choice.'

I stare at her. Food is the least of my problems at present. But she's all hopeful and trying to pay me attention after being all caught up in Colin for days. I force a smile. ‘What do you feel like eating?'

She sighs. ‘Make a decision, Kathleen.'

I know my indecisiveness does her head in but it's not easy to think of something that's easy to cook and satisfies all the other variables that might crop up through the day. ‘Meatloaf?'

‘Great. I'll head to the supermarket later.'

The supermarket. On the same block as Dave's Computer Emporium. A chance to see Sebastian. ‘I can go.'

She doesn't question my volunteering. ‘Sure. I'll make a list.'

I slurp my tea so fast it scalds my throat and scoff down my toast slathered with peanut butter. With the dishes neatly stacked, I can escape back to my bedroom and my laptop.

But all I can do is wait.

I don't want to text Sebastian. I might come across as too possessive and I don't want to get him into any more trouble. I check Aaron's account but he and Lana aren't talking. I wonder whether she regrets trying to make it to see his band.

And my email inbox is silent. So much for Dad wanting to meet up with me.

There's only one other option. My best friend.

Oddly unsure of my reception, I grab a jacket and head out on the back porch to call Chay. The wooden steps are one of my favourite places to sit. They overlook the tiny patch of lawn that makes up our garden. I can hear Mum talking in the salon, probably making up to one of the clients she had to fob off this week to see Colin.

I sit on the rough, aged and weathered wood with the ends of my tracksuit pants rolled up to soak up some of the sunshine.

Chay doesn't answer straight away. I have my thumb ready to end the call when she speaks. ‘Hey, Kath.' Her greeting is as uncertain as I feel.

‘Hey you.'

Silence stretches. I'm not at my best on the phone. I hate not being able to see the response to my words in the person's expression, and I know how easy it is to get mixed up.

I don't know when things grew strained between us but I would do anything to get them back to the way they were before.

I take a breath. ‘Want to come over?'

‘You're not too busy with Sebastian?' She says his name the way I say Colin's.

I refuse to take offence, it's not as though I haven't teased Chay for being hung up on a boy before. ‘Not too busy for you.'

I hear the swish of her ear against the phone as she nods. ‘Dad's out. Give me fifteen.'

‘See you then.'

I'm dozing against the post when I wake to the scrape of boots on gravel.

I blink to adjust to the sun and sit up. She's wearing a short skirt, boots and a tight top. Her equivalent to my lazy Sunday at home trackies and t-shirt. ‘You're early.'

‘You're sleepy. Get home late?' She asks the questions with the lift of a dark eyebrow and a grin twitching on hot pink lips.

I pull my knees to my chest to give her room to sit next to me. ‘What happened to you?' It's the first of a million questions I need to ask.

Her head leans forward and her yellow locks cover her face. ‘Helping out a friend.'

‘Of the male variety?'

‘Maybe.'

‘Who's the lucky boy?'

Her head lifts and her eyes flash with annoyance. ‘Does it matter?' There's bitterness with the sarcasm. ‘I'm not the kind of girl boys want for their girlfriend.'

Whoa. Where the hell did that come from?

Chay has never seemed interested in dating anyone long-term and while she's known to have a good time at a party, no one's ever called her a slut in my vicinity. And it's not like her to let other people get her down. I nudge her shoulder. ‘Who says?'

‘Who doesn't?'

‘Me.'

She laughs. A sad, brittle sound. ‘Let me know when you want to ask me out.' Her smile is no more than a half-hearted curve of her lips. ‘In the meantime, what happened with Sebastian?'

‘We went to find Lana and then he drove me home.'

‘And?'

I'm not very good at keeping the importance of the night from my tone. She'll get the truth out of me eventually; she always has. ‘We kissed.'

Her hand goes to her heart in a swooning gesture that's missing some sincerity. ‘Was it romantic?'

‘It was nice.'

Her nose wrinkles. ‘Too much tongue?' She shudders.

I don't want to go into details when she's clearly upset over a boy but I don't want her to think Sebastian was anything less than wonderful. ‘Perfect,' I admit.

Her first genuine smile crinkles the black liner at the corners of her eyes. ‘Yay.'

‘Mostly. I don't think he's allowed to date.'

‘But Lana is?'

‘Apparently it's complicated.'

I focus on the splinter of wood that's been digging into my thigh. It's not my place to reveal Sebastian's secret. Not least because I don't even know what it is. But believe me I've been imagining way more terrible things than anything it could actually be.

‘So that's why you've been acting so funny?' she asks.

I look up. ‘You're the one who's been acting funny, not me.'

She ignores my accusation. Her arms cross. ‘There's nothing else going on?'

I stand and cross to the back door to make sure Mum is still in the salon. Her voice carries over the blow dryer. I don't sit again but pace the small deck. ‘My Dad wants to see me.'

Chay's on her feet and hugging me before my lips close on the last word. ‘No wonder you've been a mess.'

It's the sympathy I'd expect from my best friend and it stops me denying my messiness. I think I've been holding myself together pretty well, considering.

‘What does your mum think?' she asks as she steps back.

‘She says it's up to me.'

Chay rolls her eyes. ‘They always say that, but then you choose wrong and you're screwed. She wants you to tell him where to go, I bet.'

My mouth opens. Closes. Opens again. ‘I don't think she …' Cares? That's too harsh. ‘Minds.'

‘But you two are a team.'

‘She's been pretty busy lately with her new boyfriend Colin. Some guy she met online.'

‘Ooh! Ms McKenny gets with the modern age.'

I don't find it that funny and Chay must see my expression.

She changes tack. ‘Is he nice?'

‘He seems okay.'

‘And you told your dad where to go?'

Everything I've ever said on the subject to Chay gives her reason to expect that answer. She's reading a message on her phone when I finally come clean.

‘I sent him an email. I want to see him.'

Saying it aloud is almost as big as pressing Send last night.

Chay blinks like she can't believe what she's heard. ‘You're meeting him?'

I sit again on the step but the sun has been blocked by a cloud. ‘He hasn't replied yet but if he does … Maybe.'

She sits next to me. ‘Why bother?'

I try to gather the scattered thoughts of the night before into something that will make sense. I'll need to have a ready explanation for Mum if I do plan to see him. ‘I want to know why.' I hold my breath. When I blink my eyes are like sandpaper. ‘Does that make sense?'

Chay nods. ‘I guess you would.'

We both look out across the lawn. I remember the first time Chay came over to play. She had a teddy and when we played a pretend game of mums and dads, she thought it was bizarre when I suggested we both be the mums and that lifeless Ted could be the father.

At the time it made perfect sense to me.

After Chay leaves – she has to get home before her father – I realise we never spoke about Aaron and the huge fight between Lana and Joel.

I didn't ask her to shut the whole thing down like I planned. I didn't think about Joel at all. That shows how stupid the whole revenge idea was.

If Lana had tried to hitch to the city to see Aaron's band she might have been hurt or worse. I still think she needs a good lesson on other people's feelings but I'd hate to put anyone in actual danger. This fake guy is out of control.

I text Chay.

She doesn't reply.

I debate shutting him down myself. If his account goes he can disappear into cyberspace as though he never existed.

I know if I talk to Chay about it she'll remind me of all the reasons to keep going. She'll point out that we need Lana to fall hard so she can receive the dumping she deserves. And while I don't agree anymore, Chay can be very convincing.

But if I go behind her back I'll risk our friendship.

I'll wait. It's Sunday. Aaron can't do too much damage in a school week.

CHAPTER

15

I walk to school in the sunshine on Monday morning thinking everything will be different. It's a brilliant day with singing birds and still, expectant air. Although I haven't heard from Sebastian and he wasn't at his work when I detoured past it last night, I'm confident the kiss we shared has taken our relationship to another level.

But not so confident I didn't change my outfit five times this morning. Not so confident I'm not scanning for him the moment I step onto school property. Not so confident I don't die a thousand deaths when he's nowhere to be seen.

He's probably caught up at home. The fact he hasn't replied to my texts doesn't mean he's avoiding me.

Either that or it's exactly what it means.

If I can't convince myself, what hope do I have of keeping a boy like Sebastian interested?

By last night, after nearly twenty-four hours of silence, I was going back through my memories of our kiss and promising not to repeat the experience until we've talked about what he did to make his family move.

I thought our kiss was amazing but I'm not exactly super-experienced. I am pretty sure the nose crashing was completely my fault.

Every touch of his was assured in comparison. He probably dated loads of girls at his old school.

My feet are dragging by the time I enter the main building.

Chay is at her locker, the one right next to mine, and she's scowling. ‘They're back together already.'

I almost ask who, but then I see for myself. A little way down the hall, Joel and Lana – hands actually in each other's pockets – are making out by the water fountain. She's leaning back against a locker and he's halfway down her throat.

Kids move around them like waves around rocks but they're oblivious.

The child in me responds with a gagging noise that brings a smile to Chay's face.

She slams her locker with more force than required but the lovebirds don't stir.

‘What happened? Did she apologise?'

Chay shakes her head. ‘I heard he surprised her yesterday with a bunch of flowers. And a fancy dinner. And that necklace she's wearing.'

The silver at her throat glints in the fluorescent lighting. ‘He thought
he
was at fault?' I shake my head. ‘That girl has him by the balls.'

‘Not for long.' She leans close. ‘Aaron's not done with them yet.'

‘I wanted to talk to you about that.'

She's looking at the lovebirds. ‘Next time his band will be playing closer and Joel won't be invited.'

I stand in front of her. ‘Maybe it's time to give up.'

Chay's scowl returns. ‘Don't wimp out on me now.'

I'm about to point out that changing one's mind can be a sign of strength but she's already walking away. She allows a group of year eights to knock her off course so she collides heavily with Joel's shoulder.

Joel comes up for air and glances back over his shoulder.

‘Oh, hi Chay.'

‘Sorry to interrupt,' she says sweetly.

Lana grabs Joel's cheeks and makes him face her again.

Chay stalks toward her art class with her head high but her cheeks flaming.

I'm unpacking my books from my bag when a hand nudges my shoulder. ‘What? Is my notebook not good enough for you?'

I can hear the smile in Sebastian's familiar voice and I turn with a smile for him. ‘I didn't want to waste it.'

‘Sorry I didn't reply to your texts yesterday. Poppy's been sick.' He pulls a yuck face. ‘Phone plus spew isn't a great mix.'

I blink while my brain attempts to process. He's using his little sister as an excuse while Lana was able to go out on a romantic date with Joel.

‘Oh,' I manage. It's lame but he doesn't seem to notice.

He falls into step beside me as I walk to class. ‘Anyway, I wanted to say “hey” before I head home again.' He gestures to the overloaded bag slung across his shoulder. ‘I had to pick up some work to keep me busy when I'm not mopping the floors.'

‘You're going home?'

He nods. ‘To help. Mum cleared it with the school.'

‘Oh.' I'm full of brilliance this morning.

We stop outside my class. History with Joel, who is already inside. I was so caught up in talking to Sebastian I didn't notice the make-out session end. Once upon a time, tracking Joel was my favourite pastime. Now, all I want is the boy beside me.