Fall Forever (Fall For Me) (7 page)

I wince, knowing I’m an idiot. My
best friend’s girlfriend—why? What kind of sick, self-inflicting sadist
am I? I want to bash my head into the wall. Instead I murmur, “It’s open.”

Ava comes breathlessly inside, in a
very, very short skirt. She looks like she’s been crying. Which always gets to
me. When tough, cold Ava breaks down and cries. She knows I’m a sucker for
that—her tears and trembling lip.

She stares at me from across the
room. Then her voice is all broken as she says she can’t take losing me.
“Really,” she sobs. “Without you, Riley, I just
want
to die.”

It’s not fair what she’s doing. My
best friend is in a mental hospital.
A
mental
hospital.
She can’t tell me this junk. Not now.

She comes closer to me. “Remember
our first kiss, Riley?” She’s running her soft fingers through my hair. “I
can’t get that day out of my mind,” she whispers. “The day we met.”

She tangles up my thoughts, trying
to coax me to kiss her and remember things I don’t want to. She doesn’t know
it, but the thoughts she’s making me conjure are about Zoey as much as her.
Maybe even
more
about Zoey.

… The day I met Ava, actually
bothered to talk to her … it was back in middle school.
At a
carnival.
I’d left Zoey and Finn alone in the tilt-a-whirl
line—just ’cause I kept catching myself being stupid—staring at
them holding hands, my heart full of hurt and wanting.

Instead of admitting anything like
that—those
kind
of feelings—I’d tried to
make it seem the total opposite. I backed away from them, muttering in a
half-teasing, half-disgusted tone, “You know what? You guys kind of make me
sick with your cuddling. I’m going to go hang out with the guys for a
while—after I puke.”

As I was walking away, Zoey called
playfully after me. “What
?!
We were just going to use
the kiss you won for Finn in the Basketball Toss—we thought you wanted to
be around to see it.”

I flinched hearing her say
that—having that moment thrown back in my face. Though she was only
teasing and had absolutely no idea what was going through my mind back at the
Basketball Toss—back when I won her kiss. If she did—if she
knew—she wouldn’t have said anything about it now—she would have
never mentioned the moment ever again.

But she didn’t know. She didn’t
have a clue.

See the beginning of that day, at
the carnival, I’d hung around her and Finn and tried seeming sad that Jade
Silver and I had recently broken-up. Like I had liked
Jade
a lot or something. I don’t know exactly why I did that. Just to bug Zoey, I
guess. Make her think I was into someone that wasn’t her. But it was pathetic
and sad, of course.
Because I didn’t like anyone
but
her.

I spent a lot of time that day
wincing at the carnival. I couldn’t help it. I’d wince whenever Zoey and Finn
would get cuddly—which was constantly. Wince when Zoey would laugh at
Finn’s lame jokes, or smile at him, or look at him. Yeah, I spent basically the
whole morning wincing. Real fun.

Then I saw it—the sign at the
Basket Ball Toss:
Five dollars—one kiss
. My eyes popped open wide. It was
just a joke, I figured. It was hand-written at the bottom of our school’s
fundraiser booth sign, under the real message:

One dollar—two throws

Two dollars—five throws

I didn’t mention the sign to Zoey.
Instead, I ran a hand over my face, trying my best not to crack a grin. “Hey,
Jones, weren’t you going to work one of the booths for a while?”

She made a face. “Yes. Why? You
want to get rid of me?”

For a second, it seemed like she
was going to get mad.
For real.
But she
didn’t—not really. She just gave me a fake grimace. “Fine. Whatever. Have
Finn to yourself for a while. I get it—guy time.” She gave Finn a playful
kiss on the tip of his nose. It was so cute.

I didn’t mean to watch. But I did,
anyway. I couldn’t tear my eyes away, though it made the pit of my stomach
crush with an ache and longing that I didn’t quite understand—though
sadly, in a way I did. Enough that I felt doomed.

Zoey caught me looking at them and
laughed, totally misunderstanding my expression. “Wow. We really do make you sick,
huh?”

For some reason
she thought I hated her.
Maybe it was because I said things like I
answered that day, “Well, you guys are pretty disgusting.”

She laughed and kissed Finn
again—just to taunt me. And it worked. I was taunted, big time. Just not
the way she thought. She thought she was grossing me out. Only, it was the
total opposite. Total. Opposite.

I watched her glittery pink lips
press against Finn’s and I felt all the blood drain out of my face.

“Wow!” Zoey said when she playfully
glanced my way. I was probably all pale—I felt pale.

My throat was
all
tight
and tremors wracked through my body.

Zoey’s lips formed an “O.”

The muscles in my jaw tensed. “Are
you going to go or what?”

Whoa,
ease up Riley. It’s not her fault you’re a goon with a crush on her.
Still,
all I said was, “Your booth is waiting.”

It wasn’t really that I wanted to
kiss my best friend’s girl. (Okay, I
did
want to—bad … but I wasn’t really planning on it.)

I tried telling myself I just
wanted to see Zoey squirm when guys lined up to get a kiss. Like it was just
supposed to be funny. Only the thought made me sort of sick. So, the joke was
more like it was on me.

See, I was really screwed up. Big
time. And I did stupid stuff like that all the time. I had no idea why. I was
just seriously messed in the head from having a crush on my best friend’s
girlfriend.

That crush—it tortured me.
Haunted me. Made me do crazy, stupid, heart-killing things.

No doubt—I was crushed by the
crush.

***

While Zoey worked at the Basket
Ball Toss, Finn and I rode the tilt-a-whirl a bunch of times. Then he got
nauseous. While he went to the bathroom to throw up—or whatever he
planned to do in there—I watched Zoey from afar as she worked at the
booth. It was by the bathroom, so it wasn’t exactly stalking. Well, okay it was
totally stalking.

Watching her, I held my breath. It
was like the other day when I sat listening to her read her poem in class with
my heart aching—no, actually breaking. She loved my best friend. And
there was absolutely nothing I could do about that.

Every day I would watch her saunter
up to the board in class and I couldn’t breathe. I needed to move away. Change
schools. Something.

Finally, there was no line at
Zoey’s booth. She was alone. I wandered over to her without even realizing I
was going to. I just found myself there.
At her booth.

When she saw me standing there,
watching her, she dropped the book she was holding. She was flustered around
me—always was. Like she knew there was something going on inside me even
if I never confessed it. At least I thought she knew—suspected, anyway.

She gave a surprised gasp, then
tried to cover for it by being overly friendly. “Oh, hi Riley!” She smiled all
toothy but awkward, like
Why are you here
without Finn?
But all she said was, “By the way, thanks for the band
tickets the other night. My friend,
Summer
, and I used
them—since Finn didn’t want to go.”

I nodded slightly, at first not
saying anything.
The band tickets—not exactly my finest
moment.
I’d bought them knowing (well, suspecting) I’d be paired with
Zoey for this school thing … and I’d been right. We were paired together. But
of course I couldn’t go through with this idea I’d had—suggesting she go
with me to see my favorite band—which I knew was her favorite band too.

Even as I bought the tickets, I
knew I wouldn’t use them. My only saving grace was the fact I wasn’t altogether
certain I’d be paired with Zoey … but of course in the end, I was. (And deep
down, I’d known I would be.)

Funny thing was, while the school
computer had paired me with Zoey, it paired Finn with this guy, Max—a guy
in our band. But he and Finn blew off the assignment and planned to go to the
movies instead—and they went, even though I gave Zoey the tickets and she
begged Finn to take her to the concert.

Finally, I managed to speak,
tearing my eyes away from her smile and focused on the conversation—Zoey
using the tickets I’d given her and ending up going to the concert with
Summer
instead of Finn. I managed not to look sympathetic.
Or overly interested.
“I know—Finn told me.”

She gave a weak smile. “He didn’t
want to miss his zombie movie.”

I grinned a little, “Or his date
with Max.”

She laughed. “Right.”

Her laugh made my heart pound. I
looked away from her, feeling guilty.

And I didn’t feel any better about
myself as I got a rush hearing her next words, “They’re my
favorite
band. I’m so glad you had the tickets. I didn’t even know
you liked them.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, then tried
to give a teasing smile as I raised my eyebrows. “There’s a lot you don’t know
about me.”

Before that could be taken too
accurately, and seriously, I added really
quick
, “But
maybe that’s for the best—I hear I’m a heartbreaker.”

I watched her pretty face redden.
As I knew it would. I’d overheard her call me that—a “heartbreaker.” She
said it to one of her friends that had had a crush on me. But I really hadn’t
known how to handle the girl’s crush. I mean, she was Zoey’s friend, and I was
in love with Zoey. So, it didn’t seem fair to the girl. And really, I didn’t
think I could handle it anyway, dating someone that would talk about Zoey all
of the time. So, when I shot the girl’s plans down—that we go to a movie
or something—Zoey told her, “You don’t want to get involved with Riley
anyway—he’s a heartbreaker.”

But see, really I wasn’t like that.
Only, I guess to Zoey I was.
‘Cause she didn’t know.
Had no clue what she did to my heart—that
she
was the heartbreaker. And that she was the reason I
avoided getting serious with girls … because
they
weren’t
her
.

Zoey’s cheeks grew even redder as I
just watched her reaction, unable to hide my teasing smile. She stammered out,
“You—you heard me say that?”

I breathed out a laugh. “Yeah, I
heard you. You said it right in front of me. How could I not hear it?”

She raised her eyebrows, getting some
of her spunk back. “Um, because you don’t listen to a word I say?”

I just smiled at that. The chick
had absolutely no clue that I hung on every word she uttered.

Zoey sighed, apparently thinking
she needed to explain (which she didn’t). “Riley, she’s my friend and she liked
you a lot. You hurt her feelings.”

I mockingly covered my heart with
my hand. “Well, you hurt mine, Zoey—calling me a heartbreaker.”

She rolled her eyes, but she was
smiling. Mocking right back to me, “Right. I hurt the Heartbreaker’s heart with
my cruel, cruel words. Can you ever forgive me? Please?” She held out a
basketball to me. “Here, have a free throw—it’s on me. And then we’re
even.”

“Even?” I leaned over the counter
of the booth, tilting my head up at her. “I’ll make us even.” The words came
out more husky than I’d meant.

Zoey tilted her head at me, her
eyes full of question. Like,
What are you
talking about strange heartbreaker boy?

“Here’s five dollars,” I said
softly.

 
“Ok-ayy,” she said, like I was acting funny. But she didn’t
question it. She figured she just didn’t get me and that was okay with her
since she usually didn’t have to. I was just a guy she had to tolerate for
Finn’s sake—but she didn’t have to understand me.

Without questioning me, she took my
money and gave me five balls.

“Okay.” I took one of the balls and
tossed it from one hand to the other. I grinned at her. “If I make the shot,
then I want what the bottom row says.”

She scrunched up her brow and
followed my gaze to the sign. She read the bottom row,
then
breathed out a gasp.
Five dollars—one kiss
.
Until that moment, she hadn’t noticed it written there. Apparently. Now she was
all red-faced again. And I tried telling myself I did it just for that—to
see her pretty blush again.

She stammered out, “Right—well,
I’ll send Jade right over.”

“Jade dumped me—remember?”
The words weren’t true—I’d dumped her. But Zoey didn’t know that. For
some reason, I liked her to think I was crushed—maybe so she wouldn’t
think I was such a heartbreaker.

“I’m sorry,” Zoey whispered,
turning pale. “I didn’t know that’s what happened.
Jade’s
dumb. You deserve better.”

I widened my eyes. Her words did
something to the pit of my stomach.

Trying to console me (I guess) she
blurted out, “If you make the shot—I’ll give you this pretty stuffed
snake.”

My eyebrows went up.
Along with the corners of my mouth.
“No, I want the kiss.”

“Right,” she laughed. “I doubt it
will make anyone jealous but Finn. Jade’s not around—she won’t see.”

I tossed the ball back and forth,
back and forth, from one hand to the other, not saying anything, just watching
her.

“I don’t want to make anyone
jealous,” I said. “I just want the kiss.”

Zoey’s lips parted slightly, and
she dropped the stuffed snake she was holding. But she recovered quickly.