Fall From Love (26 page)

Being at Jenna’s
family’s house has been nice, but I’m looking forward to going back home to our
apartment tomorrow. There’s a part of me that is excited to see Carter again
and another part that’s scared out of my mind. I haven’t gotten as much as a
phone call or text from him since I’ve been here, but I haven’t tried to call
or text him, either.

After we kissed, he
asked me to think about what I wanted. At first, it felt like the biggest
rejection of my life, but then, the more I thought about it, the more sense it
made. If, for some reason, we did become more than friends and it didn’t work
out between us, it would be hard to go back to the way we are now.

I can’t lose him as
a friend, he means too much to me.

I’m lying in a twin
size bed and Jenna’s lying on another one next to me. The only thing between us
is a small nightstand. We’ve been staying in her childhood bedroom and I don’t
think her parents have changed a thing since she’s been away at college.

She’s been on the
phone with Josh for the last hour. They’re telling each other how much they
miss one another—the same conversation they’ve had every night this week before
they hang up with each other—and, like I’ve wanted to do every other night, I
almost get up to leave the room so they can talk privately, but I don’t.
There’s really nowhere else to go. Every time I go downstairs, Mrs. Brown tries
to feed me leftovers, Jenna’s little brother follows me around like a puppy
dog, and Mr. Brown invites me to watch anything sports related with him. I
shouldn’t complain, though. The Brown family has been nothing but nice to me by
opening up their home and sharing their holiday. I just can’t help wishing that
I could be in my own bed, in my own apartment.

Finally, Jenna sets
the phone down and sighs. “God, I miss that guy. I can’t wait until tomorrow.”

“He’s going back
tomorrow, too?” I ask, feeling a little hopeful that I may get to see Carter.

“Yeah, he and
Carter are leaving first thing in the morning.”

My heart squeezes
at the sound of his name. “Oh, I didn’t know they drove together.” I knew that
they are both from the Denver area and that they still have family there, but I
didn’t know anything past that.

She turns to give
me a strange look. “Yeah, they grew up like two houses down from each other.
You didn’t know that?”

I shake my head.
“No, I didn’t. Carter doesn’t talk a lot about his family or where he grew up.”

Jenna swallows hard
and a sad look crosses her face. “Yeah, they’ve been friends since they were
like two. Their families are really close, too.” She turns on her side to face
me and props herself up, leaning on her elbow. “Have you talked to Carter
lately?”

She already knows
the answer to that question. We’ve been attached at the hip since we’ve been
here. “No, I haven’t talked to him all week.”

“Have you tried to
call him?” she asks, playing with a piece of thread that’s come loose from the
comforter, avoiding looking me in the eyes.

I shake my head
again. “No.”

“Maybe you should,
you know, make the first move.” She pauses for a moment. “Have you thought
about what you want?”

Geez, she is
relentless. “A little,” I lie.

Up until a couple
days ago, Jenna has been bugging me every day about what I’ll decide to do;
carry on the friendship I have with Carter or take it to the next level. I
finally had to ask her to stop asking me about it and she had, until right now
that is. What she doesn’t know and what I will never tell her is that I think
about him every minute of every day since our kiss. I replay the kiss over and
over in my head, wanting to kiss him again, wanting to feel him again, wanting
more... much more.

“And what do you
think?” she urges and I blink away my thoughts of him.

“When we get back
home and I see him, I’ll hopefully have my answer.” It isn’t the best plan
ever, but it’s all I have. In my mind, I hope that when I see Carter again, the
decision will hit me and I won’t have any second thoughts like I am now.

She falls on her
back and sighs loudly. “You have no idea what you want, do you? Or you do know,
but you’re too scared to admit it.”

I swallow hard.
“I’m not sure, alright. The second I think I’ve made up my mind, I change it
the very next second.” Losing Carter as a friend scares me to the core and I’m
not sure it’s something I can risk, regardless of my other feelings for him.

“Hey,” she says,
propping herself up again. “Maybe if you call him, it will help you figure it
out.” I watch as she swings her legs off the bed and scoots to the edge of it.
“Or maybe you should call him to see how his Thanksgiving is going?”

I glance over at
her, wondering what she’s up to. “One, it’s Thanksgiving,” I say. “People eat
and then they pass out or watch football. Two, I’m sure he’s busy spending time
with his family. And three, we’re going home tomorrow. I’ll just see him when
we get back.”

“You’re right. It’s
just…” her voice trails off. “Never mind. I mean, I probably should tell you,
but I won’t because it’s really none of my business.”

Okay, now I know
what she’s trying to do; she’s dying to tell me something, but she wants me to
ask for it and I’ll be a damned liar if I said it wasn’t working.

I turn onto my
side, fully facing her. “Okay, I’ll bite.”

“Okay, so before I
tell you anything you’re going to have to swear yourself to secrecy.”

I roll my eyes,
mark a cross on my heart, and then let my arm fall back on the bed.

She nods once.
“Okay, so Carter’s trying to protect you and he doesn’t want you to know
anything about what’s going on in his life, which I think is really sweet, but
also kind of sad. I know the two of us got off on the wrong foot, but I think
he’s a really nice guy, Holly, and he’s—”

“Jenna,” I
interrupt her, “take a deep breath and talk a little slower, please.”

She takes a deep
breath in and blows it out. “Josh would kill me if he knew I was telling you
all of this, but Carter’s going through a rough time right now.” She swallows
hard and chews on her bottom lip, something she only does when she’s really
nervous. “His mom is sick and she’s not doing very well. They’ve moved her home
and his sister has been stopping by a few times a week to watch over her,” she
pauses and swallows hard, “but it doesn’t look good.”

A sick feeling
forces its way up my throat. Why wouldn’t he tell me this? “I—I had no idea.
That’s awful,” I whisper.

“Yeah.” She shakes
her head and scoots herself backwards so she can lean back against the
headboard. “I can’t believe it, either, bad shit keeps happening to his family.
After all they’ve been through over the last few years, it’s like life keeps
handing them shit for luck. I guess you never know how fortunate you are until
you see how bad other people have it.”

I sit up now, fully
engrossed in what she’s saying. “What are you talking about Jenna?”

Her head falls to
the side and she rolls her eyes. “Do you not know anything about his family?
Man, what do the two of you talk about when you’re up all night on the phone
together?”

My stomach
clenches. “Wait, how do you know we talk at night?” I never told her about our
late night calls, knowing she would bug me about them ruthlessly.

She rolls her eyes
again. “Well, first of all, I’m not stupid. Second, our walls are paper thin,
and third, I may have been a little nosy one night.” She grins guiltily.

My mouth falls open
as she laughs nervously. “Don’t be mad. It took me forever to figure it out. It
wasn’t until Josh mentioned that Carter had been talking on the phone at night,
too, that I finally put two and two together.”

“I can’t believe
you spied on me,” I scoff.

“Well, what was I
supposed to do?” She frowns. “I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me for
months… months, Holly. I was kind of hurt that you were talking to someone
else. One night, I was curious to know who my best friend was telling all of
her secrets to, if it wasn’t me.”

My eyes scan over
her face and it’s clear that she’s being honest, she really is hurt.

“Sorry, I guess I
didn’t think about it that way,” I apologize. “The only reason I didn’t say
anything was because I knew you would read too much into it. He’s just really
easy to talk to, maybe it’s because he was there that night at the hospital and
I feel connected to him in a certain way.”

Her mouth drops
open and it looks like she’s about to cry. At first I’m confused by her
expression, but then I realize what I just said. “Oh no, Jenna that was not a dig
at you. I swear. That came out way wrong.”

She shakes her
head. “No, I get it. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. At first I was
jealous that you were talking to someone else, but then, the more I thought
about it, I was just happy that you were at least talking to someone. Josh felt
the same way. I think he wanted Carter to come to him with his problems, but
when he found out it was you, he was just happy that the two of you had each
other.”

“We don’t talk
about anything serious, though, so you don’t have to be that jealous.” I smile.

“So what do you
guys talk about?” Her sad expression is replaced with a naughty grin.

I can’t help
laughing. “Boring stuff. All PG and, since it doesn’t involve sex, you wouldn’t
be interested.” She gives me a playful glare. “But we’ve gotten way off track.
Tell me what’s going on with his family.”

She shrugs and the
playful look she’s wearing disappears. “He and his family, they’ve just been
through a lot in the past few years.”

“Okay.” I swallow
hard and grip the pillow tight in my hands.

“A few years ago,
Carter’s brother died in Afghanistan. It hit his family pretty hard. Josh says
that none of them were the same after it happened. Then, last spring, Carter’s
dad died suddenly of a heart attack. From what Josh tells me he and Carter were
really, really close. It was really tough on his whole family, but Carter took
it especially hard.” Jenna pauses for a second. “Carter doesn’t want you to
know and I don’t want Josh getting his ass kicked for telling me. My guy is strong,
but your guy can totally take him. I’ve done such a good job at keeping my
mouth shut, but with how close the two of you have gotten, I thought you should
know. Whatever you do, though, don’t tell him that you know anything.” She
looks over to me.

“Yeah, sure, of
course,” I assure her, looking down at the ground, lost in thought.

“No more depressing
talk, though, it’s your birthday,” she says. “Besides, you have to open your
gift.”

I look up,
wondering how she could so easily jump from one subject to another without
blinking an eye. “Nice segue, Jenna.”

“Sorry, but I’ve
been dying to give you this all day.” She jumps off the bed and is down on her
knees, looking under her bed, shuffling a few things around.

“Jenna, you
shouldn’t have gotten me anything. You’ve already done enough over the last few
months—years actually—and now I’m crashing your family’s Thanksgiving.”

“Correction, you
saved me from Thanksgiving this year,” she replies as she sits back on her
ankles and pushes herself up off the floor. “Plus, my family loves you. I think
they would trade me for you, straight up… especially my brother. I’m pretty
sure he writes your name, draws hearts around it, and probably thinks about you
when—“

“Jenna, please,” I
interrupt her, shaking my head in disgust. “I don’t know what you were about to
say, but whatever it was... gross. Your brother is sixteen.”

“Exactly.” She
shoves a pink bag, exploding with white tissue paper into my hands. “Now, just
remember, keep an open mind.”

“Really, you
shouldn’t have,” I say, taking it from her, “but thank you.”

She giggles and
sits back on the bed, pulling her legs up off the floor and crossing them
underneath her. She has a mischievous grin on her face and now I’m not only
suspicious of what’s in the bag, I’m nervous. Carefully, I remove the tissue
paper, ready for something to pop out and hit me in the face or something.
After digging to the bottom I reach in and pull out a small, black velvet bag
with a drawstring. I wiggle it open and peer inside. At first I’m not even sure
what it is and then, when I realize what it is, I pull the strings back tight,
closing it up.

“You didn’t…” my
voice trails off and I feel my face burning to a thousand degrees, getting
hotter by the second.

“Yes. Yes, I did.”

Then she starts to laugh,
a little at first and then, within seconds, she’s hysterical. She stares at me
with tears falling down her cheeks. “Holly, your face is so red, I think steam
is about to come out of your ears,” she manages to say through her laughter.
“Come on. It perfectly natural to have a vibrator at your age. Actually, I
think it’s a bit unnatural not to.”

“Um, yeah, thank
you,” I ramble incoherently, hoping she’ll back off and not badger me about it.
“It’s a very… thoughtful gift. Thanks again.”