Falling for Hadie (18 page)

I shook my head as Hadie handed me a napkin to wipe my mouth with. “Not really. Actually, she kinda sucks. She doesn’t cook much.”

“How come?”

“She was always busy with work so she never had time. We grew up on frozen food and take-out. I swear, the guy at our local Chinese take-out place knew my order off by heart.” I wiped my mouth with the napkin and lowered my hand.

“You missed a spot,” Hadie said with a laugh, taking the napkin off me.

She dabbed at a spot on my cheek, her face deep with concentration. Her brow was creased and her mouth was scrunched up as she attacked my face with the napkin. She looked so damn cute that I wanted to kiss her.

But I couldn’t do it. I had no right to touch her, to kiss her, to have her. Hadie deserved someone a lot better than me.

Hadie’s cheeks flamed up and I could tell that she was thinking about kissing me too. Thankfully the moment passed and she absently started cleaning up, placing the leftover food back in the basket.

When she was finished she took a deep breath. “There was a reason why I wanted to see you today. I wanted to talk about the way I acted last night.”

Oh, shit. The last thing I wanted to do was rehash the events of last night. Especially what had taken place in the back seat of the car.

“Do you remember some of it?” I asked.

“I actually remember all of it.”

This surprised me considering how intoxicated she’d been last night. I’d been pretty sure she wouldn’t remember much of what had happened. Maybe she was a better drinker than I’d given her credit for.

She looked at me with steady eyes. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I remember everything. I remember everything that I said and everything that happened between us. First of all, I just want you to know that I’m not one of those girls that go out and get drunk every weekend. This was a one-time thing and I’m never going to do it again.”

“I never thought for a second that you were one of
those girls
.” The tone of my voice made her blush, but she held my gaze. “I haven’t known you for very long, but I know you well enough to know what kind of a person you are.”

“Um, thanks,” she mumbled, seeming to lose her train of thought. “Uh…so, anyway, I’m also not one of those girls who throw themselves at guys. I know it may have seemed that way last night considering I was with two guys when you found me, and the way I…we…nearly…the way I was all over you last night.” She took a deep breath as if to compose herself.

“Hadie,” I said, exercising all my self-control so I didn’t touch her in some way, “I know you aren’t like that and I should’ve stopped you a lot earlier. You were drunk and you had no idea what you were doing.”

“That’s the thing,” Hadie said, her tone soft. “I’m not one of those girls who would sleep with a guy just for the sake of it. I knew exactly what I wanted last night. Being drunk just gave me the courage to go after it.”

Her brown eyes glinted at me as I stared at her in surprise. What the hell? Was Hadie trying to tell me that she
didn’t
regret what had happened between us last night? That she had wanted to do and say those things anyway? If that was the case then it was going to be very hard to stay away from her.

“What are you trying to say?”

Hadie took another breath and met my gaze, her eyes confident. “I’m saying that I like you, Lincoln. A lot. I got drunk and acted like an idiot because I was upset by the way you acted towards me on Friday. I was hurt. I thought we had a connection but afterwards I wasn’t sure. When I got drunk, I said everything I’d ever wanted to say to you. I did everything I wanted to do with you. Well, almost…”

Wrenching my eyes from her, I turned away to stare out at the water, watching the way the cool breeze caused ripples to appear on the surface of the lake. Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance. The sky overhead was perfectly reflecting my mood.

Hadie was saying she had serious feelings for me, and it was a relief to know that she didn’t still have feelings for her ex-boyfriend, but there was no way I could be in a relationship with her. It’s not that I didn’t want to—believe me, I did—but a relationship between us was impossible. It would never work out and when she found out the truth about me, she would hate me.

I’d been selfish. I’d wanted her and I’d made my feelings for her too obvious. I should’ve stayed away from her when I’d had the chance, but now it was too late.

I was falling for Hadie and I couldn’t stop it from happening. It was like there was an invisible pull between us that made it impossible for us to stay away from each other. When she was with me, it felt like a missing part of me had returned. She fit into my life like she was meant to be in it and it was hard to fight these overwhelming feelings for her.

But I had to because it was the right thing to do.

“Lincoln?” Hadie prompted, sounding worried.

I turned back to her, and the concern on her face tore my heart apart. There was no easy way to tell her that we could be nothing more than friends. Either way she was going to get hurt. At least this way the pain would be temporary. If we started dating, if she invested herself in a relationship with me, the pain would be permanent.

It had to be done. I had to tell her. In a matter of seconds I was going to destroy all her hopes and feelings for me. It killed me to do this to her, but I had no choice. It was better this way and if she hated me for it then that was for the best too.

I focused on a spot just past her. There was no way I could look her in the eyes as I broke her heart. “What happened last night was a huge mistake. It should never have happened because it gave you the wrong idea. My lust took over and I wasn’t thinking straight. You’re a nice girl and I like spending time with you but I’m not into you in the way you’re into me. I should’ve made that clearer.”

Hadie’s face fell and her eyes were somber as they drank me in. “Are you joking right now?”

With a sigh, I stood up as small droplets of rain began falling on us and the ground around us. “Yes, I’m being serious. What happened last night was lust, plain and simple. There was nothing more to it.”

With every word that I said, I felt a painful stab in the chest. From the way Hadie was shaking, it was obvious that she was in just as much pain as I was. But the pain would go away. This short-lived pain was for the best. For both of us.

“We should go,” I said, as the rain began to fall heavier, soaking us both.

Hadie nodded mutely and I turned to enter the trees first, unable to face her anymore.

I knew I was doing the right thing, but that didn’t mean it was easy. I wanted nothing more than to tell Hadie how I felt, but how could I? There was no point. There was no hope for us.

As I led the way back to the main road, I was grateful for the rain because it concealed the tears that I hadn’t been able to contain.

Hadie

I spent the rest of the week avoiding Lincoln and feeling like an absolute moron.

Lincoln had given me a grimace on Monday morning, which was probably his attempt at smiling at me, but I had acted as though I hadn’t seen him.

I think he’d gotten the hint, because he didn’t try to grimace at me again.

In English, I’d adamantly stared at the front of the room and refused to turn around and acknowledge his existence. I didn’t know how long it would take for me to get over Lincoln, but it didn’t seem like it would be any time soon.

Mostly, I spent the first half of the week feeling like someone was kicking me repeatedly in the gut. My stomach would clench painfully every time I saw Lincoln, even from a distance.

I had put myself on the line and told him how I felt and he’d turned me down. Yet, it had seemed like he hadn’t wanted to. Or maybe that was just me being delusional. I mean, he had said that I’d read the signals wrong so I didn’t have much confidence in my judgment anymore.

I was so stupid.

As if having my heart broken by Bennett wasn’t enough, now I’d let Lincoln do the same thing to me as well. Was I ever going to learn from my mistakes? I’d told myself to stay away from guys like Bennett, but I’d fallen for Lincoln without even realizing it.

At least Lincoln had the decency to stop sitting on the field, and by Thursday I was feeling a little more at ease as my Government class ended and I walked out to lunch, relieved that the school week was over.

All I wanted to do this weekend was lie around in bed all day and watch the first season of
Supernatural
on DVD. The Winchester brothers were the only ones who could make me feel better after the terrible week I’d had.

My spirits fell when I noticed that it was raining. That meant that we couldn’t sit on the field and had to eat lunch in the noisy, overcrowded cafeteria instead. For some reason, staying indoors during lunch made some people stir crazy, and they were even louder and more annoying than usual.

Great. Just what I needed.

A text message from Mariah let me know that she had already secured a table, which I was grateful for. It was a battle finding an empty table to sit at in the cafeteria on an average day, let alone on a day like this when most of the school was inside. I wonder how many people Mariah had elbowed, shoved aside, and wrestled in order to find a place to sit.

When I walked into the cafeteria the noise was overwhelming. Students were yelling to hear each other over the noise and acting like idiots with their friends. Trying to ignore it as best as I could, I glanced around the cafeteria in search of my friends and found the three of them sitting at a table against the nearest wall.

As I approached them, I saw Connor walk past and plant a kiss on Mariah’s lips before heading off to a table to join his friends from the basketball team.

By the time I’d sat down beside Lana, Mariah looked like she was going to explode from all the gushing she was doing. Her eyes were wide and bright as she talked Lana and Estella’s ears off.

“Oh my gosh! He is so hot and I can’t believe we’re dating! Last night we drove up to Verdana and got something to eat and then we made out for, like, an hour in his truck!”

Lana was the only one who seemed to be interested in what Mariah was saying. Estella looked bored as she stuck a fork in her fruit salad and played around with a grape. I was happy for Mariah, but with my Lincoln woes getting to me, I was feeling pretty down.

“You are so lucky!” Lana said as I reached into my bag to grab the peanut butter sandwich I’d packed. “I would die if someone like Connor asked me out! He is so cute!”

“Speaking of cute…” Mariah’s voice trailed off as something caught her attention.

I groaned internally when I caught sight of Lincoln walking into the cafeteria. He paused at the entrance, seeming overwhelmed by the chaos around him.

“Are you still not talking to each other?” Estella asked.

I shook my head and took a bite out of my sandwich so I had something to focus on other than Lincoln.

“I seriously don’t get you guys,” Mariah piped in. “On Saturday night it looked like you were part of some epic love story and now it’s like the complete opposite. I swear, it looked like he was into you.”

“He is into me,” I muttered glumly. “He wants to get in my pants.”

“Oh, well,” Lana said with a toss of her hair. “If you don’t want him then I’m sure there are plenty of other girls who’d jump at the chance to sleep with him.”

“Too bad he only has eyes for Hadie,” Mariah said. “Look, he’s staring at her right now.”

I looked up again and realized that Mariah was right. Lincoln was staring at me in a way which made my insides squirm. He shouldn’t be staring at me like that. He had no right. Not after the way he had rejected me.

“Lincoln!” Lana stood up and waved her arm at him. “Over here!”

I shot her a glare as Lincoln stared at our table in confusion and then started walking over to us.

“What’s wrong with you? I don’t want him to come over here!” I was practically out of my seat; there was so much frustration and embarrassment filling up inside of me at the thought of having Lincoln close to me.

Lana gave me a shrug as she resumed her seat. “I feel sorry for him. He doesn’t have any friends to sit with.”

I couldn’t say anything further because Lincoln had reached our table and was glancing around at the four of us, looking uncertain. “Um…did you want me?”

“You bet I do,” Lana said in a low voice from beside me that, honestly, made me quite uncomfortable. She straightened up and flashed a bright smile. “Why don’t you sit with us, Lincoln? You look lonely.”

Lincoln hesitated and looked at me uncertainly. I used that opportunity to stand up abruptly and sling my bag over my shoulder. If Lincoln was going to sit here then there was no way I was going to stick around for it.

I didn’t know what Lana was trying to do, but inviting Lincoln to sit with us was a terrible idea. She knew how devastated I’d been because of him over the past week, so I couldn’t understand why she was being so insensitive about it.

“I’ll see you guys later,” I said, without looking at Lincoln again.