Falling for Hadie (28 page)

Lana had avoided Hadie for the rest of the week while Mariah and Estella had taken Hadie’s side.  Understandably, Hadie was upset with Mariah for not telling her what was going on behind her back but Mariah was being her stubborn self and refusing to give up on their friendship.

“Ray said that Lana wanted to be the one to tell me,” Hadie said quietly, her eyes downcast. “But I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. Does that make me a bitch?”

Sometime during our conversation I’d pulled Hadie all the way onto my lap in an effort to comfort her and now she sat curled up against my chest, absently playing with the fabric of my shirt with a finger.

“You’re not a bitch,” I reassured her, pressing my lips against her soft hair. “It’s normal to feel like this, to be distrusting of her, but think about how Mariah would’ve been feeling too. She was caught in the middle of her best friends with a knowledge that was going to destroy both of you. So she gave Lana a chance to come clean, but Lana never did because by then you’d already caught Bennett making out with someone else. So Mariah never told you, and Lana probably didn’t see any reason to since you’d already broken up with Bennett.”

“Just because I broke up with Bennett doesn’t make it okay what Lana did to me.” Hadie’s tone was cold—all trace of warmth had disappeared. “Friends don’t do that to each other. We’ve always been there for each other…why would she do this to me?” Hadie’s voice broke and I could tell that the coldness was really a front to cover up how devastated she was.

I grasped her tighter around the waist, pulling her closer to me, wanting to fix everything for her. “No, Lana should never have done that to you, but don’t knock yourself over it. Shit happens, Hadie.
Life
happens. If we sat around trying to figure out why things happen then we’d get absolutely nowhere. Sometimes it’s just best to accept what happens and move on. Give life the middle finger and say, ‘Fuck you. I’m not giving into your games.’ You know what I mean?”

Hadie stared at me, her eyes unreadable, masked by the darkness. “Fuck you? I’m not giving into your games?” Her voice was timid, her words more like a question.

I nodded, a smile spreading across my face. “Yeah, but a little louder, Hades, or no one in the Underworld will hear you. You’re an intelligent, confident, independent woman and you don’t let anyone tell you what to do. So scream it out. Fuck you! I’m not giving into your games!”

I pulled away from Hadie and opened up the door of the car, letting the cold air in. Carefully, I climbed out of the car, taking her with me. Once we were outside, I placed her on her feet. “Go on, give it a try. Yell it out to the world.”

Hadie looked uncertain as she stared around as if to make sure no one was there. Then she cleared her throat. “Fuck you! I’m not giving into your games!”

She looked embarrassed as she turned to me and I laughed. “Nice try, but that’s not going to scare a mouse. Close your eyes.”

She immediately did as I said.

“Good. Now, feel it in here.” I reached out and placed a hand on the center of her chest. “Feel all the anger, the frustration, the lies, the bullshit building up in here.”

Hadie was quiet, her face wrought with numerous emotions as she focused on what I was telling her to do. I could tell she really was feeling all the pain she’d been through the last several weeks.

“Now, feel it working its way up. It wants to leave you, so you’re going to let it. Feel it bubbling at the surface, in your throat, in your mind, in every part of you.” She was still, holding her breath, waiting for the release. “Let it all out. Scream at the top of your lungs. Fuck you! I’m not giving into your games!”

“FUCK YOU! I’M NOT GIVING INTO YOUR GAMES!” All the tension left Hadie’s face as she unleashed her stress and emotions into the vacant space around her. “You’re not going to own me anymore! I am never going to give in!” Her voice bounced around in the darkness, never falling on anyone’s ears except ours.

Hadie was breathing heavily, her face assuming a more neutral expression as she slumped against the hood of the car and bent forward, grasping herself around the knees. Already, I could tell that it was working, that she’d put a hundred percent into screaming out her frustrations.

I let her revel in the peace that followed such an outburst. I’d been through all this before, shouting from the rooftop of our New York apartment. It’d felt like I was shouting at the world, telling them to get fucked and leave me the hell alone. I’d always feel better afterwards and I knew Hadie would too.

Hadie looked up at me as though she’d sensed me thinking about her. She seemed a lot more relaxed as she smiled at me, and my heart pounded faster as we stared at each other in the darkness.

“You knew that would work,” she stated.

“I did.”

“You’ve done this before.”

“I have.” I nodded even though her words were more of a statement than a question. “Many times.”

“Why?”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair which had grown a fair bit since I’d first arrived here. “Lots of reasons.”

Hadie took a step closer, her eyes never leaving mine. “Any that you’re going to share with me?”

My breath caught in my throat. I knew tonight was the night to do this but the night wasn’t over just yet. I still had time to tell her. “Maybe later.”

She nodded in response, seeming alright with the fact that I was skirting a major issue. There was something else more important on her mind; I could see that now, see it burning in her eyes.

Hadie reached out and took my hand in hers. She hesitated, but then seemed to gather her courage as she studied me. “I love you, Lincoln Bracks. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while now but I’m glad I waited until this moment to say it.”

Shit. Hadie loved me. She freaking
loved
me.

I felt winded, like I’d run up ten flights of stairs without stopping. She wasn’t taking pity on me; she wasn’t trying to make me feel better. She really did love me. She loved me for who I really was, not for what I’d become.

“Lincoln,” Hadie prompted, looking a little scared, “say something.”

Coming to my senses, I stepped forward, closing the distance between us. I wrapped both my hands around Hadie’s small waist and hoisted her onto the hood of the car. Hadie’s eyes registered shock at my spontaneity, but she didn’t protest.

“I love you, Hadie Swinton,” I said, because that’s all that needed to be said, before crushing my mouth against hers.

Hadie wrapped her legs around me and pulled me in closer until our bodies felt like they were one and the same. We breathed the same air as we broke apart, met each other’s eyes, and then continued kissing.

The same goose bumps popped up on our arms as I carried Hadie to the backseat of her car. The very same anxiety and apprehension I was feeling flashed in her eyes as I lay her down gently on the seat.

Then finally, after so long, the wall I’d so carefully built around my mind and my heart crumbled. Something inside of me snapped. I was done holding back how I felt. I was done trying to suppress what I really wanted to do.

In this moment, I felt like the seventeen-year-old boy that I really was. Free from my problems; free from the thing that was holding me back. I was free to be myself. In this moment, I was free to be with Hadie the way I wanted to be with her.

Words didn’t need to be exchanged. We both knew exactly what we wanted. I could see the determination in Hadie’s eyes as she pulled off my shirt and tossed it aside. Her eyes drank in my upper body in a way that made my face heat up and I was secretly thankful for the years of early morning and late afternoon football training I’d endured to look this way.

Leaning over, I planted kisses along her collarbone before finding her lips again and teasing my tongue into her mouth. She stroked my tongue with her own and began running her hand over my stomach muscles.

Then, without waiting any longer, I hitched her dress up over her head and threw it aside—the last obstacle standing between us gone.

Hadie

I stared up at Lincoln in awe as he took in every inch of my bare body like he was trying to memorize it.

It was finally happening. Lincoln and I were finally going to give ourselves to each other in every way possible.

I couldn’t say that I hadn’t thought about this moment for a long time. It had been in the back of my mind ever since we’d started dating, but Lincoln had never made a move, never tried to get me into bed.

I respected him so much more for that. It made this moment so much more special. Our time together, all those small moments, had brought us to this place. We were closer now than we’d ever been. And I loved him. I loved him for teaching me how to laugh again, to not dwell on the bad, to move on when things got rough, to embrace the ups and downs that life presented me with.

There was no doubt in my mind that Lincoln Bracks was the love of my life. I could feel it, just as I could feel the sun on my face each and every morning. The notion had been growing inside me for the past few weeks and now it was a constant. Now it was real. Now I relied on it to grow and to live.

That was why this moment felt so right.

I wasn’t even embarrassed to be naked in front of him. It didn’t seem to matter. Whatever he saw of me, I wanted him to see. I was completely at ease and comfortable around him like I’d never been with anyone else.

I felt breathless as Lincoln touched his lips to my bare stomach. Tingles shot through me in places that I had never imagined possible. I loved how unbridled he was tonight; the passion was burning so clearly in his eyes. Passion for me.

My heart leapt into my throat as our eyes met. I never thought anyone would look at me the way Lincoln was looking at me right now. I loved how he wasn’t holding himself back the way he always did.

Without warning, Lincoln pushed me back and for a moment I was confused by his actions until I saw that he was struggling to get his pants off in the confined space.

Laughing, I reached over to help him. When I’d pictured having sex with him for the first time, I’d never imagined it would be in the backseat of my car.

After his pants off, we spent several long minutes just getting to know each other’s bodies, learning what worked for the other. My hands travelled the length of his body, lingering on muscles of his arms as Lincoln’s lips eagerly sought any part of my bare skin that he could get at.

Each kiss that Lincoln planted filled me with desire. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could put up with his teasing. The way he kissed me was full of hunger and passion, like he couldn’t be satiated. No one had kissed me like that before, as though his life depended on kissing every inch of me.

Lincoln was gentle, with a hint of raw lust about him. It was that rawness that did funny things to me—made me quiver as he sucked at my neck and let out a soft moan when his mouth moved to the hollow of my throat.

My fingers dug into his back as I pulled him in closer. He raised his head to look at me and when our gazes locked, I tried to express everything in that one look.

I wanted him, and I wanted him now.

Lincoln gave me a slow smile that sent shivers shooting through my body. He knew exactly what that look had meant. Raising himself up, he reached over and pulled something out of the pocket of his pants. It was a condom.

As Lincoln ripped open the packet, I closed my eyes. This was really going to happen. It had taken a lot for us to trust each other, but it had finally happened and now we were ready to take the next step.

When Lincoln’s hands grasped my stomach again, I arched my back, wanting him close to me again. His arms wound their way to mine and pinned me down before he pushed himself deep inside of me.

***

If you asked me how long we lay there in the backseat of my car, I couldn’t tell you. The only thing that I could say with certainty was that Lincoln’s heart had beat erratically the entire time as though being close to me made his heart behave abnormally.

We were still in the back seat and I was lying on top of him—he didn’t seem to be bothered by my weight so that was a good thing. It’s not that I was heavy or anything; I just didn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

“How are you feeling?” Lincoln asked, smoothing my hair off my face. “I didn’t mean for this to happen here but by the time I started I couldn’t stop…” His voice trailed off as he lowered his gaze as though he was ashamed of where we’d had sex for the first time.

“It’s fine,” I said, “I’m fine. It was…amazing.”

Now I was the one left feeling embarrassed. I wasn’t really sure what you were supposed to talk about after sex. Did I shake his hand and thank him for his time? Did we lie here and do nothing? Was it okay to comment on the actual act?

With Bennett, we had only slept together once and he had left quickly after it had happened so I didn’t have to worry about making idle chit-chat with him. But Lincoln wasn’t the kind of guy to bolt afterwards. He was the kind of guy who stayed, who held you close, who planted soft kisses on your mouth and who asked if you were okay.

Lincoln grinned at me and rubbed my back. “It’s okay, you can tell me anything. You know that.”