Falling In (11 page)

The twins are currently testing out the bouncy house outside, while Cole is getting the barbeque grill all set up. People should be arriving any minute now, which means I will be seeing and possibly interacting with Jake momentarily. I peek outside to make sure Cole isn’t looking, then open the freezer and stealthily grab the whiskey bottle. I sneak around the corner and take a ginormous swig.
Bleh, that burns
. I gag. I’ve never been a hard alcohol kind of girl. It brings back too many memories that are best forgotten. I put it back quickly before I get caught. My belly feels warm, and my shaking has subsided slightly.

Right on cue, the doorbell rings.
Showtime
. Taking a deep breath, I square my shoulders, plaster an award-winning smile on my face, and make my way to the door.
It isn’t him
. Hopefully hiding my disappointment, I usher in guest after guest. This goes on for about fifteen minutes. My face falls and my heart sinks each time I open the door and don’t see his face.

I don’t think he’s coming.

I’m about to turn around and walk back into the kitchen, when the doorbell rings yet again. I am almost positive everyone is already here, except for Jake and Ben. My heart begins to hammer harder and faster against my chest with each step I take towards the door. I pause a second before twisting the knob.

I have to suppress the urge to jump into Jake’s arms when I seem him at my doorstep. I do, however, have a ridiculous grin on my face that I can’t seem to remove. But it seems like Jake is having the same issue, since his smile is pretty damn comical…and so stinking cute. We are both about to say something when a familiar voice from behind me beats me to it.

              “Hey, Ben. Why don’t you go out back with the kids!” Ben looks up to Jake, whom nods a
yes
to the unasked question. Ben doesn’t hesitate as he runs through the house. “Hey, Jake. Come on in. Beers are out back. Meat is on the grill, and I know for a fact there are a few single moms here!” he says almost challenging as he leads Jake inside and through the house. Jake looks back at me once before following Cole. I glare at the back of their heads.

Single moms? What the eff?

An hour into the party, the kids are still bouncing to their hearts’ content. All of the parents are mingling, while Cole is grilling hamburgers, hotdogs, and chicken. I am pretending to be interested in Lacey’s—a close friend of Cady’s—mom gush about their plans for a summer vacation in Hawaii.
Wealthy bastards
.

While she brags about how they went to Australia last year, I am sneaking peeks at Jake, who is talking to one of those damn single moms.
Becky
. And yes, she is beautiful and hot and easy. She’s made the rounds with all of the single dads in the school, and from the looks of it, she is getting ready to sink her slutty-ass claws into Jake. Her stupid, big-ass boobs are falling out of her inappropriately short and low-cut summer dress, and Jake’s just eating it up. His eyes keep darting down to her chest, then back up to her eyes. He’s engrossed in whatever story she’s telling him, smiling and laughing at something funny she said. I watch her touch his arm and linger there for far too long, if you ask me. I can tell she’s pulling out all the cards.
Why wouldn’t she?
He’s so effing perfect, I can’t even form the damn words to describe him.
And yes I know I’ve used perfect about a dozen times but it’s the only word that comes close to illustrate the enigma that is my neighbor.
He’s more than sexy. He’s delicious and sweet, with a hint of badass. He’s unlike anyone I have ever met. And today he looks even more delectable, wearing a Nirvana tank top that shows off more skin than I’ve seen from him thus far. His arms are even more sculpted than I thought. It’s subtle though, not obnoxiously in your face. He’s built like a swimmer.
A sexy-ass swimmer.
He’s also rocking those fitted, dark jeans he loves—
and I love
—and black boots with the shoelaces untied. Badass
,
barbeque-chic.

When I look back up from his boots, our eyes collide, and I swear everyone else disappears and it’s just us. Alone.
Staring
. He must see the roaring beast known as jealousy in my eyes, because the bastard has the audacity to smirk, and then wink.

Yeah, that’s it
. I cut Lacey’s mom off, tell her I have to get all of the condiments and sides ready for lunch, then turn around and practically run inside. When I go into the kitchen, I find Cole drinking a beer and staring out into the backyard. I trace his line of sight and realize he’s staring at Jake and Becky
. He didn’t notice me staring too, right? Or the way I just ran inside like my big butt’s on fire?
I step in front of the shameful debacle that is Jake and Becky.

Cole smiles at me, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He nods to the couple. “I introduced them when he first came in. They seem to be hitting it off, don’t you think?”

              “Why would you do that? She’s slept with every single man in the school district!” I really try not to sound resentful or jealous, and can only pray that I pulled it off.

              “Well, good. The dude needs to get laid, Evie. He’s been here for weeks, and the only woman I’ve seen him with is
my
woman.” I look back behind me and catch Jake whispering something in her ear. My hands clench and I am pretty sure my heart dropped out of my chest, onto the floor. I look back to Cole and find him staring intently at me.

              “Don’t look at me like that. We’re hardly even friends, Cole. It’s hard not to see each other when we live next door, and the kids have become attached at the hip. But Becky, Cole? Seriously? He better get himself checked out if he decides to take her for a ride. She’s been around the block more than a few times. Although, from the looks of it, he doesn’t seem to mind.” I internally cross my fingers that I managed to keep the guilt and budding disdain out of my voice.

              Cole’s blue eyes probe mine closely.
Shit
. I can see the gears turning.
He sees it
. I am pretty sure he sees it. But then again, he just sighs, kisses my forehead, and leaves the kitchen, ignoring what he might have seen.

              I close my eyes briefly, concentrating on my breathing. Then I feel
him
. That pull that is begging me to turn around and surrender. But my own green-eyed monster is stronger. I square my shoulders, straighten my posture, and walk around the counter, pretending to be oblivious to his demanding presence. I can feel his eyes on me as I busy myself with pulling items from the fridge and grabbing the necessities for lunch.

              “Evangeline.”

              I don’t answer.

              “
Evangeline
!” He says louder. Forceful. I finally raise my eyes to his. And whatever he sees makes him take a step back.

              “Does
Becky
need something? Are you refreshing her drink, or does she need to borrow a change of clothes? You know, realizing that while at a children’s birthday party, she is dressed like a five-dollar prostitute.” I observe with a fake smile. The asshole has the balls to look smug, yet again.
I want to punch him in the face so hard right now.

              “Jealously looks damn good on you,” he muses while walking toward me.

              “I’m not jealous of her,” I lie through my teeth. He stops moving just close enough to where it could still be looked at as innocent. It doesn’t feel close enough, though. He inches his hand toward mine, tracing tiny circles around my knuckles, turning my legs into jelly in the process.

              “Oh, but you
are
jealous. I saw you looking at us out there. The way your eyes burned with envy, just as they are now. Only now, I can also see anger and want. You are jealous—there’s no denying it. Now you know how I feel when I see you with
him
,” he says bitterly.

             
Yeah, he’s right
. I am mother fucking angry. I snatch my hand away from his, taking him by surprise. I take a step back, needing the distance to keep my wits about me.

              “Why would I be jealous, Jake? I have nothing to be jealous of. I don’t have any claim on you. Like you said, I have
him
. I don’t give a shit what you do. Flirt with her, take her out, or fuck her in my bathroom for all I care. It wouldn’t be too difficult—I hear she’s pretty damn easy. And alone, unlike me. Now excuse me, I have lunch to serve and a party to host.” I bite out while attempting to brush past him. He grabs my arm, halting my escape.

              “
You don’t mean that
,” he whispers with a lot less venom and a lot more anguish.

              I know I hurt his feelings, but I can’t stop the lies that are pouring out of my mouth. I can’t let him know how much it killed me to watch him with skanky ass Becky Lewis. I have no right to do so. That would be akin to admitting my betraying thoughts. So maybe, just maybe, if I push him to her, this infatuation will go away—even though the thought of them together makes my stomach churn, while at the same time generates an itch to punch something. I can’t look at him in the eye, so I focus my attention on the liberal amount of buns in my hands.

              “I do. You can do whatever you want, Jake. I’m not going to stop you. And to be honest, maybe it’s for the best. For everyone.” I say with an unsteady voice, finally meeting his eyes.
Yeah, that heart of mine that dropped on the floor earlier, is getting the shit kicked out of it right about now.
 

              “If that’s what you want—” he says weakly, sounding so deflated that I almost cave and wrap my goose bump-covered arms around his hard and narrow waist. But instead, I stand firm.

              “
It is
.” I say quickly, just barely above a whisper.

              Jake lets my arm go, and without a second glance, I walk out the back door and immerse myself into the party.

***

The next few hours I feel as if I’m just going through the motions. Although, I am almost positive that I am the only one who knows about the extreme wrestling match of emotions going on inside me. Throughout the day, while my kids eat cake and open presents with eagerness and so much delight, I actually forget about everything and revel in their joy. But that is short lived when I spot Jake and the skank sitting so close to each other, she’s practically in his lap. They’re whispering back and forth in their respective ears. The sight is making my blood boil so much that I excuse myself for a minute. I can feel his eyes on me as I retreat to the bathroom.

Once I’m inside, I turn on the faucet and splash cold water on my face.
I need to cool off, to suck it up.
I pushed him to do this.
He’s not mine. He will never be mine.
The sooner I realize this, come to terms with it, the better. I take a few much-needed deep breaths and walk back to the party. 

Cole looks away from the kids’ obliteration of wrapping paper and sets his wary gaze on me. I walk over to him and smile a genuinely happy smile, grab his hand and squeeze.
This is my family
. A family that I love with everything that I have and that I am. It sucks that I have to remind myself of this, but for now, it’s just the way it is. I will get over this—
him
. Whatever we were about to start will never have the chance to grow.

For the rest of the party, Jake doesn’t exist.

Jake

Three days.

I didn’t say one word to her in three fucking days. I barely even looked at her. At least when she was looking. But when she wasn’t, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. I know I had no right to be mad at her. As much as I want her to be, she isn’t mine.
Not yet, anyway
. And from the petty and childish as hell way I’m acting, she probably never will be. But this whole situation is all kinds of fucked up. I am falling for a girl who loves a man she’s been with her whole life. They have a family—a picture-perfect, happy family.
And she deserves that
. She deserves smiles and family game nights and vacations. She deserves
normal
.

I just really want to be the man to give it to her.

How do I do that, though? Destroy the family that she loves?
I know she has feelings for me, but are they strong enough to give up her everything?

I really don’t fucking know.

So what do I do?
I yell at her and storm off, because she makes me feel so damn insecure and weak. Which pisses me the hell off, because I have
never
been those things. I’ve dealt with pain my whole life, I’ve lost my family, and I never once broke down. I’ve barely even cried. I stay strong because that’s the only way to survive. It might make me sound cold and heartless, but it’s the only way I know, and it’s worked for me…until now.

I’m standing in my living room, glaring at some Barbie doll-thing and a Spiderman figure I wrapped a few days ago for Cady and Dylan’s party—the party that started a few minutes ago. I don’t want to go. And yet I do, because I need to see her. The hunger I have for Evangeline needs to be fed. I yearn to hear her tender singsong voice, and that laugh that guts me every single time. The way she unknowingly sways her hips when she walks, almost always barefoot. She’s the embodiment of a free spirit. She makes this punk from Seattle want to convert. But as much I keep telling myself to suck it up and be a man, I just don’t think I can handle seeing her with
him
.

“Hey, Uncle Jake, it’s 1:05. We’re late for Cady and Dyl’s party. What are you doing staring at their gifts?” Ben comes up behind me, scaring the shit out of me, once again.
I swear, that kid was a ninja in a past life
.

“Hey, kid. Um, I was just making sure the wrapping is okay,” I lie.

Obviously, I can’t tell him the truth. For one, he thinks girls are stupid and disgusting—although, I have watched him noticing Cady more than usual—but still, it’s not like he can offer me advice as to how to steal a woman from another man. And two, the kid really wants to go to the party. He’s been talking about it nonstop since I gave him the invitation. I can’t not take him—he’d be heartbroken. And at the ripe age of seven, he’s experienced enough heartbreak for a lifetime. I can tell he’s getting impatient, because he’s doing some kind of jig around the floor.
All right. Time to man up, Jake
. So, taking a deep breath, I snatch the presents off the coffee table and hand one to Ben while taking his hand in mine. Together, we walk out the door.

We wait for what seems like years for someone to open the door. But when it finally happens, I see that it was well worth the wait. Evangeline is standing there looking surprised and so damn cute with her expressive deep brown eyes and dimples. I look at my watch and realize we’re fifteen minutes late.
She probably thought we weren’t coming.
I quickly take her in. She’s wearing a short red and white polka dot tank top and these high-waisted shorts that fall a couple inches above her knees, not short by any means but still sexy as all hell. Her normally untamed curls are pulled back in a braid that rests on her right shoulder. She rarely wears makeup—she doesn’t need it. She’s all natural and so fucking beautiful, I have to dig my fingernails into my palms to stop myself from grabbing her, throwing her over my shoulder, and taking her away with me. It looks like she’s about to say something when I hear a male voice from behind her.

Cole.

Well, shit
. He invites Ben to go play with the kids, and then greets me nicely enough, though his eyes are far from welcoming. They look almost calculating.
Does he sense something?
I mean, I know he caught me staring at her that one time, but any man would. He goes on a spiel about beers and meat, and then proceeds to tell me that there are single moms at the party.
Yeah, he definitely senses something. He’s fucking challenging me
. Prick.

I take a quick look back at Evangeline, and if looks could kill, that girl would give Dexter a run for his money. Cole doesn’t see it, and she doesn’t notice that I saw it. But damn, she’s glaring at Cole’s back so intensely, it’s almost frightening.
Looks like his girl doesn’t want me talking to other women
. I can work with that. Make her see what she’s missing.
A little jealousy couldn’t hurt my chances with her, right?
Hopefully, it’ll push her to the realization that she belongs with me. Of course it could do the exact opposite, but I’m willing to take the risk.

I find my mark pretty quickly. Cole, of course, introduces me to one of those single moms he was mentioning earlier. I’m not going to lie, she’s pretty hot, but in a heavily made up, fake kind of way. She definitely does not abide by the ‘less is more’ rule. She’s wearing a sundress that barely covers her ass and her most likely fake tits are spilling out of the top. She smiles seductively at me when I offer her my hand, which she keeps in hers a little too long. She’s definitely interested.

I pretend to be enthralled in whatever she is talking to me about. I nod when I need to, laugh where she thinks she’s being funny. But I honestly have no idea what she’s saying.
How can I concentrate when I can feel Evangeline shooting daggers at us from across the room?
From my peripheral vision, I can see her hands are clenched into fists, like she’s one second away from pummeling the plastic Barbie—Beth or Becky, I think her name is. I lean in to whisper that I need to use the restroom, all while keeping my eyes on Evangeline. Her face flushes in anger, her eyes and body scream with possessiveness. She takes a step forward like she’s about to come over and stake her claim, but she must’ve remembered where she is and who could be watching because she turns around and races back inside the house.

I want to run after Evangeline, but I know Cole is inside so I excuse myself from the Barbie and slowly walk to the French doors. I can see them talking about something. From the looks of it, it’s doing nothing to calm Evangeline down. She looks even more pissed, and damn, I’d be lying if I said she didn’t look so fucking cute. I see Cole kiss her forehead and walk toward the back door, so I busy myself with looking for something to drink in the cooler. By a stroke of luck, he doesn’t notice me and heads over to Cady, picking her up and swinging her around. Her precious giggles fill the air, making my heart clench. I’m trying to shatter
that
.
I most definitely have a one-way ticket to Hell.

After I cautiously walk in, Evangeline pretends that she doesn’t notice me. But I know she does; her back stiffens and breath hitches every time I come near.

After a few minutes of watching her doddle with various barbeque essentials, she finally speaks, off-handedly taking a dig at the hot mom I was talking to. I know she’s trying to sound nonchalant, but her voice and body language are dripping with jealousy. I try to make light of her feelings and tell her that jealousy suits her.
Big fucking mistake
. She denies it. So I proceed to tell her why I know she’s lying.
Bigger fucking mistake
. Instead of getting all flushed and flustered like I was hoping for, she gets straight up pissed.

“Why would I be jealous, Jake? I have nothing to be jealous of. I don’t have any claim on you. Like you said, I have
him
. I don’t give a shit what you do. Flirt with her, take her out, or fuck her in my bathroom for all I care. It wouldn’t be too difficult—I hear she’s pretty damn easy. And alone, unlike me…”

Well, shit.

She couldn’t mean that. I know she doesn’t, even though she says so. I grab her arm to stop her from leaving me. I feel her hot skin prickle under my hand.
God, even her arm feels so damn good
. I try to get her to meet my eyes, but she doesn’t. She keeps her gaze directed on what is in her hands. I’ve never seen hamburger buns get so much attention in my life.

              “I do. You can do whatever you want, Jake. I’m not going to stop you. And to be honest, maybe it’s for the best. For everyone.” 

              “If that’s what you want—”

“
It is
.”

Even though she sounds like she doesn’t believe a damn word that is coming out of her mouth, it still feels like she sucker punched me straight into my heart. I let her arm go like it’s on fire. And to be honest, it feels like it might have been. I let her walk away without a fight.

God damn it, maybe she’s right
. Maybe I do need to take a step back. I don’t want to. I really fucking don’t want to, but I don’t know what else to do. This whole thing is a mess.
A huge, screwed up mess
.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” I bellow into the empty kitchen.

At least I thought it was empty.

“Hey, there. You okay? I was waiting out there for you. They’re serving the food now.” Becky saunters over to me like a lioness hunting her prey.

Maybe I should take her out
. I know for a fact she is more than willing. And I am almost positive I’d get laid. Looking at her ample cleavage trying to make an appearance and that
come hither
gleam in her eyes tells me that yeah, I would definitely get some.
Maybe that’s what I need
. It’s been a few months. A man does have needs. And right now, I need to get over this fixation.
What better way to get over a girl than to get under another one?
It’s always worked before.

Fuck. I’m a douche
.

I force a charming smile on my face, turning her cheeks a pretty shade of pink. Not as alluring as Evangeline, but attractive nonetheless. With a simple “Come on,” I grab her hand, pulling her with me outside, back to the party.

***

For the next hour, I try my best to keep my eyes off of Evangeline and focus on Becky. I’ve been whispering in her ear and keeping her close while we eat and sing happy birthday. But as hard as I try to disregard Evangeline’s presence, I can’t stop myself from looking for her, or at her. That pull I have toward her isn’t lessening my resolve to stay away. In fact, I think it’s become
stronger
. Like it’s defying my denial. So when I catch her staring at my arm around Becky, the expression on her face makes my beaten heart crumble. She looks…
hurt
. When she excuses herself to go to the restroom, it takes all of my willpower not to get up and chase her down, convince her that she was wrong.
That I’m wrong
. That this
isn’t
wrong—we’re so very right. Apparently, I have gained a mass amount of self-control in the last 24 hours, surprising even myself. Of course, having Cole’s eyes on me probably helps a little bit. He definitely knows what’s up. But for some strange ass reason, he isn’t doing a damn thing about it.
Fucking idiot
.

Just as Dylan is opening the gift from Ben and I, Evangeline comes back to the room, looking like a completely different person. Still as beautiful as ever, but the hurt I saw earlier is long gone and replaced with purpose and an adoring smile for Cole that gives me the urge to throw up my lunch.

I gulp, gaping at the lovely, loving couple. She doesn’t even glance my way. All of her attention is suddenly solely on him and their kids.
Shit
. I know just hours ago I said I would stay away.
That it was for the best.
But I honestly didn’t really believe the shit that was swirling in my head. Though now—from that look on her face, the reserved posture, the way she keeps passing over me like I don’t fucking exist anymore—she is making me feel like this really is the end. The end of something that was never even given the chance to begin.

“They’re so perfect, aren’t they? You know, they’ve been together since they were kids. How
amazing
is that?” Becky gushes as she watches Cole and Evangeline, wonder and hope in her eyes, like they’re actors in some stupid romantic comedy.

I take a long pull from my beer, tearing my eyes away from what should be mine and feast on Becky instead, taking in every inch of her in. She catches me, her eyes going dark with desire. It’s in that moment that I say a mental
fuck it
and ask her out for next weekend. After we help clean up the heaps of wrapping paper that is scattered all over the living room, we exchange numbers and promises to call and text during the week.

I watch as she gathers her son and their belongings, says goodbye and gives her thanks, then leaves—but not before giving me a drawn out kiss on the cheek. I turn to find Ben, but notice that Evangeline is staring at the door that Becky has just walked out of. Her eyes betray her for a second before turning right back into stone as our gazes meet. She quickly turns away, talking to some mom about her book, from the sounds of it.