Falling Star (Beautiful Chaos #2) (2 page)

Little did Jake know I didn’t need any liquor to get high. Because I was high in another way, and it was worse than any drug. Constantly craving more . . .

Of him.

“Star, would you like another soda? A coffee? A snack?” It was Biff, Jake’s assistant, asking me for the umpteenth time if I needed anything. She had become my right hand man. Yes “man”, with her deep voice and bull-dyke tendencies. At first I was horrified, told Jake I didn’t want her anywhere near me (after what happened to me when I was a girl), but Biff turned out to be the sweetest, gentlest character, so I let her spoil me. The irony was; it wasn’t Jake Wild who had fallen for me, it was Biff.

“I’m fine thanks, Biff.” We were on set, me in make-up and jail costume, waiting for my scene. There was a hair in the gate and the cameraman wanted to go again. A shame because the take had been pure perfection.

“And . . . action!” Jake barked. The set suddenly became bathed in an eerie silence as Meryl stared into space, then rolled her eyes just a touch to the side. To anyone normal it looked like she was doing nothing, but we in the business knew better. This was another Oscar-worthy performance, fused with subtlety and genius. I never tired of observing her and didn’t care about waiting forever to do my scene. The movie set had been my drama school all these years and never more than now. Some of the other actors were in their trailers, doing crosswords or surfing on their laptops. But I stayed rooted to the set because I wanted to watch Jake and Meryl work.

I watched him get close to her and mutter in her ear. Even though she was a consummate star and Jake so young, he didn’t feel intimidated by her. I saw her nod and then laugh as if what he’d said was a fantastic idea. Leo was running around, checking things were in order, and Make-up and Hair swooped in on Meryl with combs and face powder. Letting her nose and forehead be dusted to get rid of any shine, she tucked her knees under her, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Preparing for the next take: the one where you really see how nuts her character is.

Biff drew up a director’s chair and sidled next to me. “What do you think of Meryl?” she whispered.

“I think she’s the best actor I’ve ever seen,” I said. “She’s Bobby de Niro’s all-time favorite actress, did you know that?”

“That’s praise coming from
him
.”

“Sure is.”

“I’d like to stay but I have to go and collect Jake’s girlfriend from the airport.”

I felt my stomach fall a thousand feet. I looked up from my mug of coffee at Biff. Surely she’d made a mistake? “
Girlfriend
?” I hissed, “Jake doesn’t have ‘girlfriends.’ ”

“I know, right? But he keeps referring to this one as his ‘girlfriend’, News to me, but hey, I’m his assistant, I can’t ask too many personal questions—it’s none of my business.”

I felt waves of florescent green wash through me. Jealousy wasn’t an emotion I was used to. “Well it
is
your business actually, Biff,” I said, in a crazed effort to make sense of all this. “You have to be ahead of him in every way. Understand his needs, his whims, his weaknesses. That is, if you want to be the perfect assistant,” I added manipulatively. I knew I’d be able to wheedle info out of Biff at a moment’s notice, and this ‘girlfriend’ topic would be high on my list of priorities.

Biff’s eyes were puppy dog eyes. Eager to please, innocent. “I do want to be a great assistant, I do. I love my job so much—I want him to be pleased with my work.”

“An assistant has to be like a second brain, a second heart. You have to know
everything
about Jake to be his right arm.”

Biff gazed at me lovingly. “I wish
you
were his girlfriend,” she said. “Then we’d still see each other even after the movie is over.”

“Me? I wouldn’t date Jake Wild if he were the last man alive.” The words tumbled out of my mouth—I couldn’t stop them. I laughed—too falsely. Too loud—Meryl looked up at me from across the set. She smiled distractedly and slipped back to her thoughts. I felt tears well in my eyes and my throat tighten.

Biff touched my hand. “Are you okay, Star? Can I get you anything?”

“I’m just preparing my next scene,” I lied. “So who is this ‘girlfriend?’ ”

“Her name’s Cassie . . . Cassandra.”

“She’ll bring him bad luck,” I quipped.

“Why?”

I toyed with my prison-knotty hair—they’d backcombed it for my next scene as I was meant to look rough. “Don’t you know about the Greek legend? Cassandra had the gift of prophecy but was never believed. She could see into the future but everyone thought she was crazy.”

“I’ve Skyped with her,” Biff said. “She’s not his usual type.”

“Oh yeah? What does she look like?” and then more urgently, “where did he meet her?”

“Quiet on set please, we’re going for another take!” shouted Leo. There was the loud snap of the clapperboard. “Take six. And lights! Camera? Silence please, camera’s rolling!”

“And action!” Jake said.

I couldn’t concentrate. My pulse was pounding so loudly I thought it would mess up the take—that the sound engineers would be able to hear the ‘boom boom’ of my heart hammering through my chest with their sensitive headphones that picked up the tiniest of noises. Meryl was prodding her arm with a sharp object, her mouth twisted with disgust at herself.

“And . . . cut! Perfect, Meryl. Have we got that in the can?”

“Just checking the gate,” Leo said.

I grabbed Biff by the wrist. “Where did he meet her, Biff?”

“She’s an ex. Well, kind of.”

“An ex? Is she pretty?”

“Okay, I guess. Nothing special. Nothing like you, Star.”

“So how did they hook up again?” I tried to sound vague, like I was making casual conversation. Not.

“I’m not sure . . . it’s like something from a long time ago. You know, a teenage thing rekindled.”

“Rekindled?” I stared at Jake who was smiling with happiness and punching the air with his fist. “Can’t wait to see the dailies—that was perfect,” he was saying to Leo. Jake turned to me, catching my eye, his crooked smile piercing me—our sweet short-lived moment an ever-present memory, haunting me by the second. But my gaze in return was spiked with shards of glass. I forced a grin back. He was wearing fatigues, loose on his hips, his hard stomach peeking through. His dark blond hair disheveled, a dusting of five o’clock shadow on his jaw which made him look sexily tired—a man who’d worked a little too hard but his passion giving him an air of personal triumph.
Passion
? The thought of that word felt thick in my brain . . . passion for
what
? For Cassandra? Ugh! Yet what right did I have over him? He wasn’t my boyfriend and he’d made me no promises. The opposite—he’d warned me against himself, telling me he was “bad” and that I should keep away from him.

He sauntered toward me, still grinning. I felt an unbidden tear tumble down my cheek. He scrunched his brow. “Star, what’s wrong?” A fatherly ‘what’s wrong.’

You’ve got a girlfriend, that’s what’s goddamn wrong
! “Nothing. You know, just feel emotional after Meryl’s scene.”

“Yeah, she’s the best. Looking forward to yours, next.” He snuck a glance at his watch. “You ready? We should be alright to roll in ten minutes or so.”

I looked up at him. “I thought I’d play it down, you know? Low-key. So you can come in close.”

“Well I had planned to start with a two-shot.”

“If you could do the close-up first you’d be doing me a favor. If Meryl doesn’t mind? I’m feeling the scene right now, you know? If we could go soon, that would be great.”

“Sure, Star.” He stood tall and yelled, “I want the next shot ready in five! Leo, get this close-up going—yeah, close-up, not a two-shot—tell Paul, like, now! Make-up? Hair? Are we ready?”

My make-up artist, Miriam, came flying over, and so began the fussing. She had maroon-colored powder on the tip of a brush. I was meant to look baggy-eyed and hollow which was a good thing, because I suddenly—after the humdinger girlfriend news—felt like death warmed over.

Ten minutes later, after Jake called “action” I motionlessly started the scene. I let the tears build slowly, well up, and overflow in streams down my face without wiping them away. I stared at Meryl, imagining her to be the ex, Cassandra, the one taking my light away. I imagined my brother and the damage he’d done. I looked up and stared at the ceiling. I could hear the cameras rolling and silence dance around my ears. I glanced at Meryl. Her lips twisted in spiteful anguish—her character taking her over on command as she let a flicker of a mean smile play on her lips. But the camera was on me, not her; a close-up—just my face and neck, so any expression I made would be giant on screen. Meryl was just being generous—as always—helping my character, Skye, feel pain. In an instant, I let rip. A roar escaped me, like a wild animal caught in a trap. I had meant my performance to be nuanced and small but my instinct took over. I felt immersed in loneliness. A single star in the sky. Alone. I gripped my hair, using my hands like talons and started pulling so my scalp felt raw. Was I overacting? Maybe, but I felt it inside—I really did. I finally said my lines, gritted between my teeth. “You . . . you are . . . an evil. . . .
bitch
.” Silence rolled on for twenty seconds. I held my gaze, pinning my eyes on Meryl’s. She continued to smirk—her character a cruel force of bastardized nature.

“Cut!” Jake said quietly. But the camera kept rolling. This is sometimes what happens when a crew becomes invested in a scene. I carried on acting, despite Jake having said ‘cut’ . . . I could hear that wonderful, calming whirr of the camera . . . a sound that was like my second breath . . . my life . . . my existence . . .

“That’s a wrap for now,” and then louder, “Cut!” I let my eyes wander to Jake’s face. And then he mouthed to me silently, “I love you.”

My stomach flipped. Seriously? Did I read him right? But then he added out loud, “I love you, Star, I love you, Meryl! I love
all
of you for the best day’s filming ever!”

And I fell back down to earth again. Wondering if I’d ever hear those words for real.

“T
AKE FIVE, EVERYONE, we all need a quick break. Actually, let’s say fifteen minutes.”

Leo grinned at me. “Good day, my friend, good day.”

“You did great, Leo. Love those sharp shadows you set up for Paul. Meryl looked fucking crazy. And Star—well, what can I say?”

“She’s great actress—perfect casting, Jake. That last scene? you could not hear pin drop. Wanna grab beer?”

I smiled. I loved Leo’s Russian accent and how he got expressions muddled up. “Sure, let’s go to my trailer.” I yelled out so everyone could hear, “Back in ten, everyone.”

Leo and I made our way through the lot and, once in my trailer, I slumped onto the couch, while Leo took some ice-cold beers from the fridge and grabbed some snacks from the kitchenette. He threw the packets on the table where I had my feet parked. I was dog-tired but at the same time high on excitement and energy. Star was showing me what she was made of. Fuck, that girl could act. She was resilient but vulnerable at the same time. She turned me on in every way—mentally, physically, emotionally—but the Reason chip inside my head kept spelling it out loud and clear,
No, Jake. Leave her alone. She’s a young girl. Too young. A goddamn virgin, on top of it all.

Leave. Her. Alone.

“Looking forward to Badlands?” Leo asked, ripping open a bag of potato chips.

“Yeah, a lot. Except—”

“What?” he sat down and handed me a beer.

“Things are going to be a bit different. You know, with Cassie on board.”

“So who is Cassie chick you told me about? She cute?”

“Not really. I mean, yeah, pretty, but not the type to turn heads.”

“Fuck, man? I thought you went for babes?”

“I told you, Leo, I’m done with babes. I’m
done
fucking around. But at the same time I’ve been going crazy being abstinent. I’ve decided I need a
real
girlfriend. Someone stable. Intelligent. Someone I can trust with my life.”

“Your life? You flying to Mars or something?”

“Just a nice, friendly, clever woman to keep me sane. No drama, no crazy games, no drugs or parties. Just a sweet, uncomplicated, easygoing girl. We’ve known each other forever. We’re old mates. She’s always been there for me. Crazy about me.”

“Cool, so Star’s game? . . . I mean, free?”

I froze. The idea of anyone, least of all Leo, touching Star, caused a rush of adrenaline to kick into my system as if I were running from a bear or lion. “Very funny, Leo. Leave my cast members alone.”

“Anyway, not sure what Cassie thing is all about. You like
Star
,” Leo said, nodding his head like he knew it all. “Star’s girl for you.”

“Off limits, Leo,” I said, realizing that I’d obviously made my feelings for Star apparent. “I told you. It ain’t gonna happen! That’s why I sent for Cassie—should be arriving any minute now. I gave her a job as Continuity so she’d have something to do. I want to see if I can make a real relationship work. A real girlfriend/boyfriend thing.”