False Security (9 page)

“Did you sleep
with him?” Danielle asked.

Rachel sat cross-legged on
Danielle’s bed, while Danielle tore through the clothes hanging in her closet
in search of something to wear. Danielle had bombarded her with questions in
the ten minutes she had been home from work, and Rachel wasn’t sure how to
respond to them anymore.

“I take it that’s a no,”
Danielle said when Rachel didn’t answer. “Do you want to sleep with him?”

“Am I supposed to answer that?”

“Come on. You stayed at his
house last night. What am I supposed to think?” She tossed a red tank top on
the floor behind her and resumed her search.

Rachel leaned over the edge of
the bed and picked up the shirt. She folded it and laid it next to her on the
bed. “You’re not supposed to think. It’s my life.”

“Why are you so upset about
this? Isn’t it what you’ve always wanted? To live a normal life and to be a
real girl?”

Danielle managed to strike the
one nerve in Rachel that always made her jump. There was nothing Rachel wanted
more than normalcy, but she didn’t know how she could have it in the midst of
all the chaos. “You know it is,” Rachel said.

“Then go for it.”

“And what? Forget the past?
Ignore who I am?”

Danielle turned around, holding
a pair of black pants in her hands. “What do you mean? You’re Rachel Thomas.
You know, the girl who gets anxious every time her boyfriend Mark comes
around.”

Rachel frowned. “Will you stop
with all the boyfriend stuff? You know what I’m talking about. Why do you care
about it so much anyway?”

“Because you’re my best friend,
and I want you to live a little.”

“I am living.”

“No, I’m living,” Danielle said.
She slipped off her denim shorts and stepped into the pants. “I’m not sitting
around in a little glove compartment shutting everyone out like you are. I’m
enjoying life and making the most of it, like you told me I should. Maybe you
ought to take your own advice. You’re not living. You’re surviving.”

“And survival is all I’m
concerned about. I don’t like complications.”

“Is that what Mark is? A
complication?”

“Yes, and I’m going to take care
of it,” Rachel said. She had been thinking about the idea ever since she woke
up in his bed that morning. There were no other options but to push Mark out of
her life right away. Being careless and naïve any longer could prove disastrous.

“Take care of it?” Danielle
asked. She grabbed the red shirt off the bed and pulled it over her head. “You
mean you’re going to tell him it’s over.”

“That’s what I mean. After
tonight, Mark will no longer be a part of my life.”

“Like that will ever happen,”
Danielle said. “Can we bet on this, too? I sure could use another twenty
dollars.”

“It has to happen, Danielle. I
can’t afford to live in this fantasy world. I’m losing track of what’s
important.”

Danielle stopped primping her
hair in the full-length mirror and studied Rachel. “You’ve already made up your
mind, haven’t you?”

“It scares me, Danielle. I have
no control over this. When I’m with him, I forget about everything else. It’s
like my life didn’t begin until I met him.”

“Oh.” A smile formed on
Danielle’s lips. “You’re in love with him.”

Rachel’s frown deepened. She
followed Danielle out of the bedroom and toward the front door. “I’m not in
love with him. There’s no such thing as love.”

“There’s the cynical girl I
know.”

“A greeting card company
invented love to make money.”

Danielle paused, her hand on the
doorknob. “It looks like they’ve succeeded in creating meaningless, false
feelings in yet another sucker.”

“I’m not in love with him and
I’m going to prove it to you,” she said.

“Who are you trying to
convince?”

Rachel pursed her lips and
crossed her arms.

“Would you like me to drop you
off at his house or are you taking your car?”

“Mark is working at the
bookstore, so I thought I’d walk over there.”

Danielle touched Rachel’s arm.
“You need to stop trying to control your life. It’s okay to allow yourself to
live and love again.” She went out the front door, leaving Rachel alone with
her thoughts.

Rachel pulled
open the front door to the bookstore and a loud bell rang out, announcing her
entrance. From behind the cash register, Sarah informed her Mark was in the
office with James. Rachel thanked her and headed toward the back of the store.
On her way through the store, she waved to Greg, who was helping a customer.

In the office, Mark and James
leaned against the desk, fixated on a television that rested on top of the file
cabinet. “Anything good on TV?” Rachel asked.

Mark turned to her and smiled.
“James wanted me to watch the news with him.” He gave her a quick kiss. “I
could have picked you up.”

“It’s okay, the walk always does
me good. Since when do you watch the news, James?” she asked.

“I watch it every night. I
brought in this old TV so Mark could watch it with me while he was waiting for
you.”

Rachel made it a habit to not
watch the grim tales on the news. She’d had so much of that in her own life
that watching the sorrows of others was too much for her. “What’s so special
about tonight’s newscast?” she asked.

“Senator Cal Robbins gave a speech
in Kansas City today and they’re going to show some coverage of it,” Mark said.

“He’s a senator from California,
running for President,” James said. “He’s been in office for quite some time
now. You’ve probably heard of him, Rach, since you’re from there.”

“I have heard of him,” Rachel
said. “He’s the only politician I know about.”

“Here it is,” James said. He
used the remote control to raise the volume.

A picture of Senator Robbins
popped up in the top corner of the screen next to a polished anchorwoman. “This
morning, Senator Cal Robbins visited Kansas City on his Midwest tour,” she
said. “We take you there now, live, with Neil Crawford of our affiliate
station.”

A young man in a pressed suit
appeared on the screen. He clutched a microphone as if his life depended on it.
With perfect posture and his best anchorman smile, he stood in front of a
makeshift stage covered with red, white, and blue campaign banners.

“Thanks, Susie,” he said into
the microphone. “Behind me is the stage where Senator Cal Robbins stood this
morning and gave one of the most memorable and passionate speeches of his tour
to date. Kansas City is one of the many stops he is making on his tour through
the Midwest, and his supporters turned out in droves. This outdoor venue was so
overrun with those who came to watch the Senator, many people had to be turned
away due to lack of space.

“Senator Robbins is already a
forerunner in the race for the White House, and the turnout this morning lends
credence to the overwhelming support Senator Robbins has received since
announcing his candidacy.”

Rachel wondered how much longer
the newscaster would speak. She wanted to rush to the television, turn it off,
and drag Mark far away from any media outlet, but she knew her actions would be
called into question.

“Though many topics are hot in
this election,” the newscaster continued, “Senator Robbins focused on crime
prevention and the need for stricter sentences for convicted criminals, as many
expected. Today marks the third anniversary of one of the highest profile
murders in the last several decades. Emotions ran high and tears were shed as
Senator Robbins recalled the unsolved murder of his close associate and dear
friend.”

Rachel leaned back on the desk
and her fingers brushed against the desk organizer. She glanced at Mark and
James, who were intent on the television. Her hand swept across the desk behind
her and connected with her intended target.

“Three years ago today, Jona—”

Crash.

Mark jumped off the desk and
James turned around. Rachel looked down at the desk organizer on the floor.
Pens and pencils rolled away from the impact site, while paperclips jumped
across the tiles.

“I am so sorry,” Rachel said.
She crouched on the ground and collected paperclips. “I can’t believe I did
that, considering how OCD you are about everything being clean.”

“Don’t worry about it for a
second.” Mark knelt beside her to help clean up. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. I just moved my arm
and the caddy went flying. It must have been right on the edge of the desk.”
Rachel hoped Mark bought her excuses and didn’t think she was over-explaining.
She glanced up at the television. The anchorwoman had moved onto a new story.
“I’m such a klutz today,” she said.

“Quit worrying. It was an
accident,” Mark said.

James picked up a pen by the
sole of his shoe and wiped the end of it on his jeans. “Maybe they’ll repeat
the report later. I want to hear more about the guy that got killed.” He shoved
the end of the pen in his mouth and chewed.

“I’m sure they will since it’s
such big news,” Mark said. “I remember when that happened. It was all over the
news back then. Very tragic. What was his name?”

James shrugged. “I know his
name, but I can’t seem to remember it right now. He was some big wig in home
security. That was messed up because he was killed while he was at home.
Imagine that, a security guru being murdered in his own house.” James sucked in
his breath and his eyes grew wide. “Unless the person that killed him was
someone he knew. That makes it even worse.”

“His name was Tom something,
wasn’t it?” Mark asked.

Rachel returned the organizer to
the desk, replacing the last of the pens.

“No,” James said, “It began with
a ‘J’, like Jerry or Joseph.”

Rachel couldn’t let the
conversation continue in the direction it was heading. “I didn’t realize you
were so into politics, James,” she said.

“James has always been into
politics,” Mark said. “He knows every President and Vice President we’ve ever
had. He knows all about everyone in Congress. He even knows who’s who on the
local school boards.”

James shrugged. “For some reason
it fascinated me in elementary school when we learned about the Presidents and
it stuck.”

“What are your thoughts on
Senator Robbins?” Mark asked.

“He’d make a fantastic
President,” James said. “He makes friends with everyone, no matter their
political persuasion, and he figures out a way to make everyone happy on
issues. Since his friend died, he’s done so much with crime control and...”
James scrunched up his face and scratched his head. “What was that guy’s name?”

The bell announced the entrance
of a customer. “This is real exciting,” Rachel told James, “but I need to steal
Mark away from you now. I’m starving and he owes me dinner.”

They said goodbye to James and
Mark took her hand. Halfway to the back exit, he stopped walking. “I forgot my
keys.”

“We’ll be here all night,” she
said.

“Come here,” he said. He grabbed
her arm and pulled her toward him. He brushed the hair away from her face. “I
promise I won’t let James sucker me into a daylong conversation and if he does,
I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” she asked.

“I don’t know, but it’ll be
good.”

Rachel laughed, and he kissed
her. He turned and headed back into the office. Her smile fell from her lips.
If he was more than a minute or two, she’d have to go in and get him. Anything
to keep him away from the topic of the news story.

She glanced around the
bookstore, studying each patron she could see as she walked up the center
aisle. To her left, a young woman with several books tucked under her arm read
the synopsis on the back cover of a romance novel. Sarah headed toward two
teenagers flipping through magazines on the back wall.

Somewhere in front of her, Greg
conferred with an older couple about travel books. Jason, a young college
student who worked in the bookstore part-time, collected money from a
middle-aged man at the register.

The bell on the front door rang
out through the store, and Rachel’s nerves jumped. Lead lined her stomach and
blood pumped through her veins with unusual vigor. Her claustrophobia closed in
the walls around her, and the store seemed to get smaller with each passing
second.

“Look, Mommy!” a girl’s voice
exclaimed.

Rachel walked toward the voice
coming from the children’s book section, as if drawn by an invisible force.

“This is the book where
Cinderella goes to the ball,” the girl continued.

Rachel stopped walking. Her
throat constricted against the quick breaths she drew of thick, hot air.

“Her dress is pretty and she
dances with the prince, but has to leave before she turns into a pumpkin.”

The piano’s keys tinkled in
Rachel’s mind, beginning its haunting melody, unaware that it was only supposed
to play in her dreams.

“Please, can I have that book,
Mommy?”

Rachel fought the darkness that
enveloped her vision.

“Excuse me, miss?”

The panic attack ended with the
man’s words. Rachel turned to him and forced a smile.

A return smile peered at her
beneath his trimmed moustache. “I’m sorry to bother you,” he said, “but do you
work here? I’m having trouble finding a book.”

“No, I don’t. He should be able
to help you,” she said, and pointed in Jason’s direction. Jason waved to let
her know he was on his way. The stranger insisted on small talk about the hot
weather and high humidity until Jason reached them. Jason greeted the customer
and steered him in another direction.

Mark appeared next to her,
dangling his car keys by his side. “There you are,” he said. “I’m sorry I took
so long. You were right about James starting another unending conversation.” He
studied Rachel. “Is everything okay? You’re a bit pale.”

Rachel shrugged and gave him a
quirky smile. “It’s probably my blood sugar dropping since you’re letting me
starve to death,” she said. “I could pass out at any moment.”

Mark smiled again. “We can’t
have that happening here in the store. We’d lose some customers for sure. Let’s
go eat.”

Rachel accepted his hand and let
him lead her out of the store. He always made things better when he was by her
side, and it made leaving him that much harder. Lying to him was soul
wrenching, but the greater her paranoia, the more abhorrent her dishonesty
became. Her actions in his office, albeit necessary, were inexcusable and
deceitful.

If she stayed with him, Mark
would discover her motives, and he would never forgive her once he did. It
solidified her thoughts that she needed to end what they had now, before her
heart refused to let her go.