Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero (15 page)

“I can leave.” With his eyes unusually bright, Johnny chewed on his lower lip, not making a move to leave.

“No way.” Mac hugged the child to him. “You’re part of my family, and I’m gonna fight to keep you this time.”

“You mean that?” Johnny said through the tears streaming down his face.

The thickness in Tess’s throat grew. Her tears fell. She pressed her hand on Johnny’s back and said, “He means it. I can’t begin to tell you how frantic Mac and I were last night looking for you.”

Leaning back, Johnny stared at Mac. “Then why did you let me go yesterday with that lady?”

“She’s your aunt. I thought you would want to be with your own family.”

“I don’t know her. She didn’t want to keep Frisky. She kept sneezing and looking strangely at Frisky. She had the hotel put her in a dog kennel out back. Frisky didn’t like it. I had to rescue her.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind me adopting you?”

“Really? You want me?”

“Yes, very much.” Mac grinned. “I’ll even take Frisky.”

Johnny threw his arms around Mac. “You won’t be able to give me back?”

“No, this will be for keeps.”

Tess’s smile matched Mac’s and Johnny’s. Her heart swelled with emotions she had cautiously allowed back into her life. Family, children were so important. She wanted it all, a loving husband, a house full of children.

“I’ll be the best son you ever had.”

Mac grew serious. “I want you to come to me if you’re upset. Running away won’t solve your problems. I will love you no matter what, and we can work through anything. Just don’t run away again.”

Johnny’s expression equaled Mac’s in gravity. “I promise I won’t.”

“Thanks. I think I lost five years tonight searching for you. I’m not as young as I used to be.” Mac tousled Johnny’s hair.

The back door banged open, and Amy raced outside, launching herself at Johnny. Mac caught her before she managed to topple Johnny onto the decking.

“You’re back. I just knew you would be. I prayed real hard last night, and God heard me.”

Mac cradled both children. “How would you feel if Johnny was a member of our family? Would you like a big brother?”

Amy’s eyes grew round. “You mean it, Daddy?”

“Yep.”

Amy jumped up and down, clapping her hands. “We’re gonna be a family. We’re gonna be a family.”

Sadness intertwined with Tess’s happiness as she watched the three of them bond. She took a step away from them, feeling as though she was intruding on them.

Mac glanced up and caught her backing away. “Where do you think you’re going?”

She shrugged, not wanting to explain the feelings bombarding her. “I was gonna check on the coffee. Didn’t you say you wanted a whole pot of it?”

“I’m wide awake now. I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. Let’s get Nina and all of us go out for a big breakfast.”

“Yes,” the two children yelled and raced for the door.

Mac hung back, grabbing Tess before she followed the children into the house. “After I give Mrs. Hocks and Dottie Brown a call to tell them about Johnny, we’re all going to breakfast, including you, then you and I are gonna talk. It’s long overdue.”

Johnny and Amy hit the house and sprinted for the utility room to get their puppies and go out back to play. Nina shook her head and trailed the children into the kitchen.

“I’m exhausted just looking at those two,” Mac said, starting to toss his keys on the table in the foyer.

Tess stifled a yawn, feeling the exhaustion of a long night searching for Johnny and a morning spent celebrating his safe return to the MacPhersons.

Mac peered at her and closed his hand around his keys. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

“What about our talk?” Tess wasn’t sure she would be able to put two coherent sentences together.

“We’ll talk on the way.”

On the ride to her apartment Tess rested her head on the seat and listened to the classical music Mac popped into his CD player. Her eyelids began to droop as the sounds of Bach filled the car with soothing tones. The next thing she realized Mac was gently shaking her awake. Her eyes opened and her gaze connected with his. The tenderness in his expression quickened her heartbeat.

She sat up, smoothing her hair. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to talk, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

“I hated to wake you up. You looked so serene. Like an angel.”

The huskiness in his voice prodded her heart to beat even faster. “That’s exactly what I thought Amy looked like the other night when I put her to bed.”

“Yeah, she has her moments.”

“She’s wonderful. You’re lucky.”

“Yes, I am. It’s been a while since I’ve thought that. You’ve made me realize that.”

“How?” The question came out in a breathless rush.

“After Sheila died, I thought that part of my life was over. With you, Tess, I see it doesn’t have to be.” He raked his fingers through his hair and massaged the back of his neck. “I’m not doing a very good job of saying what I mean. I hadn’t meant to say anything, since you were so tired. I was gonna wait till later.” He clasped her hands, bringing her around to face him. “But here goes. Tess Morgan, I love you and want to marry you.”

Her world exploded into bright lights and beautiful music. She felt like dancing and singing, all weariness slipping away. “Marry you?”

“Yes. Will you?”

Emotions she’d thought denied to her since Kevin’s death tugged at her heart. She had to swallow several times before she could answer, “Yes. Yes, I would love to marry you.”

Mac dragged her to him and settled his mouth over hers. Her heart soared, her pulse racing with elation. When he leaned back, the smile that graced his lips sent a warm tingling to the tips of her toes.

“This isn’t how I had planned to propose to you, Tess. You deserve flowers, a candlelight dinner and soft music. After all that’s happened I couldn’t wait for the perfect moment.”

She framed his face with her hands. “This was perfect. You’ve made me the happiest woman alive. For years I’ve dreamed of marrying the man I love and having a family, the bigger the better.”

His jaw tensed beneath her fingertips. A rush of air was expelled from his lips. “Amy and Johnny need a mother.”

“Not just Amy and Johnny.” Tess saw a frown carve deep lines into his face. “I know you have reservations about having more children, but—”

He jerked away, his body flattened against the driver’s door. “I don’t want any more children. I told you about my wife when we went camping in the mountains. Amy and Johnny are enough for me. My family is complete.”

The steel thread in his voice underscored his words with a clarity that alarmed Tess. Because he was such a good father, she had never believed he wouldn’t want to be a father again and again. The dream that had materialized in her mind vanished like a mirage in a desert. “Yes, you told me about Sheila dying during childbirth, but—”

“I will never be responsible for another death. I couldn’t take that. It nearly killed me when Sheila died. I won’t risk that kind of loss again.”

“But you weren’t responsible.” She frowned, her exhaustion returning tenfold.

“She wouldn’t have been pregnant if I hadn’t talked her into it. She wouldn’t have died giving birth if I hadn’t persuaded her that we were ready for a family. You see, I wanted a large one. She wasn’t sure she wanted any children. It was probably the one bone of contention in our marriage.”

Dread wove its way through her body, making her limbs leaden. “But I want children. We agree on that.”

“No, we don’t. I’ve changed my mind.”

The air in the car was stifling as though the last breath was being squeezed from it. Tess yanked on the handle and pushed the door open. She quickly stood and wished she hadn’t. The world tilted and spun with her sudden movement. She gripped the car and closed her eyes, willing the spinning to stop.

She heard Mac slam his door. When she opened her eyes, he blocked her path, anguish in his features.

“I don’t think I can do it, Tess.”

“It isn’t common for a woman to die in childbirth. I’m willing to take the risk.”

“I’m not.”

“Weren’t you the one who once told me that life is a risk?”

“I’ve changed my mind where you’re concerned.”

Again that steel thread ran through his voice, and Tess was reminded of an immovable force. “I don’t know what to say. I need to think.”

“Do that. I want us to agree if we do get married. I won’t go into a marriage again without that settled up front.”

This should be the happiest day of her life, but instead she felt deflated, unsure what to do. She loved Mac. But she wanted children badly. Yes, Amy and Johnny would be a part of her family if she married Mac, but she wanted to experience having children, holding and nursing a baby. She was afraid she would always feel incomplete if she gave in on this.

“But you need to think, too, Mac. Life
is
a risk, and you changing your mind won’t alter that fact. Some things are important enough that you should take a risk. This is one of them.”

“What if I don’t feel that way?”

“Then we have a lot of thinking and talking to do before anything can be decided.” She stepped around him, needing to escape to do that thinking. When she was with Mac, she wanted to give in to him, and yet she was afraid that would be the worst mistake of her life. One day she would resent giving up her dream of having children. “I’d better go inside. It’s been a long night, and I’m very tired.”

As she passed him, he grabbed her arm and held her still. He leaned into her, his face buried in her hair. He kissed the top of her head, then lifted her chin to caress her lips with his.

“I can’t change how I feel, Tess.”

“Yes, you can.”

“But so can you.”

“I see we’re at opposite ends on this issue. Good day, Mac. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Promise?” He released her, a troubled look in his eyes.

“Of course. I agree we have to talk this out before we decide on getting married. I’m working tomorrow, but we can see each other in the evening.”

The long walk to her apartment felt as though it took an eternity. She sensed Mac watching her until she disappeared inside and collapsed against the door. Sliding to the floor, she curled her legs up and rested her forehead on her knees. She should be dancing and singing. Instead, she wanted to crawl into bed and bury herself under tons of blankets.

Please, God, help me decide what is best for me, for Mac. I can’t do this without You.

E
xhaustion clung to Tess like cobwebs to a deserted house. She stared at the computer monitor at the nurses’ station, the words about a new admission blurring. She rubbed her hands down her face to clear her thoughts. All night she’d tossed and turned, trying to come to a decision concerning Mac. Still the answer evaded her. Could she make a commitment to Mac knowing she would give up a lifelong dream?

“Tess, there’s a call for you,” the unit secretary said.

Tess glanced up from the computer, her brow furrowed.

“Line two.”

Tess picked up the phone. “Tess Morgan.”

“This is Joan in emergency. I think you should get down here. Peter MacPherson was just brought in. He’s been in some kind of accident or something. I don’t know the details.”

For a few seconds Tess’s mind went blank. Her nerveless fingers dropped the receiver, and the sound of it hitting the counter resonated through the nurses’ station, jerking her out of her trance.

She quickly snatched up the phone and said, “Is he—”

“He’s lost a lot of blood. I don’t know much beyond that.”

“I’ll be there.”

Tess placed the phone in its cradle and leaped to her feet. She frantically scanned the area for the head nurse. When she saw Kathleen, she hurried to her and explained about the emergency, a sense of urgency taking hold.

She hadn’t been able to say goodbye to Kevin. What if Mac—
Oh, Lord, please watch over Mac. Please don’t take him from me.

Two minutes later she was on the elevator, counting the floors as it descended. Her heartbeat picked up speed as she came nearer. By the time the doors swished open and she rushed out, maneuvering her way among people waiting to get on, her pulse hammered against her temples as though a kettledrum was inside her head.

Joan was waiting for her and pointed to Room Three. Tess shoved through the door and came to a halt just inside. Mac lay on a gurney with two nurses and a doctor hovering over him. Never before had the sight of blood made her light-headed. But seeing Mac helpless with his eyes closed and his face pale while the emergency room team worked on him caused her head to spin. Smells she should be used to assailed her, prompting her stomach to roil. She gripped the edge of the counter to keep from collapsing while trying not to hyperventilate.

“Tess, what are you doing here?” the doctor asked.

“He’s a friend. What happened?”

“A gunshot wound to the left shoulder.”

“Gunshot?” She didn’t understand how something like this could happen to her Mac. He hated guns. He didn’t have any in his house.

The doctor returned his attention to his patient. “You don’t look too good. Why don’t you sit in the waiting area? As soon as I have some information, I’ll let you know. You might want to contact his family.”

Part of her wanted to stay, try to help, but another part needed to leave the room before she fainted, something she had never done in her whole life. In the corridor she drew in deep breaths of the antiseptic-scented air. Normally the smell didn’t bother her. Right now it made her stomach churn, and she fought the urge to throw up.

Visions of Kevin lying in his own blood, his life forces draining away while she held him cradled to her, hounded her all the way down the hall to the waiting area. People milled about, waiting on friends and loved ones. She joined them, crumpling into a chair where she could keep an eye on the door to Room Three.

She knew she needed to tell Mac’s family, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up and make that call. She didn’t know what to say to them. She was afraid she would break down and cry, scaring them more than was necessary. As she twisted her hands together, she prayed as she had never prayed before.

Dear Lord, please don’t take Mac away. He’s a good man with two children who depend on him. Please be with him and watch over him.
Two years before, she had whispered similar words concerning Kevin, and he had died.
Please, it can’t happen a second time.

Unable to sit still, Tess bolted to her feet, her breathing so rapid that the room tilted. She paused, willing herself to take calming breaths before she headed toward the nurses’ station. She needed answers. She needed to do something before she went crazy, worrying and wondering if her past would repeat itself.

As Tess grabbed the phone to call Mac’s mother, Justin arrived with Alice next to him. Justin headed for the nurse at the counter while Mac’s mother strode to Tess. Alice gripped Tess’s hands, her lips compressed in a worried expression.

“Are you all right, my dear?” Alice asked.

Her concern touched Tess. “Are you?”

“My son is in God’s hands now.”

Tess wished she had the self-assurance Alice did, but all she could think about was how Kevin had died and that history could repeat itself. “I was just about to call you. How did you find out so quickly?”

“Someone at the halfway house called me. Then I talked with a policeman. All I know about what happened is what he told me.”

“Who did this to Mac?”

“Some man named Harry got upset and began waving a gun around. Mac tried to talk him into giving it to him.”

All color drained from Tess’s face. She thought of the scene a few weeks before at the halfway house when Harry had gotten upset. She could easily imagine what had happened an hour ago. The man was like a powder keg, only needing a spark to explode.

“Do Amy and Johnny know?” Tess asked, needing to focus on something other than her imagination.

“Not yet. I wanted to see Mac first. I only called Justin to bring me to the hospital. I was afraid to drive.”

“I’d like to go with you when you tell the children.”

“Sure.” Alice sandwiched Tess’s hand between hers. “He will be all right. I know it.”

“Do you know he asked me to marry him yesterday?”

“That’s great. I was praying he would.”

“I haven’t told him my answer yet.” Tess cast a glance at the door down the hall, wondering what was going on in the room and yet not daring to find out. What if—She didn’t want to think about what if. It only sent alarm streaking through her, making her realize how little control she had.

“I know it’s a big step.”

“Mac doesn’t want any more children. I want children,” Tess blurted, surprised she was telling Mac’s mother the reason they weren’t engaged.

Alice shook her head. “He still feels guilty about Sheila.” She patted Tess’s hand. “Give him time. He’ll come around. He adores children and is a wonderful father. It would be a shame if he didn’t have any more.”

Tess didn’t have a chance to reply to Alice. The doctor emerged from Room Three and headed toward them. His expression was neutral, giving nothing away.

“Tess.” The doctor nodded toward her. “Is this the man’s family?”

“Yes. This is Alice MacPherson, Mac’s mother, and this is his brother Justin.” Tess shifted to allow Justin to stand next to his mother.

“The bullet went through the upper left shoulder, nicking an artery but just missing the lung. He’s weak, but barring any complications he should be fine. We gave him a transfusion and we want to watch him a few days. Rest and time should take care of him.”

“When can we see him?”

“They’re wheeling him up to surgery now to repair his artery. Once he’s settled in his room you can see him.” The doctor looked at Mac’s mother. “I need some information, Mrs. MacPherson, and to go over a few things with you.”

Tess sank back against the counter, feeling as if she had lost a pint of blood, not Mac. He should be okay, but what if an infection took hold and—Hadn’t she promised herself not to think about what if? She had to have faith in the Lord to watch out and care for Mac.

Tess stood at the window, watching the sun disappear behind the mountains and the shadows of dusk descend. Like the end of day and the start of night, she felt as though she’d come to a crossroads in her life. She leaned against the wall, her arms over her chest as though to protect her heart. Seeing Mac in a hospital bed churned up all the emotions she’d been desperate to suppress. Dread. Fear. Anger.

Yes, the doctor said he would be fine. But what if this happened again? Mac worked in a halfway house, counseling people who were often distraught, living on the edge. What was to stop some other person from getting upset and taking his frustration out on Mac? All the emotions she’d experienced when Kevin had died flooded her, crushing the breath from her. She sank onto the love seat and doubled over, hugging her arms tightly to her. She couldn’t go through that a second time. She didn’t have the emotional strength to fight those demons again.

The walls of the room seemed to press closer. She needed to get out before she suffocated from the stale, sterile-smelling air that so reminded her of how close Mac had come to dying. A few inches, and the bullet would have pierced his heart. She surged to her feet and headed for the door.

“Tess.”

She froze. She heard Mac try to shift. The sound of his groan forced her to his side. “Don’t try to move.” She slipped into the chair by his bed, her hand on his arm to still him.

His eyelids fluttered. He licked his lips and swallowed several times. “I’m so thirsty.”

Tess, glad to have some mundane task to do, quickly filled a plastic cup with water. Carefully she lifted his head and placed the plastic straw to his mouth, fighting the temptation to hug him to her, to check to make sure nothing else was wrong.

He took a few sips, then smiled, the gesture fading almost instantly. “Thanks. I’m lucky to have my very own private nurse.”

The hoarseness in his voice magnified his situation in Tess’s mind. Again the need to escape bombarded her. She fought the strong urge, knowing she couldn’t leave.

“How do you feel?” she asked, putting the cup on the bedside table.

“Like a herd of wild elephants stomped all over me. Otherwise great.”

She stiffened. “Don’t!”

“Don’t what?”

“Make light of what happened to you. You could have died. An inch or so to the right, and you wouldn’t be here. You’d be in the morgue.”

“But I’m not. I’m alive, Tess.”

She clamped her mouth closed, refusing to say anything, afraid of what she would say if she allowed her emotions free reign.

Mac fumbled for her hand. “Tess?”

Tears stung her eyes. She blinked, and a few coursed down her cheeks. “What happened?”

“Harry didn’t like how things were progressing at the halfway house. He wanted me to make some changes. To be honest I don’t think he intended to hurt me. I think things just got out of hand for him.”

“Are you going back?”

Mac’s forehead creased. “Yes, why wouldn’t I?” He tried to shift again and winced.

“That’s why. Look at what Harry did to you.” She tried to keep the worry from her voice, but she knew Mac heard it.

“That was a freak accident.”

“You breaking your leg was a freak accident. What Harry did wasn’t.” The force behind her words surprised her.

Mac sighed, his eyes drifting closed for a moment. “I’m gonna be fine, Tess.”

This time, Tess thought, but kept her opinion to herself. “You need to rest.”

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

He looked so vulnerable lying in a hospital bed with tubes attached to him. It took a great deal of effort to sit next to him and not fall apart at the sight of him. “I won’t go anywhere.”

His eyes slid closed. “Good. When I wake up, I want to talk about us getting married.”

Tess watched his face relax in sleep. Pain contracted her chest as though she had been the one shot. Married. How could they? She wanted children. He didn’t. He wanted to continue his work at the halfway house. She didn’t want him to. She felt the gulf between them widen. One of the hardest things she would have to do was tell Mac she couldn’t marry him. She knew her limits, and today she had hit a wall.

Tess ushered Amy and Johnny into the hospital room. Bright light poured through the window, accentuating the dozen arrangements of flowers Mac had received over the past forty-eight hours.

Propped up in bed, Mac grinned at the children. “It’s about time you came to visit. I’ve missed you two.”

Amy hopped up next to her father and hugged him. “Tess said you’ll be coming home tomorrow.” Her face screwed into a frown. “Why did that bad man hurt you, Daddy? I don’t like him.”

“He didn’t mean to. He has problems I was trying to help him with. He isn’t bad, just hurting and confused.”

“I was scared.” Amy snuggled close to Mac, sticking her thumb into her mouth.

“Me, too,” Johnny mumbled.

“As you two can see, I am fine. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll always be there for you.” Mac looked over his daughter’s head and straight into Tess’s gaze. “Always.”

The door clicked open, and Alice came into the room.

“Mom, I’m glad you’re here. I bet these two would love to sample the ice cream sundaes they have downstairs in the cafeteria. I hear they are the best.”

“Ice cream!” Amy’s eyes widened. “Yes!” She pumped her arm in the air as she had seen Johnny do so many times.

“I can take—” Tess started to say.

“I want to talk with Tess for a moment. You two go with Grandma. I’ll see you when you get back.”

Amy planted a big kiss on Mac’s cheek. Johnny gave him a quick hug, looking somewhat embarrassed by all the emotions being expressed. When the children followed Alice from the room, the silence that descended was thick and heavy. Tess could hear the hammering of her heart in her ears. She avoided looking at Mac for a long moment—just as she’d avoided being alone with him the past two days—but she knew the time for reckoning was at hand.

“Okay, Tess, what gives? You’ve gone to a great deal of trouble to make sure you’re not alone with me these past few days. What are you not telling me?”

“This isn’t going to work.”

“What?”

The question hung in the air between them for a moment. “I’d rather talk later when you’re feeling better.”

“So you want me to be in good condition before you dump me.”