Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero (9 page)

“When I took my first psychology class in college, I became hooked on trying to figure out what makes people do the things they do.” Mac sipped his coffee, peering at her over the rim of his cup.

“Some people don’t like to be analyzed.”

“Some people need someone to help them through their problems. They’re too close to them. They can’t get a good perspective of them.”

“Is that what you do at the halfway house?” Tess asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from her.

“I told you I’m a good listener. That’s what I mostly do. That and get people to understand why they’re doing what they do.”

“Stray people aren’t like stray animals.”

“But both need understanding and love.”

When he said the word
love,
for a moment she allowed herself to wonder what it would be like loved by a man like Mac. Then she remembered the pain such intense emotions caused and pushed the dream away. “How are the puppies? Is Johnny taking care of his?”

Mac didn’t answer her right away. He chewed his food slowly, his eyes narrowed on her face as though he were contemplating not letting her get away with changing the subject of their conversation. Finally he said, “Yes. I’ve been impressed with how well. Frisky sleeps in his room in a box. Sometimes I’ve found the puppy sleeping with Johnny when I check on him before going to bed. They’re usually inseparable. That’s why I should have known something was up when both Amy and Johnny put their puppies in the utility room this morning.”

“It looks like your trip to Colt’s farm may have triggered something.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have a house full of stray animals if I don’t put my foot down.” Mac cut into his pecan pie.

Tess watched him bring the bite to his mouth. Hers watered. “Wait till Casey hears about the rabbits. Your sister will encourage them.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. Amy’s gonna be staying with Mom and Casey this weekend while I’m camping with Johnny and some of the kids from church.”

“Chaperoning? You are a brave man.”

“And I need a chaperone for the girls. Justin and his wife are coming, but Mary could use another woman to help her. Care to come along?”

“Me?”

“Yes. You could spend time with Johnny. He talks about you all the time.”

“He does?”

“Come on. What do you say? I know you aren’t working.”

“How? Oh, never mind. Casey.” The idea he was asking his sister about her made her blush. “Let me think about it.”

“There’ll be twelve children, seven boys and five girls, going, ranging in ages from ten to fourteen. Johnny doesn’t say anything, but I think he’s excited. I talked with his doctor, and he gave me the okay. Johnny’s recovering quite well.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Now all we have to do is work on his spirit. He’s really taken to going to church with us, and this youth group has been wonderful for him.”

Was that why she felt such a kinship with Johnny? They were both wounded in spirit. Tess knew she didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to spend some time with the boy. She’d missed him these past few weeks. Talking to him on the phone wasn’t the same thing as seeing him, making sure with her own two eyes that he was doing all right. Maybe it was time for her to stop trying to avoid Mac and let things happen naturally. Maybe it was time to face her fear of getting close to another man. Her life right now was certainly less than fulfilling.

“How did you convince Johnny to leave Frisky behind?”

“It wasn’t easy, but Casey promised to take special care of her, and of course, Amy did, too.”

“Will I have to hike much?”

“You probably do more walking on the pediatric floor than you’ll do this weekend. Does this mean you’ll go?”

Tess inhaled a deep breath and nodded. The smile that touched Mac’s mouth sent her heart slamming against her chest.

“I just knew you wouldn’t let—Johnny down.”

A finely honed tension held Tess immobile. She felt as though she had plunged over a cliff without a lifeline. She was doing this for Johnny, she told herself and knew that was a lie. She was doing it for herself. She wanted to get to know Peter MacPherson, and it was time she did.

T
ess really wished she had asked where they were going to camp. In the middle of a mountain range wasn’t her idea of a most ideal place to spend her weekend. But then she should have realized they would probably camp in the Rockies, since Denver sat at the foot of them. When she was around Mac, she sometimes forgot to think straight.

Adjusting her backpack, she followed Mac along the trail that would take them to their campsite. The excited voices of the children penetrated the morning silence. The scent of pine and earth saturated the air with a soothing aroma that seeped into Tess and eased her distress. The crystal-blue sky with not a cloud in sight promised the day would be a beautiful one. She listened to the snap of twigs and leaves beneath her boots and to the laughter of one of the girls ahead of her and felt content for the moment. She had always loved the mountains. Maybe she could put her memories behind her and enjoy the weekend for what it was—a time to get to know Mac and Johnny better.

Johnny’s warm greeting when she’d climbed into Mac’s car had given her hope. Mac was doing something right because she had never seen the child so happy, relaxed. His skin looked healthy, and his eyes were bright. Mac was a good father and deserved a household full of children. If Mac adopted Johnny, how would that affect her?

“Look, a hummingbird,” one of the girls said, pointing toward a tree.

Tess paused to watch the tiny bird move its wings so fast it was hard to see them. It hovered for a few seconds then darted off. As she turned her gaze toward the trail, out of the trees came a deer, soaring across the path and bounding into the thick brush on the other side.

Not a word was spoken for a full minute as though everyone was waiting for another deer to cross, then all of a sudden every child began to talk and gesture toward where the deer had disappeared into the forest. A cool breeze stirred Tess’s hair as she marveled at the grace of the animal and the beauty about her. She loved the outdoors and used to call it God’s playground.

“I hope we see a bear,” one of the older children said at the front of the line.

“I want to see a wolf.”

“How about a mountain lion,” Johnny added to the list.

Tess thought of those animals, and her eyes grew round. “Mac, are you prepared if we do?”

“Chances are we won’t. Don’t worry. Probably the biggest animal we’ll see is that deer.”

“I hope you’re right. While all three of those animals are beautiful to look at, I prefer steel bars or glass between me and them. I know my limitations and how fast I can run.”

“Running away from your problems isn’t the best solution. They’ll only follow you and take you over,” he whispered to her. Then in a louder voice he said, “Let’s keep moving. We have a ways to go to the campsite.”

Mac’s advice stayed with Tess the rest of the trip to the campsite. For the past two years she had been running away from what had happened in South America. She had tried to deal with it, but each time had felt overwhelmed with guilt and emotion until she had shoved it back in the dark recesses of her mind to examine later. Was later finally here? She asked herself that as she flung her backpack to the ground and scanned their home for the weekend, nestled under a canopy of pines and aspens.

Johnny came up next to her and shrugged off his backpack, too. “I’ve never been camping. Are there really bears and mountain lions around?”

“Nothing for you to worry about.”

He puffed out his chest. “I ain’t worried for myself. I don’t want anything to happen to the—girls. All that screaming wouldn’t be pleasant to the ears.”

“I suppose you’re right. Mac tells me I shouldn’t worry.”

“If one comes around, I’ll protect ya.”

She smiled at the boy. “Thanks.” She noticed the pale cast to his cheeks and added, “I need to rest. Will you keep me company?”

He looked at the others sitting and said, “Sure. Then I’ll need to help with my tent. Mac said something about finding firewood, too.”

“If you help me put up my tent, I’ll help you, then we both can look for wood.”

“A deal.” Johnny grinned, easing onto the ground with his legs crossed Indian-style. “Have you put up a tent before?”

“Yes,” she answered, recalling other times she’d camped in the mountains a continent away.

“Is it hard?”

“A piece of cake.”

An hour later Tess wished she had looked at the directions before declaring to Johnny how easy it was to assemble a tent. His was one of the big ones that would hold four boys. Finally Mac came to their rescue, taking the center pole that held the tent up and driving it into the ground.

“Okay, so I had the wrong pole. Anyone could make that mistake,” Tess said while Mac continued to issue directions to Johnny, who scrambled to obey them.

The tent was erected in less than five minutes. Tess stood by and watched the whole process. Johnny gave Mac a high five before making his way to her, pride in his step.

“The one I used in the past was entirely different,” Tess said in her defense, pleased at how well Johnny was bonding with Mac. The boy needed a man in his life, and Mac was perfect for the job.

“Mac told me your tent is simpler, and I should be able to do it by myself.”

In other words, stand back while I show you what I’ve learned. Tess was only too happy to let Johnny put the tent up by himself. She had learned quickly that the child had had few positive strokes in his life and responded to them when given appropriately.

While Johnny proceeded to work on her tent, Tess spied Mac talking to a child who had scraped his knee. Seeing him soothe the child, who was crying, she began to envision him with a horde of his own children surrounding him, her next to him. The picture nearly knocked the breath from her as she quickly looked away. Okay, he would make a good father—was in fact already a good father—but that didn’t mean she had to be the mother. She needed to rid her mind of those thoughts, and quickly, before she did something risky—like fall in love with Mac.

Tess stared at the tent she was to share with Mary and couldn’t bring herself to walk to it. A cool breeze blew down from the mountaintop, ruffling her hair and reminding her of other times. She shivered and pulled her light jacket close, folding her arms across her chest to ward off the chill burrowing deep into her bones that had nothing to do with the temperature.

All day she had kept herself busy with the children and hadn’t had time to reflect. Now she couldn’t ignore the thin mountain air, the feeling she was on top of the world looking down on life. She couldn’t ignore the memories.

Tess looked around the campsite at the five tents set up in a circle with a large fire in the center. Not long before, the children had roasted marshmallows over that fire and Mac had told them Bible stories of Christ’s journey to save humankind. There had been times Kevin and Tess had sat outside at night, listening to nature, breathing the fresh, clean air and discussing the Lord and their mission in South America.

What had gone wrong? What had she done wrong? Those questions taunted her, nibbling at her fragile composure. She shuddered, trying desperately to stop the flood of memories. This wasn’t the time to remember.

“Cold?” Mac asked, sitting next to her on a log in front of the fire.

“A little.”

“Here, let’s move the log closer to the fire.”

He stood and repositioned the piece of wood. Now if Tess wanted to, she could reach out and warm her hands over the flames. After zipping her jacket, she did just that and noticed their slight tremor.

“Better?”

“Yes. I forgot how cold it can get once the sun goes down even though it’s the middle of May.”

“Up on the top of this mountain there’s still snow. You go high enough, you can leave summer behind in July.”

Yes, it had been that way in the Andes, too, Tess remembered, and wished again she could forget that part of her life.

“But your sleeping bag will be warm,” Mac added, poking the fire with a stick.

A few sparks spewed into the air, caught on the breeze and swirled. Tess watched them disappear in the darkness, wishing her problems could disappear, as well. “Thanks for loaning me one. I’m not equipped for camping.”

“We do this several times a year with different groups of children. It’s good for them to get away from the city and commune with nature, not to sit in front of the TV or play video games for hours. When I’m up here, I feel closer to God. He’s always around us, but here His presence seems sharper and clearer to me.”

Once she’d thought that very thing. Was that why she’d been sure the Lord would answer her prayer that day in the Andes? Tess looked again at the tent she was to sleep in. “I guess we should turn in. It’s quieted down.”

“Finally. I think the kids completely wore Mary and Justin out.”

“Mary’s pregnant. She tires easily.”

“What’s Justin’s excuse for turning in early?”

“Sympathy exhaustion?”

Mac laughed. “Yeah, I could see my little brother doing that.”

“You have a wonderful family. You’re very close.”

“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them. My parents instilled in us how important a sense of family is.”

“You’re lucky to have such a large, warm family. I was an only child and always wanted brothers and sisters. I swore when I got married I wouldn’t have just one child.”

Mac tossed the stick into the fire and watched the flames lick at the wood for a few seconds before dying back. “There’s nothing wrong with having just one child. There are advantages to being an only child.”

“What?” Tess asked, remembering the times she’d played by herself because there was no one else around.

“You don’t have to share as much.”

“Peter MacPherson, I doubt very seriously you want Amy to grow up not knowing how to share. I’ve seen you with her.”

He threw her a sheepish look. “Okay, you’re right. But I’m happy with having just Amy—and Johnny, if it’s the Lord’s plan for me to adopt him.”

“You’re a young man. You could have more children.” The second she’d spoken, she wanted to bite her tongue. “I mean you don’t know what the future will hold for you.”

“Some things I do have control over.” A hard edge entered his voice.

“No one has control totally over their future. I’ve seen you with the children today. You’re a wonderful father. You have a lot to teach them.”

“I can be around children as I am now and have an influence over them without being their father.”

“Amy should have brothers and sisters. Take it from an only child.”

Mac didn’t say anything, the tight set of his jaw attesting to some inner struggle.

“Look how Amy has taken to Johnny. He tells me she follows him around.”

“Does that bother him?”

“Are you kidding? He’s never had a sibling and he’s eating it up. She hangs on his every word.”

“I know living with us has been an adjustment for him, but it’s been good to have him at the house.” Mac rose, extending his hand to help Tess up. “We have a full day tomorrow.”

When his fingers closed around hers and he pulled her up, she came within inches of him. His scent drove all others away, centering her thoughts and senses on the man before her. In the golden glow of the firelight she saw his gaze soften as it took in her features, finally coming to rest on her mouth. Her lips tingled under the intensity of his regard.

He grazed his fingertips across her lower lip. “I’m glad you decided to come this weekend.”

She couldn’t say the words,
I’m glad, too.
They were stuck in her tight throat. She couldn’t take her gaze from his. His eyes in the firelight appeared as two pieces of molten silver, mesmerizing her.

He cupped her face and leaned down, his lips brushing hers like a warm gentle breeze. The muscles in her legs liquefied. She grasped his shoulders to keep from collapsing against him while he slanted his mouth against hers and claimed her in a deep, heart-wrenching kiss. She felt it from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, like an electrical current that zipped through her body.

Nearby she heard an owl hoot, startling her. Gasping, she jumped back, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

“I’m not sorry I kissed you. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, Tess.”

And she wasn’t sorry he had kissed her. She wasn’t even surprised by her intense reaction to his kiss. She’d anticipated it from the first time she’d laid eyes on him in the waiting room.

When she didn’t say anything, he covered the distance that separated them and caressed a wayward strand of hair from her cheek. “Are you all right?”

The tenderness in his expression dissolved all rational thought. All she could do was stare into his eyes and want to become lost in them.

“Tess?”

One corner of her mouth quirked. “Sorry. I’m fine. Really. I was so wrapped up in you—your kiss—that the owl just surprised me. That’s all.”

“If you’re sure?”

“Very. Now, I’d better get to bed or I’ll be worthless tomorrow. I can bet the children will be up at the crack of dawn.”

Tess took a shaky step back from Mac.

“I can guarantee it.” He walked with her to the small tent she was sharing with Mary. “Good night.”

Tess crawled inside, peering across the dying fire at Mac who stood in front of the tent he shared with his brother. She ran her fingertips across her lips and imagined the feel of his mouth on hers. Just thinking about it sent her pulse racing.

When she snuggled between the covers of her sleeping bag, she couldn’t get the picture of Mac out of her mind. She closed her eyes but still saw him. She was afraid the man was going to haunt her dreams. Burrowing into the warmth surrounding her, she forced her thoughts away from Peter MacPherson for all of ten seconds. As exhaustion unfolded and spread through her, she felt herself sink into a world full of hopes….

The harsh glare of lights and the heat radiating from them made rivulets of perspiration roll down Tess’s face. She wiped her hand across her forehead and tried to smile at the audience. The corners of her mouth quivered from the strain.