Fan Girl (40 page)

He sighs in relief, and we all line up to get food. The tables are practically groaning with food, all in chrome or silver bowls and platters. The tablecloths are black.

The conversation is buzzing over the music, with people eating at the dining table, patio couches and outside patio table. Blondie asks loudly from her seat at the patio table, “Do you think you can sing some songs tonight?”

Dek turns from his seat on the couch next to me. “Is this my birthday party?”

She nods her head.

He comes back with, “Then no.”

When he turns back around all of us are dying laughing and trying to hide it. “What?!” she asks, louder than her last question. She’s getting pissed.

Stacie tells her, “You’re being rude, doll.”

Blondie rolls her eyes and turns back to her food.

The whole thing struck me as hysterical, and I can’t stop laughing. I’m wiping tears from my eyes and gasping. Tommy and Bobby are looking at me like I’m crazy. Deklan is rubbing my back like that’s going to make me stop. “It wasn’t that funny, baby,” Deklan tells me.

I nod. “I know,” I gasp out. When I can breathe again I lean back in my seat with a groan.

“I’m surprised you didn’t pee yourself, Ali. Good job,” Della mentions.

I groan again. “Ugh. I didn’t think of that. Good thing I didn’t.”

Deklan asks, “So what was so funny?”

I try to explain. “It just struck something in me, the way you were acting. It reminded me of seventeen-year-old Deklan that didn’t give a shit if people didn’t like him. You would think it would be the other way around, but no, you’re usually nice to strangers or people that piss you off.”

He wags his head thinking, then shrugs. “I’m tired of the revolving door, I guess. Why should I be nice to twits that will be gone tomorrow?”

I raise my eyebrows and he leans toward me and holds my hand. “I don’t give a shit about anybody but you and the people in this room, minus those three.”

“Okay,” I tell him, placating him.

Then he goes on, “Plus, she offered to blow me earlier.”

My fork clatters on my plate and Stacie starts coughing. “What the fuck? When?” I ask him, disbelieving.

“When I was refilling drinks, before we sat down.”

I sit up, not easily, and put my plate on the ottoman. Then I turn in my seat and put my hand on the back of the couch to keep me turned that way. Seriously, my stomach is
huge
. “Hey! Blondie!” I yell unnecessarily, since she’s about five feet from me.

She raises her eyebrows. “What?” she asks rudely, I think. This is my damn house. I throw my thumb over my shoulder. “Get out.”

She starts laughing and looks to the other people in the room to share her hilarity. When she notices no one is laughing she says, “You can’t be serious.”

“Get the fuck out of my house before my pregnant ass kicks you out,” I tell her.

“Why?” she asks, pissed off.

“Because, bitch. Nobody blows my husband but me! Now out!” I yell again.

Tag is sitting next to her, I just noticed. He slams his fork down and yells, “What the fuck?”

Deklan rolls his eyes. “Tag, again? Really?”

He ignored Deklan and still talks to Blondie.
What was her name again?
I forgot. “You offered to blow Deklan?”

He doesn’t wait for her to reply, he turns to Darcy. “Darcy, can you call gate security and tell them we have a fan on the property.”

She stands up screeching her chair back. “You son of a bitch!”

Darcy gets her phone out and is walking in to the kitchen while she talks. Nola goes to the touchscreen in the kitchen and opens the gate. Tag grabs her by the arm and walks her around the house, much the same way he did at Della’s.

When they’re out of sight, Mrs. Hughes comes in with a lit cake that’s two stories high and has chocolate frosting on it. There are sparklers on it, instead of candles, and she’s holding it out from her body as much as possible. Everyone launches into singing happy birthday and Deklan closes his eyes, squeezes my hand and blows on the cake. Nothing happens and everyone laughs, then we, the ones closest to the cake, start passing them out. There are enough for everyone and we turn up the music, waving the sparklers around until they die out. Once they go out, Tag is back. He just escorted her out of our gate and made sure the security guards picked her up. We all refill drinks and cut the cake.

Deklan puts his hand on the back of my neck and leans down to talk in my ear. “That was so hot, the way you talked to her. I’m gonna have to tell you when I get propositioned more often.”

I jerk back and try to decide if he’s joking.

He laughs. “Don’t worry baby, it doesn’t happen… every day.”

What do you do when your husband is wanted by women all over the world?
I have no freaking idea, except have faith and trust my husband. Oh, and get my ass back in shape ASAP after the baby is born.

The night is filled with dancing, beer games, and more pool shenanigans. Blondie was forgotten, and everyone had a great time.

~

The next morning, Mrs. Hughes makes a huge breakfast for everyone, and we help her clean up from the party. Deklan sees me carrying a trash bag full of empty bottles and snatches it away. “You can’t be carrying this stuff, Ali! Just tell me when you need something picked up.”

I huff, “It’s not that heavy. I was going to put it by the back door.”

Deklan walks away. “Just let me do it.”

I spin around and head in the house. “Why don’t you do everything then, and I’ll go entertain myself.” I’m getting so frustrated, I can’t do anything. People want me to lounge around and put my feet up when they’re doing useful things.

I head to the garage. “I’m going out!” I yell. I don’t know if anyone hears me before I’m in the car and gone. There’s a sale at Ralph Lauren Baby. I was going to just order online, but now I think I’ll go to the store and do something useful.

George tries to come with me, but I tell him to go lie down. I can’t take him to the mall. He whines and scrunches up his face, and I head to L.A.

Two hours later, I’m finding the cutest little pink onesies and soft chenille blankets at forty percent off. Score! I take my haul to the food court and get an Orange Julius, then head back to my car. At least now I have something to do when I get home. I can wash and fold the stuff I bought, and put it all away.

Thirty minutes into the drive, I call Darcy on my hands-free phone. She’s at the house, and no one knew where I went. I tell her to look up the tracking on my diaper bag and see where it is. Maybe I can get that packed too, if it comes today. Usually in California you don’t have to wait very long for shipping. It’s all coming from somewhere nearby.

I’m heading into the hills when I see three souped-up sports cars, weaving in and out of traffic behind me. I try to pass a minivan in the fast lane, then get over before they get to me. The smoothie I got wasn’t a genius idea. My bladder feels as though it's the size of a pea these days. I pull the bottom strap of the seat belt up so that it’s not putting pressure on it and the car in front of me slows down.

I’m getting frustrated. California drivers suck in general anyway, but the big SUV in front of me doesn’t need to be slowing. There are cars all around us, so I can’t get over yet and the three cars behind me are riding my ass wanting to go.

“God damnit!” The SUV slows down more. We’re going about forty now.

“What?” Darcy asks me. I forgot she was still on the phone.

“Just traffic, the guy in front of me is going super slow, and the fast and the furious are behind me.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I can’t get your password to work on this website, what did you say it-“

We crest the hill, and I get a view of what’s below in the valley. There’s an eighteen wheeler careening into the median and onto my side of the highway. He jackknives and I start shaking. There are too many cars and nowhere to go. I check my mirrors for a split second and I’m boxed in by a cement barrier, a minivan, an SUV, and a sports car so close that I can see the drive thru takeout menu on the dash. I move the seatbelt down to where it was before and yell at Darcy in a panic.

“Darcy, Darcy! Call 911, I’m going to crash. I just went over the first hill out of L.A. A semi crossed over the median. Get De—“

BOOM

Chapter 42

RED, BLUE, WHITE

GREEN, RED, BLACK

The colors behind my closed eyes flash bright, ensuring my lids stay firmly closed. I hurt. Besides acknowledging colors, that’s the first thought in my head. My whole left side feels crushed and heavy. Bringing air into my lungs, the ribs on the left side prevent me from a full breath. I move my hands to protect my unborn child.
From what?
My left arm screams in pain as I try to lift it.
If my body is broken, how can Teagan be okay?

My breathing comes out painfully fast as I start to panic. Eyes still closed tight, I try to sense the baby in my stomach. That is when I realize how much my abdomen hurts, and how empty my body feels. Vacant. Tears cascade down my face, salt burning tiny cuts, just adding to the pain that is my reality in that moment. “Ali…” I hear whispered.

I turn my head slowly in that direction as I breathe in short little puffs as my ribs protest.

“Ali…” I can barely hear the sound.
An angel? The devil?

I open my mouth to ask about my baby but the voice cuts me off.

“Ali… she left you.”

Teagan? Left me? Where? In heaven?
I croak out, “Please,” from my too dry throat.

“Please? Please what? Please bring your child back? I can’t,” the voice whispers to me. It’s female, I can tell now. She’s getting closer. I can hear the soft click of heels on a hardwood floor.

“No,” I moan.

My brain screams it over and over, no no no. My whole body tenses, every muscle locking, shooting blinding pain through me. Emotional pain manifesting itself into physical.

~

GREEN, BLUE, WHITE

BLACK, RED

I drift into consciousness slowly. Twitching my finger, I scrunch my face up when a shard of pain shoots up my arm. Whimpering I turn my head, cracking my eyelids. A large shadow comes forward and I feel warm fingers on my ice cold ones. “Babe. Ali. Baby, talk to me,” a gruff voice begs me.

Tears fill my eyes, a hole vacant in my body. “Baby,” I croak.

“I’m right here, Ali. You’re gonna be fine,” the deep voice tells me firmly.

I want to scream. I want to shake my head. But I hurt so bad, I can’t move. “Tea, baby.” The shadow moves away from the bed, my hand is left cold again on the sheet. I blink and there’s a tapping on my lips.

“Water, baby. Drink this. You’re safe. You’re gonna be okay.” I suck from the straw, tepid tap water never tasting so good. “The nurse is going to give you some medicine, babe. You’re shaking. Everything’s okay.” Moments later, I feel a coldness through my veins, then no more.

~

BLACK, RED, WHITE

When I surface, I am able to open my eyes for the first time. I take in the hospital room. It looks like any other. A television up high next to the ceiling. Uncomfortable chairs sporadically placed like they’ve been moved from their designated spots. A white porcelain sink with a long necked faucet, no mirror. Two doors, bathroom and exit presumably. My eyes bounce off of the wall cabinets to movement by the window. It’s covered by blackout curtains. A woman looks out of the side, letting in a shaft of light that pierces my brain.

She tilts her head to look from the window to me. She’s got on heels, a pencil skirt and button-down blouse. “Ali…” she whispers like a snake. Definitely the devil with that long red hair.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask her in a weak voice.

She lets the curtain drop and walks slowly toward me. “Tsk tsk, Ali. Is that any way to speak to the person taking care of your distraught husband?”

“You fucking bitch,” I growl at her. My eyes flood with tears at her insinuation.

When she reaches the bed, she leans over me to my other side. “You must be in pain. Poor Ali. You get some rest and I’ll go check on Dek, hmm?” She lifts the pain management button, depressing it as I watch.

My eyes flutter as I fight to stay conscious. The last thing I hear is her heckling laughter.

~

BLACK, WHITE

I wake to Deklan sleeping in a chair with his neck bent awkwardly to the side. Breathing a sigh that makes my left side ache, I take in my husband. He’s been better, from the looks of it. His stubble is grown out to a full beard.
How long have I been out?
Clothes rumpled, I’ve never seen him so disheveled. There are black circles under his eyes, and his skin is pale.

Blinking in shock, I look down at the blanket covering my body and my heart feels like it stops. Like I died. I feel nothing. No pain. No hunger. No fatigue. My stomach is flat. My baby.
The baby I almost killed, died anyway? The thing to bring me the love of my life is gone?
That flutter that turned into a nudge, a poke into a kick.
Everyday wondering if she would have my eyes or Deklan’s, his hair or mine? Gone?

A keening wail tears through my throat. My arms wraps around a stomach no longer swollen. One in a cast, one with an IV protruding, tighten around an imaginary ball and keep squeezing until they encounter pain in my lower abdomen where my baby was supposed to be. Safe. I squeeze harder, the hurt flowing through me and out of my mouth as I sob.

“…Jesus fuck. Ali. Oh my God, are you in pain. What’s wrong, baby? Tell me!” Deklan implores me, but I am buried in my grief. He runs out of the room, and I curl my body around the pain. My arms hold my phantom baby to my body.

“…don’t know she just started screaming. Do something,” I hear Deklan begging the nurse, sounding desperate.

“Ma’am, are you in pain?” a sweet voice asks me. I shake my head. I want this pain. I need it. “She has to be in pain. She’s crying," he protests.