Fantasyland 04 Broken Dove (74 page)

“I already admitted that,” I pointed out.

“You did. And I let all that was happening get the better of me. I spoke careless words that harmed you. I forgot, with my son wishing so badly to be a man and thus acting with a maturity that is beyond his years, that he’s just a boy. I also forgot, with the strength of will and heartiness of character you consistently display, that you are broken and I must handle you with care.”

Strength of will?

Heartiness of character?

He thought that of me?

And even with that, he also thought I was broken?

“I’m not broken,” I whispered.

His voice went soft. “Dove, you’re shattered. I know this because you think you’re my whore. I know it because you think you don’t have anything to offer when just your kindness moved two women who have not known you for long to arm themselves and venture into a frozen forest on the chance that you might need aid.”

This, I had to admit, was true.

I just hadn’t thought about it like that.

Apollo still wasn’t done.

And he returned to an earlier theme I hadn’t processed the first time he broached it, it pretty much rocked my world then, so I sure wasn’t prepared to hear it a second time.

“It is my responsibility as the man who loves you and wants you to be his wife to mend what’s broken in you. With Chris, I’ll not forget again that I must care for my son. With you, I’ll not forget again that I must treat you with care.”

I stared into his eyes.

He stared into mine.

I waited for the room to melt. For the earth to shake. For someone wearing a trendy t-shirt and jeans to run into the room, point at me and shout that I’d been punked.

None of this happened.

So I asked, “You love me?”

“Yes, Maddie, I do,” he replied instantly and my stomach dropped.

But he
still
wasn’t done.

“This being precisely why two days have passed with me needing to worry about the not insignificant fact we’re at war but the only thing on my mind was the look on my son’s face when he showed me his pain and the look on yours when you gave me the same. Thus, for the first time in so long I don’t think there was a time before, I had no idea what to do. I had to see to my son, who, I’m sorry, my dove, needed time away from you. But even so, I did not need the same. And I felt acutely the longer I left you with the words I spoke to you, the harder it would be for me to mend what I myself had broken. And
still
I was unable to act, fearing just this type of response. I only did anything because I’d been told you were in this house attending Élan and I knew I could not have you under my roof and allow you to leave without at least you knowing the depth of my regret and the sincerity of my apology.”

“You didn’t know what to do?” I asked, my voice sounding as shocked as it was.

“No idea,” he answered firmly and it was not an admission.

It was a declaration.

Oh dear.

I had already started to feel something. A lot of somethings. A lot of
big
somethings.

But now I was feeling more.

And part of that was confusion.

“You didn’t spend the last two days preparing to send me to Estranvegue?”

Suddenly, he dropped his hand and leaned away.

“Where did you hear of Estranvegue?” he asked in an eerily calm voice that I had the distinct feeling was not calm at all.

Uh-oh.

“It doesn’t matter,” I answered quickly.

“Oh yes,” he returned. “It does.”

“Apollo—”

“Where did you hear of Estranvegue?” he pushed.

I stared him in the eyes and didn’t answer.

I had a more important question. I’d already asked it but I still couldn’t believe it.

So I asked it again.

“You’re in love with me?”

“Yes, Madeleine,” he bit out. “Now, where did you hear of Estranvegue?”

He was in love with me.

Apollo Ulfr
(the good one)
was in love with me.

Oh my
God
.

Oh yes.

I was feeling something.

Something big.

“You’re in love with me,” I breathed.

“Yes,” he clipped and his hand came back to curl around the side of my neck and he again bent close. “I’ll ask again, poppy, where—?”

I cut him off with, “Why?”

He clamped his mouth shut then opened it to ask, “Why?”

“Yes. Why?”

He shook his head in confusion. “Why what?”

“Why are you in love with me?”

He blinked before he lifted his other hand to the other side of my neck, his eyes locked with mine, and asked in return, “Why aren’t you answering my question?”

“Because it’s obviously more important to know why you’re in love with me and because I’ll get someone in trouble if I answer your question,” I finally answered.

“You ask a question that has no answer,” he returned. “Now answer mine which actually does.”

Really?

He thought my question had no answer?

Honestly, I could not believe that men in this world, just like in my own, thought they could get away with that “I love you because I love you so just believe it and let me get back to the ballgame” nonsense.

Well, this man couldn’t.

I mean, there was no ballgame to get back to. It was a war, and, well, a bunch of other stuff.

But still.

“It has an answer, Apollo,” I retorted.

“You are correct. It does,” he declared. “It has an answer that would take a decade to speak out loud. But, as you seem determined to have it, in an attempt to put it succinctly, I fell in love with you because I brought you to this world, a world all new to you, and turned my back on you. You didn’t grow morose and retreat into yourself. You didn’t become frightened, get overwhelmed by your fears and lock yourself away. You challenged a chef to a cooking duel over seafood.”

I stared at him thinking that I did do that.

I didn’t know it was hot-guy-from-another-world-love-worthy, but I did it.

Apollo kept talking.

“I fell in love with you because I was in a battle to the death and you didn’t run, even when I told you to. You retrieved my sword and smashed a man on the head with a lamp in an effort to aid me.”

I continued to stare mostly because I’d been so engrossed in all that was happening, I actually kind of forgot I did that.

That was something Finnie would do.

And the warrior queen Circe.

And, well,
me.

Apollo continued to talk.

“Further, the most beautiful, most intelligent women I know have been torn to shreds in Franka Drakkar’s claws. She got hold of you and you didn’t blink.” He paused and scowled at me. “Until she struck deeper and you let it sink in then fester without speaking to me about it. That last is not part of why I love you, but it’s part of you so it also is. Even though, at this point, it’s bloody frustrating.”

I wanted it, I’d demanded it, but I could take no more.

So I whispered, “You can stop talking now.”

“Certainly,” he replied. “Though I will only do so noting that I have not scratched the surface. For instance, I’ve not mentioned how it feels to have you give your body to me so freely, this freeing me in a manner I never had before. A manner I treasure. A manner that builds our closeness in ways I’ve also never experienced before. Or how magnificent it feels to know that my daughter extends an invitation to a tea party, and although things are not right between us, you still come and give her what she desires even knowing it might include a confrontation with me.”

“You didn’t stop talking,” I pointed out shakily.

“No, I didn’t. But I shall. Now, it’s your turn to talk. How did you hear of Estranvegue?”

“I, well…” I paused. He kept scowling. So I went on. “Overheard two maids talking.”

He didn’t let me go but he straightened and looked over my head at the door as if he wanted to burn holes in them with his eyes.

Even though I didn’t want to, I thought it prudent to get it all out there, so I added, “They said a few things about your mother, your father and, um…his wife.”

He looked back at me and when he did, it was me who felt like I’d go up in flames at the heat of his glare.

Thus, I blurted, “I’d kind of like to talk about you being in love with me again.”

“Do you still wish to go to the other world?” he asked abruptly.

“We have more to talk about,” I answered.

“Do you still wish to go to the other world?” he pressed.

I stared into his eyes.

Eyes that looked annoyed.

But they were the eyes of the man who loved me.

Then I whispered, “No.”

“Do I have your love in return?” he asked.

Oh God.

God!

I swallowed.

Still staring into his eyes, I whispered, “Yes.”

He slid his fingers up into my hair and instantly stopped looking annoyed.

He looked something
a whole lot
better.

Something that made a beautiful man impossibly more beautiful.

God.

“You love me,” he whispered back.

I didn’t repeat my response.

I repeated something else.

“We have a lot to talk about, Apollo.”

“Yes, for instance, why
you
love
me
.”

I was back to staring but it turned to glaring when I saw his lips twitch.

I didn’t find anything funny. In fact, suddenly all that was happening overwhelmed me, all I’d held back feeling slammed into me, and I closed my eyes so I could focus on not letting it consume me.

He was in love with me.

Apollo Ulfr, general of a queen’s army, man of many enterprises, father to two great kids, was in love with me.

I opened my eyes again when I felt his forehead come to rest on mine.

And the instant it did, he stated, “You have my vow that I will not speak to you in that manner again, Maddie. No matter what is on my mind, what I’m feeling, how significant the things are that are troubling me. Like my son, I lashed out at someone I loved, hoping they’d take the pain I was inflicting so I could release some of the pain I was feeling. I should be old enough to know better. You know I regret it. What I must know is that you trust it won’t happen again.”

“I…you…I,” I stammered, pulled it together and finished, “Trust is built.”

He moved away half an inch and stated, “Yes. But in this case, it must be earned. This I’ll do.”

Okay.

Yes.

This man loved me.

And I loved this man.

He pissed me off. Shit was crazy and it was extreme.

But I still loved him.

I didn’t know if this was awesome or scary as shit.

Apollo’s next words didn’t help.

“Our last conversation prior to you doing something foolish and me retaliating by being cruel,” he paused and stated severely, “something neither of us will repeat,” he paused again and waited until I agreed to this demand by nodding before he continued, “was the beginning of a discussion about you moving to Karsvall. Alas, with things as they are with my son, you cannot do this. He is still struggling. This would not be wise.”

I nodded because he was right.

It wouldn’t be wise.

“However I would like you to come to dinner,” he carried on. “For myself. For Élan. She misses your presence at our meals, as do I. We’ll dine together, watch and assess Chris’s reaction. After, we’ll discuss how we move on from there.”

I missed him too.

And Élan.

And Chris.

But I didn’t think dinner was a good idea.

So I told him, “Uh…Chris heard what the maids said as well. It was clear it freaked him. And when I, um…had words with him, they were kind of…” I paused to draw in a deep breath and finished, “Final.”

I watched Apollo’s jaw clench again before he released it and replied, “Then you will not come to dinner. You’ll return to the dower house. I’ll speak with my son about what he heard. Going forward, I wish Christophe to have my attention and presence and I hope you understand he must have both without you for a time. That said, it would be imprudent to continue your complete absence for he must get used to you. But from this time forward, for his sake, we will take it much more slowly.”

At that, I nodded.

“Tonight, I’ll come to you after he’s asleep,” Apollo declared.