Read Far-out Show (9781465735829) Online
Authors: Thomas Hanna
Tags: #humor, #novel, #caper, #parody, #alien beings, #reality tv, #doublecross
They all grabbed something solid to steady
themselves as the ship lurched, shook, and all the lights went off
leaving them in total darkness.
“Even the console lights are off,” Lacrat
noted. “That means all the power is off.”
“Again,” Feedle said. “We seem to be having a
repeat of the same failure Eroder said the techs had fixed. Get him
on screen.”
After a long moment Hasley said, “It seems
that this time we’ve lost even communications within the ship,
Feedle. Maybe you should stumble down the dark hallways to the
control room and shout at him and distract him while he’s trying to
figure out what went wrong this time and how to fix it without even
the help of feedback from the systems.”
“I won’t
prissypritzl
anybody. If he’s
in charge and he says it’s fixed I expect the same bad things not
to happen again,” she insisted, her Ormelexian version of hackles
up.
“Gee, I guess ‘I can’t give you any
guarantees on this’ doesn’t mean anything in your talk-talk list
book,” Lacrat said. Quieter but to be heard he added, “We’re fair
warned since we know you’re a pro at the selective memory
thing.”
“Hey, you...”
“Spare us your bile and focus on whether
there’s anything we might do to survive,” Hasley said with as much
take-charge emphasis as he could muster.
The stored energy reserve lights came on in
the room.
Feedle was glaring at the spot where Lacrat
had been but found she was wasting her energy on an empty spot
since while they were in blackness he slid far to the side in his
swivel chair. She decided he did that to avoid her wrath and that
gave her satisfaction. No need for her to mention and confirm
it.
She turned to wither Hasley with words for
daring to dismiss her righteous anger but found that he had shoved
open the door and was gone and Lacrat was close behind him. She
haughtily took a seat to wait for them to return to beg her
forgiveness and grovel to make peace.
* * *
Hasley and Lacrat found the control room
doors sitting open and Eroder, Molten, Biccup, Icetop, and Yelpam
all gathered at one or the other of the consoles. Mobile stored
power units were in evidence, several with cables attached to the
consoles.
“What’s happened, Eroder?” Hasley called from
the doorway.
“What we don’t know bit our backends,” Eroder
replied as he keyed some code into the main console and waited for
an indication of the effects.
“It looks like the test signals from home to
find out how much control they lost due to the changes we made
messed up at least one major system in ways we didn’t predict based
on as much as we knew when we made the first patch,” Icetop
said.
“One system shut down and that affected
others. We got a full cascade effect,” Yelpam added.
“Can you fix it?” Lacrat asked.
“Ask us that again after we’ve tried a bit
more,” Eroder said. “We have ideas about the details of what
probably happened and all the interconnected consequences but we’re
only partway into verifying those guesstimates. We can only put
together a better patch to avoid traps when we know what did
happen, not just what might have happened.”
“Can’t you just switch it all back to the
original default programs and get things working again?” Lacrat
asked nervously.
“We’re not sure if that would work,” Eroder
said.
“Plus that puts us back to the start when
we’re at least partway to safety and independence,” Icetop
noted.
“But it gives us back life-support systems,”
Lacrat said.
“We have some time before anything gets close
to critical level,” Molten said. “We’ve already agreed to find out
as much as we can about the way things are hooked together before
we take out the patch.”
“Are you sure that’s safe?” Lacrat
worried.
“Not for certain sure but that’s a tech and
command decision and I’ve agreed to it,” Eroder said to end that
line of commentary from the one they all knew as the biggest
worrier.
“Our analysis of the test signals they sent
had alerted us to some pathways we didn’t know about or even
suspect existed before that. This sequence of parts failures gives
us more bits of the puzzle. We’ll only be safe from dangerous
interference from afar once we understand the whole layout enough
to change it to one that makes better sense,” Yelpam said.
“
Bips fump
, these deliberate
complications are such
mimzy-plishers
. I want to punish
those responsible,” Biccup grumbled.
At that moment Feedle strode into the room
and shouted, “Come on, why haven’t you fixed this by now?”
Hasley and Lacrat cast worried glances first
at her, then at the several techs. To their relief at this moment
but longer term concern, each and every one of the others sneered,
laughed, or simply shook his head in disbelief at Feedle.
“Ah, you finally arrived, Feedle. We’ve been
waiting impatiently for you to arrive and tell us in the minute
detail for which you’re known exactly what the problem is so we can
fix it,” Eroder called without looking in her direction as he
focused on the console.
Before she could reply as she clearly
intended to, Hasley hurried over to stand close in front of her. He
whispered to her, “We need the full cooperation of these guys who
can figure out how to get the ship working and get us home. You’re
expendable. Think about that.”
He turned and walked back over close to the
console to watch what the techs were doing without waiting for or
indicating any interest in her reaction or reply.
Lacrat had watched and listened to that. He
also now turned to watch the techs so he wouldn’t have to get
involved.
Feedle decided a dramatic exit was called
for, then halfway into that decided she would be better off knowing
what was happening so she should turn back. Her momentum kept her
going in the original direction so she turned, actually staggered
in a full circle. If any of the others in the room noticed they
didn’t bother to indicate that for now.
After a whispered conference with Eroder,
Molten went to a side wall and removed a panel to expose a
closet-sized space largely filled with hardware. Everyone else
turned to watch.
Extending a handheld sensing device Molten
checked out various areas of the crowded space.
Based on the readings from that device he
bent over to peer deep into the space. He strained a bit to get the
device closer to that area but that was too awkward. So he got on
his knees and, careful not to dislodge any of the cables and
pipe-like connectors in there, slowly inserted his upper body, arm
with the sensor extended, into the space. Biccup went and knelt
beside him, ready to pull him to safety if that was needed.
“What’s he doing?” Lacrat asked Eroder in a
whisper.
“Looking for what isn’t there,” Eroder
answered. After a long moment to enjoy the producer’s confusion
about what that meant and whether he should ask for clarification
the captain said, “He noticed an area in there where nothing shows
up on our standard scans. Not nothing unusual, nothing at all. He
wants to convince himself that he’s right about that.”
Eroder paused as if that should explain
everything, only a small twinkle in his eyes letting out that he
was having more fun with Lacrat the worrier.
“Stop playing around and tell us what we need
to know to decide if you’re acting prudently and smart, Eroder”
Feedle snapped as she stepped closer.
He gave her a long appraising look with the
smallest hint of a grin then said, “Molten suspects there’s an
important systems junction enclosed by a...” He hesitated when a
message appeared on a console monitor screen. “Hmmm. Molten, you
get our thanks and extra basking time at top brightness level when
we can spare the energy. You figured it right. Your sensor
triggered an alert message. Of course it doesn’t say exactly what’s
in there, but it warns that whatever it is will likely be
unrepairably damaged if that unit is opened.”
“Does that mean they really did doom us as
their alternative to letting us act on our own?” Lacrat asked.
Icetop said, “At least-most it means they
added an extra challenge to amuse us. We don’t believe that even
the
dunkipfeck prisdinks
who planned this extra
deanferdupe
would install anything that they couldn’t
remove. It follows that if they could remove it so can we, although
it’s more of a job without knowing its design secrets.”
Biccup scrambled out of the way as Yelpam
lugged over a device that resembled a tripod-mounted machine gun
from another wall storage compartment.
“We’re not going to be subtle about it
though,” Eroder said. “We’re losing all patience with the kinks.
There’s a special covering to hide it from the standard scans. Once
we knew it’s there though we could verify what that covering is
made of. Now we can remove that cover to see what other
ninxy
silward knots
the
fidgemits
built into the innards of
this ship.”
Molten withdrew far enough from the wall
space to let Yelpam slip the leading end of that device a distance
into the space. Molten manually aimed it at a dull gray box near
the back of the space that now seemed more significant although its
actual appearance hadn’t changed.
“What are you going to do?” Lacrat asked
nervously. “You won’t do more damage that might really be
unrepairable as you try to remove that will you?”
“It’s risky but we’re brave guys. You could
go and take refuge in the security pod if you insist,” Eroder said.
“With the power off the remote control that has blocked our access
to that is neutralized for a time.” The techs were all focused but
still enjoyed Lacrat’s distress.
“They’ve locked us out of the security pod?
How long have you known this?” Lacrat asked, agitated by this
news.
“That was part of the package of long range
overrides that made us determined to put the first patch in place,”
Eroder said. “Only a small factor since that pod’s only big enough
to maybe keep two alive if all other systems fail but part of the
picture of how we’re deliberately being left in danger.”
“Uh, what do you mean when you say it will
maybe
keep two alive in a disaster?” Lacrat asked.
“Like all the hardware, it hasn’t been tested
under any realistic conditions,” Hasley said. He wasn’t happy about
it but he understood what they were being told. Then he flipped
into deal-with-it mode and said, “We should get a zerpy in here to
record this. The real stress in the room would make an audience
pleaser behind-the-scenes show episode.”
His suggestion got an approving nod from
Feedle, a look of ‘how can you think about anything else at this
moment?’ from Lacrat, and annoyance from Eroder and all the
techs.
“No zerpies in the work zone,” Eroder said.
“Their signals can interfere with our tools and sensors.”
Feedle said, “Hey, I’m in charge of the
show...”
“But I’m the captain, so my decision on this
matter stands,” Eroder said, making it clear there would be no
debate about it.
Feedle looked to Hasley for backing, but he
shook his head that he wouldn’t go there. Lacrat even more
obviously wouldn’t.
Assuming his sarcasm would be evident as he
moved over beside Eroder, Biccup called, “You three are the
show-makers, you can go and fake a recording of what you think will
be good viewing with you guys playing the parts of techs. We’ll be
interested in seeing that episode.”
To his surprise, all three producers
seriously considered that idea.
“The audience wouldn’t know the program edit
room from this one,” Feedle said quietly. “We’d only need one
working zerpy. It’d be more convincing while there’s still some
doubt about whether we’re going to survive.”
“Or we can get Venrik and Svenly to start
scripting episodes for the picture-making guys in the company’s
home studio to depict for showing,” Hasley suggested.
“You don’t want to be an actor and star as
well as a producer of your own show?” Eroder asked.
“It’s better to be a name without a face,”
Hasley said.
“He means if things don’t work out he won’t
want to have the citizens on the street recognize him and harass
him,” Lacrat said. “We’ve talked about this. Until it’s time to
show up to be honored on an awards program, faceless to the masses
is best.”
“We’re ready,” Yelpam called from his spot
kneeling near Molten whose head was still in the wall space.
Biccup finished his scan of the console and
tapped Eroder on the shoulder to indicate he saw no problems.
Icetop called from the side console where he was checking things,
“Okay.”
“Let’s do it,” Eroder said.
There was a faint
sizzle
sound and a
bit of smoke billowed from deep in the hardware space but quickly
dissipated.
Molten stuck the handheld sensor in there,
checked the readout, and called, “It looks clear from here.”
Yelpam moved the big gun-shaped device aside,
then he and Molten scrambled up and went to the second side
console.
All the techs were too focused on the
material on the monitor screens to say anything. The producers were
forced to wait for an update on the situation, Feedle far from
patiently.
“Great job, Guys,” Eroder said, then sat back
in his chair.
Yelpam sat at one side console entering
instructions with Molten watching over his shoulder; Biccup moved
over to watch from behind Icetop who worked away at the other. The
producers continued to have to wait for an update on the situation.
Hasley now joined Feedle in being openly annoyed by the delay.
Eroder called, “Anyone see a problem?”
“Looks okay to me,” Yelpam responded.
“Nothing,” Molten agreed.
“Hold it!” Icetop called as his fingers flew
across his keyboard. After another moment that seemed to go on for
a long time while everyone else waited tensely he called, “Check
the triple loops in sector nine, sub-boxes fifteen through twenty.
Is that a problem?”