Fatal (13 page)

A sound too much like a growl escaped his throat.

"I can't... Sometimes, I can't control it," he said.

"Adam! What's wrong, tell me!" I said, practically screaming at him.

I rushed in to try and hold him, to try and find out what was wrong, but he shoved his arms out at me. My heart slammed in my chest as my body begged me to run. But I couldn't run; I couldn't leave him in obvious pain out here in the dark.

"No, don't! I can't... I'm sorry!"

He pushed himself to his feet, still holding one hand out to keep my at bay. When he found his balance, he loped off into the darkness.

"Adam!" I said, clutching myself.

I wanted to go after him, but I couldn't make myself. The campus was so dark at night, and I kept having flashes of Eric and Joseph's faces staring down at me. I realized how alone I was out there.

Still hugging myself, I hurried back to my dorm. I kept glancing into the trees and bushes, and tried to avoid the areas of darkness as much as possible. I stayed in the pools of light from the lamps, rushing between them if there was any space.

My heart didn't stop hammering until I was halfway up the stairs in my dorm, listening to the booming echo of my footsteps as I stamped my feet on each step.

I shut my eyes and leaned against my door as I closed it behind me. I saw Adam's glowing eyes looking up at me, projected from my memory, so fresh. Then I flicked on all the lights, even the little lamp on my desk. Shadows were not allowed.

I had to talk to Jenn. I had to apologize to her. I needed her to help me through this.

I opened the laptop too hard and sat down too heavily.

"Come on, come on..." I said, watching the little Windows icon as the computer booted up.

I couldn't wait for my desktop to finish loading. I launched Internet Explorer and went right to
Facebook.

Jenn wasn't online. That was weird. Normally, she was quite the night owl. I clicked on her name in the chat bar anyway.

"Call me as soon as you get this," I typed, my finger hovering over the mouse button to send it.

I added, "I'm sorry about today. Let's hang out tomorrow, K?"

I sent it. Then I checked her wall. Her status from about twenty minutes ago said that she'd gone out for a walk to "clear her head of all this college BS."

I pulled my phone out and sent her a text. Five painfully slow minutes ticked by on
the laptop's clock. She must still be really pissed at me, I knew. Everything was just so confusing. I needed to talk with her.

So I thumbed the "Call" button on my phone.

It rang five times, then went to voicemail. I tried again.

"Come on, Jenn..."

The same thing.

I thought about going out to find her, but I couldn't rid myself of the image of Adam's eyes, and of his body as he sprinted away from me. Something was terribly wrong with him.

I looked out my window into the darkness, squinting to see through my reflection. It would be easier if I turned the lights off, but the cold fear caressing my spine deflected that idea.

I don't know what I was expecting to see. Maybe Jenn waiting down there for
me, or Adam waving for me to come down to say it was all some dumb prank.

But there were only the trees and the shadows. I thought I could make out the next residence building over as a black blob in the distance with a few room lights on, but there was absolutely no one out there.

I went over and sat on my bed, checking my phone to see if there were any missed texts.

What if it wasn't some prank? What if something really bad was happening to Adam, something dangerous?

Jenn was somewhere out there, too, alone in the night.

I should go out and search for them, I knew, but the very thought turned all my insides to ice water. I didn't think I could step foot out there if the building was on fire.

I checked the deadbolt again, then climbed in under the covers after kicking my shoes off. I wasn't going to turn off the lights, either.

Chapter 19

The alarm on my phone was still set for the midterm. It was a happy melody of some sort, rising gently in volume. Normally, it woke me feeling refreshed and ready for the day. It helped me cope by not jarring me out of sleep like that awful buzzing alarm back home.

I rubbed at my eyes and shifted, wondering why I wasn't in my pajamas.

It took only a few moments for all the memories of the previous night to crash down into my consciousness. The date (or whatever it had been) the walk home, Adam running off with those crazy eyes. Jenn, not answering my Facebook messages, texts, or calls.

Jenn, I thought. I wrenched the covers off and lurched to my feet, grabbing my cell phone off the desk.

"I must have slept through her texts," I muttered, turning off the alarm.

But there were no messages from her. I know it's
cliché to say you have a sinking feeling in your stomach, but I did right then. My stomach was slowly dropping through the rest of my body, leaving a queasy feeling behind. I tried to silence it, to tell myself everything was okay.

"
Facebook, right," I said as I saw my laptop.

I flipped it open and it woke up right to my
Facebook news feed. Jim wanted everyone to get together for another party his place (he spelled it "Par-Tay") and apparently Cheryl was now in a relationship.

I started ty
ping Jenn's name into the search bar, then clicked on her profile.

The last message was from Jim, asking if she was coming tonight. Before that was her status message about going for a walk to clear her head. It was eight hours old now.

I checked my schedule, which was pressed against my wall with sticky tack. My next lecture wasn't until 11:00, about two hours away.

The hole that had swallowed my stomach threatened to pull the rest of me in as well.

"Okay, okay. Calm down. She's just pissed is all," I said.

Grabbing my phone, I sent her another quick text. A minute passed with no answer, so I called her.
Straight to voicemail.

I knew Jenn was mad that I'd picked going out with Adam rather than hanging out with her, but would she really give everyone else the silent treatment for that?

I yanked my curtains open to reveal a misty morning. It hung in the air and whisked silently across the ground. Skeletal trees were just silhouettes. If I looked up, I could discern the hot ball of the sun, doing its best to burn the moisture away.

I was in such a rush to step out, that I didn't bother changing my clothes or combing my hair. It was very
poofy from rolling around all night, practically crackling with static. My jeans had deep creases running down the legs and my shirt was wrinkled and clingy.

A few people in the hall gave me looks. One girl, my neighbor right across from me, smiled and winked as she looked me up and down. It took me a second to realize they all thought this was a walk of shame. Clearly I was wearing what I wore the previous night, and I had to look like hell.

"Damn it, Jenn," I said through my teeth as I smiled at my neighbor.

If Jenn was just sulking in her room and this was all for nothing, she was going to get it good.

I hoped she was just sulking in her room. That would be such a relief.

The mist swirled around my feet as I went outside,
rising into a filmy haze in front of my face, and I realized I was having trouble keeping my bearings straight. I walked the direction I thought her building was based on which door I left mine from.

The light from my phone's screen was like a beacon. It looked ghostly, spectral, as I tried calling her again. It got the same result as before. This time I left a message. I was so angry that the
heat of it kept me from remembering that I'd forgotten to grab my jacket, and that the mist was cold as it made my bangs stick to my forehead.

"Jenn?
It's Steph. Where are you? I'm really sorry about last night, okay? Look, just call or text... or whatever as soon as you get this," I said.

Despite the mist, the campus was busy. The headlights of a car loomed up from around the curve, making halos of light around myself and the other students walking to and from class. I
wove my way through a big group all chatting amongst themselves.

When I got to her building, I lucked out. I followed a girl with long, black hair in. And here I'd been, wondering how I was going to get through the locked door.

Quickly, I went up to her room. My body couldn't decide whether it wanted to hyperventilate or hold its breath, the air constantly catching in my throat.

I knocked on Jenn's door.

"Jenn?" I said.

Down at my feet, I saw only shadows under the
doorjamb. She still had her curtains closed, and there were no lights on. Could she just have slept through everything?

I knocked harder. When there was still no answer, I tried the latch. It was unlocked.

Pushing the door inward, I fumbled for the light switch. I flicked it up, illuminating her empty room. Her computer was off, her bed was made. There was an open bottle of Dasani on her desk, about a third of the water gone.

The worry really started to eat away at me, then. Turning off the light and closing the door, I looked around.

The door of her neighbor to my left was open, light and some pop music spilling out as two high feminine voices chatted and laughed from within.

I knocked on that door before pushing it open. There were two girls sat on their single beds, both blonde and skinny. The one on the right had curly hair, where the one on the left had straight. They were both in
tank tops and sweats, the universal uniform of laundry day.

"Hey!" curly hair said, smiling.

"Hi... Have you guys seen Jenn? Jenn McLaughlin? She's right next door."

The girls looked at each other.

"Not me," straight hair said.

"Me neither... wait!" curly said, "Is she the
Goth chick? The one who's always in, like, black clothes and shiny boots?"

"Yeah, that's her," I said, not really feeling like debate what visual motifs made someone a
Goth or not. I could feel my blood pressure rise. Did this girl know where Jenn was or not?

"Umm... I think I saw her last night. I got up to use the bathroom and I saw her all dressed to go. Yeah, she looked pissed or something; her face was all pinched up anyway."

"Did you see her come back?" I said.

Curly shook her head, "No. Why, is everything okay?"

"Oh my god is, like, something wrong?" straight hair asked, clutching her knees up to her chest and rocking herself.

"I don't know. I'm not sure. This is my cell number, when she gets back, shoot me a text, would you?" I said, grabbing a pen off the desk between their beds and scribbling my number down on a pad of stationary in the shape of a daisy.

"Totally," curly said.

Chapter 20

When I got outside, the sun had already managed to burn away most of the mist. It was now just a slight haze around everything. I could see across the grass into the trees, down the road. Lots of students milled about, walking around, but I didn't catch sight of Jenn.

I leaned against the building, pinching the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger. I forced myself to take a few long, even breaths.

"Come on, Jenn... Where are you?"

I looked at my phone. No new messages. Part of me was irked that Adam hadn't given me a
follow-up call to explain just what in the hell happened last night, but that part was swallowed up by the worry.

I put my phone against my forehead as though I could will her to call.

My stomach panged. At first, I thought it was just more worry. Then it growled at me. In my rush, I hadn't even grabbed any breakfast. Worry had overridden hunger, but now it was my stomach that threatened to eat me from the inside out.

There was no point to continuing the search if I was going to collapse from starvation. I decided to go to the student center to grab a sandwich or something to keep me going.

As I walked, weaving my way around the groups of people on the sidewalk too rude to let me past, I wondered if I should file a missing persons report. I didn't think I could yet. All the crime shows and movies and whatnot always said you had to wait twenty four to forty eight hours before doing that.

My shoes
squelched in the mucky grass and dirt as I sidestepped two tall guys wearing football jerseys.

It would be great if Adam were here, I thought. It would just be nice to have him walking beside me, even if he offered no other help. Aside from his
freak-out last night, I felt calm and safe when I was near him.

Besides, he was out last night. Maybe he'd seen Jenn. It would give me some place to start my
search.