Fatal (9 page)

We'd gotten to the main entrance to her dorm when I saw the shadows coming up the walk. For a second, my heartbeat quickened. I thought it was him. But then I remembered that he was alone, and there were two coming towards us.

Then Eric and Joseph stepped into the light.

"Hey there,
lesbo," Eric said. Joseph smiled at the insult.

"Hey,
Steph, it's little dick and his best buddy, micro penis. Let's get inside," Jenn said, fishing for her keys.

Eric kept looking at me, though. I didn't like it at all. His eyes were hungry and cruel, and I could feel them trying to penetrate through my clothes. Why did some people have to be such huge assholes? Didn't they know how it made other people feel?

"So you've lezzed out now, too? That's a shame. Isn't it, Joe?" Eric said.

Joe made a "V" with his hand and licked the gap. Jenn snorted behind me.

"And that's the closest thing either of them are ever going to experience to actual sex. Come on, Steph," she said, putting her hand on my shoulder and tugging me back towards the open doorway. Light and heat spilled out of the dorm around me.

"Shut up," Eric said, "You still haven't showed up at the frat house for that party,
Stephie. Why don't you come over? The guys can show you a better time, if you know what I mean."

"Come on, let's go in..." Jenn
said, her tugging becoming more insistent.

It was too much. I hated the way they seemed to fight over me and make me the center around which all their little jokes and insults revolved. Eric wanted me for himself, but Jenn just wanted the same damn thing.

It seemed that neither of them had really stopped to think about what I could possibly want.

"Just go away, all of you!" I said, shrugging Jenn's hand off my shoulder.

"Whoa, a little bitchy," Eric said.

"Maybe it's that time, you know?"
Joseph said, apparently proud of himself for finding something to add. He practically preened himself when Eric giggled at what he'd said.

"Yeah, why don't you two lovebirds get lost?" Jenn said, apparently not understanding my meaning.

"No, Jenn. I don't want to go with you, either."

"Ouch!" Eric said.

"You don't mean that, Steph..." Jenn said.

"I do! Why don't you all just leave me alone?"

I had to shrug Jenn's hand off me again. Adrenaline shot through my system, cutting through the haze still lingering over my mind from Jim's party.

I rushed past Eric and Joseph, ignoring Jenn's calls for me to come back.

"Don't worry; you know where I'll be when you're ready!" Eric called out after me.

His voice chased me through the darkness, its tone holding an awful, promising certainty.

Chapter 13

"Why don't you stay over tonight?" Jenn asked.

Her eyes whispered their silent plea to me. I felt this longing to say yes, to just step through her door and be there with her the whole night.

She looked so cute with her plaid skirt. The top two buttons of her blouse were undone, showing an expanse of smooth, cream-colored skin.

But I had that midterm tomorrow. Professor Hackett seemed like a nice enough guy, but the practice quiz he'd handed out was a nightmare. My brain was full of dates, names, and places. If I dreamt of nothing but the Revolution tonight, it wouldn't surprise me.

"I want to..." I said.

I leaned against the open doorway to her dorm room. She used this desk lamp that cast a soft, warm glow over everything. And it was beginning to get cold out at night.

But my scholarship depended on me maintaining at least a 3.25 GPA. I couldn't let it slip.

Not even for the warmth of her room, or the warmth of her arms.

"So stay," she said, her tone pleading.

"I can't... I have to go study. But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I said, reaching out to grab her hands. Her palms were hot, and her fingers trembled. My body ached for me to just go back in, but again I found myself sacrificing my immediate desires for the good of my future, whatever that turned out to be when it came into focus.

So we hugged, our hips touching as she held me close. I patted her on the back twice, the universal signal to end an embrace. She withdrew slowly, her fingers trying to get a hold on the light sweater I had on to fight away the chill on the walk back to my dorm.

She closed her door, waving at me until the gap closed up, leaving me alone in the hall. I wiggled my toes in my flats, trying to urge my feet into carrying me forward. It was like a heavy weight hung down from my heart into my stomach. I couldn't believe I'd managed to deny her.

Maybe this school thing wasn't so bad after all, I figured. I pulled the cuff of my sweater back, checking my watch. About quarter past ten.
Jeeze, I was going to up be until three or four, I knew.

It was times like this that I really found myself missing the big city. Pushing open the door to the stairs, I made my way down. The rail was smooth and cool to the touch, and I lifted my hand periodically to avoid the little brackets that connected it to the white-painted cinderblock wall.

Back in Pasadena, I could go grab a triple-shot espresso from any open convenience store. I had done so many times, in fact, working doubles at the diner.

Even though I'd only been here almost two months, Pasadena and California felt like a lifetime ago.

As I pushed open the door marked "Exit" on the ground floor, I decided to give mom a call after the midterm. I needed to hear her voice again.

"Ah!" I said, stepping down onto the walk, pulling my sweater around me and hugging myself.

It was only near the end of September, and already I could feel winter's bite in the breeze.

All those trees rustled their bare branches in agreement, like thousands of
finger bones rattling together.

"Time to get home," I whispered, again trying to urge my body faster.

But my legs didn't need the encouragement. They followed the curve of the road to the small sidewalk beside the soccer field. The posts of the nearest net loomed out of the darkness, but the rest of the pitch was dark.

Everyone else must have been studying right then, too, I figured. There was almost no one out. It was like I was in the midst of some old haunted town, the ghosts
always keeping just out of sight.

I walked faster, the loudest noise the click on my shoes on the pavement.

When I passed the soccer field I was halfway to my dorm. I could see the squat, three-floor building in the distance. Some people had their curtains drawn, while others had them open, letting white and yellow light spill out.

I could actually see a few people moving around there, silhouetted against their curtains.

I'd be there in five minutes. Less, even. I could snuggle up under my blanket, pillow tucked behind my back, and fight the desire to sleep as I re-read my lecture notes until my eyes bled.

"Hey, look, it's
Stephie!" said a voice behind me.

I'd been so busy anticipating getting back to my room that I hadn't heard the footsteps closing in on me. But there they were. From the sound of it, there were at least two.

And I recognized that voice, too. It was Fratboy Eric.

My feet carried me more quickly, and I didn't look back. If I ignored them, they might just shout a few choice words at me and head off to find easier prey.

"Aww, Stephie, come back! We need your help!"

The fear was hot this time, shooting out from my heart. I started running.

The guys, like wild predators acting on instinct, gave chase.

My skirt let me run freely, but they were faster. Strong fingers grabbed my arm and wrenched back so hard that the sharp pain in my shoulder took my breath away.

I stumbled, falling backwards. But they caught me, held me up.

"Why'd you run away? Didn't you hear Eric say we needed your help?" Joseph said.

He'd become more and more Eric's toady as the semester went on. He even looked the part, being shorter and stouter, with a peasant's flat, unremarkable face and a brow ridge that would do a Neanderthal proud.

I looked up at my dorm, only fifty feet away. The front entrance, with its nice, secured plate-glass doors, was so close. The light spilling out from the lobby nearly touched my feet.

"Guys, I really have to go study..." I said, my heart trying to bash its way out through my ribs.

I'd tried running. Now it was time for a different approach. Let them have their fun. I could take whatever they had to say.

Eric pursed his lips and ran his fingers through his hair. They both still wore their letterman jackets, and the big gold R on each of their chests glinted a little in the weak light coming from my building.

"I don't think you'll want to study. Or be able to for that matter. You got the list, Joe?" Eric said. He pulled me towards him, his fingers digging deeper into my arm. My fingers were starting to go numb, he gripped me so tightly.

"Yeah, right here," Joe said, pulling out a folded and rumpled piece of paper. He thumbed it open, "Just this and we can go turn it in."

"What... what's going on?" I said.

Should I scream? It felt like I should be screaming bloody murder, trying to catch the attention of one of those shadows moving behind the curtains in the dormitory.

"Well, we got a little scavenger hunt going. First team that hands in the completed list gets to keep rushing," Eric said, "Good thing you were out. I was thinking we'd have to break into one of the fresher dorms to find a nice first year co-ed."

The fear turned from hot to cold, working its chilly fingers into my flesh. My body went rigid in some protective instinct.

"Eric,
she's gonna..." Joe started.

I opened my mouth to scream, but Eric clapped a hand over it so all that escaped was a little squeal that didn't travel more than five feet.

"You hold her shoulders. When I'm done, you can finish her off," Eric said.

They started trying to force me onto the grass beside the walk.

My subconscious grasped what was happening before the rest of me did. It seized control. I struggled, lashing out with my arms and legs, trying to dig my nails into anything soft. I bit at Eric's hand, but then he just held my mouth shut.

Another spurt of wild energy shot through my as I felt my back press against the soft dirt. I landed a solid kick in Joseph's stomach. He swore, slamming my leg down.

No, no, no, no, I kept thinking. This couldn't be happening. Joe's hand started sliding up the side of my leg, under my skirt. I arched my back high in the air, my entire body rigid with the effort to free myself.

But they were just too strong.

The branches of the trees swayed above me, their bony fingers clattering in anticipation of the show below. The cold white dots of the stars above blinked uncaringly as Joseph managed to snag the waistband of my panties with his thumb.

"
Shh, it'll all be over soon. At least when Joe gets to you. He's still a virgin, you know..." Eric said.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands clenching into fists and my legs still struggling against Joseph's strength.

I tried to think of my mother, of the day we'd spent at the beach watching the tide slowly swallow up more and more of the sand.

"Her skin's so soft," Joseph said, still trying to work my panties down.

"Whatever, you faggot, hurry up. It's too damn quiet out here," Eric said.

I crossed my legs, squeezing my thighs together as hard as I could. Hot tears started streaming out of my eyes, boiling down my cheeks and wetting my hair.

Joseph's fingernails scratched me, the sharp pain driving me into another round of struggles.

"If you don't stop it, I'll knock you the fuck out," Eric said.

He held my shoulders, holding me down awkwardly with one hand over my mouth. To emphasize his point, he used his elbow to hit the side of my head.

"You sure they can't see us?" Joseph said.

"They can't, dumbass. You forget how to use your fingers or something? Hurry up!"

"I'm trying, but she's got her legs together so tight."

"All right, since you're obviously too stupid, we're switching places. Ready?" Eric said.

Joseph started to say something, untangling his fingers from the waistband of my panties.

Whatever it was, it ended with a startled squawk that turned into a cry of pain.

"The fuck you doing?"
Eric said.

His hands left me. I opened my eyes in time to see someone jump over me, leather jacket flapping in the wind, as they tackled Eric to the ground.

"I'll bust you up, I'll break your damn... ungh!" Eric said. There was a grinding noise followed by a pop.

I didn't care about all that. I didn't care about Joseph lying awkwardly on his back by my feet, blood pumping from his shattered nose.

I just needed to get away, into the light of my damn. I crawled, grabbing handfuls of grass to pull myself along as the sounds of struggle continued behind me.

Finally, I managed to pull myself to my feet. I almost tripped every other step as I dashed towards the light.

"Hey! Wait! Are you all right?"

I saw the leather jacket from the corner of my eye as whoever it was caught up to me.

"Go away! Leave me alone!" I said.

"Don't worry, I took care of them," he said.

We reached the doors to my dorm at the same time. My lungs burned, and my heart pounded so hard that I could taste blood at the back of my throat. Grabbing the metal handle, I wrenched at the door. It didn't budge.

"You're
gonna need your key," he said.

I nodded, still not looking at him. Inside, I could see the bank of mail boxes, the empty reception desk,
the hall that led to the stairs.

I grabbed my key out of my pocket, but I couldn't get it into the lock. My hands shook too much. The bit of metal scratched the brown paint around the circular lock, leaving jagged silver lines behind.

"You're the girl from the party, right?" he said.

He grabbed the key between them and forefinger and guided it into the lock. He had long fingers. Two of his knuckles were bruised.

I looked at him finally. Yeah, it was the guy. A bit of stubble on his cheeks made him look a little older. He smiled at me, his green eyes searching my face. I didn't think it was possible to feel the way I did so shortly after... that almost happened. But my heart did a little dance when he smiled at me.

"I'm Stephanie," I said.

"Adam," he replied. He twisted the key in the lock and pulled the door open, "And I'll see you in class tomorrow for the midterm, right?"

I sniffled a little and wiped at my cheeks. I had to look horrible! How could he smile at me when I looked the way he
did.

He pulled my key from the lock and handed it back to me. I put one foot inside, but then hesitated.

"Thanks," I said.

He just nodded, "Yeah, good thing I was on my way to the library."

It was only when I got up to my room, turned on the light, and closed and locked the door behind me that I really thought about what he said. I leaned against the door and slid down it until I was sitting. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. My thigh still hurt where Joseph scratched me, and I thought I had to be bleeding.

The soccer field was on the other side of the campus from the library. It could
have been that he was on the way from his dorm to it, but the buildings here were girl only.

Had he been following me?

Chapter 14

The amphitheater-shaped lecture hall flooded with students. I wanted to stay near the double entrance doors, but that tide swept me up the stairs and into a seat near the middle of the third row.

There had to be almost a hundred and fifty people in that room by the time the flow of students slowed to a trickle.

A set of windows running along the back wall, butting against the ceiling, filled the lecture hall with natural light. Large ducts, painted a dull mud brown, blew cool air down on us to fight away all that extra body heat.

All I brought were two pens. No messenger bag today. I'd have to leave it at the front of the room, and I didn't really trust myself to not forget it, or for some classmate of mine picking it up as they slumped from the room in an academic daze.

People standing near the front flipped through pages of notes, some neatly typed, others handwritten. Cramming just moments before, hoping to spew all that knowledge out onto the paper and then forget it again until finals rolled around.

I plugged my ears, not wanting to hear people shout dates and names at each other.

It was always bad luck to study right before a test, I found. You never remembered anything.

Then again, I hadn't gotten much sleep last night. And it wasn't from studying. No. Every time I laid on my little single bed and closed my eyes, I saw Eric and Joseph's faces laughing down at me. I shifted in my seat, wincing at the pain in my thigh were Joseph scratched me.

So, after a few hours of attempted sleep, I stayed up until about four in the morning, running my stinging eyes over my lecture notes and snippets of chapters from books.

Even now, closing my eyes, I could feel the grass against the small of my back where my shirt rode up as they pushed me down.

My first instinct that morning on waking had been to call mom, but she hadn't sounded so well during our last call.
Some new round of treatments, apparently.

I couldn't disturb her with my schoolyard troubles. I knew it was wrong to think like that, but I just couldn't stop.

Just like I'd been powerless to stop those two frat assholes.

Adam walked into the room, then, followed by Dr. Hackett, the Gandalf look-alike with a long, flowing white beard and pair of circular spectacles. Dr. Hackett closed the doors behind him, amplifying the conversations a little more.

Adam wore pretty much the same thing as the prior night: his leather jacket, a pair of blue jeans ripped on one knee, and a white t-shirt with a v-neck.

I lifted my hand, trying to get Adam's attention as he scanned the rows of mostly-filled seats. There was an empty chair beside me. He'd saved me last night from those savages, perhaps he could save me today from my own frayed nerves and fright.

My pulse quickened as his eyes got closer. I wanted to hiss an "Adam!" out to him, but Dr. Hackett was already raising his hands to call for quiet.

Adam's eyes passed over me, not pausing at all. He started up the stairs just as Dr. Hackett cleared his throat.

"So nice to see so many unfamiliar faces here. Remember, just showing up for tests won't be enough to pass the course. Please, everyone place any bags or loose paper at the front. You can retrieve it when you finish. Cell phones off. Any ringing, and your phone is mine until you come to my office hour to retrieve it. When I give the word, you may flip over the test sheet, open your work booklet, and begin. Good luck," Dr. Hackett said with the raspy voice of a lifelong chain smoker.

The conversations had died down to a last few rebellious whispers. I could hear the low drone of the
condensers as they pushed cold air through the ducts. But mostly what I concentrated on was the thud of Adam's footsteps as he walked past my row.

Turning my head as much as I dared, I watched him go up to the very back row, taking a seat right at the end of the aisle.

What was wrong? He'd seemed so nice last night. Now, it was like it had never happened.

Was he
embarrassed or something? I was the one who almost got raped!

I shuddered at the thought, rubbing at my eyes.

"You may begin. I must remind you that you must stay for a minimum of one hour before you can hand in your test sheet and booklet."