Fates' Folly (3 page)

If I sat down and tried a staring contest,
I'd lose. I have never won a staring contest. The closest I ever
came was with Sarah Todd in Mrs. Winter's second grade math class
and that was only because Sarah had a grand mal seizure and
blinked. I had to stay in at recess while Mrs. Winters explained
that my jumping up and down yelling "loser" at the top of my lungs-
while Sarah writhed and jerked on the floor- was insensitive.

And what kind of person would I be if I
called the police on a giant bunny, even if he was in disguise. So
I did the only thing I could.

"Okay, Mr. Master Assassin, take me to your
leader."

"Are you agreeing to appear before
Hades?"

"Yes. But I'm driving."

"You think I am going to take you to my
apartment and introduce you to my cat or something, don't you?"

I shrugged. "I was thinking more like
Milledgeville Mental Hospital and your roommate Steve. But
whatever, as long as we can hurry up. I'm tired."

Riley followed me into the living room,
standing somewhat stoically by the door while I searched under the
couch for my clogs. I found one pink and one lime green flip flop
instead. I set them on the floor in front of me and slid my feet
into both.

"You don't think you’re crazy roommate Steve
will care about mismatched shoes, do you?"

Riley said, "If Hades becomes interested in
your feet, it will be because he intends to peel the flesh from
their soles, not because your footwear is unmatched.”

"Good to know," I said, grabbing my school
bag off the floor. I slung the shapeless patchwork hippie bag over
my shoulder and headed for the front door. I had one hand on the
door knob and the other in my bag, blindly searching for my
keys.

Suddenly I realized Riley was standing in
front of me. It was the looming shadow thing that gave him away. He
pulled my bag off my shoulder, letting it drop to the floor.

"I did say I'd drive right?" I asked,
annoyed.

Riley took both of my hands in his.
"Yes."

That was all he said before my body started
twisting itself inside out.

***

"You can stop screaming now," Riley said,
still standing in front of me but no longer holding my hands.

That was probably because I was bent over
with my head between my knees, in pain. "You'd scream too if you
felt like your insides just shot through all your pores in the
blink of an eye without warning!" I snapped.

I watched Riley's feet shuffle closer to
me.

"Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again,"
I yelled, pissed at him but even more so at myself, for trusting
him.

After a few minutes Riley asked, "Are you
still in pain?"

I had to think about it for a minute. It had
hurt so badly, and my body was still tense, not believing the pain
had really gone away, but it had subsided.

"No," I said.

"Then why are you still bent over?"

"Because obviously, from what I can see,
we're not in my apartment anymore, and honestly, I don't want to
stand up and see where we actually are. Denial was an intricate
part of my upbringing."

"You're going to stay like that?"

"Yes. For as long as it takes me to
rationalize where I am, I will keep my visual knowledge to the
minimum, thank you very much."

Riley made a noise. It sounded very close to
a chuckle.

"Hey!" I said, poking my index finger into
his chest. "Don't laugh at me. You should have been more convincing
with the whole Hades-Assassin–Underworld-thing."

"You realize you're no longer bent over,
rationalizing."

"Yes. Thank you for the update." I poked him
one more time. "You should have given me some warning, it really
hurt."

Riley stopped smiling. "It was easier to just
shift into the cavern entrance, instead of trying to explain the
process, especially since I really can't explain how it works. I
forgot about the pain, having traveled between worlds as many times
as I have, has left me immune to it."

"Was that an apology?"

Riley shrugged. “Would you like it to be
one?"

"No… I don't know." I sighed, "Look I'm
trying to get a grip, you know, measure my level of sanity."

Riley folded his arms across his chest.
"You're sane."

"Yeah well, you'd say that wouldn't you,
since you're probably a figment of my messed up head."

Riley pointed to a smaller cave, opening to
his right. "I'm going that way, when you figure it out,
follow."

I looked around me- it was dark, damp and
smelled like mold and dirt, briefly reminding me of the double wide
I grew up in.

I was not claustrophobic, scared of the dark,
or afraid to get a little dirty. However, when I glanced in the
direction Riley had gone and saw floating balls of fire lighting
the pathway for him, I have to admit I felt a little apprehensive.
My heart was beating like a hyperactive four-year-old with a new
drum kit, but my mind was slow and sluggish, still trying to make
sense of the Scotty-beam-me-up moment Riley had put me through.

I figured there was a ninety-five percent
chance I was crazy or dreaming- which left a five percent chance
Riley was telling the truth and this was all real. What I needed to
ask myself, and quickly because the sound of Riley's footsteps were
getting fainter and fainter, was- would panicking about being crazy
or taking the time trying to wake up be productive? Would it do me
any good?

No, not really.

If I was being honest with myself, I'd admit
that I wasn't ready to deal with any of the possibilities anyway,
except maybe a dream, but then, wouldn't I just continue on and see
how things played out? Hell, a naked Brad Pitt could be standing
around the next corner.

"What was the verdict?" Riley asked when I
reached the end of the cave, where he was leaning against the wall,
waiting.

"I decided I didn't want to deal with the
possibility of whether I had lost my mind or not, so I'm pretending
everything is normal and going to be just fine."

"Pretending? You think that'll work?" he
asked, moving off the wall to stand in front of me.

"I don't see why the hell not, worked for my
childhood just fine."

He shrugged his shoulders and then turned to
the flat cave wall in front of us. "This is the entrance to the
Underworld. In the future, if Hades is expecting you, you can forgo
this formality and shift directly into his realm."

"I thought he summoned us. Wouldn't that mean
we were expected?"

"He summoned me. He knows of you, but I don't
think he'll like you just appearing in front of him for the first
time. Hades doesn't care for happenings out of his control. You,
Myra Jane Collier, are just such a happening. Following a protocol,
such as using the front door into Hades’ realm, may go a long way
to soothe his temper while it is a minor inconvenience to us."

"Oh. So we're doing a little ass kissing. I
get it."

Riley stared blankly at me for a second.
Finally, he said, "Always take the door on the left."

I looked at the wall of rock. "What door?"
Riley took my hand and pressed it to the wall. "What are you
doing?"

"I'm introducing you. Hades' power controls
the doors and only his Assassins can see or pass through the doors
of their own free will. The door to Hades’ realm will recognize
Hades' power within you. You only have to do this once; in the
future you can shift into any part of the Underworld except Hades’
inner sanctum."

I wanted to say, ‘What?’ but before the
thought could reach my lips, two unadorned stone doors appeared
before me. They were lopsided and the edges were uneven.

"They look like big rocks some giant pancaked
together, shoved over the openings and said, ‘Ugh, door’."

Riley shrugged, "Probably."

"I was joking," I said.

"I wasn't," Riley said, completely
monotone.

Great. "Okay, so always take the left door.
What's behind the right?"

"Don't take the right."

"Okay, but what's behind it?"

"I don't know. The Damned take the
right."

"The Damned?"

Riley raised his arms, gesturing around him,
and started speaking in a very badly done ghostly voice. "This is
the Underworld. Hades is the Lord of the Underworld. The Underworld
is where the souls of the dead travel for judgment. Hades, being
the Lord of the Underworld, has the job of judging the souls that
come to him. Those that he finds lacking would be the… Damned."

"You know, at first I thought, poor guy he
has no sense of humor. Now I realize you're just a smartass."

Riley smiled and then continued, "To open the
door on the left, place your hand at its center."

He motioned for me to do so, so I did. The
stone felt cold to the touch but soon began to warm under my hand.
There was no glow, creak, click or even hiss of escaped air to
precede the door opening. It just opened and Riley stepped through
with me following.

"Gold," I found myself saying without
thought. I was standing in an octagon shaped room. The walls and
dome ceiling were so thick with gold leaf, you could clearly see
the impression of the paint brush that layered it. The only thing
more ornate was the gold and jewel encrusted chandelier hanging in
the center of the room. I was standing under the chandelier,
counting the hanging strands I thought might be rubies, when Riley
tapped me on my shoulder. "How many different jewels do you think
there are on that thing?" I asked.

"The door is over here," was all he said.

I decided there were too many jewels to count
and moved towards Riley, who was standing in front of another stone
door.

This door was anything but plain. Carved in
the center of the door was a tall, cloaked figure, his face hidden
in the cloak's hood, with the exception of his skeletal jaw and
cold blue eyes. Death. His arms, which were muscular and
grotesquely too long, were raised up as if accepting great praise.
He stood on a mountain of bones and, intricately carved within the
bones, were corpses, souls… I'm not sure exactly what they were
supposed to be, crawling towards him. As I got closer, I realized
death was actually the only thing carved into the stone. The rest,
the mountain of bones and the crawling figures, were made from
pieces of metal, and… "Yuck! Is that bone, actual human bones?"

"It's called Death's Door; you must placate
death to enter as Hades’ guest."

"Not if I have to give him my bones."

Riley placed his hand on the figure of death.
"What did you expect in Hades' Realm?"

I started to answer, something about Disney,
James Wood and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, when a faint hum
echoed around me and the door swung open. Riley stepped through and
I followed, until Riley stopped, turning around so quickly I ran
smack into his elbow.

“Ouch," I said, rubbing my sore cheekbone.
"Watch it."

"I forgot about Cerberus," he said, adjusting
his glasses.

"The three headed giant dog that guards the
Underworld? How could you forget something like that?"

"Shhh. I don't usually have to deal with
Cerberus other than the exchanging of simple pleasantries."

I nodded my head. “Okay.” What else was I
going to say? I was a little bit out of my element here.

"You'll have to wait in Cerberus's office
while I speak with Hades. If you will stay where I put you, and not
move, or speak, or look at Cerberus, you should be okay. The good
news is that you're immortal, and whatever Cerberus does to you,
you'll survive it.”

"Now I feel better," I said.

"Good," Riley said, as he continued into the
Demon dog's… office?

Cerberus's office was very nice, very normal.
Three chairs lined the left wall and four lined the wall straight
ahead, creating a cozy sitting area. Plants and magazines were
strategically placed, and there was even an intricate water fall
fountain to the left of a large L shape cherry desk, complete with
computer, phone and small coffee station. A small coffee station
that had a basket filled with HONEY BUNS!

Riley sat me down in the chair closest to the
door and farthest away from the honey buns. "Damn."

"Don't move, don't look Cerberus's way and do
not speak, no matter what. We lucked out that the office is empty.
I will be back to get you in less than an hour."

"Grand."

Riley smiled. "Love the enthusiasm."

I couldn't tell if he was being serious or a
smart ass. So I said, "Thanks". Figuring it worked in either
case.

I leaned back in my
just-as-uncomfortable-as-it-looked chair and watched Riley exit
through a door behind the cherry desk.

I counted the ceiling tiles: 20, light
fixtures: 4 including the lamp on the desk, plants: 4 1/2 -one was
barely alive- and made scary faces out of the grain patterns in the
wood paneling that covered the walls. It's easy- all you have to do
is squint, and have a little imagination.

Now I was thinking about the honey buns.
Truth be told, I was thinking about the honey buns the whole time.
I am a true multitasker.

Obviously, Cerberus was not coming back to
the office anytime soon, and just as obvious, the honey buns are
set out in a lovely basket for guests to enjoy. And as I am sitting
here waiting, and have never been here before, I am obviously a
guest. It would be insulting if I didn't take a honey bun, and the
last thing Riley would want me to do is insult Cerberus. Plus, if I
was quick about it, no one would ever know.

I got up and quietly, cautiously and casually
walked to the desk, reached over to the basket and picked up a
honey bun, not making one sound other than a hushed crinkle of
cellophane. I slowly turned around and came face to face with
Cerberus.

Of course, I didn't know it was Cerberus at
the time. She, yes I said she, was dressed as a beautiful woman- a
woman with long legs that were very visible in the tiny hot pink
skirt she was wearing. I don't believe the skirt consisted of
enough material to cover one of my ass cheeks, but it was
beautiful. She was also wearing a matching jacket made of equal, if
not less, materiel than the skirt. The jacket's only button was
clasped just below her very large breasts; breasts that were barely
contained in a gold lacy bra that, if I'm being honest, I would
tell you was lovely and complimented her creamy brown skin and long
blonde hair.