Fates' Folly (4 page)

I finally managed to stop staring at her
breasts- not an easy task. Because of height difference, they were
basically in my face- and looked up into her big brown eyes that
were looking down at me in a very unfriendly way.

"Whoa oh… hi. Would you like a honey bun?" I
held out the delicacy. She didn't say anything, just tilted her
head a little to the left and sniffed. Just like my golden
retriever Butterscotch used to do when he was curious. That's when
it hit me.

Oh shit!

"Oh shit," I said at the same time I thought
it. Sometimes my brain and mouth work simultaneously.

Cerberus tilted her head to the right and
sniffed again.

"You know, you're never going to pass for a
woman if you keep doing that," I said, before covering my
mouth.

I was an idiot and somehow thought if I
covered my mouth it would change or cancel the fact that I had
probably just pissed off a three headed dog, who was dressed as a
woman, who was so dangerous I was told not to look at her, much
less take her goodies or talk to her.

I waited for her to bite my head off,
literally. She just stared, frowning slightly. I opened the honey
bun, hell I already screwed up and was probably about to be mauled,
might as well eat the damn honey bun.

"Mmmm. I love honey buns." Brain, mouth-
working simultaneously again.

"Me too," she said, in a deep throaty
voice.

I reached behind me and grabbed another one,
handing it to her. She smiled, a little toothy but a smile none the
less. We stood there eating our honey buns in silence.

"Would you like another?" she asked, her
voice low and husky.

I took a deep breath. "Sure, but maybe we
should sit down and have some coffee with them, you know, to help
balance out all the sugar."

She tilted her head again but moved to sit
behind the desk and started filling two styrofoam cups.

I took a few steadying breaths while I looked
for another chair. I felt like I had just avoided a horrifically
violent event. Not for the first time in my life, I silently
thanked the gods for the creation of honey buns. The fact that
Cerberus was all wrapped up in pink and gold wrapping did nothing
to minimize the terror I felt in her presence- in some ways, the
pretty packaging made it worse.

I pulled up the chair I had been sitting in
up to the front of her desk. Cerberus set my coffee in front of me
with a bowl of creamers, a cup of sugar cubes and the basket of
honey buns.

"So," I said, dropping three sugar cubes in
my coffee, "Do you go by Cerberus, in the form you are in now?
Which is beautiful by the way, very amazon queen/ runway
model."

Cerberus blushed. "Really, you think so? I've
worked so hard on this body. You should have seen me six centuries
ago. I was still twenty feet tall. I was hoping to get a little
smaller, but it takes a lot of godly powers to contain this girl,"
she said, patting her hair like the best drag queen I'd ever seen-
who was John Leguizamo in that To Wong Foo movie.

"I hope you don't get offended and eat me,
but just so I'm clear, you are The Cerberus, the three headed
dog-like creature that guards the Underworld?" I asked.

"Yes, but the true me is this body. This is
me," she said, placing her beautifully manicured, pink with
rhinestones, hand on her chest.

"And you're male…?"

"I am all male, one hundred percent. But I
like to be pretty," she said, adjusting her breasts.

"It must have been difficult being a dog for
so many years on the outside yet a delicate transgender on the
inside."

A small tear rolled down her cheek. "The
worst. And Hades, the big brute, just wants his drooling hound with
no thought to how I feel. I have the most horrid reputation, no one
will even talk with me," she sobbed.

I leaned over the desk and patted her hand.
"I'm sorry. I will do my very best to start spreading rumors about
how sweet and lovely it is to talk with you."

I meant it too, maybe it was the sugar, but
all my fear and anxiety had disappeared. Who said a three headed
dog couldn't feel like a man wanting to have breasts and dress like
a woman, and who was I to assume that because she was capable of
tearing my head off that she wasn't sensitive and in need of
someone to talk to. Besides, she had a basket of honey buns on her
desk- she was obviously good people.

"That is so sweet of you," she said, drying
her face with a gold lace hanky she had pulled from her bosom.
"Maybe you could visit me from time to time, too."

"Sure. I don't have any girlfriends,
transvestites, transgender, canine or otherwise."

She smiled, "You can call me Carrie".

"Carrie? Now that we're friends and all, can
I ask you something?"

"Sure, Hon."

"Am I crazy and all of this is just a
hallucination?"

"No sweetie. It's all real."

"I was afraid you'd say that. I'm just not
this creative."

"Would you like another honey bun?" Carrie
asked.

"Always."

Three honey buns later we were in the middle
of a discussion on waxing- really it was more of her trying to
convince me it was worth the pain, and me trying to explain that it
wasn't the pain that kept me from waxing, it was that I, unlike
Mary Contrary, did not care how my garden grew. Anyway, we were in
this discussion when we were interrupted by a huge crash into the
door behind Carrie's desk.

"Hades is a bit irritated," Carrie said,
taking a sip of coffee.

"Really? What makes you think that?" I
asked.

Carrie smiled. "I love sarcasm. No one gets
sarcasm around here but Hades, and he doesn't like anyone but
himself to be sarcastic, it's no fun.”

"What in Tartarus were you thinking!" was
roared from the now slightly opened door.

"I should shut that," said Carrie.

"Probably, but how will we overhear their
conversation if you do?"

"Hades doesn't like to be overheard," she
said, scooting her chair closer to the door.

"Who does? Only the most uncouth would listen
in on another person's conversation," I said, sliding my chair over
next to Carrie's and handing her her coffee.

I had just sat down with my coffee when a man
I assumed to be Hades bellowed, "If you had just left her dead
she'd be down here now filing for Carrie or dating Carl for Zeus's
sake!" Another something hit the wall behind Carrie's desk,
knocking her picture of four dogs playing poker onto the floor.

Carrie rolled her eyes. "Thank the Fates. I
have never liked that picture but it was a gift from Hades, his
idea of a joke, so I had to hang it up. She walked over to it and
stomped on the canvas a few times until it was in three pieces. She
shook her head, "Hades and his temper, he is so destructive. Now
I'll have to throw it away." She threw the pieces into the
trash.

I smiled as she sat back down. "Who is
Carl?"

Carrie grimaced. "Carl is short for Charon.
There is not a more disgusting daemon in existence- hairy, smelly
boils seeping with infection and, since he joined Diet Divas, rolls
of unwashed sagging skin. He’s so repulsive that I won’t allow him
entrance to Hades' realm. Hades has to go to Charon if he wants to
speak with him, and he doesn't even mind because he knows
Persephone would have a cow if he let that pile of pus into his
halls," she snickered.

"Wow, he must really be…" I didn't get to
finish my sentence because something else hit the wall, this time
shattering a wall sconce.

"Hey! I really liked that lamp, it was from
Pottery Barn!" Carrie growled.

I doubt anyone heard her though, because
Hades was still shouting, "…all you had to do was leave her dead,
find that little freak Sebastian and bring him home. But now,
because of your moment of pity, I've got Zeus all over my ass and
Peter the fucking gatekeeper's been let out of his cage. A pathetic
immortal that should be mortal is now my responsibility, and my
wife isn't speaking to me, because she thinks this whole mess was
some elaborate plan for me to get some hot chick down here to have
a hump fest with!"

I heard Riley's deep voice. "I didn't act
purposely against your wishes. The Fates…"

"The Fates? They may have gifted you with her
soul, but those pimply brats couldn't have done anything without
your will to see the girl made whole. Your will- which is why she's
now my responsibility."

"I was appalled by Sebastian’s actions. I am
still appalled," Riley said.

Hades laughed, "You’re not going soft on me?
Are you, Caisus?"

"Never soft," Riley replied.

"I love Riley," Carrie whispered, her head
next to mine, straining to hear.

"Yeah, he's okay," I said, realizing the
truth of it when I said the words. I did like Riley, felt
completely comfortable with him. Wow, and he was male; how
weird.

"No. I mean, I love Riley," Carrie said.

Oh. "Oh! Does Riley know?"

"I don't know. I practically drool all over
him whenever he's around, but he doesn't seem to notice. I think
he's shy," she said.

"Um, does Riley, umm, swing that way?" I'm
sure there was a better way to ask, but my mama never taught
me.

"I don't know. Maybe-"

"Carrie! Stop listening at the door and fetch
the damn female, now!" Hades yelled.

Carrie stood up, moving the chairs and
opening the door to hell, so to speak.

Fabric covered walls and a floor covered in
pillows was not what I expected of Hades' domain. I anticipated
more bones and death décor, like the stone door we entered through-
not HAREMS R US. Of course, nothing could have prepared me for
Hades himself. My mama would have called him a sex buffet- a man
you'd want to go back to for seconds again and again.

Long black leather clad legs, ending in black
boots with silver and diamond studded chain, were sprawled out in a
lazy invitation. An invitation made blatant by his broad muscled
shoulders and chest, barely contained by a blue silk shirt. His
nose was long, his chin was square and his eyes were deep blue
under long black lashes.

As we stepped in front of him, he lounged
back on his giant floor pillow, cocked his head and ran his hand
through his wavy black hair. I found myself mesmerized, desperately
wanting to act on the enticement his body offered. I could see
myself straddling his lap, running my hands through his hair,
knowing that if I touched any part of him I'd burn up right there
on the spot.

I wiped the drool off my mouth as he looked
me up and down.

"Nice PJs," he snickered. "At least when my
wife sees you she'll believe me now."

And just like that, like all the men my mama
found irresistible, for me, the spell was broken, and I knew
exactly what he was. An asshole.

"Asshole," I said.

Riley jumped in front of me and began pushing
me back. "Death shock. She doesn't know what she's saying," he
said.

At the same time Hades whispered in
disbelief, "What did she just call me?"

I knew I was in trouble. I should shut up and
go along with Riley's excuses. I even had a little voice in my head
telling me to run and hide, but I stopped listening to that voice
years ago.

"Asshole. I called you an asshole," I
clarified.

Riley turned around, his eyes wide, mouth
thinned into a pained expression. I ignored Riley, using the
opportunity to move out from behind him to come face to face with
Hades.

"I could tell from the moment you opened your
mouth that you were the biggest asshole I've ever met," I said,
unable to stop myself.

Hades slowly stood up, the muscles in his jaw
visibly tightening as he clenched his teeth. His pale complexion
warmed as tiny blood vessels filled to their capacity, spider
webbing across his face, and his eyes narrowed, turning from a warm
blue to a cold black.

My body started to tremble from fear, and
again, the voice in my head said to run, hide, flee- anything to
save myself. I took a deep breath through my nose, ignoring my
inner panic. I had no wish to die a second time, especially since
I'd probably be at Hades’ mercy, but I would not run, I would not
cower and I would not look away.

Hades continued to smolder. The smell of
decay and fire filled my nose, mouth and lungs, until I felt
strangled with it. My vision blurred, and my body began to convulse
harder as Hades raised his hand above my head.

"You're absolutely right, darling," said a
soft feminine voice.

Suddenly, there was air to breathe and my
body, which had been constricted in fear seconds before, relaxed.
So much so, that if it wasn't for Riley's painful grasp on my arm,
I would have collapsed to the floor. I was still looking up at
Hades, but now there was a woman caressing his shoulders as she
gracefully fluttered around him.

"I would never have believed someone as
outspoken as this young woman would be your concubine," she said,
now pushing him back down on the giant leather floor pillow.

Hades closed his eyes as she kneeled behind
him and started running her fingers through his hair. The woman,
who I was positive was Persephone, Hades' wife, then looked right
at me and winked.

She looked ordinary. Tall and slim, straight
shoulder length brown hair, a heart shaped face with oval shaped
blue eyes, a pert narrow nose and a pink bow shaped mouth- she was
pretty, just… ordinarily so. No bombshell that would seem fitting
to Hades' looks. Yet, I stood there watching while she soothed
him.

"My darling husband," she said, still
massaging his head with her fingers, "has been under a lot of
stress. So few mortals believe in us now, he must work tirelessly
keeping our existence in their thoughts. And now he has lost one of
his soldiers and gained an unknown, untested responsibility. I'm
sure you can understand how it has pricked his temper a bit."