Feather Light (Knead Me) (29 page)

“Forgive, Parker. Forgive. I love you, whether you want to believe me or not, but I’m not going to sit around and let you use me to deal with your issues. I made a mistake, a big one, which cost me this relationship, but don’t lay all the blame on me. If your wish is to forget I ever existed, you have it. I’ll walk out of your life and forget
we
ever happened.”

Those were the most difficult words she’d ever spoken. Losing Matthew was nothing compared to the gut-wrenching reality of not seeing Parker anymore.

For a fleeting moment, Parker looked at her with remorse, but then he rebuffed her. “We will walk away and pretend we never met.” His voice was flat, cementing the inevitable end.

When he pulled out, it almost felt as if life was being sucked out of her. Kelly knew this was the last time she’d ever feel him inside her. The moment his body was gone, she felt barren, wilted, and empty. Torment descended upon her at the sudden absence of his warmth. Like air, she needed him to survive. She’d been the one to trigger his issues, but she’d have to accept that she couldn’t heal him.
 

He removed the mask from her face and loosened the restraints, his expression tight. Sweat and tears trickled down her cheeks when she pushed herself up. Another realization hit her. Yes, she had been dishonest, but he had no right to treat her the way he just had. His anger had pushed him to react on an impulse, inflicting emotional wounds that rivaled the roughest physical punishment he could ever give her. She made a last ditch effort to make him understand.
 

“I made a mistake by hiding who I am. It was wrong, and I apologize. I should’ve said something, but I was scared of losing you if you found out my real identity.”  

He ignored her apology and instead turned away. “Call
that
my last gift to you. Now it’s time for you to get out of my life.”

Parker slipped into his jeans without sparing a glance in her direction and stormed out of the room just as the doorbell rang. As soon as the door slammed behind him, Kelly wept. She cried for her stupidity, for the pain she’d inflicted on Parker, and for the love that would no longer be. He had asked her to forget they’d ever met.
How can you forget the person who made you feel it is imperative to love again?
 

Kelly climbed down from the massage table, weary but resolute about the hell she’d be facing in the days, months, and maybe years to come. She ignored the various aches and pains all over her body stemming from the accident and the sting he’d left between her legs. With mechanical movement, she put on her clothes, intent on pushing back her tears. 

No, I won’t fall apart here. I have to get out now!
She was determined to hold her head up and walk out of his house, and his life, with dignity. Trembling and feeling as if the world were closing in on her, she fastened each button on her blouse as the numbing truth sank in. Parker was out of her life.

“Parker, open the damn door!”

His brother continued to press the buzzer. The annoying sound grated on his already raw nerves. Parker gripped the knob and muttered a curse. He wrenched the door open and seethed at the intrusion.
 

“What the hell do you want?”

Cork didn’t bother with pleasantries and pushed his way in, followed by Webster. Parker could feel a fight brewing, and his nerves twitched in anticipation.

“I called you several times, and you ignored—What the hell is going on here?”

He closed his eyes as light bathed the room, trying to smother the explosive rage that was simmering inside him.

“What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear that I don’t want company.” He heard the rustling of footsteps and stuff being picked up from the floor.

“No wonder you’re not picking up your calls. You fuckin’ busted your phone. What’s wrong with you, man?”
 

“Parker, c’mon. You’re scaring me. You need to calm down.” Webster placed a tentative hand on his arm.

“Will you two mind your own goddamn business and stay out of mine?” he shouted, not knowing in which direction to fling his anger. Parker shook Webster’s arm away and stalked over to the kitchen to grab another bottle of vodka.
 

“Jesus Christ. Haven’t you had enough to drink?” Cork asked, snatching the bottle away from him.

This fueled his rage even more. “No.” Parker gritted his teeth. “I’m going to make it easy for both of you. I’m going to go to my bedroom and give you five minutes. I want you both gone by then.”

“The hell I’m going to let you kick us out,” Cork said. “You’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. Stop being a dick—”

Parker turned around when he sensed Kelly’s presence. Everyone froze while she made a beeline for the door. He heard her muffled sobs when she passed him, as well as Webster’s surprised gasps. Then he heard the door shut.

“You’re a bastard,” Cork said, grabbing his collar and shoving him against the wall.

He fought against his brother, pushing and shoving back. Because Parker was much bigger and stronger, Cork couldn’t hold him for very long. They struggled with each other until Webster stepped in and tried to pull them apart.

“Will you two stop it? You’re acting like idiots!”

“This moron needs to know the fuckin’ thing he couldn’t see.” Cork let go but stayed close to Parker’s face.

“Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea. Cork, honey, let’s go. Let’s leave him alone,” Webster chastised.

“Do you think your insults could make things worse for me? Well, think again! The woman I love just made a complete fool out of me. Then a woman that I admired and respected died on my table. And it’s all because I’m blind and can’t see what is happening around me. So, ease off a bit, brother!”

Cork slapped him on the shoulder before moving away. “Spare me the bullshit, will you? So Kelly made a big mistake. I’m not letting her off easy, but you’re acting like a fool for placing all the blame on her. So Mrs. Crawford died. Everyone knows it wasn’t your fault. You seem to be the only one who doesn’t believe it. If you want to keep beating yourself up, then go right ahead and throw a fit. But I’m not going to sit around and watch you hurt someone.”

“Bullshit?” Parker repeated. “You think being fucking blind is bullshit?” He followed Cork’s voice, itching for an outlet for his rage.

“So you’re blind. Boo-fuckin’-hoo. It’s not the end of the world. Have you stopped to think how lucky you are? Some people would die to be as successful as you are.”

Parker flinched at the patronizing words. “Lucky? You call me lucky? I can’t even piss without touching the damn toilet to know if my aim is right. I have to feel my food to know what it looks like. I can’t even fuckin’ go anywhere without asking you or someone else to give me a ride. You call being dependent and at the mercy of other people lucky? Maybe you ought to get your head examined, because you’re just as blind as I am. You can’t see how screwed up my life has become.” Parker laughed. “You have no idea what I’m going through, so don’t try to talk like you could survive one day in my shoes.”

“So you’ve had some bad cards dealt to you, but I never thought I’d see you cry in the corner like a pussy and have a pity party. That’s not the Parker I know. Sure, you’ve asked for help, but who hasn’t? We’re a family. That’s what we do.”

“Shut the fuck up!” He shoved Cork, not wanting to hear his sentimental bullshit.

“Hey, hey . . . stop it. I think it’s time for us to go. Parker’s under a lot of stress. We need to give him some time alone,” Webster said.

“Not until I tell this idiot that he has a whole life ahead of him, and he’s wasting his time dwelling on the things he can’t do!” Cork shouted.

“Idiot? You’re a bigger idiot for taking your brother’s hand-me-downs!” The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he had crossed the line. 

“Son of a bitch!” Cork cursed just before his fist connected with Parker’s face.

Parker staggered backward and landed on the floor. Cork loomed over him as he struggled to get up. Pain shot through his nose, and blood trickled from his nostrils.

“You’re a lousy drunk,” Cork said.

Before he had a chance to react, Cork yanked him to his feet. Webster put an arm around his waist when he staggered and led him to the sofa.

“Parker, are you all right?” She turned to Cork. “Enough, Cork. Let’s just get out of here.”

Parker wiped at the blood dripping down into his mouth. He looked up, not sure where to focus. “Guys, listen. That was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

“Save your regret, brother. I think Kelly deserves your apology more than we do. In case you didn’t know, she was in a car accident the other day. She’s pretty banged up, but she still came here because she wanted to explain herself. It looks like you didn’t even give her a chance.” Cork shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m even bothering with you. If you want to dwell in your misery, go right ahead. We’re leaving.”

Parker heard the rustling of footsteps and the door opening and closing. Once he was all alone, he rubbed the tears from his useless eyes.

“Fuck,
fuck
!” He hoped for once that the earth would open up and swallow him.

Chapter 16

Kelly burst into tears the moment Parker’s front door shut behind her. The sound cemented the grim reality. She was out of his life, and there was nothing she could do about it. Parker had made it clear he intended to forget about their relationship and she should do the same. She stumbled across the lawn and ended up sitting on the curb with her face buried in her hands.
 

She felt wretched, confused, and empty, furious at herself for not doing the right thing sooner and angry at Parker for taking his frustrations out on her. If she’d listened to Cork’s warning, she would still have had a chance to explain herself. She wouldn’t have been sitting on the cold pavement without a car and no place to go to unload her burden.
 

Had the warning signs been there all along and she had been just too dumb to see them? Parker had been gracious and had even downplayed his disability. Had it all been just a front he’d put up to show that he was dealing? He’d seemed well-adjusted to her, but how could she have known his innermost feelings? In hindsight, Kelly should have asked more questions, but she wasn’t comfortable prying into people’s lives and wasn’t going to start with Parker’s. He obviously had enough suffering in his life without her making it worse.

Kelly rubbed her eyes, hating every minute of what had happened between them. Her body still ached from the accident, and her heart was aching even more. She should have fought for her right to voice her feelings. Instead, she’d taken everything he’d given her, like the submissive he wanted her to be.
 

Footsteps approached. She buried her head between her knees to keep from retching, hoping whoever it was would walk on by. To her dismay, the footfalls stopped beside her.
 

“Kelly?” a female voice asked.

She’d heard that voice before. Kelly raised her head, and through blurred vision, she recognized Webster and Cork. Webster knelt in front of her.

“Are you okay?”

Webster’s worried expression made her cry even more. She nodded, but then decided to tell the truth for once.

She shook her head. “It’s my fault. I should have told him sooner.”

“Why are you sitting here in the dark?” Cork asked, squatting down next to Webster.

“Jessica dropped me off here . . . I was supposed to call her, but I think I left my purse in her car.”

Cork sighed and sat down next to her. “Listen, it’s none of my business, so I’ll stay out of it, but this is not the place you want people to see you. If you want, Webbie and I can drive you home.”

“Oh, thank you,” she replied, grateful for the offer. “I don’t even have anything with me to pay for a cab.”

“An address is all we need.” Webster helped her to her feet.

They spent most of the drive back to her mansion in silence. Kelly gazed out the window, rewinding the evening’s nightmare. Had it been so bad to want him to be happy with her without the added weight of her celebrity? The sweetness of their time together would forever haunt her dreams. She held back the tears once again. It was bad enough that his brother and friend had already seen her at her worst.