Feeling Sorry for Celia (10 page)

Saxon had already heard that story actually, but he’s kind of polite so he listened to the end before he told me that he knew it.

Anyway, maybe we’ll even run together some time – he only lives a couple of blocks away from me. He asked about Celia too, which is nice. Most people think it’s so weird that she runs away all the time, that they kind of pretend she
doesn’t exist anymore whenever she’s gone. It was nice to talk to someone about her – I told him about the postcards and the circus and everything. For some reason he thought it was really funny that Celia joined the circus. He couldn’t stop laughing for half the bus ride.

Anyway, he’s actually pretty cool. I should have talked to him before, but I kind of write off most guys in my school as total nerds.

Sorry this has to be short. I’m in Music at the moment and people are going mad with the tambourines and it’s impossible to concentrate, but I wanted to write and see if you are okay, and send you this chocolate frog (I hope it hasn’t melted everywhere) and say thank you very very much for the nice helpful things that you said about my dad.

Lots of love,

Elizabeth

Cruise and booze! Thai cuisine, French Champagne, jazz dancing –all in the elegant surroundings of the superb
Princess Leandra.’

Lizzy,

Check out the dude in the flared pants on the front of this card. Sorry it’s been a while since I wrote; it didn’t help going inside to play chess, I’ve got such a bad flu. I feel like shit – headache and sore throat and all that. But you have to keep working, you can’t let the team down, so I’m not
telling anyone. It also turned out to be a bit of a mistake to go inside for chess, because we went into
the
circus manager’s own caravan, and he tried to make a move on me. He’s like forty-five or something. Gross. But it’s okay now because we had a really long talk about it, and I guess I was just giving the wrong signals.

Love CELIA

Mum,

I’m going to run over to Saxon Walker’s place and we’re going to train together. He’s a guy from my school who catches my bus. He lives on Foxall Road. His mother’s the local councillor so you probably met her when you did your rollerblading protest.

Love,

Elizabeth

ELIZABETH !!!

WHO IS THIS SAXON WALKER? IS HE CAROLYN WALKER’S SON? IF HE IS, HIS MOTHER IS A DEMON FROM HELL!
WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY OUT OF THEIR HOUSE. IF YOU SEE HER IN THE DISTANCE, DON’T SMILE AT HER. JUST SCOWL.

LOVE

MUM

Mum,

It’s too late. Saxon and I went for a run together and then he invited me back to his place for coffee.

His mother was quite polite for a demon from hell and she gave me a piece of carrot cake. I didn’t scowl at h e r at all. You always said before that I should smile and say thank you to my friends’ mothers. You are giving me confused and contradictory messages.

Love,

Elizabeth

ELIZABETH!

I GUESS I CAN ONLY BLAME MYSELF FOR TEACHING YOU THOSE RIDICULOUS MANNERS.

BUT IT′S NOT TOO LATE. IF YOU SEE HER AGAIN, YOU MIGHT THINK ABOUT SPITTING ON THE GROUND BEFORE HER. SAY SOMETHING CUTTING ABOUT LOCAL YOUTH AND LIBERTY AND THE IMPORTANT GROSS MOTOR SKILLS THAT CAN BE LEARNED FROM ROLLERBLADING

I HOPE HER SON IS NOTHING LIKE HER

LOVE YOUR MUM

PS THERE IS A RECIPE FOR CURRIED SAUSAGES ON PAGE 78 OF THIS RECIPE BOOK. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET IT STARTED?

Mum,

Thank you very much for writing your note in enormous purple texta and sticking it right in the middle of the fridge door. By lucky chance I had invited Saxon to have coffee at my place after running today, and the brightly-coloured note was impossible to miss. It was very good for him to see exactly what my mother thought of his mother.

Luckily for you, he just thought it was funny and laughed a lot.

I only just started the curried sausages ‘cause I was waiting for Saxon to go home, but they’re done now. (They’re on top of the stove.) Just taking Lochie for a walk and I’ll be back soon.

Love,

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth Garry,

We feel that it is our duty to ensure that you are not getting any crazy ideas. This young man who’s been talking to you on the bus? What’s his name – Saxon Walker? He is simply not ever going to be interested in you.

My dear child, he is a popular boy, a cool boy, smart, funny, athletic and gorgeous. Perhaps in your imagination such a boy might be interested in you. But never in reality, Elizabeth. Never.

You are merely a running partner to him. No more.

We do not wish to offend you, only to warn you.

Best wishes,

COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION

Dear Ms Clarry,

Okay, first of all, don’t get your hopes up here.
This is NOT an invitation to join our society
. Not that we think you’re really hideous or anything, but you’ve got to be kidding! Ever seen your
ears
, Elizabeth? Ever seen the freckles on your arms?

Anyway, we’re sure we don’t have to explain about
that
.

We are actually writing to discuss a different (but connected) issue. See, there are certain types of boys in the world, and there are certain types of girls. For example, there are ugly girls, and there are ugly boys. It’s perfectly okay for an ugly boy to ask out an ugly girl. Just as it’s perfectly okay for an ordinary girl to go out with an ordinary boy. Sometimes, if necessary an ordinary girl might even choose to go out with an ugly boy, depending on how desperate she gets.

But the point is, it is
never
okay for an ordinary girl to go out with a
beautiful
boy. It would be like some kind of a distortion in the universe.

It just would not happen.

Saxon Walker is one of the most prized members of our society. He has regulation sea-blue eyes, an exquisite nose with a gorgeous little bendy bit at the end, and his cheeks have patches of pink that shift around to his ears when he’s embarrassed.

He could be the son of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis.

He could be Brad Pitt’s cousin.

He could be a Greek god.

He could be Romeo.

Elizabeth, you are just not Juliet.

Please keep your distance from Saxon Walker, and try not to take up time that he could be spending with more appropriate young women.

With very kindest wishes,

The Society of Beautiful People (SOB. P)