Feeling This (2 page)

I pull my black Infinity into a spot and make my way around the car to open the passenger side door, grasping her hand to help her step out of the car. Once she is facing me, I lean in to her ear and breathe on her neck creating the goose bumps I knew would appear and whisper, “You look stunning tonight. I can’t wait until we can finish what we started.”

She backs up looking up into my eyes. Her empty and confused gaze tells me that she still hasn’t come back yet. I look down unable to meet her eyes again and squeeze her hand, turning to lead her into the club. A few steps forward, she pulls on my hand. I glance back into her face and she smiles sweetly.

Just like that, she’s back. I have to help her get this under control. That is my plan for the night; take the steps necessary to get my Susie Q the help she needs.

I gather her in my arms and nuzzle her neck causing more goose bumps. She giggles and whispers, “Jordan, I love you so much.”

My heart warms at her words. How did I get so lucky and find the most perfect woman on my first try?

She breaks our connection too soon and laughs at my disappointment while straightening her dress, “Did you forget where we are?”

I hold out my arm resigned. She pulls me close and we walk arm in arm through the door to greet the familiar faces of friends and family. The part of our relationship that still puzzles me every time we come here is the fact that we have both known many of these people for a long time but we never met each other growing up. We attended different high schools, but grew up with everyone through the club. It’s as if fate didn’t intervene until the perfect moment.

Susan ends up pulling me through the throng of people spread through the grand room. I nod acknowledging acquaintances and friends as we move along. Finally, she stops and I drape my arm around her back pulling her close. The warmth of her skin against my palm sends my heart beating faster. I look up and find us face to face with David and Bree, the guests of honor. I shake David’s hand and he greets me, “Hey Bro, glad you guys could make it.”

“Congrats, it’s about time.” I wink for effect.

I’ve been friends with Dave since the second grade. Susan was right about the third grade thing. When we were in third grade he started crushing on Bree. He finally asked her out in tenth grade. Why it took him so long, who knows but now we’re twenty-five and he’s finally acknowledged that it’s for good. He finally popped the question. I gave him all kinds of hell about it over the last three years when I got serious with Susan. I knew it would not be good in Bree’s eyes, if Susan got a ring and an engagement party before her. He finally manned up.

He shakes his head and glances over to Susan after she embraces Bree and he kisses her cheek. She settles back into my side, “Like we would miss your engagement party. It’s not as if we all get engaged every day.”

We all laugh at this because it is the running joke at the club. The amount of divorced and remarried couples is pretty high. These engagement parties are a dime a dozen. It’s silly and if I could get us out of our own, I would. But neither of our moms would accept that. They practically have it all planned already. They just need to know I’ve asked and then they will run wild, I’m sure.

Susan asks, “Jordan, baby will get me something to drink?”

“Of course, Susie, be right back.”

I peer back at her once I take a few steps away. She is watching me intently and seems confused momentarily. I look away not wanting to face this at the moment. It seems to be happening more and more lately. She is here one minute and the next I‘m not sure if she’s my Susie or someone else.

I make my way to the bar and run into Brian a friend I’ve known since freshman year in high school. He is married with his first baby on the way. Even with our perfect, influential upbringing, as my mother would say, he and Victoria started out too early and missed the mark. I’d say he actually hit the mark exactly, just not in the right order my mom thinks is appropriate. They had a shotgun wedding once they found out she was pregnant. It was all everyone could talk about for a while, the fact that she got knocked up without being married first. Now everyone has moved on to other things, good for Brian.

“Hey Brian, how are you? How is Victoria?”

He grabs his drink from the bar and nods, “How’s it going? She’s over near our parents.” I glance across the room where he implies and note that she is a lot bigger around the middle than the last time I saw her.

I look at him surprised and exclaim, “Wow dude, when is that baby due?”

He laughs, “Late November.”

He turns on me, “When are we going to find out about an engagement? I hear both of your moms are already fierce with anticipation.”

I laugh unable to hold back, “Yeah dude, that’s what I hear too. Soon, hopefully soon.”

I step forward to give the bartender my order and Brian calls as he turns to go, “Talk to you soon, Jordan.”

“Sounds good.”

As I make my way back to Susan, I watch her cautiously. She is talking animatedly to Bree. Her smile seems genuine. I hand her the glass of dry white wine and she smiles, pausing in her conversation only to take it from my hand and lift the glass to take a sip.

I scan the room, noticing the usual crowd with the usual political and religious topics. Both of us have grown up in this environment with these commonplace events. But they are never regular in my book. I have never seen the need for all the hoopla.

Susan, on the other hand seems born for it at times. She enjoys socializing and dressing up most of the time. Sometimes though, she wants to skip the parties and sit home just as much as I do. Tonight I was a little surprised at her reaction to coming. She has been close with Bree since they were middle- schoolers. For her to consider skipping her best friend’s engagement party, worries me. I know from conversations with others, these two were completely inseparable before I came along.

A hand moves to touch my elbow and encircles my upper arm. I glance down to see who it is and notice my mom’s diamond studded wedding ring. My eyes raise to meet her worn blue ones emitting tiny wrinkles at the corners. She is dressed up impeccably as usual in a black cocktail dress.

She smiles and greets me, “Jordan, it’s good to see you. Susan.”

Susan glances over and steps up to kiss her on the cheek. I lean over and kiss her other cheek briefly. As I look up to my dad hovering behind her, she claims moving her hand from my arm to my cheek, “Are you not sleeping well dear? You look so tired. Your hair is getting awfully long in the front.”

A sigh escapes my lips before I can stop it. My mother is so predictable. She doesn’t have a chance to respond to my uneasiness. Instead Susan glances over and pinches my side leaning into my ear, “Don’t give her a hard time, she just worries about you, that’s her job.”

My mom has forgotten my reaction already. She is greeting and embracing Susan’s parents who have just stepped up. Her dad, Dan, walks over and shakes my hand making small talk about the weather. I have always felt from the first day I met him that he lacked a backbone. Harsh I know, but her mom, Rebecca, always seemed to wear the pants in the family. She says jump and he doesn’t even bother to ask how high, he just jumps until she says stop.

I turn to Susan murmuring, “Hey, maybe we should stop monopolizing the happy couple.”

She ignores me for a moment finishing her comment to Bree, something about a dress, and what was she thinking. After a few more awkward minutes she turns and tells me, “Lead the way.”

I grab her hand and lead her to a table across the room. Once she sits down and starts talking to her parents who have made their way over, I make my way back to the bar. Thinking about speaking to her father tonight, brings to mind that I could benefit from some liquid courage.

My dad saunters up beside me as I wait for my turn and pats me on the back. “So son, your mom keeps pestering me. I promised I would ask. When should we plan on this for you and Susan?”

I frown, understanding where he is coming from with this, but not liking it. Maybe my dad is just like Dan, no backbone. My mom is demanding but he can usually handle her. I look over at him and see how uncomfortable he is at having to ask me this.

“Dad, I’m working on it.”

He nods satisfied with my answer and changes the subject, “Have you thought about my offer?”

I know my mom won’t be satisfied with my answer but I don’t have to live with her.

“I’m still mulling it over. I’d really like to make it on my own for a while.”

He agrees with me, ”I know son, jobs aren’t as plentiful as they used to be though. It’s a tough market out there. My offer stands. You can work for me as long as you like until you find something but I would love it if you would become a partner and help run the company. You know you are my only hope to keep it in the family. Your sister is too right brained to run a tech company.”

I hang my head and wait as my turn at the bar is next. This has been on my dad’s agenda since I graduated three years ago. I’ve dabbled with the idea of going back to school since I haven’t found anything else. But he is adamant about me running the company. I’m not against it completely, it’s close to my degree major. I just want to be independent of my parents for a while, which is proving to be difficult. As I do look elsewhere, I agreed to take a job in his marketing department for the time being. It makes me feel like I’m doing something to pay the bills and not just get a free ride to the top.

Susan has other thoughts about it. She thinks I should help run the company because it’s my birthright, her word, not mine. Yet another thing I love about her, she has told me this only once. When I told her how I felt, she claimed that she would always support me in what I decide. Just thinking about her principles when she is here and aware, motivates me even more to do what I can to help her.

“Jordan, you still there? It’s your turn.”

I step up, realizing I really need this drink, ordering for my dad and myself. We walk back to the table and all three women are looking at me expectantly. What the hell? I take my spot next to Susan and lean in asking, “What was that all about?”

She giggles and answers so softly that only I can hear her, “This engagement thing with David and Bree has opened the flood gates. They actually asked me if we are already engaged.”

My eyes go wide but she grasps my cheek and reassures, “Don’t worry babe, I didn’t give you up.”

I lean in and kiss her beautiful mouth letting my lips linger a moment longer than necessary. When we part, I look into those eyes I never tire of peering at and know that she is totally here in this moment. I’m thankful for that. Maybe we won’t have any more episodes tonight.

The waitress comes to take our orders and I look across the table at her dad to gauge his mood. I need to speak with him tonight about his daughter. I can’t talk her into this alone. I’m going to need their help.

Chapter Two

I stare into the mirror in the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. It’s obvious in the circles under my grey-blue eyes that I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I rush to my room to change into the uniform I wear most nights, cut off shorts and a black tank with green fluorescent letters splayed across the front advertising The Ugly Duckling logo. I rest a moment on the edge of my unmade bed and reach down to slip on my purple converse. It would feel so good to just lay back and fall asleep.

My mom’s shrill voice echoes through the house, “Hurry girl, you’re gonna be late and then where would we be?” My sentiments exactly, where would she be if I weren’t working my ass off to pay the bills that just keep piling up?

My feet seem to move of their own accord, taking me through the kitchen where I find my mom sitting at the table staring off into space. I lean over to kiss her cheek and my eyes avert to the cigarette burning awfully close to her fingers. I reach out and grab it putting it out in the ashtray, almost overflowing with butts. I scurry to empty it noting that one of these days, I’m going to come home and find nothing here but a pile of ashes from her lack of attention.