Field of Innocence (The Euphoria Series) (19 page)
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You won’t have to face him alone
. Calandra knew it was a promise he couldn’t truly make, but it doesn’t make her feel any better now that she stares at Kailen face to face. Jarreth had gone to town to pick up some things for the house since no one seemed to want Calandra to leave her house for reasons that hadn’t been fully disclosed to her, as usual.
Kailen’s eyes are dark midnight blue and opaque. His hair is copper and his skin is much paler than should be possible. He is dressed in all gray. They stand across from each other outside, just in front of the tree house. Calandra backed herself into the door when she saw him standing there after she stepped out to explore the land a bit. Her heart races faster than she knew was possible.
“I take it they filled you in on exactly who I am,” Kailen says coolly.
No one has filled her in on anything exactly since she’s been here. It’s all been a frustrating series of riddles and pieces that they’ve chosen to disclose. “For the most part.” Calandra decides to play it cool and pretend to know more than she actually does.
“And you know who you are then?”
“I’m Calandra.” So much for playing it cool, she had managed to say the dumbest thing possible. She knew that wasn’t what he meant by his statement, but her mind didn’t have time to stop her mouth from saying the words regardless.
“Yeah … I feel like there’s still some things you’re unaware of.” Kailen smiles coyly.
Calandra stares at him blankly, trying to decide what to say and hoping she doesn’t manage to make herself seem even more clueless than she already had. “Why should I trust you to tell me?”
“We both want the same thing, Calandra.”
“What’s that?” She vows to give Jarreth and Drake a nice chewing if she gets through this little show down. If they had explained everything to her, she wouldn’t have to make herself out to be a total dimwit right now.
“This,” Kailen motions his arms around him as he says it, “Faerie.”
Someone must have forgotten to tell him that Calandra hadn’t asked for any of this. Before she has a chance to even try to think of something to say, Kailen starts in again.
“You see, I couldn’t allow the same creatures that destroyed me and took away everything that I’d ever had that was good keep this beautiful world all to themselves. That wouldn’t be justice, now would it? I vowed to come back somehow and give them all exactly what they deserved. If you only knew everything I had to go to in order to make this happen.” His eyes gleam an odd color at her and it sets her nerves on fire.
“What are you exactly?”
“You’ll find out when everyone else does, I suppose. What I am will be plenty powerful enough to put every one of these horrid creatures out of their little fantasy world of being able to treat humans like they’re nothing and they don’t matter. What I am is enough to take the power away from them, and watch them starve without human interaction, watch them suffer as their life source drowns out of them slowly.”
“So, you want to replace evil with evil? That seems like the perfect plan.” Suddenly Calandra is completely sick of the games and she feels a new confidence wash over her. “What exactly are you here to discuss, Kailen?”
Calandra tries to let everything soak in, she tries to make some sense of it all. Something still doesn’t seem to add up all the way. She still can’t put her finger on why she’s so powerful. Why she has been so quick to adapt to the world. Why is she the one who will be able to fix everything? She still has no clue what the prophecy is, or how it is that she seems to have inherited much more Fae than human. There is still a piece to this puzzle that is missing. There is something no one is telling her. Maybe something that no one knows, but either way she knows she needs to figure this out before she can put an end to anything.
“Well, seeing as we’re both after the same thing, I thought that some lines should be drawn, so to speak.” He turns back to face her and stops walking around.
“No lines.” Calandra finally decides to pull strength from her powers and toughen up despite the confusion coursing through her mind.
“No? So what do you propose then? You know I’m not going to just stand by and watch you try and take over as if you deserve it.”
“You can’t correct a wrong with another wrong.” Did she just repeat one of her father’s corny parenting sayings? She must be going over the deep end completely. “Seeing as I have destiny on my side, I think I’ll be just fine either way.” She gives a snide smile after to add a nice sarcastic note to it.
“Destiny,” Kailen scoffs, “is that what they told you?”
“No, that’s what this told me.” She pulls her pink baby-doll tee off of her shoulder and exposes her dragonfly.
“Sorry to tell you, deary, but that means nothing.” His words are instant, but he can’t hide the stunned expression on his face.
Calandra rolls her eyes at his new way to refer to her. She knows that he’s just trying to get under her skin, unfortunately despite that knowledge, it’s working. Her temper is rising under her skin, she feels it starting toward its boiling point, and she feels very close to breaking down completely.
“Did you call them?” Kailen once again brings her back to the present moment and Calandra realizes they are surrounded by Sprites. He looks impressed, at least to a small extent.
Calandra isn’t sure if she had called them, she certainly hadn’t meant to if so, but to admit that would show yet another weakness and she has already managed to expose too many of those in this encounter. She nods in agreement instead.
“And what do you suppose they are going to do for you exactly?”
The Sprites gather around her, staying behind her just slightly. The soft buzzing of their wings is much more comforting than she could have ever expected it to be. Instead of answering his question, she is suddenly inspired to try another route. Since talking seems to be her weakness and give away too many of her faults, she decides to try a more intimidating way about things. She’s simply going to stare and look resolved with her Sprite supporters behind her.
“Oh, how nice of you to join us.” Kailen rolls his eyes as he says it.
Calandra turns around and is more than comforted to see Jarreth has returned. He takes a place next to Calandra and her confidence increases tenfold. “Kailen.” Jarreth says the name with even more hate than he uses when he says Drake’s name. This surprises Calandra.
“Jarreth.” Kailen returns the hatred.
There is a beyond awkward and uncomfortable stare off. Too many thoughts run through Calandra’s head and she feels her emotions threaten to come off balance again. She knows she can’t risk losing it. She feels much more in control with Jarreth by her side, but she’s still too much on edge to think that he’s enough to keep her in check completely.
“Kailen,” Calandra finds her voice and starts in, “what exactly did you come over here to tell me? Enough with the games, get it out so that you can leave.”
“Well,” Kailen smiles approvingly, “I thought you might want to know that I decided to play a little game.”
Of course he did. Faeries love games. It is something Calandra is still learning, and at the current moment, something she isn’t liking in the least.
“What kind of game?” She gives in, not knowing what other choice she really has in the matter.
“A game of hide and seek. I hid something that you want and now you have to seek it.” His smile is beyond wicked, it borders on the line of insane.
Calandra’s first instinct is to ask what he hid, but she knows she doesn’t need to ask. She already knows. Her very first vision comes into mind. Tristan. Because she hadn’t put him through enough already. Because he wasn’t upset with her enough. Because she didn’t suddenly need him now more than ever. Kailen must somehow know all of this. Jarreth automatically reaches out and takes her hand. The electric current pulses through her and gives her the strength she so desperately needs.
“Rules?” she asks simply.
“There are none,” Kailen says. Calandra doesn’t buy it for a second.
“I’m not ready to make my move just yet, Calandra. This is simply a little fun for me and to make sure you know exactly what I am capable of.”
“And for you to see that I can take you!” She manages to put much more confidence into her voice than she actually feels at the moment.
“If you say so.” Kailen starts to walk away, but turns back around. “Enjoy!” He smiles again. “I look forward to many more encounters, dearest.” He stands there looking menacing but doesn’t budge at all.
“You may go,” Jarreth says tightly.
Kailen’s smile widens. “And what if I’m not ready?”
Calandra is beyond sick of the twisted games here. Too many emotions are coursing through her as it is and now he wants to play some more. “Go!” She laces her voice with as much evil as she can muster up.
Kailen laughs.
Pulling from everything that boils within her at the moment, Calandra reaches into the deepest parts of her. She feels it building and yielding to whatever she wills for it to do. All at once she lifts her arm toward Kailen and holds her palm out toward him. Crimson sparks shoot out of her and Kailen is lifted into the air and thrown at least twenty feet back. He is taken aback completely. The Sprites leave their post by Calandra and head off toward Kailen. He leaves in a hurry with the Sprites seeing him off.
Jarreth looks proud. It’s a look she hasn’t seen on him yet and it very much suits him. “That was amazing,” he says. “How did you do it?”
Calandra shrugs as if it’s no big deal. It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal at the moment. It doesn’t change anything. Her world is still currently beyond messed up and now she has to worry about finding Tristan.
“You already know where he is,” Jarreth says, sensing where her thoughts are taking her.
“Not really,” she says sadly.
“Calandra, you saw it in a vision. You can find the place I promise you. After what I just saw, you can apparently do much more than anyone knows or ever would’ve expected.”
This suddenly makes her feel better. She allows herself this small victory. Takes in the accomplishment that she has just made and feels proud of herself. The rest she can figure out in a minute, for now she wants to feel empowered.
Save You
Jarreth had been right, again. Calandra had a feeling that could get old fast. Once she focused on the vision and concentrated on the surroundings in it she had been able to lead them to the location easily. However, now that they stand outside of the cave and she knows what she will see once they walk inside, the accomplishment she felt from being able to lead them here suddenly dwindles down.
“Are you ready for this?” Jarreth asks softly.
She shrugs. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this.”
“You’re not alone, remember that.” He smiles.
“Not at all.” Another voice comes from behind them, one that wasn’t supposed to be here.
“Drake.” Calandra rolls her eyes. She doesn’t have to turn around to see who was behind them, she knows that voice.
“Did you really think I would miss the show down?”
“Sorry to tell you but you already missed it,” she informs him with more pleasure than it should have brought her.
“I don’t care about the one with you and Kailen,” he says. “This one, on the other hand … well, I think it should be rather interesting.”
Calandra looks to Jarreth hoping for more information, but his expression is blank as well.
Great.
Here she thought that having the vision had prepared her for what was to come, she hasn’t prepared for any surprises. She doesn’t want any surprises, not that she wanted any of this in the first place.
She turns back to the cave and tries to prepare herself to go inside. She has faced some sort of evil incarnate already today. A few days ago she would have thought that would been impossible for her, but she had done it and even over powered him in the end. Yet despite knowing she had overcome that, facing Tristan tied up in a dark, damp cave still seems beyond impossible. She remembers how cold Tristan was in the vision, she hadn’t been able to figure out at the time why he was acting that way. Different, that was the word he had chosen to describe her. Now she knows exactly what he meant by it, and she knows what Drake wants to see. There is going to be a show down. Tristan is finally going to give her exactly what she deserves. Her heart deflates in her chest.
“I think I should go in alone.” She turns to face Jarreth and Drake.
Jarreth nods as if he had expected her to do that all along. Drake looks disappointed, but he doesn’t appear to want to challenge her. She takes a deep breath and pulls from within before she turns and enters the cave still feeling completely unprepared for what lies ahead.
The cave is just as beautiful as it was in the vision. It seems wrong to be in a place this amazingly designed and be expecting something so horrible to take place in its beauty. Tristan is against the back wall, his face is dirty, his eyes are tired, and tear tracks streak through the dirt on his face. His hands are behind his back as if he is tied up. His legs are stretched out in front of him.
“Calandra,” his voice is hoarse, “wouldn’t you be a sight for sore eyes if you weren’t so … different.”
It’s her vision all over again. What scares her now is what may happen afterwards, her vision was so short it didn’t give her much insight into what to expect. Water drips off of parts of the cave and sends echoes throughout the cavern.
“Are you okay?” she asks as she walks over to him.
She kneels down in front of him and reaches for his arms. She can’t see anything tying them up, but he is bound by something. She pulls at his arms and feels the resistance against whatever spell is holding him there.
“I’m just peachy,” he says coldly.
She pulls a few more times before realizing what she needs to do to get him out. She steadies her thoughts and emotions and focuses on willing her powers. Crimson shoots out of her fingers and his arms are immediately released. He pulls them in front of him and rubs his wrists. Calandra sits on the damp ground and leans into the wall behind them. She feels the moisture soak into her clothes and onto her skin. It chills her to the bone, but she resists the urge to get back up. She sighs, closes her eyes, and leans her head against the wall pushing away the thoughts of what it will do to her hair.
How can she tell him what she had become without scaring him? She knows what she feels, and there is no way to get around burning him. After everything he had done and everything she’d already put him through, none of it is fair to him. Calandra can feel her words forming the knife that will slice his heart to pieces. That alone is enough to break her own heart. Tristan closes his eyes, he can feel something is wrong, he knows her too well.
There is no way to put it off, no way to lie. She just has to come right out and say it. She opens her mouth to begin slicing his heart open, but he puts his hand up before the words come out.
“Don’t say it. I already know where this is going, and I don’t want to hear it.” He looks at the ground as he speaks.
She is glad he isn’t looking at her, the pain that she knows is in his eyes would only make this ordeal that much more impossible. “What do you mean you know?” she finally manages to ask.
“I felt something was wrong. I sensed the change, a drift in the winds, and I felt you get carried away along with it. Away from me and away from Him, the one that you really need to save you.” His voice cracks as he adds the last part.
She knows what is coming next. She knows the tears are coming for him. She had known for much longer than she is willing to admit that this was going to happen. She just wasn’t sure until this moment exactly how it would happen and now she is going to lose Tristan completely. She is scared he’ll never even want to look at her again. No matter what she feels about anything, she knows she will always need Tristan in her life and by her side. Despite those feelings and despite everything they have been through together, she doesn’t feel sad. She isn’t upset, she is just here doing what she knows she has to do.
Tristan finally looks up at her, and she’s surprised to see that there are no tears in his eyes, it is anger. “I can’t be the one to save you, Calandra, there’s only one Savior, and it certainly isn’t me. It’s like a drug to you, isn’t it? The power, the games, the mind control. You’ve beat me down over and over and when it gets the best of you, you just know I’ll still be standing here waiting to drag you out of that hole. I won’t watch you go through this cycle again, I won’t save you this time. I can’t. I’m done being your fix when I’m the one who gets hurt in the end, Calandra.”
The words cut through her chest and she feels her heart shatter into pieces and land in the pit of her stomach. He is right, and that realization brings on the sting of tears that tries to break through the mask of nonchalant-ness she has been wearing for so long. She fights them down. She starts to open her mouth to rebuke him, but nothing comes out. Nothing she can say will matter after that, but she owes him something. In this moment, Calandra realizes just how selfish she has been. She has broken Tristan’s heart, and yet some part of her still wants him to keep fighting for her despite it being a losing battle.
Calandra sighs and looks to the ground. “You’re right.” She looks back at him.
His eyes cut deep into her soul, there’s an anxiousness in them. He’s waiting for her to tell him she will change, that she will be the person she was before. The hope sits plainly in his expression and his desperation is apparent.
“I really am so sorry. I don’t want to lose you, Tristan, you’re my best friend and I need you,” she pleads, her voice filled with sincerity. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I promise you I never meant to hurt you.” She feels the tears coming to the surface, and she fights with everything she has to keep them at bay. “I just … everything’s so different here. I’m different here. This place is changing me, and even though I wasn’t looking to change, it feels good. There’s nothing I can do to stop it, and quite honestly, I don’t want to.”
The disappointment makes itself clear on his face as he stares back at her. He opens his mouth as if he is going to say something, but he closes it back immediately. “The world you’re in shouldn’t matter, Calandra. I don’t care if you woke up as Alice in the looking glass, what you believe and what you know is right shouldn’t change regardless.”
Calandra stands up and dusts herself off. She makes an effort to not look at Tristan, afraid she might finally break down if she does. “So I guess you’re going back home now?” Calandra decides to change the subject.
“I think I’ll try staying for a little bit.” He shrugs and watches her as she paces in front of him. She finally stops with her body angled toward the exit of the cave. “Someone’s gotta look after you since you’ve forgotten how to look after yourself.”
Smiling softly, Calandra turns away from Tristan and begins the walk out of the cave. Her body draws back to look back at him but she won’t allow it. She can’t bear to see the disappointment on his face. Not that her heart can break anymore, but her soul still can and she can’t allow that to happen. With every bit of strength she has left in her, she forces herself to walk away.
“Then I guess I’ll see you around. If you want that is, or not if you don’t,” she whispers as she walks out of the cave and leaves him behind.
Tristan is gone, not completely gone, but in the sense that she’s always known him in. The realization of it sends a tinge of pain through her. It’s not quite as much pain as she knows she should feel given the circumstances, but it is there. She wonders where she’s supposed to go from here, what she’s supposed to do. She has just walked away from her safeguard. As this information washes over her, she sees Jarreth standing in the sunlight. Drake is gone, which makes her feel a bit more at ease.
“Did you scare him off?” she asks, suddenly feeling much lighter than she was just a few moments ago. Something about having finally told Tristan and having the confrontation out of the way is like a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders.
“Once you denied him the show, he left on his own.”
“Lovely,” she scoffs as she closes the remaining distance between them.
“Everything okay?” he asks sincerely.
“It’s … handled.” She can’t think of a better word to use to describe the situation.
Jarreth gradually leans into her, holding her gaze as he closes the short distance between them. Her emotions and the stress of the situation slowly drain away from her with his gaze. “So, now what?” he asks. Jarreth pulls her into his side and begins to lead them back toward Calandra’s tree house.
“Now, I guess we see what happens, and where this all takes us,” she says, knowing that she’s oversimplifying the situation.
They walk out into the sunset. The pink and lavender lights shine around them as they walk arm in arm. Her life is nothing like it had been weeks ago. Yet, at the current moment she doesn’t mind. She is excited about it and ready to see where it will go. She doesn’t know what is going to happen from here. She has no clue what lies ahead of her, of them, of the world of Faerie, but it all feels right, it is her destiny. So, with a newfound confidence, she walks with her destiny to embrace the new Calandra and discover exactly what she is meant to become and what the prophecy that somehow regards her birth and her purpose is.