Fifty Shades Effed (6 page)

“Nice.”

“We need about a dozen more good ones for the yearbook.”

“Great. I’m going to need a thicker glove.”

As I head back behind the plate, Bea is sitting in the stands smiling at me.

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine.”

“Could be worse. You could have a son throwing in the nineties.”

“Good point and, just so you know, I’m not opposed to having another go at my little Pippino.”

“That will be up to your daughters. Better start working on them now.”

“Grandson Pippino.
Perfecto!
”

I put the catcher’s mask on and squat.

“OK, baby doll. Let her fly.”

“Pop?”

“Yes.”

*BZZZT*

“I’ve been kind of seeing someone, and he asked if I’d go to the Senior Prom with him.”

“You’ve been seeing him or
seeing
him?”

“Ugh. You know.”

“No, and I’m not sure I want to.”

“Whatever.”

*SSSNAP*

“Anyway, he’s a nice guy. He plays baseball.”

“All right, that’s one good thing.”

“He got accepted to Stanford.”

“Two. Does he treat you like a lady?”

“Of course. In fact just yesterday he gave me a romantic gift.”

“Flowers?”

“No, a butt plug,” she winks.

*FFFFFT, BOINK, CRACK* ... sinkerball, square in the nuts.

About the Author

Please join the fun by following my rants at
PhilTorcivia.blogspot.com
,
Facebook.com/SuchaNiceGuy
, and
Twitter.com/PhilTorcivia
.

My other books, available in paperback and eBook formats:

• Such a Nice Guy
  (October 2009)
  
• Still a Nice Guy
  (April 2010)
  
• Nice Meeting You
  (October 2010)
  
• Just a Nice Guy
  (April 2011)
  
• What a Nice Guy
  (September 2011)
  
• Nice Knowing You
  (February 2012)
  
• The 10/60 Diet: How to lose 10% of your body weight in 60 days.
  (May 2011)
  
• Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks
  (May 2012)
  
• Fifty Shades Shadier
  (June 2012)
  

Accolades for
Fifty Shades Effed

“Funny and enjoyable. I highly recommend it to everyone.” –
Gina

“Entertaining and utterly unbelievable.” –
Cherie

“Hilariously entertaining!” –
Ailin

“This book has the most important things I look for in a book, the 3 S’s: Steamy, Sexy, & Scary!” –
SHW

“He did not just go there ... oh yes, he did!” –
Shannon

“Totally raunchy. Laughed until I wheezed.” –
Paula

“Very well written. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for sexy, funny, page-turner!” –
TD

“Hilariously witty. I guarantee laughter throughout the entire narrative.” –
Bonnie

“Enjoyed it immensely.” –
Dolores (Phil’s mother)