Fifty Shades of Submission (30 page)

Finally, I cannot hold on any longer and I come. A low, animal growl esc
apes my lips and my back arches and I thrust one last time as deep and hard as I can and ejaculate my load into the wet depths of her vagina, planting my male seed deep within her. My seed is buried deep inside her body and there’s nothing she can do about it now and I know, with absolute certainty and utter satisfaction that, if she is not on the pill, then I have just made a child inside her.

My body heaves and shudders and I collapse on top of her,
pinning her down, too drained to move.

We lie like that for a long time
– she with her dress ripped and her breasts exposed and her skirts above her waist, her back pressed hard into the gravel path - and me on top of her, suffocating her with my weight, pinning her down, my jeans around my ankles.

“
You raped me,” she says at last, her voice emotionless, dull.

“Yes,” I agree
, unrepentant. “And I put a child inside you. Are you on the pill?”

She shook her head. “Vassily wears a condom.”

“Well then, I have just made you pregnant. I am sure of it. You are going to have my child.”

“Are you sure?” she whispers.

“I am positive. I made sure of it.”

She shudders beneath me and to my surprise she puts her arms around me and
suddenly clings to me. “
You really hurt me
,” she murmurs in my ear.

“I know. I
wanted
to hurt you!”

"I like you
this way," she whispers softly. “I like you strong and masterful and in control of me. That’s all I ever wanted from you - to be the master of me. I like it when you act like a
real
man and not a subservient slave. If only you were always like this – my master, dominant – then I could truly love you."

I
raise my head and look into her face. Her lips are trembling and her eyes are moist and solemn.

“Is this how you want me to be
, Saskia? Masterful? Brutal? Would you prefer it if I beat you as well? I can, you know. I’ve hit a woman before.”

“
I want you to take charge of me like a man, Julian! I want you to
control
me! I want you to take me whenever you want, like you did just now. I want you to make me pregnant. I want to carry your child. I want you to be brutal and passionate with me. I want you to inflict pleasure and pain like you did just now. I want you to be my master in every sense. Be brutal with me and beat me if you must. You are so much physically stronger than I. I am just a weak woman, to be done with as you please.”

I
kiss her passionately, forcing my tongue deep into her mouth as far as it will go; pushing and at the same time sucking the life and soul out of her body. She responds in kind, clinging to me and grinding her hips and naked breasts up against me.

Finally, she pulls
away, breathless. “Do you still love me? Now that you know you can use your masculine strength to subdue me?"

"
Yes!”
I breathe into her neck, kissing it. “
Yes, I still love you!”

"I love you
too, Julian,” she rasps urgently in my ear. “I have always loved only you!”

My heart
races wildly at the sound of those words. Oh, how long I have longed to hear them! But I am not entirely convinced.

“What about the Russian?”

“I am infatuated with him –we are sexually compatible. He is very masterful in a brutal kind of way and I must admit it excites me. When I’m with him it feels as though I am playing with fire, but when I’m with you I am calm. I know that I can trust you because you love me. You and I understand each other. We have been through so much together. But now we are past that, aren't we? We understand each other at last, don’t we?

“Yes!” I tenderly kiss every bruise and bite mark on her breasts and nipples.

“I’m sorry, Julian,” she says softly.

“Sorry
?” I murmur with her nipple against my tongue.

“I’m sorry
that I played my role of cruel mistress rather better than you expected – better than we
both
expected. But now that you are a man again and have become my master, you will have to be satisfied with my being a good, dutiful little wife from now on. We will get married and live like a normal couple. And perhaps you
have
made me pregnant and I will have your child and he will have your blond curls and beautiful blue eyes – will you still love me if I’m fat and pregnant?"

“I will
always
love you. You know that.”

She clings to me suddenly. “Yes I do.”

"Will you marry me, Saskia?" I say fervently, desperately.

She laughs
tenderly. "If that’s what you want then yes, I will marry you." She kisses me tenderly on the lips.

I dra
w her close against me.

"Y
ou are no longer my slave, my darling" she whispers. "From now on you are Julian again, the man I love and respect. Julian Deverell, who is to be my husband and master and father of my child. Saskia Deverell – I like the sound of that. As long as you dominate me I will be faithful to you for ever!"

"And
the Russian?"

"
Forget the Russian! Lust and infatuation is one thing – true and deep love between a man and a woman is quite another matter entirely. How can I ever really love such a brute? You were right - he has a violent temper and has already slapped me once. Perhaps the real reason I was so attracted to him is because I am actually afraid of him."

"I almost killed myself
because of you and him," I say softly.

She holds me close. "I tremble at the thought of anything
happening to you, my love. I cannot imagine my life without you.”

“So from now on, no more
mistress and slave?”

She smiles
at me tenderly. “You have proved to me that you are no longer my submissive. You have shown me that you are strong and masterful and will no longer bow down to a woman. I want you to remove all those horrible rings and attachments from your body. Will you allow me to remove them?”

“Right now?”

“Right this instant.”

“Of course.”

We get up and she straightens her clothes and already she has dark bruises on her pale thighs and breasts, and there is a small trickle of blood running down her inner thigh from her vagina.

She catches my look and smiles
serenely. “Yes, my darling, you hurt and bruised me and torn me up inside, but I shall bear your wounds with pride – especially if I am with child. Do you really believe you’ve made me pregnant?”

“I’
m sure of it.”

We
sit on the garden bench and she gently removes first the weighted chains from my nipples, then the nipple rings, then the rings from my scrotum. Her touch is gentle and tender.

She looks at the penis ring. “I think we should leave that one in. I rather liked the feel
ing of it inside me.” She leans her face down and kisses my flaccid penis tenderly, almost chastely. My penis responds almost immediately to the touch of her lips.

She loo
ks at it and laughs. “I’ve forgotten what sexual stamina you have. You’re going to need it to keep your wife happy once we’re married. And perhaps you’ll plant more of your male seed inside me and we’ll make a whole tribe of babies together! With your looks and mine our children will be beautiful and perfect.”

We embrace
and sit in silence for a long with our arms around each other, then she says,
"I have come to hate this place - you have been so unhappy here. I want us to leave immediately. We will make a new start somewhere else. We will buy a house in the city and start making plans for our wedding and our child. From now on I will devote myself to making you happy, to being a dutiful and obedient wife to you. How does that sound?”

I hold her close to me. “Wonderful,” I murmur into her fragrant hair.

“Tomorrow I will go into town and get my affairs in order. I’ll have to sort out the lease of this place and hand in the keys with the agents and deal with a few other matters. I must also remember to pick up the painting from the picture framers – they called to say it’s ready. You can stay here and pack our things and with luck I should be back around noon and we can leave immediately.” As she speaks I can see she is getting excited. There is a wonderful warm glow about her suddenly.

“And the Russian?”

“I don’t want to see him again,” she says adamantly.

My heart skips with joy.

“What about Osiris and Amun?”

She laughs softly. “We won’
t be needing them anymore, will we? I will take them into town with me tomorrow morning and drop them off at the station. They will find their own way home.”

I hold her
tightly in my arms and she leans into me, her face pressed hard into my neck. She lets me kiss her, pushing her hips up hard against mine as I plunge my tongue into her mouth once more.

I feel
as though I have awoken from a feverish nightmare. I feel like a shipwrecked man who has been lost and dying at sea for months and has finally been rescued as if by a miracle. At last I am safe and warm and loved.

She has rescued
me from my own worse nightmarish fantasies.

She has
been gone for hours. I have long since finished packing for both of us and I am sitting in the warm sun in the courtyard. There is an unmistakable hint of spring in the air. Everywhere there are signs of nature awakening; early peach blossoms blooming in the orchard, fresh spring grass growing in the meadow, and birds building nests everywhere in preparation for their new hatchlings. I close my eyes and listen to the trickling fountain spilling out of the mouth of the evil looking gargoyle, and wait for her return.

It’
s strange being alone in the house. Osiris and Amun left with her this morning. They were both casually dressed – in trousers and thick sweaters, and Osiris wore a full length brown suede coat. They looked so ordinary out of their crimson priestess garb and ornate headdresses. With their luggage in tow, they looked like two ordinary women on their travels. Tourists perhaps, nothing more sinister than that.

Neither of them met my gaze as they left.
Neither said good-bye.

I am a little worried about Saskia being gone for so long
, and yet I know there is no reason why I should have any more doubts or fears as far as she is concerned. We had made tender love last night to seal our idyllic new relationship. She had opened a bottle of champagne and we had toasted our new future together.

“Here’s to us,” Saskia had
said, raising her glass, her green eyes glowing with happiness. “And to our first child,” she had added softly, rubbing her tummy. “I do so hope you’re right, Julian. I hope I’m carrying your child in me. I hope your seed is strong and is flourishing in me right this moment.”

Last night was wonderful. It was the happiest night of my life. I can’t remember a time when I have ever felt this happy. And yet, a feeling of oppression still lingers and weighs me down, and I cannot rid myself of it. It’s probably due to the suffering of the past days and weeks which still casts its dark shadows on my soul. I had stood on the brink of death after all, willing to cast myself into the black abyss of the river.

I shudder in
the warm spring sunlight.

It is late afternoon and she is back at last, looking radiant and happy. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes shine with excitement.

"
Did, everything go smoothly in town?" I ask, tenderly kissing her.

"Yes,
my love," she replies, "everything is taken care of. Sorry that I’m a little later than planned, but we shall leave to-night. Go and put our trunks in the car so long."

It takes me quite a while to drag all her luggage downstairs and get it
stowed in the car, but finally it’s done. The large painting of Saskia and me in our mock Samson and Delilah pose is on the back seat of the car, carefully wrapped in sheets of bubble-wrap and duct tape. Glancing at the covered painting I suddenly feel a pang of remorse for all the terrible things I had allowed myself to be subjected to. It was as if I had been in a dream for most of my life, a nightmare filled with cruelty and pain, but now I am awake at last and the nightmare is receding. My mind is filled with clarity and purpose.

I do not want to live in
darkness and isolation anymore.

I know also that I do
not ever want that painting hanging in our house.