Fight (NOLA Zombie Book 2) (4 page)

“Well, aren’t we all full of ourselves.” He crossed his arms over his broad chest and leaned back against the foyer table.
 

“It is what it is, Zach, sorry, it won’t happen again, I’m not attracted to you, I just got caught up. We’re friends, right?
 
Let’s not get this all fucked up.”
 
I lied about the attraction part, but that couldn’t be helped. He was hot. I was a woman with eyes. Just his body alone, long and lean and muscled, would have me panting over him pre-Z. Add the boyish good looks and charm and you had a perfect storm of hotness. He knew it too, but I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of acknowledging it.
 

“Now, please, I’m tired and I stink.” I tried to push past him, but he grabbed me by the arm and turned me to face him. I tried to pull out of his grip, but he was too strong.
 
A quiver of fear shot through me and it must have shown on my face because he dropped his hand immediately and raised his hands in surrender.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, Alexis.”

“Then quit with the manhandling. I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want. It’s
 
just not possible.”
 

“I know you’re lying about the attraction. If this is about Blake…” He pushed in closer, crowding me with his big body and I placed my hand on his chest to stop him. I ignored the hot tingle that went from my fingertips to my toes, lingering too long in an area of my body that had been neglected for the past six months.
 

“It’s not about fucking Blake. I couldn’t give a shit about Blake.” Another lie, but I had to keep up appearances. “It’s about this world and our group and the fact that there is no room in it for complicated feelings.”
 

“I think this world is perfect for complicated feelings,” he retorted. “If not, what else is there to live for?”

“Staying alive, Zach, staying sane.
 
And
 
when you add this” I did the asshole hand wave again, “your chances of living go way down.”

“I think you got that a little wrong, Lex. The word you are looking for is existing, because right now, that is all you are doing…existing, not living. If that is what you want, fine. Have at it, but don’t lie to yourself or me.”

“Whatever. If you need to tell yourself that to handle the rejection, have at it. But, please, just let it drop.”
 

When his cheeks flushed red in anger and his lips tightened into a grimace, I knew I had gone too far. I didn’t want to encourage him though. I didn’t need complications. I just couldn’t do it.
 

“I must have been mistaken. Carry on.” He abruptly turned and headed to his room at the back of the house without a glance back. The way he carried himself, his quick pace and straight shoulders relayed how pissed he truly was. I tried not to notice, I tried not to feel guilty. But, it crept in, niggled at my stomach, and had me gritting my teeth.
 

His quick dismissal ate at me, but there was nothing I could do about it. This was the right thing to do. I couldn’t go in deeper with Zach. I was closer to him than any of the other survivors in our group, I trusted him, I relied on him. We lived together. If I added sex and romance to the mix, it would be an instant relationship, an instant commitment, a
 
relationship that would progress quickly into deeper feelings because of the nature of our existence. Just like it had with Blake, or at least for me, with Blake it didn’t seem to matter much.
He left, right?

God, thoughts of fucking Blake just wouldn’t go away. I still couldn’t wrap my head around his actions. I just didn’t get it, but at the same time worry and regret ate at the back of my mind constantly. I wondered if he was still alive, if he thought about me, if I would ever see him again. I knew it was highly unlikely, almost impossible, but there was a part of me that hoped, wished and wondered. Zach had hit the nail on the head with the existing comment. I was existing, but I didn’t have the capacity to live, maybe one day. But to live, to really live my life, I would have to open myself up to things I wasn’t ready for, not now, maybe not ever.

I slowly trudged to the second floor, which was my domain. I was so tired and my churning thoughts didn’t make it any better. I barely made it to the shower without falling asleep on my feet. It was just another typical day in my post-Z world.

THREE

Shotguns & Sugar Plums

It was a shotgun morning as I awoke to the pounding of someone’s fist on the door.
 
I managed to throw on something that covered key areas and stumble down to the first floor just in time to see Zach open the door for Baby.
 

“I can’t take this shit, Lex. Hey, Zach.” She pushed past Zach and headed straight for me.
 

“What’s wrong?” I yawned and headed for the kitchen to make coffee. It was instant coffee, it tasted like motor oil, but it was better than nothing.

“Duke is fucking with me, girl.”

“And this required you to come over here at this ungodly hour?” I tried to stifle the next yawn, but it was impossible.
 

“He was watching me in the shower this morning.”
 

“Ugh, sick fuck.”
 

“Yeah.”

“I told you to move in here with us or at least move into one of the other houses.” She shook her head in response.

“I’m comfortable there and close to the action. I’m not going to have him chase me away. Just let me beat the shit out of him,” she whined.

“You can’t do that, Hannah. He’ll get pissed off and it’ll start a bunch of compound drama. I’ll talk to him.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Zach said as he padded into the kitchen and grabbed a mug. I met his eyes and he nodded a greeting.
I guess there were no hard feelings over last night.
Good, but there was a little tickling in my stomach that was almost disappointed that he wasn’t holding a grudge.
Was I that easy to dismiss?

“No,” Baby and I said as one.

“It’s gotta be Lex, it has to come from her because she’s female.” Baby frowned as if saying that aloud hurt her feminist tendencies.

“So, what? He won’t listen to me because I’m a guy? Duke follows directions well. I haven’t had any issues with him.” Zach grabbed the cup of coffee that I had made for myself and I was two seconds away from stabbing him with the fork I had been using to stir it with.
 
I restrained myself though and grabbed his abandoned empty mug.
Fucker
.

“No, he’ll just try and say it’s some girly thing, he’s a dog, Lex has to put him in his place. I can’t be ‘rescued’ by some man.
 
It’ll
 
only drop me down even further in his estimation.”
 
She did air quotes when she said “rescued.”

“I’ll take care of it. I have watch in about an hour anyway.” I chugged the sludge in my mug and grimaced.
 

“Thanks, Lex,” she said sweetly.

“Give me ten to put myself together, and on the next supply run, someone better get me some real coffee, I’m so sick of this crap.”

###

It was more like five minutes before the three of us were walking to the barracks with Charlie at my side. He was great company on watch and proved that he was better than me when spotting zombies. Hannah regaled us with all of the many ways Duke has proved to be a total lecher on the walk over.
 
I tried not to laugh at Baby’s crazy stories, but the guy wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. He was helpful and street smart, but I think he just didn’t know what to do with Baby. She was gorgeous and tough as nails. She was also practically asexual, showing no interest in the men around her, or the women. She didn’t flirt, she didn’t dress provocatively, and made no indication that she was mourning the loss of a significant other or partner.

I sometimes wondered what team she bats for, or if there was even a team, but I wasn’t going to ask. I liked all my extremities.

Duke was smoking in the front when we walked up and his face lit up when he saw Baby. Her scowl didn’t deter him and he went to follow her when she pushed past him, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Duke, can I talk to you?”
 

“Yeah, what’s up?” he said in his very thick Yat accent.
 

“I’ll catch up to you later.” Zach nodded and walked past, but not without giving Duke a try-it-and-die-look. It must have confused him because he was frowning and looking uncomfortable when I turned back to him.

“Duke, your behavior is unacceptable.” Cut to the chase quick and be done with it. It was my approach to leadership, a role I was just learning to accept.
 

“You talking about the shower this morning? Shit bra, she ran and told you about that? That was nothing, nah, she got it wrong.”

“Duke, you don’t think that is fucked up? You want someone watching you in the shower? Someone you didn’t give any indication of interest to?”

“If it was Baby.”
 

“Yeah, well, you sure as fuck aren’t Baby, and she has no interest in you, Duke. It’s creepy. Would you have just watched someone in the shower before Z? What do you think would have happened?”

“Arrested, I guess.”
 
He didn’t look guilty. He looked annoyed.

“Well, in this world, we don’t have cops. We don’t have jails. There are only a few options available and you aren’t going to like any of them.”

“Are you threatening me, Lex?”

“I’m making a point, Duke. Your behavior is not something we will tolerate. Your fixation with Baby is not reciprocated or welcome. Any further pursuit will be considered an open act of aggression. And you know our policy on aggression, right?”

“You’d kick me out for this shit?” he cried.

“I have no idea what it will lead to next, Duke. What are you going to do next? Move from the shower to trying to slip into her bed at night, maybe try and overpower her? You ever think about that? Not that you could overpower Baby.” I added the last part with a derisive snort.

“She’s a bitty thing,” he laughed as if he had thought about it and it sent chills down my spine.
I need to keep a better eye on this one.

“Yeah, come on a supply run with us, Duke. We’ll see about how bitty she is. You got it good on S-Island. She’s one of the grunts that protect your ass.”

“I ain’t gonna rape her, Lex. I ain’t like that. I just…” he stumbled over his words. “I just want her to like me.”

“Well, watching her in the shower is not going to make her like you. It makes her think you are some creepy perv. No happy feelings of like, just nasty feelings of dislike. Stay away from her. At this point, you have no chance in hell with her.”

“Can you tell her I’m sorry? You think that will make her like me?”

“I’m not the sugarplum fairy, Duke, sorry isn’t going to cut it. Just don’t be a perv and give up on it.”
Jesus, just another guy chasing something he can’t
 
have.
We needed more available women at this compound. Our guys were getting antsy. My mind flashed to Zach with another woman and my body tensed up and I unconsciously fisted both hands giving Duke the impression I was pissed at him and he actually stepped back. Was I that intimidating? If he only knew.
 

He sat back down with a sigh and lit another cigarette. I was pretty certain the guy was harmless, so I kind of felt bad for him. He had about as much social grace as a badly trained dog. How could he not have the hots for Hannah? If I was a guy, I would have the hots for Hannah. But his creepy behavior wasn’t to be tolerated. He might have lived in a trailer park down the road before this, but now he had to coexist and be a contributing member to S-Island.

Aggression wasn’t tolerated and sexual advances that weren’t welcome, especially if they continued after they were turned down, could be considered aggressive. In this post-Z world there were no cops. We couldn’t file restraining orders or sexual assault charges. As females, we were particularly vulnerable to sexual assaults. The men outnumbered us, and being smaller than most of them, we could be overpowered easily. If it was in a man’s nature to take what he thought he deserved, that could include sex. I wasn’t saying Duke had that on his mind, but being a woman, that sort of thing was always in the back of our minds.

We had encountered a few groups that were passing through on their way to rural Mississippi and higher land. They had mentioned that a trading post had formed in a neighborhood of New Orleans called Lakeview. It was heavily guarded and had a lot of much needed supplies that people traded for, but we were told that they were also offering females as one of the trading options. Prostitution or straight-up slavery, we didn’t know. I don’t know how true this was, but one of the groups offered up a lot of detail that was hard to discount.
 

I couldn’t imagine being out there on my own. I might curse Blake, but hooking up with him got me to this compound. I probably wouldn’t have made it without him.

FOUR

Survivor’s Guilt

Zach was waiting for me when I pushed through the door into the barracks.

“How’d it go?”

“I think I got through to him.”

“Did he get ugly with you?”

“No, but I did tell him any unwelcome actions from this point on would be considered an act of aggression.” I sighed.
 

“Way to lay down the law, ma’am.”
 
He winked.

“Salute next time,” I laughed.

“I would like to do more than salute you.” He stepped forward and I put a hand up to stop him.

“Enough, Zach. We talked about this last night.”

“What? Is this unwanted attention, Alexis? Will you consider this an act of aggression?”

“Yes,” I whispered, but I didn’t know if it was truth or lie. He moved forward so his chest pressed against my raised palm. My hand tingled where it touched his chest and I pulled it away as if it burned.

“Why do I not believe that?”