Final Surrender (26 page)

“I could feel her in my belly, moving and kicking me in the ribs every time I tried to sleep. I got to see her on a sonogram, too, and I knew it was a girl. I was so happy.”

Angela paused and looked out at a couple passing by and her hand went to her stomach automatically, and he reached down, covering it with his own.

She looked at Clay’s hand covering hers and she twined her fingers in with his before she continued.

“Everything was fine,” she repeated again, “until I hemorrhaged. I woke up one night and there was blood everywhere.

“I rushed to the hospital and my doctor from the clinic met me over there. They had to do an emergency C-section, because they discovered the placenta was detaching inside me.

“I had no choice but to let them cut me open, because I was losing so much blood. They couldn’t stop the bleeding any other way.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Clay whispered to her.

Angela shook her head, but didn’t say a word.

“It wasn’t your fault, Angie, there isn’t anything you could have done differently and I’m sure the doctors told you the same thing, right?”

Angela reached up, swiping the tears from her cheeks. “They told me the same thing, but it’s kind of hard to believe when it’s you sitting there bleeding. When your body is the only defense this precious little being has to enter the world big enough to survive it and it fails.

“I had just turned nineteen and I was barely twenty weeks pregnant, and there I was, lying on an operating room table and they are pulling our child out of my stomach and there wasn’t anything they could do to help her. Her oxygen levels were so low when I arrived at the hospital, and they were down to almost zero when I was finally prepped for surgery.

“I’ve never been so scared. I wasn’t strong enough and I couldn’t help her. While they tried to stitch me back together and stop all the bleeding I got to hold her.

“She was the most beautiful baby, but barely bigger than my hands. Hardly made a noise when she came out since her lungs weren’t anywhere close to developed yet. She took three tiny breaths and that was it.”

Clay held Angela close and kept his hand resting on her stomach.

“She had the tiniest little lips and her hands and feet were so perfect. You would have thought she was just sleeping.”

Angela shook her head a little to try to clear the sorrow that clouded her brain. It never really seemed to get any better.

Tears streamed down her face and she put her head back on Clay’s shoulder as he wiped her cheeks.

“I held her in my arms when she died. I stroked her face and said,
Mommy loves you
, and I told her I would truly get to meet her another day.”

A whimpering sob broke free as they sat there and he held her for everything she lost and everything she went through alone.

“You’ve gone all this time—not telling anyone, not getting any help with the loss?”

“The people at the hospital knew, obviously, but no, I didn’t tell anyone else. No one in the family, not any of my friends back in Texas or here in New York. I didn’t make a lot of friends here. I had my reasons,” she admitted without emotion.

When he swallowed several times she glanced at him. “Would you have told me about the baby if you would have had her and she had lived? Don’t you think I should have known? She was a part of me, too,” he whispered.

Angela took a shaky breath and answered, “Yes, but later, once I decided what I was going to do.

“When I lost her, I wanted to tell you afterwards, but I was so depressed and trying to recover from surgery and not let my family know what was going on. It was just a really hard time and I couldn’t face you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what happened and tell you she had your lips and your fingers. You couldn’t have done anything for her afterwards and it just would have hurt you.”

“Maybe that’s true, but I could have been there to help you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” He kissed her temple. “And I’m sorry I was such a complete ass in the hospital. I have no good excuse.”

She closed her eyes and smiled while he continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t give you any reason to trust me. I threw your love away once. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

Angela could hear the determination in his voice and her heart was sick with longing.

Clay blew out a tense breath, “I can’t believe I’ll never meet her, never see her,” he confessed and ran his fingers through her hair.

His hand gravitated down to rest gently on her bump again.

Her eyes were moist but she had the faintest smile on her lips. “You’ve already seen her, you just didn’t know it was her you were looking at.”

Clay tried to focus as his eyebrows creased together. “Where would I have seen her?”

She smoothed his forehead with her fingertips. “In my apartment, over the mantel.”

Clay sucked in a tight breath. “My daughter,” slipped past his lips and then he looked down at her face. “Our daughter. How did you get that photograph?”

He closed his eyes picturing the tiny little girl immortalized in black-and-white, in what he finally recognized as her arms. She’d thought about taking the picture down when she knew he was coming, but inside her, deep down, she wanted him to ask about it. She wouldn’t have lied to him again.

Angela leaned against him for support once more. She had longed to tell him everything and she was so thankful he was here with her. “A woman named Amber was at the hospital that day. She must be some kind of angel.

“She takes pictures of babies in the NICU for parents that are so worried with grief that they don’t have time to take them. She takes them so when the babies get better and get to go home, the parents and family can all remember how that little life started. She also takes them so if the baby doesn’t make it…” When she paused Clay kissed the top of her head and rubbed her arms. “Then you have a picture of this tiny amazing person on film that deserved a shot at life. Deserved more than she got,” Angela added.

“I’ve been drawn to that picture ever since I arrived. For some reason I was scared to ask about it. Maybe, somehow, I already knew, you know?”

They were both quiet, lost in their own thoughts until Clay asked, “Angela, what did you name her?”

She smiled again and answered, “I used the letters from my name, Angela Meyers and came up with Melena Sayger. It was soft and strong, what I had hoped she would be, and I gave her your last name. I hope that was okay?” she added after a moment’s hesitation.

“Yes, God yes, that was okay.” He had to clear his throat a couple times before he could speak. “You are amazing, Angela, absolutely amazing.”

She just shook her head. “No, I’m not.”

“Can you ever forgive me? Do you think you can forgive me for not being there for you when I should have been?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. It wasn’t your fault. Not any of it.” She shook her head as if to emphasize her point. “It was my heart that got in the way and didn’t give you the option to be a part of the outcome.”

“Will you marry me?” Clay asked out of nowhere.

Angela’s heart skipped a beat and she reveled in his affection for just a moment. She held his face between her hands and answered, “No.”

Before he could argue, she said, “I’ve never stopped loving you. Not for a single day. I’ve never stopped wanting you, but neither of those things are enough for me. I don’t want you to be with me because you feel obligated. I’m glad you know about Melena and the new baby, and I hope you’ll be involved, but I won’t marry someone who doesn’t love me. It’s not fair to any of us.

“I’m tired,” she admitted, glancing away. His silence was going to be her undoing. “Will you take me back home? Tomorrow’s the beginning of Fashion Week and I’m going to need every ounce of strength to get through it.”

“Be happy to.”

Clay helped pull her to her feet and kept the blanket wrapped around her all the way back to her loft. He scanned the area before leading her inside. She pulled him upstairs and into the living room.

Seeing Melena, knowing she was his, nothing could have prepared him for the love that filled him.

He turned to Angela who stared at the photo with eyes of a mother, her back so straight as he rubbed it. She was remarkable, and she was going to be an incredible mother. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything,”

“Will you answer me honestly even if you think it will hurt my feelings?”

“I’ll tell you the truth. It’s the least I can do.”

“Do you still love me?”

Her smile fell a bit and she didn’t answer. He could see her brain working, trying to rationalize her answer.

“Don’t sugar-coat it. I need to know if I’ve screwed up my chances with you. If I have, then I’ll live with it, but I need to know, do you still love me?”

Angela tentatively moved forward and pulled herself up to her tiptoes, resting her hands on his shoulders. Her eyes never left his except the moment before their lips touched.

Clay got lost in her kiss as he held her close. Lips wet like raindrops, she smelled like a fall evening. Crisp and clear, like the promise of life anew.

She kissed him again and again then finally said, “You’re the only man I have ever loved. My heart will belong to you until the day I die. Every cell in my body loves you and that will never change.”

Clay stroked her face, completely awash with simple adoration for the astounding woman standing in front of him.

Tears fell down her cheeks and Clay caught them and brushed them away. She looked up into his eyes, but then heard a noise behind him.

She stiffened, probably wondering if they had forgotten to lock the door, but then Mark walked into the room, followed by Clare and then her parents.

Clay looked over his shoulder and nodded to them.

She tried to step away from Clay and bury her emotions again, he saw it in her eyes, but he held her in place.

Her eyes went back and forth between him and her family before she said, “Not that I’m not happy to see you guys, but what are you doing here?”

“You invited us,” Mark responded with a strange grin.

“Yes, I did invite you to Fashion Week, and I distinctly remember you telling me that you were terribly busy and Clare couldn’t leave the kids, and Mom and Dad, you said you had a big conference to go to. What changed?”

“We…changed our plans,” Clare smiled and answered after hesitating.

“Okay, but why did you change them, what was so important?”

“Because I love you, Angela.” There was no hesitation or pause and he could finally say it knowing it was one hundred percent true for all the right reasons.

She turned back around and stared at Clay who looked at her, smiling. “What did you just say?”

“I love you, Angela Meyers. I’ve loved you since you were a kid and I love you now that you’re completely mine.”

She turned half around to look at her family who were all smiling like buffoons. Tears formed in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. Turning back to Clay, she shook her head and said, “Will someone please wake me up, I must have fallen asleep at the park again. Campbell is probably drawing squiggles on my face by now.”

Clay caught her hand as she tried to walk away. He placed them both on his chest and held her face in his hands. “Feel my hands on you. Feel their warmth.”

She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

“Feel my heartbeat under your fingertips,” he whispered next to her mouth. “It beats only for you and our baby.”

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked into his eyes, visibly torn by what he said. He had a lot to make up for and he didn’t mind working to earn her love. Hope was dangerous to someone without a net to catch them if they should fall again.

“What are you doing?” she whispered to him so no one could hear them. “What about everyone else?”

“We already know, Angela,” Mark confided. “We know about prom and why you left so fast.”

“And we know what you lost all those years ago,” her mom added, already with a tissue clutched in her hand.

“We know why you don’t come home,” Clare added.

“And we know you truly love the man standing in front of you,” her dad said as he nodded toward him.

“But what you don’t know,” Mark gestured toward Angela, “is that he loves you, too.” He then pointed to the rest of the family standing beside him arm in arm. “We’re here to make sure you get the message loud and clear.”

Angela didn’t know what to believe. She still thought sleeping at the park was the most likely conclusion. Her head tilted to one side so she could think and she looked back over at Clay, who was holding something.

“I will love you until the day I take my last breath and beyond. I will fight for you and our family. Fight to protect you and fight to keep you. I will never take you for granted again, or the love you have so freely given to me. I surrender my heart to you, my angel. I give you my heart today and every day that lies before us. So I ask you again.” He paused, bending down on one knee, holding up a ring. “Angela, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She peered into the ocean-blue eyes of the man who had held her heart in his hands from a chilly fall midnight evening so many years ago, as they sat on a swing and he held her hand.

He slowly slid a beautiful platinum engagement ring on her finger. The band held a heart-shaped diamond, and she noticed tears were falling on their hands.

They were slipping from her cheeks with the beat of her heart.

“Clay, you are my everything. I want to be a family with you and our child. Nothing would make me happier than being your wife. For always I will surrender myself to you.”

Angela was picked up in the air and wondered how Clay had enough time to stand, much less swing her legs into the air as he held her to him and kissed her mouth.

“Forever and always, my love. Forever and always,” he declared.

She stroked his face and pulled him back down to her mouth so she could taste him again.

“Okay, you two, now cool it off, at least until we get out of the building,” Mark teased. “I’d like to congratulate my sister please.” He held his arms out toward her.