Find Me (Life After the Outbreak, Book 2) (10 page)

"Baby, I can't do that. There are a lot of people here counting on me. They need me."

"I need you." Fat, wet tears welled up in my eyes and made my vision blurry.

Will sighed and pulled me against his chest. "I'll be fine. We'll take care of the swarm, and I'll be back. Then we can talk about leaving or staying, but I have to help out. Whether we are here or not, that many flesh eaters together is a danger to us."

Tears streamed down my cheeks and wet the front of Will's shirt, which I gripped tight in my fists. I knew he wasn't going to change his mind, and I hated it.
 

Desperation rose up inside me, and all at once, I knew how bad the situation was. The last time he left, I was worried. It bubbled up and hid just behind my every thought. I worried that he might get hurt, have some sort of trouble out there, or even that he could be killed. But that time was different. I felt that something bad happening was almost certain.
 

“Please, Will.”

He lifted my chin and stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”

For some reason, that promise made everything worse. It was like the word itself ensured that nothing was going to be okay. That something horrible was about to happen, and all I could do was watch it unfold.

I pushed his hand away and tipped my head up to kiss him. His mouth was hot, his tongue wet, and it was intoxicating. All the fear and teenage reservations I had about taking our relationship to the next level melted away. Something deep inside me warned that it may very well have been the last opportunity, and I didn’t want to waste it.
 

I slid my hands up his chest and tugged at his shirt. His eyes widened and one corner of his mouth came up into a half smile.

“What are you doing?”

I tugged harder, but it refused to cooperate. “Trying to take this dumb shirt off.”

He tried to hold back a laugh, and failed. “Why are you trying to take off my shirt?”

“Why do you think?” I huffed. Amusement was not the reaction I was going for.

Will put his hands on top of mine and stopped me from releasing his shirt. “Andi …”

“Look, Will. I have a really bad feeling about this. You could die out there. What if I never see you again?”

He gave me a sweet smile and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “You’re going to see me again. And I don’t want you rushing into something because you’re afraid I’m going to die.”

“I’m not.”

Will sighed. “You are. Look, as much as it kills me to say this, I want to wait until I come back. I don’t want our first time to be while you are thinking it’s the last time you’re going to see me alive. I promise, I will be fine.”

Will insisted everything was going to be fine. Every time he said it, I believed it less. I wanted to make the most of our last night, but he insisted that having something to look forward to would help keep him alive. I hoped he was right.

I cried when he left, and even though I knew he’d deny it, there were tears in Will’s eyes as well. I just had to get through three or four days, he said. Then we’d be together again. He promised that if I still wanted to leave the military base then, we would go. Part of me actually did want to stay. I finally made a couple friends. Granted, those friends were an old man who thought big brother was out to get him and a young girl who believed she had some sort of psychic powers, but they were good friends, and I was grateful to have them. The food was regular and sleeping at night was safe. There was a lot to stay for. As I watched Will’s group drive through that gate, though, there was one very important reason to leave.

Janet tried to keep me busy the first few days, and I did my best to keep my mind off him. Nights were the worst. Nightmares of all the different ways Will might have died plagued me. I recounted them in detail to Jack, who alternated between giving me empathetic pats on the arm and laughing out loud at the insanity that I’d dreamed up.
 

Once a day, the groups sent word back on their progress. It was bad out there. Our people were having a hard time driving the flesh eaters back and making a noticeable dent in the undead population. The nearest big city was about sixty miles away and large groups of the infected usually hovered around those areas. They’d strayed though, and were on the move. Right in our direction. I understood why something needed to be done and even why Will felt he needed to help, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to be out there.
 

Hadley met me on the hill after my group session with Janet to see if I wanted to eat lunch with her. Food was the last thing on my mind, but I was grateful for the company.
 

“Today is four days since your Will has left. He will return today?” She handed me a container with steaming hot chili covered in shredded cheddar cheese. I’d stopped questioning how she managed to get such elaborate meals in a time where eating rabbit or snake was considered a decent meal.

I poked at the mixture with the plastic spork she handed me. The smell made my mouth water despite the fact that my brain had very little interest in actually taking a bite. “He said three or four days, but they are being overwhelmed out there. It will probably be a few more days, according to Derek.”

Hadley frowned. “I am sorry. I know that you miss him.”

“It’s not even that. I mean, sure, I miss him, but…”

“You are worried that he will die.”

Hearing the words out loud made it sound even worse than it did in my head. “Yes.”

Hadley pulled a small bag of tortilla chips from her satchel and spread them out on a cloth napkin between us. She took one into her small hand and used it to scoop some of the chili up and shoveled it into her mouth. It was the first time I saw her actually take more than a nibble of food at a time. “Mmm. This is most enjoyable. You should try some.”

I looked down at the food and my stomach growled in anticipation. “I will.”

“Andi, what will happen to you if Will does not return?” Hadley looked down. “I enjoy our friendship.”

What would happen to me if Will didn’t return? I hadn’t even considered that. Would I stay there without him? I’d spent plenty of time on my own and as much as it sucked, I knew I could manage. That was before, though. Before, when I believed that the only thing important in life was getting through one more day. Basic survival and nothing else. Since I’d met Will and Janet, my chances for survival had gone way up. I was much better trained, and had skills I never even knew I needed. There was so much more to life than I’d ever considered was possible since the madness started
 

I wanted it. All of it. And I wanted Will to be a part of it.
 

“Hadley, I don’t know, but I want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me. You’re certainly a weird little duck, but I’m glad we’re friends.”
 

“Oh, me too. The last friend I had did not work out so well.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

She smiled and took a deep breath. “The people who lived next door to us had a housekeeper. Her name was Jennifer, and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She had short red hair and big blue eyes that were almost the exact shade as mine.” Hadley flipped her eyelashes up and down a few times.
 

“Every time she came to clean for them, she would bring me a present. Before she went in, she sat on the front porch with me and told me about her cats. She had three. She was very funny, but in a weird way. Kind of like me, but funnier.”

I tried to imagine Hadley with the young woman, laughing and being a normal kid. It wasn’t easy to picture.
 

“The Waltz’s, my neighbors, were not very nice to Jennifer. She said they did not pay her enough and that they treated her badly. That is not nice to do, you know.”

I couldn’t imagine having a housekeeper, but it seems like a job people should appreciate having done for them. “Yes, Hadley, you’re right. No one should be treated badly. Especially when they clean your toilet.”

She chuckled. “Yes, very true. She got them back though.”

“What do you mean?”

“The day of the outbreak I was late getting home from school. My mother was not home and the door was locked. I went over to the Waltz’s to get the spare key, but it was too late.”

“They were dead?” The outbreak didn’t get to the city I lived in for a few days, but I guessed Hadley had it worse.

“More than that.” Her eyes lit up and the corner of her mouth twisted into a strange smile. “Jennifer had Mrs. Waltz on the kitchen island and was eating her like Thanksgiving dinner. Mr. Waltz was on the floor in a bloody mess clutching his bible that he always read from. So I ran.”

I imagined Hadley, only fourteen at that time, walking in to find that horrific scene, not having any idea what was going on. I would have been traumatized by it, but Hadley, seemed to enjoy what she saw. It was the first time I had ever seen any evidence that the girl wasn’t as sweet and docile as she seemed on the surface.
 

The next couple days passed with a blur. I went to training, had lunch with Hadley, did my one-on-one session with Janet, went to the infirmary to help out, even though my time there was up, and fell exhausted into bed to spend the night dreaming about Will’s death. Every day that passed chipped away at what little hope I had left that Will would return in one piece. Janet insisted that I was worrying too much and that he would be fine, but that was easy for her to say. Her boyfriend was safe and sound, back on base, while Will’s group hadn’t been heard from in close to forty-eight hours.

Nurse Sue gave me looks every time I showed up at the infirmary and she stopped giving me jobs to do. We both knew my time was up, but hanging out with Jack was one of the few times of the day I could let some of the anxiety go and just take a breath.
 

“Andi, your game is shit tonight. Not that you don’t suck almost every other night too, but tonight you’re especially bad. You wanna talk about it?” Jack laid his cards down and pushed the rolling table away.

“Sorry.” I added my cards to the pile and stuffed them back into the box. “The other day, Hadley asked me what I would do if Will didn’t come back.”

“And?”

“I guess I was thinking about that.”

“Listen, your guy is gonna be back, so quit thinking like that. But if for some reason he don’t make it, you and me can run away together. You’re a little skinny for my tastes, but a man can’t be too choosy in these times.”

I rolled my eyes and got up to put the cards away. “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure old Nurse Sue in there might want a go at you. You notice she’s been wearing eye shadow the last three nights?”

“Yeah and that ain’t for me. Suzie Fluzie in there has been sneaking Lieutenant Sloan in the back room every night this week.”

I held my hand up to my mouth in pretend dramatics. “The scandal.”

“She thinks she can pump us full of sleeping pills out here and we won’t hear her whimpering like a wounded animal in there.”

A flash of Nurse Sue doing the nasty with Sloan went through my head, and I thought I might throw up a little in my mouth. “I really didn’t need that visual.”

“No reason I need to suffer alone.”

“You’re such a friend, Jack.”

“Damn right I am.” Jack slouched down in bed and yawned. “Can’t say much for you though. Can’t ya’ see an old man needs his beauty rest?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes. “Just kick me out.”

Nurse Sue peered around the corner from her office and shot me her ‘
okay, it’s time to go now
’ look.
 

I gathered my bag and tucked the blanket in around Jack. “All right, fine. I’ll go.”

“You better be back tomorrow.”

I shrugged. “Might as well. I have nowhere else to go.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and headed out the door.

I was joking, but still it was true. I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. I wanted to have more friends, or even be able to spend time alone without worrying myself into nausea, but there was nothing I could do about it.
 

After six days of Will being gone, the exhaustion grew bigger than my anxiety. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. If I dreamed of swarms of undead attacking Will and ripping him to pieces that night, I didn’t remember. By day seven, I was living in Hell. Some of the groups started to return after the fifth day. They were exhausted and beaten down, many were wounded, and a few didn't return at all. I spent just about every waking moment training or practicing so next time I could go out with Will, unless we left.

Nothing more suspicious seemed to be happening around the base, but I still wasn't convinced there wasn't something sketchy going on. I tried to drop in and visit with Jack each day, but Nurse Sue hovered around as if she was afraid to leave us alone. Jack's infection was clearing up nicely, so he would be out of the infirmary soon enough and we could talk.

Janet checked every day to see if Will's group checked in or was headed back. We hadn’t heard anything the previous few days, and I could tell that even Janet was starting to worry. If Janet was worried, it had to be bad. I had to do something to keep my mind off the dread that grew in the pit of my stomach. I almost wished Janet held training sessions seven days a week instead of six. I found myself knocking on Hadley's door, not even realizing that was where I was headed.

"Andi, so nice to see you. Please come in."

She was dressed in one of her usual long sundresses and oversized sunglasses, even though the room was dark and chilly. It was still technically summer but the temperature at night was more like late autumn.
 

"What's with the shades, Hadley?"

"They are meant to block the light. Have you not tried sunglasses?" She tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows. She was being serious.

"Um, yes. Of course I've had sunglasses, but it's not bright in here. Actually ..." I looked around the room and noticed she didn't even have the lamp on. "It's kind of dark in here."