Finding Arun (17 page)

‘There you are! Mrs Satpathy needs a ride to Haripur
to collect something from her cousin. Please take her,’ Hanara
instructed Lucky, ignoring Arun completely.

‘Of course,’ replied Lucky, smiling brightly and
jumping out of the rickshaw to assist Mrs Satpathy.

His endless bags of energy never ceased to amaze
Arun, who was himself ready to put his feet up and enjoy a long,
cold drink. Despite his exhaustion, Arun remained seated, unsure
whether to tag along with Lucky or to stay behind and face Hanara’s
daily diatribe alone, but the decision was soon made for him.

‘You can wait here, Arun, you don’t have to come. I
will be back soon,’ said Lucky, helping Mrs Satpathy into the back
seat.

Taking a deep breath, Arun clambered out of the
front seat and walked round to where Hanara was standing on the
other side of the rickshaw, arms folded defensively across her
chest. They stood uncomfortably in silence, watching while Lucky
carefully tucked the folds of Mrs Satpathy’s sari into the confines
of the rickshaw, before hopping back into the front seat and
setting off down the dirt track towards the next village. They
watched until Lucky was no more than a speck in the distance and
when the dust had settled, Hanara turned on her heels and stalked
into the house without uttering a word. Exasperated by, but
accustomed to, Hanara’s behaviour, Arun started after her,
wondering what he had let himself in for.

Once inside, he settled himself amongst the
cushions, while Hanara persisted in ignoring him, busying herself
instead with the pots and pans in the corner. They continued in
this way for some time, an invisible wall standing tall between
them, wholly reminiscent of the first day that Arun had arrived on
their doorstep. Without Lucky present to mediate and to compensate
for the harshness of Hanara’s tongue, Arun felt intimidated into
silence by her frosty reception. Somehow it was easier when Lucky
was there – his mere presence rendered Hanara less callous for fear
of reproach – but Arun would have to learn to stand up to her
eventually if they were ever going to move forward. Finally, when
he could stand the tension no more, he broke the silence.

‘How was your day, Hanara?’

Hanara loudly clanged the steel pots in her hands
together, washing up and pretending not to have heard him.

‘HANARA,’ he shouted, trying to command her
attention in the way that he had so often seen Lucky do. Whatever
it took, he resolved that she was not going to ignore him until
Lucky returned.

‘What?’ she flared, spinning around so suddenly that
her raven hair smacked loudly against her shoulders when it whipped
across her back.

‘I asked how your day was,’ Arun repeated
firmly.

Hanara glared at him, a dark look of contempt
spreading across her face, her lips set in a tight line that
refused to break. But Arun was resolute in his quest and though he
was shaking inside from the terrifying look on his sister’s face,
he glared back, defying her not to answer.

‘Fine,’ she conceded eventually through gritted
teeth, before turning back to the pots and pans, though she didn’t
resume washing them.

‘What did you do?’ pressed Arun, feeling secretly
pleased that he had managed to elicit a curt, but relatively
inoffensive, response.

‘The same things that I do every day, isn’t it?’

‘Which are?’

‘Do you really want to know?’

‘Yes, Hanara, I do,’ Arun responded hopefully,
delighted to have finally initiated a dialogue. ‘I know you think
that I don’t care, but I do.’

Hanara carefully set down the pot in her hands and
turned to face Arun once more, an ambiguous look on her face.
Unexpectedly, she began to walk towards him and, seating herself
beside him, calmly arranged the pleats of her apple-green sari
neatly over her folded legs. Arun patiently held his breath,
half-expecting another of her vicious verbal assaults, but when she
was satisfied that her clothes were suitably arranged, she smiled
up at him sweetly and calmly answered the question.

‘
If you must really know,
dear brother
, while you were probably still asleep in
your
big
bed
, in your
fancy
hotel
, I was washing our
clothes, preparing breakfast for Lucky, and lunch for you both.
When Lucky left to collect
you
,
instead of doing
proper
driving
jobs in the city that pay
money
like he’s supposed to, I cleaned the
entire house
and then I went outside to pick the little
food that is left in our field, so that we don’t all
starve
. And
then, as if I hadn’t already done enough, whilst you two were busy
running around the city
enjoying yourselves
, I passed the whole day
alone
in the shop, so that we might make enough money to
survive.

‘
After being on my feet all day I was
really
looking forward to coming home,
to maybe finally having a chance to go to the mandir, but of course
then I remembered that His Royal Highness,
Prince Arun from
England
, is coming to
dinner
again
. So
instead I started the cooking for him and my idiot brother who
keeps inviting him, so really my day is just
fantastic
. Does this answer your
question?’

Arun’s jaw dropped open, but no sound came out and
he had no idea how to respond. Though he didn’t appreciate the
sarcasm, Hanara’s words had finally exposed the real cause of her
ongoing enmity, and they held a truth about the effects of his
visit that he was embarrassed not to have recognised of his own
accord. He had learned from Lucky that only a few short months ago
the daily household chores and management of the shop had been a
shared responsibility between Hanara and their mother, while Lucky
ferried tourists about the city to bring in additional income. With
Kalpana now gone, Hanara was shouldering the burden of the house
and the shop single-handedly, with the hours that this consumed
leaving her little time for anything else. Lucky left the house
early, leaving her in isolation for much of the day, save for the
occasional visitor to their shop, and the little respite that she
looked forward to enjoying when he returned home each night was
spoilt by the continued presence of the very man that she blamed
for the entire situation.

Of the three of them, it was clear that Kalpana’s
absence was felt most deeply by Hanara, and the strain was now
manifest in her behaviour. Feelings of guilt began to wash over
Arun as her words echoed in the silence that had fallen on the
house. It was no wonder that Hanara detested him; he hadn’t given
her any reason to view his arrival as a positive event. He had been
having so much fun, getting to know his brother and his birthplace,
that he had not stopped to consider the extent of the impact that
this was having on their livelihood. Lucky was covering his
expenses, but not earning a penny, and Arun was an extra mouth to
feed from already dwindling supplies. These two activities that he
had so freely enjoyed for almost two weeks had unwittingly caused
him to become the very inconvenience that he had wanted to
avoid.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered finally, not knowing what
else he could say, but reasoning that this was as good a place as
any to start.

Hanara seemed wholly disarmed by his apology and for
the first time since his arrival, her face visibly softened.

‘I just didn’t think … about how my being here would
affect you, I mean.’

Hanara remained silent, but her eyes revealed that
she was listening.

‘The last thing that I wanted to do was to make
things difficult for you and Lucky. Coming all the way here only to
find out that Kalpana was gone … it was a shock; you have no idea
how much I was looking forward to getting to know her. But the fact
that you were here, both you and Lucky, well, it made the whole
thing a little easier to take. I guess it made the journey seem
less … wasted. I didn’t mean to keep Lucky from working, Hanara, or
to make more work for you around the house. I just wanted to … to
know more about my mother and my family … to know more about the
place where I should have grown up … that’s all. Does that make
sense?’

Arun waited patiently for his sister to respond,
searching her face for signs of what she might be thinking, but
Hanara remained poker-faced and mute. After a few minutes had
passed, she sighed loudly and began to fiddle with the folds of her
sari, contemplating either Arun’s words or her own, though it was
impossible to tell which. When a few more minutes had passed, she
finally looked up at him and parted her lips to speak.

‘You are just like her, you know?’ she muttered
softly.

‘Really? In what way?’

‘Selfish. Always thinking of yourself only.’

Arun’s eyes widened with surprise.

‘That’s not fair, Hanara. You can say what you like
about me, but Kalpana really –’

‘I'm not talking about Mata-ji, stupid … Dr Cathy,’
she spat disdainfully.

‘Dr Ca – my mother? How can you say that? How can
you say that when she helped you, all of you, especially Lucky?’
cried Arun defensively.

‘She helped herself only.’

‘What? How can you just … why are you saying these
things?’

‘I think they thought that I was too young to
understand it, but I wasn’t. I was six already and I remember, I
remember everything,’ she continued, staring blankly into the
centre of the room as though in a trance.

‘What are you talking about? You’re scaring me.’

‘Mata-ji was scared. That’s why she did it only.
That’s how Dr Cathy convinced her.’

A hard lump formed in Arun’s throat and he began to
sweat profusely. His heart was racing at the prospect of where
Hanara’s statements might be leading and he was afraid to ask the
next question, but with his sister offering him insight and
information for the first time, he couldn’t pass up the
opportunity.

‘What did my mother convince Kalpana to do?’

Hanara turned her gaze to Arun and her eyes were
cold as she stared deeply and sinisterly into his worried hazel
eyes.

‘Hanara, please. What did she convince her to do?’
he pleaded desperately.

Hanara drew in a deep breath and when she exhaled
the words hit Arun like a bullet to the chest.

‘Sell you.’

‘SELL me? What do you mean, sell me?’

‘She called it an exchange, but that’s what it
really is, isn’t it Arun?’

‘Hanara, please, you’re not making any sense. What
are you talking about?’

‘Did you really think that Mata-ji would give away
her baby just for the chance of it becoming a doctor?’

‘But Lucky said –’

‘I know what Lucky said; it’s what Lucky believes
only. But I know you are not so simple.’

Arun felt his breathing begin to quicken.

‘
Are you … are you saying that my mother
paid
for me? That she gave Kalpana
money?’ he whispered hoarsely, barely able to get the words
out.

Hanara remained mute, but the look on her face told
Arun everything that he needed to know.

The blood drained away from his face and suddenly he
felt hot and unable to breathe. Hanara’s words had winded him and
he clutched frantically at his throat, rhythmically opening and
closing his mouth, desperate to fill his lungs with air. He felt
like he was being crushed, his chest and throat constricted by the
enormity of Hanara’s revelation, and though every fibre in his body
wanted to reject the awful truth, this time he had no words to
explain away his mother’s actions.

Hanara, who had until now remained perfectly calm,
started to panic at the sight of her brother’s distress.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I … I can’t … I can’t breathe …’ he managed between
the rapid succession of quick, shallow breaths.

‘Hey Bhagwan, I’m sorry, please calm down,’ she
urged, gently fanning his face with her delicate hands.

When this produced no visible effect, she reached
across Arun’s lap to retrieve one of the cushions and began to
shake it at speed, inches from his face. The cool waves of air were
soothing against his damp, flushed skin and Arun closed his eyes
tightly, concentrating hard on trying to regulate his
breathing.

When his breaths had slowed to a more manageable
pace, Hanara placed the cushion at Arun’s feet and stood to fetch a
cup of water. Guiltily, she handed the cup to him on her return
and, kneeling down beside him, tucking her feet neatly to one side,
peered apologetically into his face.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I think so,’ answered Arun meekly, promptly
draining the cup of its contents.

‘Sorry for giving you a shock.’

Arun sighed loudly.

‘It’s … it’s the truth though, isn’t it?’

Hanara nodded sombrely and Arun felt nauseated at
the thought of his mother paying for him.

‘I just don’t understand why. Why would my mother do
something like that? She loved children … it doesn’t make any
sense.’

It was Hanara’s turn to sigh deeply.

‘I heard them talking many, many times; they never
sent me away because they thought that I couldn’t understand what
they were discussing. It was all Dr Cathy’s idea only. She wanted a
baby so much and I don’t know why she wanted you especially, but
she did not stop until she had convinced Mata-ji that giving you to
her was the right thing.’

‘
But how? How could Kalpana ever be convinced that
it is right to sell a child?
Her child?
’