Finding Arun (39 page)

‘Oh,’ said Hanara, sinking back to her knees.

Always one to view things simply, Lucky still
couldn’t see what the issue was.

‘Why can’t you just marry Chandni now and then take
her to England with you?’

‘Ha,’ snorted Arun, ‘Arthur doesn’t even want me to
stay here with my family, do you think that he’s going to welcome
me home with open arms when I tell him that I’m bringing a wife
with me too?’

‘Maybe …’ mumbled Lucky, feeling foolish.

‘There isn’t time anyway; I have to be on that
flight tomorrow, or that’s it. We'd have to marry tomorrow and it
would take months to arrange the paperwork so that Chandni could
join me. I don’t even know if that’s what she would want; I don’t
know if she could be so far from Rajubhai Joshi, and besides that’s
not what I want for her … for us. To force her to rush her wedding
and to move to a strange country when I can’t support her properly
in the way that a husband should; it’s not right.’

‘Arun, what does Chandni think about all of this?’
asked Hanara hesitantly, seeming fearful of setting him off on
another rant just as Lucky had done.

‘I don’t know. Rajubhai Joshi said that she had
agreed to it. I can’t see why he would make that up.’

‘Why don’t you try talking with her? You can work
this out together,’ she pressed gently.

‘Oh Hanara, I want to, but how can I? How can I when
there isn’t any time and I’m still not allowed to be anywhere near
her. I think ... I think this is a decision that I need to make on
my own.’

‘I think you should stay, Arun. This is what you
wanted before and now you get to be with Chandni also. It is a sign
only,’ reasoned Lucky.

‘But what about my studies? You know that I can’t
afford to study if I stay here. It would mean giving up on my dream
of becoming a doctor ... or at least postponing it
indefinitely.’

The three of them sat in silence, each trying hard
to think of how the situation could be resolved, but they
consistently found themselves back at square one. This time there
would be no magic bullet, no one-size-fits-all solution that could
satisfy everybody, and something was going to have to give. What
that something was though, was anybody’s guess.

By the time they went to bed that night, there was a
definite dampener on the mood in the house. It was supposed to be
Arun’s last night with Lucky and Hanara, and it should have been
filled with laughter and celebration for the family that they had
become; yet Arun was quiet and subdued, his sombreness rubbing off
onto his siblings. He lay awake in bed, staring into the darkness
as he had done so many times before, whilst Lucky’s chest rose and
fell with slumber beside him. How could Arun sleep when tomorrow he
would have to make the biggest decision of his life and he had no
idea which direction he should turn in? The minutes turned to hours
and he desperately tried to switch off, desperately tried to shut
out the thoughts that were exhausting him though not allowing him
to sleep, but it was to no avail, and when the sun began to rise
the following morning Arun had not slept at all. Anxious, irritable
and no closer to reaching a decision, the only thing that he knew
for certain was that he needed to be alone.

When Lucky and Hanara finally stirred, they found
him sitting amongst the cushions, fully clothed and waiting with
his backpack leant up against his legs.

‘Lucky, can you take me to Puri please?’

‘Now?’

‘Yes, please.’

‘But, we haven’t had breakfast yet. Can’t you wait a
little bit? Hanara is going to make your favourite masala –’

‘Please?’ he pleaded.

‘You’re going back to England, aren’t you?’
whispered Hanara meekly, hinting at her disappointment.

‘I haven’t decided yet.’

‘Then why are you rushing back to Puri only? There
is plenty of time before your train to Bhubaneswar this
afternoon.’

‘Because I need to be by myself for a bit, to figure
everything out.’

‘But you can do that here only.’

‘Hanara, I can’t. Please try to understand. I need
space and some time away from everyone to think. I think it’s best
if I head back to Puri now.’

‘And then?’ asked Lucky with trepidation.

‘And then if I decide to stay in India, it’s easy
enough to come back here. And if I decide to go back to England …
well then at least I’ll be able to make my plane,’ he finished
solemnly.

There was pin-drop silence as tears welled up in
Hanara’s eyes and she sprung forward, wrapping her arms tightly
around Arun’s neck. Lucky quickly joined them and together they
shared the love and comfort of a family embrace, Hanara weeping
silently over their shoulders. Lucky too looked a little teary when
they finally prised themselves apart, but even though he would miss
them both tremendously if he persisted with his plan to leave, Arun
was fresh out of tears. It had been a long and emotional journey,
full of many triumphs and an equal number of tragedies; he had
laughed and he had cried, and now he simply didn’t have any more
left to give. Silently, he lifted his backpack onto his shoulders
and made towards the front door, both Hanara and Lucky in tow.

‘Are you sure that I shouldn’t come?’ Hanara asked
one last time, as they stood pitifully in the yard.

‘I’m sure. Besides, you need to get going on Lucky’s
breakfast,’ he joked.

Arun hugged his sister tightly, knowing that she
would never fully appreciate the extent of his gratitude for all
that she had done for him.

‘I love you, Arun,’ she croaked, choking back
another wave of tears.

‘I love you too, sister. Whatever happens, we will
meet again, I promise.’

Hanara nodded mutely, unable to speak as she pulled
away from the embrace and sobbed softly into her hands. Lucky
started up the engine and once Arun had climbed in beside him, they
set off along the familiar road to Puri, their spirits the lowest
that they had ever been.

They passed the journey in silence, Arun’s mind
mulling over the troubles that he faced and Lucky unable to find
the words to make light of the situation. With an aching heart,
Arun stared first at the rolling green countryside and then at the
crowded city streets, taking it all in and storing it in his
memory, just in case it was the last time that he made the familiar
trip for a while. India had been good to him; it had taught him
things and shown him things about both himself and others, and for
that he would be eternally grateful.

Approximately forty minutes later, he was back
outside the internet café with his bag resting at his feet and
Lucky staring despairingly into his eyes. Unsure what was left to
say, Arun hugged his brother to him, willing the love and thanks
that he felt to diffuse from his body into Lucky’s own.

‘It has been a great many months, Arun.’

‘Yes Lucky, it has. Thank you … for everything.’

‘I told you before only, no thanks are needed from
my very best brother,’ he smiled through his tears.

‘I know, but … just know that I am grateful for the
day that I met you.’

‘I know. And you must know that whatever you decide,
we will support you, always.’

‘You have no idea how much that means to me right
now,’ breathed Arun, hugging his brother one last time.

He watched as Lucky drove away and though he felt a
dull ache in his chest, he knew in his heart that he would see his
brother and sister again. It might be the next day or it might be
the next year, but the simple fact that it would be, unlike with
Chandni, was a great source of comfort.

Contrary to what he had hoped, the city made it even
more impossible for Arun to reach a decision. It was restless just
like he was and provided so many different options for clearing his
mind, that to distinguish between them was a complicated
distraction in itself. He sat in the internet café; he walked the
packed streets and markets; he watched the fishermen trawling in
the sea and he climbed the steps of the Raghunandan Library to look
out over the Jagannath Mandir, but still nothing. There was no
definitive answer, no standout decision and no satisfactory course
of action. Tired of carrying his bag on his shoulders, he returned
to the internet café and secured a telephone booth at the back,
just so that he could hide away.

He was exhausted, physically and mentally, and after
one sleepless night and a morning of wrestling with his heart and
his head, he had concluded nothing except that the situation was an
impossible one. Each path had its own merits, its own pitfalls, and
each time that he approached a decision, he would find himself
veering away from it again, conjuring up a million excuses as to
why it wasn’t the right choice. When only one hour remained before
he would have to begin making his way to the train station, he did
the only thing left that he could think of. He picked up the
receiver and dialled the fourteen-digit number, praying that the
person at the other end would be home.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi Aunt Ruby.’

‘Aaron? Is that you dear? Where are you?’

‘I’m still in India.’

‘Oh wonderful, wonderful. You’re arriving home
tomorrow though, right?’

‘I don’t … I don’t know.’

‘What do you mean you don’t know dear? Arthur told
me yesterday that you were.’

‘Did he also tell you that I wanted to stay and go
to medical college here?’

‘No, no he didn’t mention that at all. So now you’re
going to stay there? Does Arthur know?’

Arun drew in a deep breath and offloaded his
troubles onto Aunt Ruby’s experienced shoulders. He told her about
deciding to stay and then deciding to leave, and about being unable
to decide at all now. He told her about his time in India, about
his wonderful family and about falling in love with Chandni. He
told her about Arthur’s ultimatum, Rajubhai Joshi’s proposition and
about his need to fulfil his own career aspirations, and Aunt Ruby
listened. She listened in the way that only an aunt could:
impartially, without interrupting and without judgement.

‘And now I have no clue what I’m supposed to do,’ he
concluded breathlessly. ‘Help me Aunt Ruby, please.’

‘I understand that this is tough, Aaron, but I can’t
make the decision for you. There are some things that you just have
to figure out for yourself I’m afraid.’

‘I know, but how? How do I figure this out? I’ve
been trying to figure it out for hours; I feel like my head is
going to explode,’ he whined helplessly.

‘Aaron, nothing in life is ever straightforward.
Getting the things that you want almost always involves having to
do a few things that you don’t like, but life is about taking
chances and living each day as it comes. It’s about doing what’s
right for you and not what’s right for everybody else, about
finding yourself and being true to that self no matter what. Only
you know whether that self is being a doctor, being a husband, or
both; you just need to follow your heart.’

Aunt Ruby’s words struck a chord deep within Arun,
and as if by some invisible hand, he felt the weight and tension
lift from his shoulders. All this time he had been desperately
trying to fit himself and his future into the boxes determined by
Arthur and Rajubhai Joshi, trying to determine which box would keep
the most people happy, or at the very least disappoint the fewest,
but if India had taught him one thing, it was that he needed to
determine his own box. He needed to choose his own path, to define
his own rules and to be his own person, and only then could he be
satisfied by whatever the outcome may be, because the decision
would have been his and his alone. In the cramped heat of the phone
booth, Arun thanked Aunt Ruby for her words of wisdom and replaced
the receiver on the base, knowing finally, and irrefutably, exactly
what he was going to do.

ARUN and Chandni were married at the mandir a few
months later. The ceremony was simple, yet long, and was performed
proudly by Rajubhai Joshi to a large audience on account of his
standing within the community. No details were spared for his only
daughter and as she moved gracefully through the rituals of the
Hindu marriage ceremony in a heavily embroidered red sari, Chandni
glowed with a radiance that Arun had never witnessed before. They
were both full of smiles, overjoyed at finally being able to
demonstrate their love for one another openly and Arun drew immense
satisfaction from knowing that they would be making each other
smile for the rest of their lives.

The day marked the start of a new chapter in Arun’s
life, a chapter in which he would always strive to do what would
make both he and Chandni happy. He was a man now, a man with a wife
and a family, towards whom he felt not only an innate sense of
responsibility, but also a huge amount of love, trust and respect.
Ever since his mother had died, he had craved the warmth and
security that she used to provide, but it was only now, with it
firmly in his grasp once more, that he truly understood and
appreciated it. It was this warmth and security that he could not
live without, this warmth and security that gave him the strength
and belief to pursue his heart’s desires, and this warmth and
security that he knew he would have been giving up if he had
returned to England. Hanara, Lucky, Chandni and even Rajubhai Joshi
were his support system, and a life without them was not a life
that he wanted.

With the assistance of Rajubhai Joshi’s dowry
payment, Arun and Chandni were able to remain in the village,
whilst Arun figured out a way to secure the funds necessary to move
them both to Mumbai for study. He was still committed to becoming a
doctor and though he accepted that it might be some time before he
could begin his training, he reminded himself that he was young and
that time was something that he had plenty of. India was where he
wanted to be, it was where he belonged, and he would not allow
anyone to tear him away from his home again.