Finding Bluefield (12 page)

“Soon he’ll be out here fooling with my grandchildren. Learning how to plow these acres.”

Nicky leaned against the car’s hood. “That’s what I want to talk to you about, Mr. Jamison,” she said. “I want to sell the farm.”

“Isn’t renting it working out? If you need help, all you have to do is ask.”

“You’re always after me to sell,” Nicky said.

“But now I figure you’d want to hold on to it for Paul, Jr. here?”

“That’s just it, Mr. Jamison, I’m doing this for Paul,” she said. “I worked things out with Paul’s father and we’re going to go live with him.”

“You did? That’s great,” he said. “Where’s that?”

“What?” What the hell am I getting myself into, Nicky thought.

“Where his father lives?”

“Oregon,” Nicky said. “Portland. Outside Portland. A small town in Oregon.”

“That is far.” Mr. Jamison rubbed his cheek. “But what if you two decide to come back here?”

“He’s not a farmer,” Nicky said.

“Well, it’s really up to you, Nicky, about selling the farm. I’d be glad to keep leasing the land in case you want to come back here. But if you’re going to sell, well, I just as soon it be to me. You think about it and let me know. Don’t make a rash decision that you’ll regret.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jamison. I’ll let you know.”

Back home, Nicky gave Paul a bath and put him to bed. Barbara had to work late that night and Nicky was asleep on the couch when she finally got home.

“There’s some chicken if you’re hungry,” Nicky said, pushing herself up.

Barbara went over and kissed Nicky. “Come sit with me while I eat.”

Nicky shut off the television and followed Barbara into the kitchen.

“Ever think about moving?” Nicky said, putting up some coffee.

“I’d never make you leave. The way you love this place, you’d blame me for ripping you away from here. It wouldn’t be pretty. We’d be separated in a week.”

“Where would you move if I was willing?”

“What’s this about?” Barbara said, washing down her chicken with some beer.

“I was thinking we could use a vacation, and I thought we’d go somewhere interesting.”

“We could use a vacation,” Barbara said. “This chicken is good. I’d love to go to Maine or Cape Cod. I’ve always wanted to see New Mexico.”

“The whole town knows we’re dykes.” Nicky was hugging herself tightly. “I’m losing it. I thought about proposing to Andy today.”

“You are losing it.”

“I need to protect Paul.”

“From what?”

“From someone taking him.” Nicky sat at the table. “Carol-Ann wants to adopt Paul. That’s the other part of the fight we had, and that’s why I told her to leave. Said she’d give him a real home and that Richard was behind it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Barbara said, going over to hug Nicky. “Don’t try and protect me by hiding bad things from me.”

Nicky lit a cigarette and blew out some smoke. “And now, Carol-Ann called my doctor and told him I was thinking about letting her adopt Paul. He was talking like it was all settled, like I had agreed. I thought everyone would just leave us alone.”

“They can’t do anything.”

“We’re dykes; they can do everything.” Nicky rose to pour the coffee. “I saw Mr. Jamison today and I told him I wanted to sell. We’ll have plenty of money to buy a house. The main question is where to move. People get sick everywhere so you’ll be able to find work wherever we go. The south is about to explode and I don’t want Paul to get caught up in the mess.”

“It’s going to be the same no matter where we are.”

“I want to start over where no one knows us.”

“Slow down, Nicky.” Barbara sat back down at the table. “Let’s not panic. Sit down. Let’s talk.”

“I’m not panicking.” Nicky put a blackberry pie on the table. “I’m gearing up. I’m taking action.”

“You made pie?” Barbara said. “I guess you’re not panicking.”

“I am not about to let my son be part of some tug-of-war, some legal battle. I’m not willing to turn him into a cause.”

“You need to call Carol-Ann and see what she says.”

“I’m not talking to her. Ever.”

Nicky finally agreed that she wasn’t going to do anything until she spoke to Carol-Ann. When Carol-Ann answered, Nicky asked her why she had spoken to her doctor.

“Come on, little sister, he’s a friend of the family. He was our doctor. Richard and I are just trying to help. My lawyer says that the younger the child, the easier it is on them.”

“Your lawyer?”

“You’ll need a lawyer too. Richard and I will pay all the expenses, of course.”

“You don’t get it, Carol-Ann. You just don’t get it.”

“It’s you who doesn’t get it, Nicky,” Carol-Ann said. “You’ve gone too far. Having a baby without being married and flaunting it. Expecting everyone to say it’s okay for lesbians to raise a boy. Well, it’s not and no one is going to accept Paul. I still have friends in Bluefield. They tell me things. They won’t let their kids come to your house and they won’t let Paul in their homes. They don’t even want him in their schools. If you care about your baby, you’ll give him up. I’m just trying to keep him in the family.”

“Thanks for explaining everything to me.”

“I’m glad you finally get it,” Carol-Ann said.

“It’s all very clear now.” Nicky placed the receiver down.

Barbara came over and held her. “It’s going to be all right.” Barbara wiped Nicky’s tears with the back of her hands. “We’re together. We’ll get through it.”

Two days later, on July fourth, Barbara and Nicky celebrated Paul’s two-month birthday. Andy stopped by with a rattle for Paul and they had cake and ice cream. Paul smiled, cried, and then fell asleep. After Andy left and when Barbara was inside, Nicky pushed the carriage into the shadow of the oak tree.

“I never wanted to take you away from here,” Nicky said. “This was supposed to be our place, our home. Now you’ll never remember this place. It’s Independence Day and it’s time to say good-bye.”

During the weeks that followed, Nicky made arrangements to sell the farm. Carol-Ann called and several letters from her arrived. Nicky stopped answering the phone and threw away the letters unopened. By August, the letters and the calls both stopped.

*

Paul was napping and Barbara was setting the table while Nicky finished preparing dinner. “Funny that you should be the one to decide to move,” Barbara said.

“Funny?”

“Odd.”

“I didn’t actually decide,” Nicky said. “It’s not like I want to move. We have to. That’s not the same thing.”

“I finally got used to the idea of staying around here.”

“I really thought things were changing and Paul would be coming into a new world. I saw King on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial when Paul was conceived, but then they shot Kennedy before Paul was even born. And now they just found the bodies of those three civil rights workers. Who’s next? We’re not changing a thing.”

“Yeah, but this time two of those killed were northern whites,” Barbara said.

“Meaning?”

“This won’t go away easily or quickly or quietly.”

“Maybe. But they were Jewish,” Nicky said, “so who knows.”

“You were happy when Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act just a month ago.”

“Sure, but he obviously didn’t include me in the bill.” Nicky stopped and broke into a smile. She put her arms around Barbara.

“What?” Barbara said.

“Look at you getting all political.”

“I think that we have to be optimistic about the world we brought Paul into.”

“You mean lie to ourselves?” Nicky asked.

“Exactly.”

“So my wanting to move, you could look at it as a gift,” Nicky said.

She lit a cigarette on the stove and removed the chicken from the pan.

“I could. Do you?”

“Not yet. But I might,” Nicky said. “You really wanted that job in New York. Is it still an option?”

“They have real winters in Medford. Snow, ice, the whole thing.” She took a sip of wine.

“Sounds delightful.”

“I didn’t realize you were that freaked out,” Barbara said.

Nicky put some cheese and crackers on the table. “You were willing to stay here because of me and because of this place. I want you to pick a place this time and I’ll move there.”

“Medford is a beautiful town. Right in the heart of the Finger Lakes. You will like it. ”

“Okay,” Nicky said. “Medford it is.”

*

Nicky wanted to vanish without a trace. Or at least without being traced. She didn’t want to find out what Carol-Ann was capable of. People had heard that she was selling the farm. Mr. Jamison said he was glad that Nicky was moving to Oregon to join Paul’s father. Barbara went along with the story. Nicky was sure, she told anyone who pursued it, that she and Paul’s father could patch things up. Lucinda wanted an address, a phone number, and Nicky promised to send one just as soon as she was settled. Nicky then drove all the way to Roanoke to hire movers. Harder to trace, she told Barbara.

After the truck was packed and gone, after she and Barbara said their good-byes, Nicky put Paul in the Chevy for the drive north where she would set up house and wait for Barbara to finish her fellowship at Bluefield Medical.

*

The nurse poked her head behind the curtain and woke Barbara to tell her she had a phone call. Barbara was fast asleep on her cot in the old storage closet that had become the hospital’s first female residents changing quarters. As the hospital’s only female resident, the old closet was all hers, and she was glad for the privacy despite its extra isolation. Besides, Dr. Weldman had made such a big deal about designating a place for Barbara that she had no choice but to accept gracefully.

Barbara got to her feet, letting her adrenaline kick in as she picked up the phone at the nurses’ station. She was ready to sound in control, exactly like she had been trained to do. “Dr. Phillips,” she said.

“This is Carol-Ann.”

Barbara was still. She was not trained for this.

“Nicky’s sister,” Carol-Ann added.

“Yes,” Barbara said.

“I’d like to talk to you.”

“Can I call you tonight after my shift?”

“I’m here,” Carol-Ann said.

“Bluefield?”

“The hospital.”

“You’re here?”

“I’m in the cafeteria.”

Barbara didn’t want to deal with Carol-Ann without Nicky. “I’m working,” she said. “I have to check on some patients. Can I call you later?”

“I can come up and wait till you have a break.”

“Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll come down,” Barbara said. She hung up the phone, checked in on a patient, and walked down the three flights of stairs, hoping to prepare herself. Carol-Ann was going to want to know where Nicky was, and she wasn’t sure she could pull off the lie. Barbara had stopped eating at the Bluefield Diner after Nicky left because she knew that Lucinda and Tammy and everyone at the diner would hound her for information about Nicky, and she was worried she wouldn’t be as convincing as she needed to be. If everyone really knew where Nicky was, then what was the point of moving anyhow? Going back to eating her meals at the hospital dining room had given her a sanctuary. And now that was gone, she thought, as she spotted Carol-Ann across the cafeteria.

“When did you arrive?” Barbara said, sitting down.

“This morning,” Carol-Ann said. “Where’s Nicky?”

“Oregon.”

“That’s what everyone’s telling me,” Carol-Ann said, “right after they ask me if I I’ve heard from her.”

“Have you?”

“No. That’s why I’m here.”

“I’m not following,” Barbara said. She sat quietly, letting Carol-Ann do all the work. The less said, the better, she thought. After all, she was the one left behind, left for a man at that. Hopefully, Carol-Ann would think they had a falling out and that Nicky really didn’t tell her anything.

“Funny that you’re the one left behind in Bluefield,” Carol-Ann said.

“Funny?” Barbara said. She found nothing funny about that.

“Odd,” Carol-Ann said. “Ironic. Can you give me her address, her phone number?”

“She didn’t give me an address when she left,” Barbara said. “That’s not how we left things. I’m guessing she hasn’t called you. I would have thought she’d have called you by now. Or sent you a letter.”

“Everyone says that she went to patch things up with Paul’s father. That he’s from Oregon.”

“Then you know as much as I do.”

“Did you two have a fight?”

Barbara did not respond.

“I knew you two wouldn’t last,” Carol-Ann said. “I just knew it.”

“You did mention that several times,” Barbara said. “Look, Carol-Ann, I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t know what happened between you and Nicky, but I’m sure you’ll work it out, and I’m certain she’ll contact you when she gets settled. Just give her some time. But she has never told me anything about Paul’s father so there is nothing I can tell you.”